Rape of a Man: The Myths and Ugly Truths of Male Rape

A number of thread contributors were of the opinion I put too much emphasis on female rape victims, or rather not enough emphasis on male victims of rape in the thread found here, (tips on how to avoid rape).

It was not my intention to exclude male victims while discussing the tragedies of rape, and rape prevention.

I offer this thread to the men of ATS, their friends and families.

The information below should go a long way in explaining why I posted this thread on ATS under it's own heading.

(Edit After this thread was moved to BTS)

The rape of adult males has been so largely neglected and collectively denied that its invisibility has given rise to the notion that it just does not occur in our society.

If that is not enough information, right there, to keep this in ATS, I truly have no idea what ATS is for any longer.

In the mean time, I hope readers still find this information important enough to read and pass on.

Until this subject it ripped from the dark ages and land of myths to hit the main stream media, I'm sorry to say, the myths and misunderstandings of the tragedy of male rape will continue.

And these myths will go on costing men their lives.

Until we can wash away myths with light, and information and exposure, these misconceptions will continue.

As we obviously see right here on our own ATS/BTS.



Back to the original thread.

The rape of adult males has been so largely neglected and collectively denied that its invisibility has given rise to the notion that it just does not occur in our society.

While some acknowledgment of male rape in prisons and jails has emerged in recent years, most people do not consider the sexual violation of adult males to be within the realm of possibility in non-institutional communities.

The vast majority of male rapes are never reported, and although men constitute 5 to 10 percent of all victims who were raped as adults, they tend to report their assaults to authorities even less than women who have been raped.

Very little research has been conducted on the rape of men, and service providers like rape crisis centers and hospitals often lack the in-depth knowledge and skill to adequately assist male survivors of sexual violence.

Survivors often struggle alone, dealing with their trauma in isolation. More often than not, they are silenced by the fear that loved ones and service providers will fail to support them in their time of crisis.

On average, somewhere between 5-10% of rapes reported to service providers like rape crisis centers and police departments are male-on-male sexual assaults. However, approximately 90 -- 95% of men who are raped do not report it.


Some men will treat sexual assault as just another physical assault and fail to seek further emotional support or psychological assistance once the initial physical injuries heal.

But it must be stressed - if you are a male victim of rape it’s imperative for you to get help. The physical repercussions of male rape (STDs and the HIGH risk of contacting AIDS) and the emotional repercussions are far too vast to be ignored.

There is no clear indication as to whether the majority of men are raped by acquaintances or strangers. (NOTE: This is debatable and will be discussed later).

Studies on perpetrators of male-on-male rape found that they tended to identify as heterosexual, were 26 years old on average, and were all involved in consensual sexual relationships with others at the time.

These same researchers also found that the primary motivations of these perpetrators was to a) conquer and control, b) act out feelings of revenge, c) resolve conflict with their own sexuality and d) gain status among fellow men for being an aggressor.

Men who are raped usually struggle with some severe psychological after-effects of the assault.

Confusion regarding their sexual orientation is a common result. One survivor says, “I really wonder about my sexuality—gay, straight, bi, I still don’t know. I went through a period when I became very promiscuous, both with men and women”.

Some men may become very homophobic, blaming gay men for subjecting them to a rape experience.
Survivors may feel humiliated and angry at being forced to participate in such a sexual act and start blaming the “gay lifestyle” for what they had to go through.

It is important to know, however, that most men who rape other men identify as heterosexual and are involved in consensual sexual relationships with women at the time they rape.

It is not a need for sex with other men that drives them to rape. For them, rape is an act of violence and control, not of sexual gratification.

Because our society expects men to be physically strong and capable of defending themselves, many male rape survivors suffer a severe blow to their manhood, having been taught to believe that men should not be weak enough to be forced into a sexually submissive situation.

Very often, men will rape other men as a means of humiliation and degradation by intentionally feminizing them, including the use of verbally abusive language that is derogatory to women.

source

(cont.)

