3 Months to Live.

Since this thread is now lost in the abyss.

But I thank everyone for replying, and will, since it's close to home.

I will read through each on repeatedly, and I thank you again for replying.

My ideal last three months would be away from people full stop.

Cannot stand two faced people and thats all you have, in these situations. There is that saying that you know who your friends are when you have nothing and your down.

There are always going to be 95% of people who are scummy two faced creatures, with no more real worth than a card board box in your hands.

My grandfather died of cancer and wanted to be with family so bad, we brought a hospital bed into their home. He was in it 24/7 hooked up to it and could not even speak for the last weeks. We spent so much time and Ive only felt worse than that few times in my life.

He spent a lot of time looking at me even with 20 people in the room and I could just see in his eyes that he had something most important thing ever to say to me, and it killed him that he couldnt.
It always felt like a pressure on my brain but I never cried there... and I wasnt with him when he died. When I was told I went far away and was the last time I ever cried... have not been able to cry since even through the horrors...

As much as I hate myself for not appreciating our time until much later I know he would never want me to dwell there...
The person dying should not be selfish and ask anything of you but you should show support, and friendship if you really feel it, not out of guilt...

Tell them not to be scared because90% of dying is just loss of willpower. If they are otherwise healthy... well there are case of younger people living much longer than the sentence if they are positive.

Originally posted by Republican08
Since this thread is now lost in the abyss.

But I thank everyone for replying, and will, since it's close to home.

I will read through each on repeatedly, and I thank you again for replying.

You just lost me a bit with your last post, I did write a reply, but wasnt sure it helped you with your questions, so i deleted it.

You sound like your doing the right thing to me, Im sure you'll be able to bring a lot of happiness to your friends life, more than you give yourself credit for. best of luck to you

Originally posted by andy1033
My ideal last three months would be away from people full stop.

Cannot stand two faced people and thats all you have, in these situations. There is that saying that you know who your friends are when you have nothing and your down.

There are always going to be 95% of people who are scummy two faced creatures, with no more real worth than a card board box in your hands.

I wonder what the people you describe think of you.

I know you dont give a rats butt.

Maybe thats something to think about though?

Love your enemies? Nah, shut them out of the door and call them two faced.

You are them if you think about it are you not?

Im just saying because I have been there and I dont mean this as an offensive post towards you. Im just trying to help believe it or not.

Anyways, I hope you see my point a little.

Cheers.



[edit on 6-10-2009 by XXXN3O]

Originally posted by andy1033
My ideal last three months would be away from people full stop.

Cannot stand two faced people and thats all you have, in these situations. There is that saying that you know who your friends are when you have nothing and your down.

There are always going to be 95% of people who are scummy two faced creatures, with no more real worth than a card board box in your hands.

I understand this, the if it was me...

But in no offense, honestly no offense...

Put yourself in the said persons shoes, and what would that said person want, not what you would want, but what that said person would want.

Because that's who I'd like to discuss.

Not really looking for a "against humans'' answers.

reply to post by Republican08


You asked if that was you, what would you want. I answered, i would not want anything to do with two faced people.

If i got the meaning of your thread wrong, sorry, but i read it as if they asked you what would you want.

From my point of view, if i was in that position, i would not want two faced people around me.



[edit on 10/6/2009 by andy1033]

reply to post by Ridhya


I share the same grievence, although of course, not exact.

But what do you think someone in their last months, would want?

What if the said person (if not to painful) would want to live their life out into.

Just to make them 'happy'.

But more so, from a stranger, an absolute, caring stranger.


For age, we'll say around 40 ish.

How about that?

And I in no means, hope you acknowledge that I mean no disrespect.

reply to post by Republican08


i have already been through such a situation. lost my life partner about 5 years ago. there are certain things beyond our control. of course miracles help and prayers too, if you have faith in these things.

no matter what you are feeling, you have to be strong for the sake of your partner and keep saying that he/she will be well. get some person to do spiritual healing, i know what i am saying may not be to the liking of many, but spiritual healing helps more in quietining down a person whose is practically looking at his/her death. in some ways it makes the pain more bearable. it helps in the healing mental, emotional, spiritual and astral levels. then it becomes easier for the person to pass on.

reply to post by woodwardjnr


Well, Anything written, is something worth posting, or saying.

I'm pro free speech, regardless of what is said.

If someone says it, it is worth saying, regardless of the outcome, someone says something, because it needs to be heard, by said person.

If you have any more ideas, on what I should do, I still appreciate it!

I apologize if it befuddled you, that wasn't my meaning

I'd like to hear what you wrote nonetheless. As Always, any speech is good speech.

Originally posted by andy1033
reply to post by Republican08

 

You asked if that was you, what would you want. I answered, i would not want anything to do with two faced people.

If i got the meaning of your thread wrong, sorry, but i read it as if they asked you what would you want.

From my point of view, if i was in that position, i would not want two faced people around me.

[edit on 10/6/2009 by andy1033]

I appreciate you analytical skills GJ

You told me what you do not want, which is two faced people.

But say you had a true person, what would you want from them....

Instead of what you wouldn't want.

If your utopia like life, what would that be for you?

What could someone show to you, to make your last moments great?

the thing is, you need to find out what your friend likes. as I said before I wanted to go whale watching, your friend may hate wildlife and whales.

