How I Lost My Daughter to Paradise - Jehovah's Witnesses

My daughter turned 27 this year. She was my first child, born five days after my twenty-first birthday. She was the first baby I ever held. I didn't know anything about babies. Circumstances being what they were, my mother was the first person to see my little girl in the delivery room, the first person to hold her and the first person to bathe her. Mom helped me by showing me what to do. If it hadn't been for her, I don't know how many mistakes I would have made out of sheer ignorance.

After four months, I was feeling like an old hand at mothering. Mom was still as helpful as ever. Too much so because she wouldn't let me make any decisions regarding my baby. Mom would tell me what was best and I was supposed to listen and follow instructions. Did I mention that we lived with my mom and step-father? Well, we did. And the problems started when I decided that I wanted to take care of my daughter by myself.

I signed up for government assistance and found a place for us. Having mom dictate every move was getting annoying, enough to go on welfare. I moved us into our new place. Mimi and Pappy visited almost everyday, remaining a huge part of our lives. They were very attached to my daughter.

Mom was studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses and getting more serious about it. She struggled with quitting smoking for a couple of years as one of the requirements of baptism in her cult. One day, when my daughter was one year old, mom accidentally burned her with a cigarette. That was the last one she ever smoked. She wanted my "perfect" daughter to grow up with a good example to follow so she quit.

I married my daughter's step-father the next year. It was a struggle from the beginning. A struggle between my religiously fanatical mother and my new alcoholic husband. During the next three year turmoil I had another daughter who my mother barely said "boo" to. My first one was her favorite and mom devoted herself to saving my little girl's everlasting life. Mom believed that God would destroy Satan's followers at Armageddon. She also believed that anyone who was not a Jehovah's Witness was a servant of Satan, including me.

Here is where the conspiracy starts.

I told my mother that I was not interested in her religion. I was not interested in her teaching my daughter her religion. I did not want her telling my daughter that I was a servant of Satan. It gets worse, but I'll leave that part alone for now. It's too emotional.

When my daughter was five, I decided to join the Army so that I could take care of my children without the need of a man. The man I had chosen was a violent alcoholic who put the entire house under stress and duress. I thought that I could do a better job of raising my kids if I had the military on my side. I was raised by an Air Force father and felt more comfortable in the service than as a civilian.

Mom agreed to take temporary guardianship of my two girls while I was in basic and advanced technical school. It should have been no more than six months. Although leaving my kids was the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever done, I did it knowing that the price for our future would be worth the short separation.

Long story short. Mom would not relinquish my daughter to me. I took care of all required court proceedings to restore full guardianship to me and rescind guardianship for her. But Mom would not let go.

She enlisted the help of her congregation to get my daughter back. My daughter was riddled with guilt and fear. She loved me and wanted to live with me but her grandma (Mimi) said that I was a devil worshipper and she was afraid of me. My being in the Army proved it and she could not be sure I even loved her because Mimi said I abandoned her. So, she didn't want to live with me.

I was dumbstruck and could not process the emotional turmoil. I didn't want to harm my daughter who by now, believed with her whole heart that leaving her Mimi would cause the demons to attack her. OMG! I didn't know what to do except beg my mother to stop telling her all those awful things. I told her that I wouldn't let her see my daughter again if she didn't promise to stop teaching her about Jehovah's Witnesses. Mom refused and told me that if I didn't let my daughter go, I was as good as murdering her everlasting soul.

I crumbled and allowed my little girl to stay with my mother for the next several years. I saw her less and less. She didn't want to see me. Eventually I found out that she was terrified of both me and my mother. She couldn't understand right from wrong, good from bad. Even worse, she could not make a decision for herself. She could only copy what other people did, let other people think for her and lead her life for her.

By the time she was twelve, I decided the only way to save her was to kidnap her from my mother. So, I did. I brought her across state lines and enrolled her in therapy and school. I did everything I could think of to convince her I love her and mean her no harm.

Within six months, while I was at work, the Sheriff came with a warrant for my arrest on the grounds of neglect and abandonment from a Kentucky juvenile court judge. The grounds stated were that the mother "was incarcerated on felony non-child support". I live in Ohio and the Ky. order was signed hours before I had been arrested! It would have taken my mother at least two hours to drive to my home after getting the court order. So, if she had gotten the order first thing in the morning and drove straight to my house, she still would have gotten there before the warrant was served, at noon, on Friday.