[edit on 4-10-2009 by silo13]

The following notes are directed at health care providers, but, I really believe we all can benefit from reading and remembering the points give.

▫ Male survivors tend to question their sexual orientation more often than women who have been raped.
Sometimes men will ejaculate or experience an erection during their assaults, as an involuntary response to physical sensation, intense fear, or pain.
This may lead a survivor to question whether or not he somehow wanted to be assaulted or perhaps believe he is gay.

▫ In a confusion between rape and sex, many men will become homophobic after their assault, falsely equating same-sex rape with homosexuality.

▫ Unlike women, most men are never taught to live with the fear of their own vulnerabilities to sexual assault. When they are raped, therefore, they may experience a heightened degree of pure shock and surprise, finding it more difficult to understand what they have gone through.

▫ Some men will feel part of their masculinity has been stripped away, that they have been feminized, or are somehow less manly because they have been sexually violated.

▫ Male rape tends to involve higher rates of weapon use, physical injury, and multiple assailants as compared to the rape of women.

▫It is imperative to understand that men do not have widespread access to resources like self-help books and support groups as do women survivors of rape.

Given the extreme stigma surrounding adult male rape, a survivor usually deals with his issues in total isolation.
You may well be the first person he has talked with and might be the only source of information, support and understanding for him.

▫Rape is defined on a state-by-state basis. In some states, the rape of men is not defined by law under the same terminology or degree of offense as the rape of women.

Please, read through this and encourage any man you know to read through this also.
If you think a man in your life has been raped, print this out and leave it somewhere where the man will find it if you don’t feel comfortable or feel you’d be doing more harm than good approaching the man face to face on the issue.

▫ Do believe a man who reports his rape experience. Remember that he has overcome many obstacles to be able to speak about what has happened.

▫ Do tell him that by relating his story he has taken the first, and perhaps most significant, step toward dealing with the trauma.

▫ Do tell him that the rape was not his fault.

▫ Do tell him that he is not alone, that approximately one in fourteen men is a rape survivor.

▫ Do make sure that you administer the proper tests and collect all pertinent evidence when a man reports being raped, if you are a medical provider.

If you are not a medical provider - do all you can to encourage the victim to get help ASAP!

▫ Do make sure that you have a listing of resources such as counselors who specialize in male sexual victimization, men’s service organizations, a crisis hotline that is receptive to male callers, etc.

▫ Do publicize and make known your ability and willingness to deal with adult male survivors of rape. Male survivors will only report their experience if they believe you will be compassionate and understanding.

▫ Do not express discomfort with issues and conversations related to sexuality. Remember: this might be one of the foremost areas of confusion for the survivor. If he senses your reluctance to address this issue, he will probably not bring it up.

▫ Do not panic if he is suicidal. This is a common aftermath of adult male rape. He will be best calmed by a conversation where he is able to express what he is feeling. Point out to him that he is alive and has survived the assault. Make him aware of the fact that he is not alone and that there are other male survivors out there. He needs to know that it is possible to recover from the trauma.

▫Do not tell anyone else about his story. Protecting his anonymity or confidentiality is vital.

▫Do not make him feel that his experience is any less traumatic because he is a man. Given society’s stereotypes of “manliness” he will already be questioning whether “real men” can actually be raped. He needs to hear that his assault experience is ample cause to seek help.

▫Do not accuse him of being homophobic if he indicates his fear or hatred of gay males.

However, at an appropriate time, inform him that most men who rape men self-identify as heterosexual and rape to control, humiliate, and degrade their victims, not for sexual pleasure.

source

(cont.)


[edit on 4-10-2009 by silo13]

Myths and Realities of Male Rape

Myth: Men can't be sexually assaulted.

Reality: Men can be, and are, sexually assaulted every day.
Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of their size, strength, appearance, occupation, race or sexual orientation.

Male rape can happen at home, work, out doors, in your car, in the military, prisons, in locker rooms, rest rooms, public toilets, in fact just about anywhere a rapist thinks they can get away with it, and it can happen to any male.

