Masturbation and Gay Sex Cause Swine Flu, Apparently

The long and short of it:

Swine flu infections are on the rise in Asia, particularly in India, Thailand, and Vietnam, according to the World Health Organization. But only Malaysia, where 2,252 cases and 38 deaths have been reported since May, has proposed a radical preventative solution: stop masturbating and having gay sex.

www.huffingtonpost.com...

The article HP is referring to:

KUALA LUMPUR, Aug 9 (Bernama) -- Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities are among preventive measures one could take against Influenza A (H1N1), according to an eminent practitioner of complimentary therapy.

Dr. V. M. Palaniappan said that such activities caused the body to develop friction heat which in turn, produced acid and made the body hyperacidised.

"Thus, the body becomes an easy target for H1N1 infection," he told Bernama, emphasising however, that normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.

The former associate professor of ecology at Universiti Malaya has authored several books on complementary therapy called, 'Ecological Healing System'.

Dr Palaniappan said his 33 years of research had shown that high acidity in the body resulted in loss of immunity, thus making people more susceptible to viral diseases like Influenza A (H1N1).

Hence, to prevent acidity, it was essential to consume alkaline food and drinks that could neutralise excess acid in the body.

www.bernama.com...

More from Dr. Palaniappan on H1N1 prevention:

ecohealingsystem.blogspot.com...

However:

But get this: "normal sexual union" is perfectly safe!

www.huffingtonpost.com...

Now ...

Having had a good giggle there is a little sprinkle of truth to what our doctor is saying.

Namely, that there is a plethora of evidence that reducing the body's natural acidity and increasing alkalinity is one of the best ways to not only protect against virulent diseases but a whole scope of health related issues. (aloe vera btw is excellent for that)

Some material on the above:

www.thewolfeclinic.com...
www.thewolfeclinic.com...
www.thewolfeclinic.com...
www.thewolfeclinic.com...


Anyhoot, stop touching yourself!

If you keep doing it you're gonna go swine flued.

For the first time, i really don't know what to say...really!
I know this is not your fault in any way, because you are not the author of this idea, but this must be a kind of sic joke!
I really wanna say more, but i can't , i think i am too shocked!!

Well, the hairy palms, blindness a going to hell thing didn't take. Time to try something new.

[edit on 2009/8/12 by Aeons]

reply to post by Umbra Sideralis


lol, listen if the above doesn't work, there's always this:

Flying Rabbis Drive off Swine Flu

Think I'm joking? They videotaped it!

news.bbc.co.uk...

Yikes.

Ah Gawd, the sweat poured as I read the title. Don't know about the second part(drunk parties), but the first part I practice often. However, now that I'm know this only occurs in Asia, all is good. Thanks for the heads up(no pun intended).

On the real note: give me a break, I cannot even believe stuff like that is coming out of any MSM..

star, and flag.

[edit on 12-8-2009 by sanchoearlyjones]

Wow, I am speechless Don't know what to say lol.

How did he even match the two as spreading swine flu? Still speechless.

This afternoon it was that Swine Flu is killing the FAT folks.



So if you're fat.........also look out.

Teenage boys all over the world are in a sheer panic!
With them sharing the panic are Priests!

lol joking aside.

Before Swine Flu was it still ok?

Or just this specific strain seeks out masturbators and gays... lol, i'm chuckling so hard.

Originally posted by schrodingers dog
reply to post by Umbra Sideralis

 

lol, listen if the above doesn't work, there's always this:

Flying Rabbis Drive off Swine Flu

Think I'm joking? They videotaped it!

news.bbc.co.uk...

Yikes.

Haha, Just amazing

Star & flaged

As I've been off ats mostly all day, I'm seeing alot of "I have Swine Flue" Threads, and now I'm just shaking my head at them, we know what you did.

Hey kiddoes ...

While it's great to poke a little fun at the story, there is at least one valid medical aspect to it as pointed out in the OP.

Not to mention the obvious social moral steering going on under the pretext of H1N1 prevention.

For the above valid reason I'd like to keep this thread from ending up in BTS.

So can you sprinkle in some wisdom along with the funnies.

Originally posted by Republican08
...Or just this specific strain seeks out masturbators and gays... lol, i'm chuckling so hard.

Exactly what i was thinking here.
Not want to be rude or offensive to nobody, but if we think on this, it looks that after all the Church, or any kind of it, is behind this flu story...interesting.

Maybe the Vatican or other big type of religion center have taken some % on a medical laboratory...who knows...lol.

Next ...some one will discover that the use of condoms and the abortion will promote S.Flu...

[edit on 12/8/09 by Umbra Sideralis]

It is true that in Malaysia you can catch swine flu from masturbating, but if if this happens you can always seek the help of a local shaman.

In which case you simply drink the magical potion made of rooster blood, bulls milk and the tears of a virgin midget..... and from what I understand it will fix you right up.


The hairy palms, however, are a bit harder to cure.

After following in schrodingers dog footsteps, and having a really good "giggle"... Well, I think that's about it, not sure what to say.. other than.. "GRAB THAT ICE" to stop that "heat friction" and it is a medical fact that ice has a cooling effect. Or... uhm... cold showers anyone?

OMGoddess

lol:

Harm None
Peace

One of my good friends is a colon hydro therapist. (Seems off topic right? lol) Anyway she explained to me how no disease can exist in an alkaline system. There are hospitals in China with alkaline water dispensers, but the machines are very expensive. At her business they used alkaline water (ph of 11 actually) to clean out the colon, which helped many people get rid of diseases etc. Interestingly enough, since they used this expensive equipment they decided to test the waters that are sold in stores branded with a ph of 7 or more. Fiji water is one that advertises a ph of 7.5 or close to that I think, anyway the brands never actually had the right ph level and weren't alkaline at all.

Just wanted to add to your alkaline discussion. =)

But yeah she's told me about all of the problems with acid so I've tried to pay attention to that, didn't know it would help prevent swine flu though, Good on that! Haha!

removed post

[edit on 13-8-2009 by HotDogNoBun]

It's very early here so i'm not up to making some witty comment about this, as ridiculous as it is. But i would like to point out that the reason for this is probably something to do with the fact that Malaysia is a Muslim country and so this advise is probably a very feeble attempt to kind of say....'God won't hurt you with swine flu if you stop doing nasty things"

(Disclaimer....i am/was a muslim and i don't believe either masturbation or gay sex are nasty things)

As i said, it's still very early here

Well I dont really know exactly what to say on this



How the hell did this guy become a doctor?

reply to post by HotDogNoBun


Poor form, HotDog.

We don't use gerbils, that's more of a 'straight' fetish.

Deny Urban Myths!!

I forget, now. Am I supposed to be more alkaline, or acidic? Eat lots of yogurt, or avoid it?

Where are the acidics and alkalines in the food pyramid?

(sorry, sd...addressing your serious bits, but they were a Loooooonnnnng read!)

I saw the post about colon cleansing, and still got confused

Originally posted by weedwhacker

I forget, now. Am I supposed to be more alkaline, or acidic? Eat lots of yogurt, or avoid it?

Alkaline.

And here's a list of foods and their properties in yhis respect from the OP.

www.thewolfeclinic.com...

And another pretty chart:

www.thewolfeclinic.com...



[edit on 13 Aug 2009 by schrodingers dog]