Are you a highly sensitive person (HSP)?

Originally posted by danj3ris
I've always thought I was overly sensitive. Over the past few years I believe as a defense mechanism I've numbed my feelings and adjusted my habits. A death in the family does little in terms of affecting me emotionally. I purposely say things that lead people to sling insults in my direction so I know ahead of time what I will hear.

A side effect of my adjustments however, is being unable to detect sarcasm. I'm also way too trusting in people as a default. I let people invade my personal space like I have none.

The right music immediately alters my mood. My entire day might change if I listen to a certain couple songs in the correct order. I avoid doing anything that I believe will eventually lead towards my hurting someone, hence I let them know from the beginning that I am "a little off" in my social interactions.

I took this test and scored an 8, but I really don't put any stock into these tests. They just don't encompass the entirety of what or who I am.

Have you looked into Aspergers? Honestly, it sounds a bit like that from the little I have read from your post. Not trying to hurt your feelings or anything just give it a google and see if that helps you any.

Originally posted by justsomeboreddude
It is amazing how much this thread parallels the one about people thinking they are aliens because they have social inadequecies.
[edit on 6/4/2009 by justsomeboreddude]

The only social inadequacy ie rudeness that I've seen displayed on this thread hasn't come from the HSPs.

Speaking as an empath...... I hope you and Protoplasmic Traveler will be very happy

This describes me very well also. I was so overly-sensitive as a child that I couldn't handle school. As early as 3rd grade, I started skipping school in order to avoid my "peers" talking about and laughing at me (at least that's what I had perceived). Unfortunately, every time I skipped made it more difficult to go back, because they would tease me for skipping.

I've always had this 'social anxiety', and been a sort of wallflower, watching everyone else and wishing I could communicate with them. I've always been conscious of how others feel and how they might be affected by things I do and say, so I choose my words very carefully.

Which is probably the reason I've never done well in situations with a lot of people. They talk over one another, raise their voices, and there's a general 'rush' to the conversation. By the time I've formulated my thoughts on a particular topic, and I try to find a quiet moment to cut in without yelling, they've usually moved on to something else. lol

Anyway, I recall someone bringing up astrology in this thread also... I'm not saying that I believe wholeheartedly in the accuracy of astrology, but for the record: Aries sun. Cancer moon. Virgo rising.

I think someone also mentioned MBTI in here somewhere. I went through a period of denying emotions, trying to be 'rational', etc. and during that period in my life I discovered MBTI. I took the same test numerous times over the course of 2 or 3 years and always got the INTJ result. I then found an INTJ forum and got involved there, but I soon found that I didn't 'fit in' there either.

Over the past few months, in the process of researching 'conspiracies', I've been slowly allowing myself to accept emotion again rather than deny it. It is the truth about the horrors and nonsense in our current 'establishment' which is making me feel again. I have realized that I denied emotion, because I was trapped in a shallow hole of my own and I knew that was selfish. Emotion seemed to have no purpose, but to cause me to torture myself, therefore I began to tell myself emotion was the problem rather than the solution.

Now though, I feel again. I feel for the world, and I think there's something good in that, something hopeful. I acknowledge the atrocities that the powers in this world commit, I feel for all of us who are victims of it. It is horrifying, saddening, and infuriating, but I want to feel it now rather than hide from it. This emotion has a purpose, and it can be part of the solution.

I've taken the MBTI test a couple times in the past 2-3 months, and I now consistently get INFJ as the result. I feel much more 'at home' with that, it seems correct.

Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else had a similar experience of trying to control/deny their hypersensitivity? And also, how can we use this in our daily lives for good, rather than focusing it inward? Although I am very introverted, I have always wanted to be social, it's just very hard for me to know what to say with others.

reply to post by berenike


Thanks for your blessings, though I dont know what an empath is.. is that a real word or did you just chop they Y off of empathy and try to make it a noun?

It is like you want to be abused. You just keep poking at me with a stick. Does it make you feel like your better than everyone else if you get more people to pick on you?

All I am saying is that maybe instead of embracing things that are obviously limiting factors in your lives, why dont you try to find ways to overcome them. But then again, if you want to live like this I guess it is your own choice.