It should also be noted that it is not unusual for a male to "freeze" during a rape, in part due to shock, and fear of ones life. Remember, the rapist will no doubt have done this before, and hence be prepared for what happens, but few, if any men, have even considered in their mind the possibility of such things happening and are thus totally unprepared.

Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted.

Reality: Although gay men are raped slightly more often than heterosexual men this is due more to the fact that they can be the target anti-gay violence, that often includes acts of rape, plus that gay men are at far more risk of date rape attacks from other men.

Heterosexual males can be, and are, also raped in very large numbers. An F.B.I. statistic put the number of males that will be raped as an adult at 3 %, a number most organizations think is very underestimated. Of this 3%, over 40% identify themselves as exclusively heterosexual.

Myth: It is only gay men that sexually assault other men.

Reality: The vast majority of men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual.

Many rapists will attack either males or females, while in their consensual will only have sex with females. Some target males more than females as it gives them even a greater sense of power and control.

This fact helps to highlight another reality, that is, that sexual assault is usually more about violence, anger, domination and control over another person, than it is about lust or sexual attraction.

Myth: Adult men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.

Reality: Although the majority of reported perpetrators are male, (97 to 98%), women can, and do, also sexually assault men but is seldom reported. Not that many males feel safe reporting rape anyway.

If you think it’s impossible for a rapist to force a male to get an erection against his will, think again, you have little (to no) control over that part of your body with your will power.

Myth: Male rape victims don't suffer as bad a female rape victims, after all they do not risk becoming pregnant.

Reality: All rape victims suffer in many different ways, some responses are gender specific, some are not.

Male rape frequently involves higher levels of violence, weapons, and is also more likely to involve multiple assailants.

Male rape victims are also more at risk of committing suicide as a result of rape.

As for the risk of becoming pregnant, no male rape victims do not run that risk. However anal rape does have a much higher risk of internal tearing and damage, and with that comes a higher risk of possible HIV transmission.

Myth: Most rapists are strangers.

Reality: Whilst many gang rapes and acts of anti-gay violence are committed by strangers, most rapes, like in women, are committed by people known to the victim.

They may be a friend, neighbor, boss or a relative, father, uncle, co-worker, brother or ex partner. They could also be a trades person, or a professional e.g., a doctor, teacher, psychiatrist, police officer or a public servant.

One worrying increase is in the amount of rapes during robberies, muggings and house break-in's in an attempt to stop the person reporting the crime.

Myth: Getting an erection or ejaculation during sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it.

Reality: This is one of the things that can cause male rape survivors a lot of confusion and guilt when they do not know how things work.

Getting an erection shows nothing other than your body responds how it is suppose to do. It is a totally normal thing to happen and has nothing to do with desire.

Basically, unless you have some medical condition that stops you then you will get an erection when you’re manipulated. It is a result of stimulation, and it does not matter if you do not want it to happen or not. There is little you can do to stop it most of the time.

Sadly, some males become confused and think an erection equals arousal equals them wanting it. In reality all it means is that part of the body has nerve endings that respond to touch and that touch can be wanted or not wanted, pleasant or non pleasant.

It is the same as the body will respond to someone tickling you and you will probably laugh, but if it is done at a time or by a person you do not want to tickle you it will still respond.

If you were penetrated, the pressure in the prostate gland will cause an erection. Anyone who has ever had a DRE (short for Digital Rectal Exam) of the prostate at their doctors will know that getting an erection often happens during the examination.

Now as far as ejaculation goes, again this is a very normal thing to have happened.

In fact, the rapist will very often go out of their way to make sure that you do ejaculate, in order to try to make you more ashamed, (adds to their dominate feeling of power) and also they know it will likely reduce your chances of reporting the crime.

One other thing to remember, is that ejaculation against your will, and an orgasm when having a wanted sexual encounter are, two totally different things.

Myth: Rape in Gay couples does not exist.

Reality: Rape in marriage or any relationship, straight or gay , can and does often occur.

