What Has Happened To The TRUE Friend?

reply to post by OmegaPoint


my husband would be the one with the warts. it means he's flawed.


Whaa: Thank you, sweetie.

Great thread!! I myself consider myself a great friend. I have a few really good close friends that I trust 100% I confide in them and vice versa. I dont tell anyone their secrets and I dont judge them on decisions they make. I lend my ear and should to them, their life is not mine to judge. I am there for whatever they need and vice versa. I have two best friends who I have been friends with for more than half my life. We are always there for each other no matter what. I have had some friends turn on me for their own selfish reasons and I take it as a lesson learned. I take what I got out of the friendship and move on. I am not very trusting with people I meet anymore because it just seems they are out for their own personal gain. I have been used by friends and it sucked but the way I look at it is it's their loss....
S&F!

I was burned betrayed by my best friend of 18 years, and after that I let all the bridges burn. I didn't burn them on purpose, I just lost my trust and faith in people. I have friends now, but they will never be more than what I allow them to be. I think it's incredibly sad. I hold my family at a value higher than my own life, and that is my "best friend" and the only one I will ever again have.

Why is it that way today? I wish I had an answer to that one.

I have 1 good friend, and 2-3 more that are pretty close.

Everyone else I know are my peers. Yeah, I hang out with more people but that group I listed are the people I see myself 20-30 years down the road having a BBQ with.

The true friend is there...but you can not allow your own moral's conflict and ruin your friendship. My buds say some STUPID stuff...I just agree and make a joke out of it.

It's depressing isn't it?

Another thing to look at is how we have less friends as we get older (well I never really had many friends other then in university, but most people find this to be true).

I like to think of it like this: as our life experiences pile up, we become more and more different from each other, thus it becomes harder to be friends. Having less similarities with others makes it harder to connect in any meaningful way.

I have one good friend, who lives in another city now, but I know I could call whenever. Everyone else is a throwaway friend.

I feel ya OP...... here is a little something I wrote (a long time ago) to vent those exact feelings...

When all was lost...
faith and trust, belief and hope
never to be discovered in another
the wall grew vast, an impenetrable shell
glaring at the world bitter and disillusioned
knowing no connection, no kindred spirit
daring never to call another "friend"
laughing at the word for its unequivocal deception
cold truth swirling below the warmest lies
tell the fake smiles to keep their dowry of deceit
bury it in some other vulnerable host. . .
this one is fresh out of mercy for you poor souls
keep your share of misery; it's not welcome here
nor your plastic devotion and painted sympathy
so ask, dear friend, why this heart is closed
there is simply nothing left to give your world
it's been jaded; drained of joy and tossed aside
Thank you friend. . .and close the door behind you

reply to post by Greenize


Never had any, except blood relatives and my old man. All the rest proved to want something "else" besides unconditional love.

In school I was the one to take the underdogs under my wing. Then when they developed enough self confidence they would go their own way and leave me in the dust.

In young adult life, when I ran out of money for the parties or my car broke down, etc, my "friends" would curiously be no where to be found.

In adulthood, people who swore unconditional love for me would split the minute something bad happened to me (loss of job or health).

I always was there to visit even aquantinces in the hospital, bring soup to a sick neighbor.

Rarely had it returned to me. But that is okay. Some folk just aren't capable of true kindness/friendship. Don't stop giving it out yourself because of it. Or the whole circle comes to a complete stop. Keep it going, then at least YOU are a true friend.

here is an odd thing I noticed about the people I associate with. I have a few classes that people fall in to.

Aquaintences(sp?) (largest group) - we recognize each other, may talk lightly at times, etc. Their integration into my life is nil.

"Someone I know" - Typically people I work with. We talk, this and that. Maybe hang out on occasion outside of our normal place we interact at (typically, work). Might be able to bum a smoke off of occasionally or a $5 and under for a day or two. Integration.. minimal

Buddy - Sort of like in grade school with swim buddies and all that. not quite a friend, but they're around all the time. Integration: moderate

Friend - takes surprisingly little effort to get to this level if for some reason, we just click. Now, here's the odd part.. these friends.. I can either spend a lot of time with, or barely speak for months or in one case, a few years at a stretch, and we can just kind of pick up where we left off, catch the updates and keep going. They're those people that you leave an impression on each other and its hard for them to go away. But the difference between them and a buddy? if you're not around your buddy for a bit, they tend to wander off, friends don't, they usually can scrape together at least a little time here and there for you, even if its going along with them while shopping or something, and you don't mind it either.

Yeah, they're rare, but they happen.

I have always lived by the rule that if you can count on one hand how many friends you have,then you have too many friends.
I have a few true friends that I have known for years and have been thru alot with.
I trust nobody but appreciate it when I can.

I have no trust for other people so I try not to make many friends. But the ones I have are true virtues friends that won't backstab me.

People are becoming more compartmentalized, separated. As you get older it gets worse.