By the time I got out four days later (on my own recognizance) my husband had taken my daughter out of school and hidden her away, thwarting my mother's plan. But the plan was only the first step. I found out later that my daughter, with the aide and assistance of her guidance counselor had been in constant contact with my mother since I enrolled her in school, despite my explicit instructions to NOT allow anyone contact with her during school hours.

My daughter kissed me goodbye that morning before school and said see ya later. But I found out that she knew that would be the day her Mimi was coming to get her - in secret.

I did everything I could think of to stop my mother from influencing my daughter. But I lost. My daughter lost. There was nothing I could do to prevent her from trying to get my daughter back. Six months later, my daughter went on court-ordered visitation with her grandparents and father. On the day I was supposed to pick her up, I received notification from Children's Services that my daughter had been awarded temporary emergency custody to her father on the grounds of physical, mental and emotional abuse by me and her step-father.

The story doesn't end there. But that is how I lost my daughter to "paradise", according to Jehovah's Witnesses and my mother.

Edited the Title for clarity

[edit on 5-7-2009 by Hazelnut]

reply to post by Hazelnut


You’re a brave woman to have persisted, your strength is a testament to your love. I lost my first four children, wife and home while still in a coma; sadly allowing the guilt of having not been there as daddy for more than a few months at best each year (due to ‘Uncle Sam’s World Tour’) to cause me to give up. There is not a day I do not regret this.

[edit on 7/5/2009 by SGTChas]

Wow. Im speechless. I am truly sorry to hear about your daughter.

No offence, your mom is a bitch. She quite being your mom when she joined the JW cult.

I have one question though. If you knew your mother was trying to take control of your daughter, why join the army and the choice to leave your children with her???????? That is what solidified her grasp on your daughters life.

You have my deepest sympathies.

Sorry to hear about that.

How horrible! JWs are by far the worst cult in the country imo. They totally broke up my husband's family so I'm familiar with the mindset and the techniques of the cult. I posted in one of the threads here that was in defense of JWs and let them have it. All they kept countering with is that all the accounts I posted were not the policies of JWs, that they would never do that, yeah, right. Well, they did.

If you want a go at them maybe consider changing your thread title so that it includes the JW name. It really felt good to go in their face with their twisted misdeeds for all to see.

All my best to you,

STM

[edit on 7/5/2009 by seentoomuch]

Wow, words cannot describe what I am feeling for you. Being a guy myself. I think I am actually angry at what you have gone through. If my mom or dad or girlfirend for that matter were to ever do something like that, WOW, I would go crazy and probably end up beating the hell out of them.

I am actually in shock about this. Luckily I have a friend who studied law and if you play your cards right I am sure you can get her back. While it will be difficult it is not impossible.

I will send you a u2u and I hope you respond I am interested in not only listening, but providing my help.

[edit on Jul 5th 2009 by TheMythLives]

reply to post by Hazelnut


My God Hazelnut.

I am so sorry for what you have been through, that is impossible. Just another example of how religion can ruin a perfectly happy life of children and adults.

What has been going on since? I hope you have had custody returned to you? And your mother, what a woman she is.....

Things like this happen everyday because of religious zealots who have a "duty" to protect what they call the "weak" and "innocent" from the rest of societies, or the devil worshippers.

I can understand how you feel in regards to your mother however. I am married and have adopted 3 children, all with my husband of over 15 years.

My mom is a devout Roman Catholic, and when she found out about my union and my plans to adopt she did everything in her power to prevent it. In the first year of having my eldest daughter, she called social services on me 29 times.

Ludicrous charges from we were having sex in her crib to beating her, all kinds of ridiculous things.

Anyway, the social services came and went, and it got so bad they filed harasment charges against my mother for instigating hate.

Again I feel so sorry for you and hope everything has worked out Hazel.

~Keeper

reply to post by Hazelnut


That is a really sad story & im so sorry for you.
I hope you find the strength to carry on your fight and that one day your daughter will see for herself that she has been brain washed by your mother & that nasty religion.

Positive thoughts for you

i know a mormon family, similar, but not as fanatical. But because of all this religion the gil i knew from this family, she was a good person, but didnt want to beleive in god or anything lke that, she is messing up her life, and it all stems from the forcing of religion on children, if someone really loves them and wants to help thier "soul", then they should give them the chance to choose, and experience life freely.

I am sorry about your girl. I can't even imagine how you feel. But dont give up. Life is short, and sometimes it surprises you. You have to stay positive, at least she is alive and healthy, many parents you love to have that at least. In africa children ar estraving everyday. I know its not much but being positive has helped me thorugh times that are tough...