Through physical, psychological or emotional coercion, some men are forced by their partners, to engage in unwanted sexual acts, including oral or anal sex.

A spouse, or partner, boyfriend can be charged with the rape of their partner in many countries now.

The law recognizes that a spouse is not the property of their partner, to be used sexually by them. Gay relationships deserve the same recognition.

Myth: Male rape only happens in prisons.

Reality: Rape does happen a lot in prisons, there is no doubt about that. In fact, in the USA, it is said that there are far more male rapes every day in prisons alone than there are rapes of all females in the USA.

However, males are raped outside of prison every day of every year, in their homes, cars, at work and just about anywhere. Male rape also happens in the military and armed services as well, collages, universities, and all sorts of places.

source

Forum for Male victims of Rape

(cont.)

[edit on 4-10-2009 by silo13]

They say it’s sometimes it’s easier to tell *strangers* your problems.

That being said I encourage men to share their stories here, as, even though ATS provides a strong caring community of individuals, we’re still, many of us *strangers*.

I hope that provides some comfort if you decide to share your story.

And please, if you’re a male who’s been raped, find a way to get help - You’re not a victim any longer than you chose to be.

Also, I urge you to refer to this thread: Protect Yourself From Rape.

Though the thread does learn towards protecting women from rape, there are many points that are as equally important for men to be aware of.

And if you’ve any male-specific points to be made on how to protect yourself as man from rape, please share them here.


NOTE: ANY and I mean ANY negative input on this thread will NOT be tolerated!


[edit on 4-10-2009 by silo13]

xoxo thats so.damn..we needad a thread like this,we cant only help women,a star for you.
i sure met some gays in my life, i usualy find them quite funny,you can talk with them about cool stuff,design,fashion,cocktails.
with most men ur forced to talk about "digg this chick meeeen,and fuutbool"
and with most women...they wont even talk to you if they dont want sex from you,and if they do,ur forced to listen to cheesy pickup lines for 3 hours,until she decided to rape you,you think ur making sex,but shes just using you XD
i know its not all like that i was just making a point XD
anyway when i was in bartender school there was some gay guy.
man he was always trying to talk to me,kinda hit on me
DAMN IT WAS DISTURBING T__T
the other man made so much fun behind his back,and ..theyr jerks

WOW.

That was a very powerful post.

I admire you for posting such a controversial but(and) obviously well researched subject.

I recently worked with an induvidual who(m) fits the criteria of a perpertrator and I feel It's only a matter of time before he commits this dastardly crime.

Rape is possibly the worst thing that can happen to someone and the offenders should face the full force of the law.

[edit on 4-10-2009 by OZtracized]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! My friends thank you, too. I have two male friends who have been raped. I hope many men will have the courage to come forward. Stars & a flag for you-

Originally posted by Source in OP
The rape of adult males has been so largely neglected and collectively denied that its invisibility has given rise to the notion that it just does not occur in our society.

In the last 5 years, I think male prison rape has gained social awareness to the point of it being recognised mainstream as a fact of life. Back in the 1990 most ppl didn't give it an afterthought or even consider it imo.

However, this awareness is not the sympathetic mindset given to female rape victims. I would say it's an indifference or a punishement for going to jail. Often laughed about too in everyday talk and on forums.

When ppl think of male rape they don't imagine a random street rape or anything. It's rarer than female rape for sure though.

A situation I'd definitely not want to get in. I know rape, regardless of gender, is a very bad thing, but I must say I feel sorry for the male rape victims more. Mainly because they can face total social humiliation a lot more. I mean, lets say you hang out with a group of guys and you tell one of them that you've been raped. Chances are they'd laugh at you, tell the others, and then humiliate you out of the friends circle.

*Star and flag for you Silo...very good researching.
Thank you for denying ignorance in a non-conspiracy way.

Originally posted by Whine Flu
A situation I'd definitely not want to get in. I know rape, regardless of gender, is a very bad thing, but I must say I feel sorry for the male rape victims more. Mainly because they can face total social humiliation a lot more. I mean, lets say you hang out with a group of guys and you tell one of them that you've been raped. Chances are they'd laugh at you, tell the others, and then humiliate you out of the friends circle.