Originally posted by justsomeboreddude
reply to post by misfitoy

 

You know what I mean. There is nothing wrong with having as many kids as you can afford. The thing though that causes lower average IQ is the fact that the government subsidizes stupid, lazy people by paying them more for each kid. So you have those people reproducing while the educated people do not. You see it all the time, so dont act like it isnt happening. If you dont see it then maybe you are one of them.

Do you really think it is a good idea to pay people on assistance more everytime they pop out another kid. If you cant support your family, you shouldnt be making it bigger and expect the rest of us to pay.

[edit on 6/4/2009 by justsomeboreddude]

That's just it, I don't see it happening... at least not here in California. The government stopped "paying them more for each kid" many many years ago. These people also have strict time limits... while they frantically search for any kind of employment that will sustain them enough to barely survive.

Yes, I see people who are now sitting around with kids, because they've given up... after countless attempts to get on their feet while being repeatedly told how stupid they are by society. Why is it always so much easier to point the finger than work together as an intelligent species? Why is the government not providing work (and therefore experience) in exchange for the help they receive? Why is minimum wage set at a level where a person still goes hungry? Why is it when a person on assistance finally lands a job, their benefits (housing, food stamps, aid) are so drastically cut to the point they would end up homeless and therefore better off staying on assistance while they can?

I guess it's just me, but the only stupid people I see are the ones in the government (getting paid hefty bucks), and not the people.

I think it's more of you guys missing my point (which is not uncommon for us sensitives). What's 'petty' is to sling around an ugly, stereotyped statement out there against people you don't personally know. Without having lived their lives and their situations, who am I to make such statements against them?

Iunno, maybe being a divided people is behind some of the sensitivity that develops. People looking down at others because they don't earn as much, or have a different skin color, or follow a different religion, or don't follow your beliefs... it's all quite draining. Am I the only one that's effected by this?

Originally posted by justsomeboreddude
All I am saying is that maybe instead of embracing things that are obviously limiting factors in your lives, why dont you try to find ways to overcome them.

This is limiting in your point of view. I think most of us wouldn't change a thing about ourselves, except perhaps how we cope with the issues we face, which many of us work towards and why we are here.

I also believe most of us would agree that these factors enrich our lives rather than limit them.

__________________________________________________________________

Originally posted by misfitoy
Iunno, maybe being a divided people is behind some of the sensitivity that develops. People looking down at others because they don't earn as much, or have a different skin color, or follow a different religion, or don't follow your beliefs... it's all quite draining. Am I the only one that's effected by this?

No, you're not the only one. My view is very much the same and I also have a perspective coming from where I do.

The issue to me is that I can't understand how others can refuse to recognize the value of varied experience. Why conformity and uniformity are believed to be so valuable. Aside from the promotion of efficiency. But I see efficiency is a standard for slaves.

[edit on 4/6/09 by TravelerintheDark]

reply to post by misfitoy


You are just making excuses for people's irresponsible behavior. Are there people that need a hand up from time to time? Yes! But not for their whole lives, and their kids whole lives, and their grandkids whole lives.

What I am saying has nothing to do with race. The system is abused by all races. If California finally cut out giving people more money for more kids then Kudo's for them.

We all know there are people out there that dont take the opportunities they get for training or education, because they dont want to work. They just want to lie around all day and do nothing. They think they are too good to work a minimum wage job. The thing they dont get is that you dont have to be min wage forever. Work your butt off and prove your worth and you will move up the ladder. Heck, nowadays it is so bad you can get promoted just for showing up to work on time on a regular basis, speaking understandable english, and dressing in a way that your butt crack isnt showing.


[edit on 6/4/2009 by justsomeboreddude]

reply to post by TravelerintheDark


See that is the difference between me and you. I see problems with myself all the time and do my best to find solutions to overcome them. I dont embrace them or think they make me special. I view them as obstacles in the way to achieving the things I want in life. Is it always easy? No. Is it always worth it in the end? Absolutely!

There is nothing wrong with varied points of view, until your points of view limit your life or those around you.