Wow what a story. I am so sorry for you. My sister was involved with someone for a while from this cult and it took a family intervention to get her away from him. He even convinced my sister to move to GA and she never told any of us, not even me and I am her twin and we tell each other everything.
The JW are horrible.

You did what a responsible young parent would do. You tried to better your life for you and your family and your mother instead of congratulating you she turns on you. I am so sory but I agree with the above poster you lost her as your mother when she became a JW. They got my sister to practically turn on me. They do horrible things and deny it.

[edit on 7/5/2009 by mblahnikluver]

I am so sorry for your turmoil. I won't berate you with senseless cliches, though they rambled through my head incessantly as I read your post.

I will only say one thing, as the tone of your email gave me the impression that you feel you lost, that this is over, and this is your unhappy ending.

Someone once asked me if I believed in happy endings, and I said "NO, not hardly"'. The reply was that there is always a happy ending, and if it doesn't feel like it, then you haven't reached the ending yet.

Stay strong. My thoughts and hopes are with you. Take care.

reply to post by SGTChas


Thank you SGTChas! Not a day goes by that I don't regret what was. I did the best I could under the circumstances. Looking back hurts alot because of the "I should have's". I believe you know what that means and how coping is an ongoing feat of love and strength, as you said. My heart goes out to you sir!

Originally posted by Le Colonel
Wow. Im speechless. I am truly sorry to hear about your daughter.

No offence, your mom is a bitch. She quite being your mom when she joined the JW cult.

I have one question though. If you knew your mother was trying to take control of your daughter, why join the army and the choice to leave your children with her???????? That is what solidified her grasp on your daughters life.

LeColonel, your question is my nightmare. My answer can only come up short. At the time, I felt boxed into a corner. My husband was a violent, erratic, abusive man and I wanted to take care of my children without depending on anyone else. I had a legal secretarial certification but could not make enough money to take care of all three of us on that. I wanted to go back to military life, it was how I grew up and what was familiar and safe to me. I thought with the military I had a better chance of being able to raise my daughters. I thought wrong. Or I didn't think about the possibility of my mother doing what she eventually did. I was naive and ignorant. My heart was in the right place, if my actions were wrong. I regret the decision. Things may have been different. They may have been worse. I don't know.

reply to post by tothetenthpower


Oi vey, crazy catholics give the good ones a terrible name. I guess every religion has its nutters.

Unfortuneately, JW is full of them.
I've seen these people do things I really just can't understand. This is a new one though...

OP, U2U

I am sorry.

But, from my own experience, both my Mother and Father abandoned me at age 6months old. The state of Texas then decided that my grandparents should become the sole legal guardians.

My biological mother claims to this very day, almost 30 years later, that they "Stole me from her" and that my grandparents used the state courts to "kidnap me"

But these are all lies, because I have researched the court documents myself and I saw that she ONLY HAD TO SHOW UP TO COURT to get guardianship of me back!

She never showed up in court. She honestly did not want me. She did not even bother to write anyone a letter asking for me back.

Now what do you expect me to think about your story? Of course my opinion will be very harsh, based purely on my own experiences.

#1 you left your kids with your mom and ran off to join the military
#2 you had already created conflict with this woman prior to leaving your kid with her

Why do you keep blaming your mother and her religion? Have you not realized from your own story, that you do not appear as a very good parent yourself?

Who leaves their kids with someone they dislike that much in the first place?

I know my Mom left me with people she did not like at all. Maybe you did not leave under those same circumstances but you did indeed leave.

And leaving is all that counts, I really do not care what the circumstances were. It was a CHOICE, and you CHOOSE to abandon your child in the care of a religious nutcase, and now you abhor the consequences?

I hate to be so blunt and honest about this but really. Cmon you left your child for the military. And now you think its unfair you lost her completely? I honestly think this is very fair. You should never leave your child EVER.It ruins your kids lives.

Now your child is going to grow up just like me. With super religious grandma barking at them all the time. On the bright side, maybe your kid will become smart and question everything as a result.

Things are this way because the best interests of the child are being looked after. That is why my grandma raised me (the state does not care how religious you are)

I really hate to break it to you, because I know I prolly sound like a total jerk here but, your conflict is a direct result of your own creation.

You created this entire problem yourself. And you keep running away from your problems.