Sounds like you need new friends...

Originally posted by Mattehinthebox

Originally posted by Whine Flu
A situation I'd definitely not want to get in. I know rape, regardless of gender, is a very bad thing, but I must say I feel sorry for the male rape victims more. Mainly because they can face total social humiliation a lot more. I mean, lets say you hang out with a group of guys and you tell one of them that you've been raped. Chances are they'd laugh at you, tell the others, and then humiliate you out of the friends circle.

Sounds like you need new friends...

My friends wouldn't be laughing they'd be hunting the sick fu%^&ers down.

reply to post by silo13


I was U2Uing another poster about this...I think a lot of the ardently homophobic people on here have had male on male sexual assault forced upon them at some point.

I have two friends who have the world on a string so to speak, good looking, milk ad types, from good families etc. They are affable to everyone, super laugh-y types, just seemingly perfect, so I was shocked when I would hear some very PWT language come out of their mouths about gay men.

I just couldn't believe it because they are liberal in many ways. Over the years I discovered that both had been victims of sexual assault by men, one as a child and one as an adult (fell asleep on the couch, woke to someone kissing him). I tried to explain that this is not "homosexual" behavior, but deviant behavior. I got through to one of them, but the other just cannot disassociate themselves from this idea that gays are "perverts" because of the rape.

Using my own example of sexual assault I tried to make the analogy that I should hate all straight men because a straight man hurt me. Still didn't make any progress with that, but I'm still trying...

reply to post by silo13


My friend was at a bar recently, where a "lady" brought him over a drink. He remembers that the lady "didn't look right" possibly a transsexual. He was talking to her, while drinking the mixed drink. She asked him his, after about 5 minutes asked him his name again and kept repeating the process. Luckily the person he was sitting next to was paying attention. "She" tried to lure him out of the bar but the person next to him said he was with him and he wasn't going anywhere.

"She" left, and he got a ride home on the house. He didn't remember anything past her buying him the drink but there was a note in his pocket explaining what happened. Unreal.

reply to post by silo13


I would like to thank you for this thread. When i was teaching self defense it was always women in the classes lerning to defend themselves against male attackers. However over the years i had a couple of women in the class who told me they wanted to learn self defense after their boyfriends had talked about being raped! One of them was raped by a man the other by a woman.

I think most people don't realise that a woman can rape a man, even though i'm sure it's very rare in comparison to men raping women. As you stated when a mans penis is manipulated he'll get an erection unless he has a medical condition that stops it. It's really quite unfair because if a guy then goes and tells someone he was raped by a women then he'll be laughed at. After all if you had an erection you WANTED to have sex, right?

The confusion such men feel must be utterly awful. I wouldn't say they suffer more than female victims because such a comparison is stupid and insensitive. I would however say it adds an extra layer of confusion.

Please, people, pass this information on.
Please.

Thank you,

peace

[edit on 4-10-2009 by silo13]

reply to post by silo13


Don't worry i'm sending this to a few people. However i don't think this will be as popular as your thread abut women being raped. Society has a certain view of things and that view does tend to favour women. No doubt i'll be accused of being sexist again because of that statement.

You should consider this a good poll of societal views. Women being raped is utterly awful and something that must be talked about at every opportunity, men being raped is something to be laughed at or ignored.

Men will laugh at it, some women will laugh at it saying any raped man is weak. The police ignore it as do the government who provide virtually no resources to men who have been raped.

I don't know what to say really other than this proves a point i have been going on about for years.

I'm mystified. Why has this thread been moved & why can't we star posts on it? It makes no sense at all, & conveys a strange sense of prejudice on someone's part about the subject matter, on a conspiracy website, no less.

The friends I mentioned earlier gave me permission to relate what happened to them, within certain limits. The first one ran away from home (Tyneside, Newcastle, England) when he was sixteen to escape a father who was beating the living daylights out of him. He made it to London to find that he was a penniless young man with a Geordie accent to whom no one would give a job.