Find out what they like, what their favorite movies are. i mean i got the DVD box set of star wars when i was on chemo, i wanted to have all the memories those films had on my life.

Simple things, sharing a laugh, buying them a gift, treating them to whatever they want. I just went crazy eating all the things that taste great, but are bad for you,. (which i regret now, but at the time i thought i might be dead within a year)

Take a few risks, do as much as their illness will allow

reply to post by woodwardjnr


It may not seem as alot, but that spoke alot to me...
I have afew things in mind.

And even a few more now.

I appreciate that

I've got a few good ideas now!

reply to post by Republican08

Well no not the same, someone I loved the most in life I did not just meet him.
Everyone wants the same thing, to feel comfortable. That means loved ones, your friend does not have, that means security, but they must be scared to have no friends for support, they want attention, again no friends.

Everyone varies. If I can be cynical for a minute I would want a bottle of Finlandia, a beautiful blonde, all my friends, an hour to tell them each how much they made my life amazing, and knowledge they will burn my body traditionally. Well honestly I want to die fighting. But in a general sense that is what I want before.

I guarantee you they will want to be remembered. Have some nice times with them and help them be recognised by the world, the best thing in the world is help them help others. People will remember them as the person who helped them out even though he was dying, and a stranger. Go to a store, buy some winter jackets, together hand them out to the homeless.

Reply to post by goldenlight

What do you believe would make the said person happy?

I kmow it's tough, but, assuming this life is all you have, how could you make that persons last moments, great?


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

Originally posted by Republican08
reply to post by oneclickaway

 

That sounds really well.

I just assume it should be something fantastically amazing!

Maybe it's just all about, someone just being there, just being someone to talk to, rely on, call at 4 am, saying 'hey im scared'.....

Maybe its just that.

That is exactly it...

8 years ago I spent time with my best friend (my mom) who was dying of cancer. She and I got to gether every weekday and just talked and spent time together. No big life experience trip was required...no hot air balooning or sitting by the sea...just being together. Being a much more intimate relationship, she was able to impart a lot of wisdom and information to me...kind of like Tuesdays with Morie. But I think the most important thing is just sitting next to them and being there to cry with, to laugh with, to be quiet with.

If you have not read Tuesdays with Morie by Mitch Albolm, I highly recommend it for this situation.

You are a very good person to try to help this friend. May God bless you.

reply to post by Missing Blue Sky


I liked everything you said...up until.

You said may god bless me.

I don't believe in god...

But you do, and by some off chance there is!

Do not pray that god upon me, because I wouldn't deserve it.

Direct it upon the person I want to help, in all I am!!!

In all honesty I'd describe myself as evil.

And hope you rephrase, and represent yourself, to say god bless to the real person in need!

Albeit, I do appreciate your contribution helping me know, thats when it comes down to it, it's not about the fancy things, just the nice things, and those nearby, truly with you.

Thank you.

From experience a couple months ago, the best thing you can do for them is be there, when ever they need you, dont push, they need time their self, but when they are ready, be there.

I know with JC , his worst fear was that everyone would forget him, So i took care of that, on my back left shoulder is a tatoo of his goofy straw cowboy hat, with his initals on the brim. He was speachless when i showed him, But i told him now he need not worry, every time my 19 mo old looks at my back he will remember him, and every time i see it, or my wife, we will remember him. It helped him a lot. It was hard to sit there and go through some of it, some of the questions would just tear you apart inside.. such as "why cant i just die and be done with it" the only answer i could give is , its not your time yet.

He left us one thing, which was more than i wanted or expected...

Sitting in my living room atop the coat rack, is his straw hat, which i will cherish until its my time to move on.

uhhh I have thought about this a lot and it just so happens that I might get abducted from my living quarters in a few months and forced to live it out in an institution never allowed to leave. I wake up every day where I am amazed I am still alive. I mean I just keep waking up and who wants to ruin a good thing. I thought about dying a lot where you would go if anywhere what it would be like and having to wrap everything up here on earth. In 1 life I live with my parents and go throught the normal manotiny maybe play video games stuck going no where for years at my house in my other life I can come online and consider all these far out possibilities online try to start a conversation with mostly friends and protected by rights or just say that wasnt what I meant to theorize about or bring up threads where people write about not being human. If I got to go I laughed a lot reading some of the jokers here in a huge forum and I dont know if clinging on to live just trying to live to the fullest. If I only had 3 months left I would plan them out doing a lot of stuff I always wanted to do or never got too do before , if you gotta go go with a bang.

I didn't see this type of reaction posted yet.

I think one thing you need be careful of is the other person feeling that you are just there for them because they are terminal.

Because of that very fact I wouldn't come flat out and say "is there something you'd like to do before you die". I know I personally would never take someone up on that if I were in the situation myself (unless I was really close or had known them a long time). While its nice to get supporting comments from people you've never met etc.. one has to think 'if they didn't know I was dying they wouldn't have ever said anything'.

I'm not trying to take a cynical view on this, I'm just being realistic.
I think the best anyone could wish for was just someone true. Someone that's not trying to do a 'good deed' or feels obligated to help because the other person is going to pass soon.

I hope you understand what I'm saying without taking offense.