IMO your best direction is this

#1 Apologize to your mom.
#2 Apologize to your daughter.
#3 Move closer to your child and try to become involved in their life in a Postitive and friendly/loving way.

#4 And by all means, stop arguing about religion with your mom if you care to fix any of this.

You can fix this, and you can mend some of the wounds you inflicted on your child.

But you must actually care about your kid for a minute and stop focusing on yourself so much. This is all about you, and that is why things are so painful and difficult.

This is what I told my mom as well. "Get over yourself and start considering that other people might actually exist"

Just stop fighting with your mom. And start apologizing and loving her again.

I am sad that your child has to suffer due to you and your mothers pointless arguments.

I apologize right now for equating you with my mom. The stories are just so similar in so many ways.

You and my mother both consider yourselves victims.

But me, the child whom was treated like a object of property by warring adults, believes something else.

I think I was the victim. And I blame the adults for being complete selfish idiots.

Selfishness is the central problem here. IMO.

Again I am sorry I had to tell you the truth. Maybe you can deal with it instead of running away.

Maybe my words will help you save your relationship with your daughter and your mother. I hope so.

But you must stop considering yourself a victim here. Your child is the victim and your at least 50% responsible for this.

I am truly sorry for this complicated life that your mother has made for you, I find it strange that she only focused on one daughter, why was she her favourite? was it because of a different father?

Anyway once again I'm sorry for what happened.

Do you think sending your daughter your story would make any difference at all? Maybe she doesn't know what's truly on your mind? And reading this might open her eyes? I don't know.

Even just by reading your post I am really annoyed by your mother especially for the part where she for 6 months would say bad things about you, she basically brainwashed your daughter it seems....

Sorry I can't give any more advice.

[edit on 5-7-2009 by _Phoenix_]

reply to post by muzzleflash

stop arguing about religion

Apparently you never talked to a Jehovah Witness(es)... Anyway, she is not 50% responsible. And here's why:

25% Responsibility to the Mom (Grandmom)
25% For her congregation getting involved on on word of mouth
25% For her mother BETRAYING her daughters trust with those kids

add that up we have 75%

I do not know the rest of the issues so I can only get 25% blame on the OP and that is only because she felt that ging to th emilitary was the BEST decision FOR, FOR, FOR her kids. She din't run off and be like forget my kids. She wanted to improve their lives.

[edit on Jul 5th 2009 by TheMythLives]

Originally posted by muzzleflash


And leaving is all that counts, I really do not care what the circumstances were. It was a CHOICE, and you CHOOSE to abandon your child in the care of a religious nutcase, and now you abhor the consequences?

You would think you could TRUST your own mother to look after your kids for as while....

I'm glad I know that I can trust my mother 101%, and I am truly sorry for you and the OP for having a life where the trust of your mother has gone.


I saw my father once or twice every year for one or two days only while growing up, because he was far away after the divorce when I was 5, eventually 6 months seemed like nothing to me, and now I live very close to my father and we have a great relationship.

My point is if my mother went away for 6 months in my life just once when I was 5, it would be hard, but really easy in comparison, I should know she was not abandoning me, especially if the six months was to create a better life for ME and my mother. I may have felt differently if my grandmother was saying things about my mother.


[edit on 5-7-2009 by _Phoenix_]

reply to post by muzzleflash


Muzzleflash, there is nothing in your post I haven't thought of nor can I disagree with. I did not tell this story as a pityparty for poor me. My children, as you rightly point out, are the victims.

My mother divorced my father to marry his brother when I was 10. My cousins became my step-brothers and sisters. My father was TDY on an unaccompanied tour when she did it. My uncle-dad left us a couple years later, after he put his four kids in an orphanage. My mom abandoned us. I lived on the streets for six years. My life was not your run-of-the-mill childhood either.

Who knows whats normal? I'm not, never have and never will acquit myself of the guilt and responsibility for my actions. My children are the ones who suffered and continue to suffer. The sick influence of the Jehovah's Witnesses allowed my mother to twist and weasel, manipulate and lie for her own benefit. She focused on my daughter and saving her eternal, everlasting soul so that they two could live forever in paradise. I was not mentally or emotionally able to adequately cope in time to save my daughter who is now not having a good life.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I do appreciate them, even if it hurts.

reply to post by Hazelnut


You're a far better person than I am. I can honestly say, I would go to any extreme to prevent my daughter from being in that situation. Even though, I know it would be counter-productive, and would likely get me in jail for a good number of years.


All I can say is, it's terrible what religion can do to someone.