How to tell if your being cheated on.

reply to post by nixie_nox


I feel that emotional distance is just one of many possible reasons for somebody to become unfaithful, however I disagree to it being the only one. I do agree that this is a complicated topic and as such I tend to rely on basic observations not only in my own experiences but in those of others who ask my opinon as well.

As I did point out, the OP wasn't and isn't "all inclusive" yet I feel it to be a very good guidline to point out some possibilities. Of course if a person does feel that their SO is cheating then the suspicions exsist for a reason, weather real or percieved, and should be looked into seriously and in this case a non cooperative partner would lead me to believe moreover that cheating is going on.

I also agree on the simmilarities to drug abuse as I encountered both in a previous relationship where one enabled the other to exsist, the extent of the lies to cover up both issues was overwhelming to the extent of exaustion and I just gave up trying to determine truth from other. A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of trust and honesty and anytime either of them are violated, the conditions are present for unfaithfullness in both parties, for the guilty, this includes a desire to flee from the situation temporarely given acceptance from another. For the violated this includes a feeling of betrayal and in some people a spiteful responce may include the desire to "hurt" their partner by means of cheating.

Cheating also fulfills un quenched disires in some weather they be physical or emotional and an early knowledge of these desires is benificial to both parties if they truly want the relationship to work.

reply to post by alyosha1981


I am not saying it is the only one. But it is usually a big red flag. A big ingrediant. Most likely if your walking around feeling resentful, your partner is too. I was just giving a heads up. The causes of infidelity are many. Like I said, it could simply be just out of grief and hurt, and has nothing to do with the marriage. And that is very hard for the betrayed spouse to understand.

And did a very good job of describing the double lives and lies,and you eventually can't seperate out the two.

Not only do the lines between truth and lies become fuzzy and you can't believe anything that person says, it puts the very relationship into question, and makes the whole relationship before that seem unreal and fake. So not only does the infidelity ruin the the relationship at the point, but basically puts into question the whole relationship. Because of what you described, you don't know what is real or fake anymore.

The best way to recover is to create new memories. And start over. And build that communication and set the boundaries. If the cheater is truely wanting to rebuild the relationship, they will do whatever it takes. No matter what. If they refuse, then they are refusing responsiblity, and in all likely will cheat again.

Once a cheater always a cheater is not necessarily true. Many are one time deals. The pain and embarrassement and humiliation that the betrayer feels is enough to keep it from happening again. As long as you both work on rebuilding the relationship. And it is work for both.

If the cheater doesn't show these aspects, probably time to get out.

and occassionaly they do leave for the OP. The chances of that relationship lasting is only 7%. I have only seen one that ever worked out. As the saying goes, when a man leaves his wife for his mistress, he leaves a vacancy in her position.

Originally posted by Stillalive
why if u met a nice guy,why did u go back to the nasty ex? i mean thats really a nasty thing a lot of girls do that makes us young men thing bad of girls -_-

What exactly do you mean?