For some reason "sharing" your emotions, etc. has become uncool in any situation.

We're very influenced by TV characters, Movie characters, etc. The more isolated we feel the more we feel we need to buy things, or eat stuff.

I think apathy is contagious and especially contagious with all the new tech we have to make our lazy lives easier. Also the social structure of society has eroded immensely from a number of things such as television and other problems. There's much to it and I even think the genetically modified food has some to do with it.

Our world is changing and with the constant demand of society for social acceptance, we tend to lose some very valued morals. However I have a true friend and we are both just as loyal as brothers. I have known him since I was 8. For me, sometimes friends were more family than family should be.

The best way to get true friends is to be one yourself IMO. Yes you might be taken advantage of but keep your wall up and you will catch one when they come around.

Good thought greenize. S&F.

[edit on 24-6-2009 by N3krostatic]

Well, morality is gone and humans focus on the crude and shallow now. There used to be a time when honor and class meant something. Now it's all sex jokes, greed, partying...etc etc.

As you said, you got older. Generally when you're young you think those friendships will last forever, then money and opposite sex comes in and you realize how foolish those notions were and that people will sell you out for practically nothing when it comes to their own self interest.

We also teach our children things like 'trust noone', 'only worry about yourself', 'who cares what other people think' (in a world that is obviously just the opposite)... and so on.

Some people get bitter and claim they will never trust again. I feel the best policy is to give everyone a little trust just to see what they will do with it. Then you'll have some insight at least. You can generally tell a lot about a person by looking at their friends.

Edit: typo

[edit on 24-6-2009 by ChoronzonRising]

The OP is correct, times have unequivocally changed, but its not to say that most people way-back-when werent just as bad as now, sometimes they were even worse than the more refined a-holes you encounter nowadays.

It gets down to this (at least from my perspective); in your entire life, you will only meet very very few people whom deserve your time commitment and friendship in the long run. In fact, it is most likely that you will not come across more than three persons maximum who deserve to be called true friends.

Something I have noted with about 90% of those I once called a friend but no longer, is that these same people can in-turn become your biggest enemy just as quickly as they "supposedly" became your friend in the first place. And this would not be your decision, rather it would be theirs.

You will also note that the state of "friendship" is subject to change at any given time and varies with benefit and interest, almost like a contract. If at any given you find yourself on the floor trying to get up in your life or no longer offer any specific "benefit" to the person(s) in question, then they are suddenly no longer your friend, and couldnt care less about you. And sometimes depending on how envious humans can be, you might find yourself in a predicament you couldnt have fathomed just days before.

It really is funny how quickly some people can proclaim others as enemies, and without any base or reason too.

A long time ago, before the age of the internet, IPODs, mobile phones, and Facebook; there were more down to earth folks, people more concerned with substance than superficial BS. I'm afraid to say that in terms of "acquaintances" this day and age does not offer much.

I was once an idealistic optimist, but you can thank mother Earth for changing me to a realist.

Regards,

[edit on 24/6/09 by Majorion]

You are a fool if you think you can trust anyone but old dogs and children, watermelon wine is optional if it gives you the runs..... I prefer Mezcal.

Common experience tells me that there is hardly anything redeemable in anyone. You stand on your own two feet because relying on anyone, be it family or friend, is risky. You put yourself out there, hoping for a return or waiting for something that's not coming.

Finding TRUE friends is impossible because they are too wrapped up on their twitters to care.

[edit on 24/6/09 by MacDonagh]

Those of you who don’t have one are doing something wrong. I have a true friend I would do anything for and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he would do anything for me. We have known each other for over 20 years. Although we live several states away it does not diminish our friendship.

Stop texting and my face book twitter paging and try some real communication for a change. There is no LOL, L8R, BFN, WTF or any of that other lazy text speak. It’s two human beings interacting on the most basic level. How can you enjoy someone’s company through texting? You can’t. Pick up the phone and call them instead.

reply to post by Greenize


Sounds like someone needs a friend or a hug...



I kidd, but I know what you mean. I had a best friend and we'd hang out all the time, every day and tell secrets. Then he just stopped answering my phone calls or responding to me on facebook.

F you former friend.

Originally posted by GorehoundLarry
reply to post by Greenize

 

Sounds like someone needs a friend or a hug...

I kidd, but I know what you mean. I had a best friend and we'd hang out all the time, every day and tell secrets. Then he just stopped answering my phone calls or responding to me on facebook.

F you former friend.

When was the last time the two of you actually spoke? He might be going through something.

Originally posted by GorehoundLarry
I had a best friend and we'd hang out all the time, every day and tell secrets. Then he just stopped answering my phone calls or responding to me on facebook.

And what does that tell you about your best "friend"?

Does this person even fit the definition of a friend? -- I'm afraid not.

Friends come and go, you will find that there will only be one guy/gal who lasts forever, all the others will fade like a wave.

Regards,