After a few days, homeless & broke, he was huddling in a doorway on a backstreet. A Rolls, no less, pulled up to the curb & a wealthy banker or barrister sort of man got out- three piece suit & all. He grabbed my friend & forcibly raped him in the street. It was late at night; no witnesses.

My friend made it to the Salvation Army & got a bed for the night. He told no one what happened, & couldn't go to the police for fear he would be sent back home to his father. Somehow he blocked the nightmare of the night before out the next morning when the Salvation Army people offered him a job- a bed & meals every day if he would help cook for all of the people there. He took it.

He carried a ton of guilt & shame for many years as he worked his way up in the world & became a successful singer. Eventually he had a breakdown. Fortunately, Great Britain has the National Health Service; his psychiatric care was free. He got a sympathetic counselor in whom he could confide his secrets & began, slowly, to heal. He's a tough man who has survived just about anything.

My other friend is Norman French- also a musician. He attended a party in Paris that was full of people that he barely knew; in his case, he was a worldly young man in his thirties. Nothing he'd experienced had prepared him for what happened next- everyone at the party was getting high. Someone handed him a drugged drink; he became disoriented. Next thing he knew, he was being raped by the man who had given the drink to him. No one else at the party noticed or even cared. Needless to say, he has never allowed himself to be in a similar situation since. He had struggles with drug addiction afterward, trying to block out the pain. Because he was wealthy, he could afford a good doctor & a good psychiatrist. It took him many years to heal from what happened. He's free of drugs, now.

In both cases, neither man had the faintest idea that such a thing as rape could happen to him. They never saw it coming. Both of them were ashamed, humiliated, & all alone with the worst feelings that they had ever had for a long while.:shk:

The fact that rape against men is unheard of by most people & unbelievable to most as well, & the fact that there is little help or counseling available for men that have been raped, help to keep it a dirty dark secret in which the predators that commit rape can move practically unhindered. Things need to be brought out of the dark & into the light. It is terrifying at first, but there is a saying that: if you can say it, you will be set free. I pray that people will be brave enough to come forward & that healing & counseling facilities & opportunities improve.

Originally posted by Mattehinthebox

Originally posted by Whine Flu
A situation I'd definitely not want to get in. I know rape, regardless of gender, is a very bad thing, but I must say I feel sorry for the male rape victims more. Mainly because they can face total social humiliation a lot more. I mean, lets say you hang out with a group of guys and you tell one of them that you've been raped. Chances are they'd laugh at you, tell the others, and then humiliate you out of the friends circle.

Sounds like you need new friends...

Ugh, you're actually correct about that, Mr. Ellipses.

reply to post by Deianera

I'm mystified. Why has this thread been moved & why can't we star posts on it? It makes no sense at all, & conveys a strange sense of prejudice on someone's part about the subject matter, on a conspiracy website, no less.

Yes, it does bring up a number of disturbing questions does it not. A number of them.

The fact that rape against men is unheard of by most people & unbelievable to most as well, & the fact that there is little help or counseling available for men that have been raped, help to keep it a dirty dark secret in which the predators that commit rape can move practically unhindered. Things need to be brought out of the dark & into the light.

Yes, so true.

Which only makes me wonder even more why this thread was moved, and, why the star and flag has been disabled.
Do I care about stars and flags? No.
Do I care that this thread is being buried? Yes.
IMO is it appalling this thread is being squished? You bet.

As for what happened to your friends - I’m simply horrified.
I mean I read about this, studied up to post about it, have heard first hand stories, but then to hear them again from ATS readers, it just makes me go weak inside.

I do so hope both your friends got medical help and counseling.

And I so agree that more, so much more has to be done to allow the *light* on this subject - in order to somehow take away the social stigmatism for the male rape victim!

I think your friends are very fortunate indeed to have such a kind and loving friend in you.

Peace to you all
gracie