[edit on 6/4/2009 by justsomeboreddude]

reply to post by justsomeboreddude


I think where we differ is in the perspective that these issues must be limiting. Frankly, I could be offended by your presumption that I don't work to overcome my issues. Fact is, I've spent most of my life doing just that. As to how, why and what, you'd have to know me more personally.

We also differ in that I don't see my not fitting in with society as it exists now to be a weakness.

Because here's a particular truth I've found: Society is created by the people. Society does not create the people. So when the people decide society will change, change is inevitable.

The thing is, I understand the difficulties inherent in having a society as large as the one we live in. There is no way to maximize the happiness of everyone. That's apparent even here at ATS. Which is a problem for me because I would genuinely like to see everyone as satisfied as possible. I even think it's possible, but it requires change that many are uncomfortable with.

reply to post by TravelerintheDark


Well part of adulthood is that we accept that not everyone is going to be happy with all things all the time. We cant control the happiness of others, just our own. The best thing you can do is find the good in the people around you and let the bad stuff slide off of your back.

I have two kids adopted from a foriegn country and people say stupid stuff to them all the time. The kids and I either get a good laugh from it, if they are just ignorant, or I confront them if they are doing it to be mean. Regardless, 10 minutes later it is forgotten and I dont judge everyone else based on the comments of one idiot. Just like nobody should not judge the world based on my thinking.


[edit on 6/4/2009 by justsomeboreddude]

Originally posted by misfitoy

Iunno, maybe being a divided people is behind some of the sensitivity that develops. People looking down at others because they don't earn as much, or have a different skin color, or follow a different religion, or don't follow your beliefs... it's all quite draining. Am I the only one that's effected by this?

Not the only one.

I can understand people having an inclination to be part of a 'select group', and then to feel that all people should subscribe to their particular ideology or "gtfo". I've felt that way myself and said "wow, I wish I could be part of that special group". I've realized though, groups only limit us. Even those of us posting in this thread need to understand that just because we have these similarities doesn't mean we can't all have differences as well.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, sensitivity has a place and a purpose, a contribution to our society. Every individual has something to contribute, everyone is special.

Unfortunately, I think that the introversion that often accompanies sensitivity is something that we have to overcome. More of us need to learn to share our feelings with others. We need to be able to assert our ideas more equally with those who are more extroverted and assertive, so that our society can become a bit more balanced. If that makes any sense.

But yes, I get very discouraged and disgusted by the constant superiority struggle. We're free individuals, but I don't think many understand yet how to enjoy our freedom and express ourselves while respecting the freedom and individuality of others.

Originally posted by Maya00a
I do extreme feelings/emotions - I can be so very, very down about things but I can also be very over excitable and most people find my extremes difficult to deal with. I very rarely do plodding along! lol - I hate plodding along and when everything is going right I tend to rock the boat. I love the adrenalin flowing and the feeling of not knowing what an outcome will be and I therefore love to take risks but they're usually very calculated risks.

........

At 21 I moved to a foreign country all on my own and was very scared and almost unable to breath but I enjoyed pushing myself to my limits - does that make sense? I moved again, with my husband and kids, 5 years ago and at the time we described it as jumping off a cliff - no idea whether we'd have a safe landing or not. lol. I cried and laughed hysterically and I remember I really didn't know whether I was incredibly happy or incredibly sad - both really but they got muddled together.

I sometimes feel like a total hypocrite because I am so full of contradictions but it really is just that social conditioning/logic/reason doesn't always sit easily with my feelings about a situation. I usually trust my feelings which most other ppl don't understand and it irritates them that I don't do the logical/expected thing.

[edit on 4-6-2009 by Maya00a]

I wonder if maybe you're a High Sensation Seeker(HSS)? It is possible to be both an HSS and HSP.

If it were safe, I would like to take a drug that would cause me to have strange new experiences.
I can become almost painfully bored in some conversations.
I would rather go to a new place I may not like than go back again to a place I know I like.
I would like to try a sport that creates a physical thrill, like skiing, rock climbing, or surfing.
I get restless if I stay home for long.
I don't like waiting with nothing to do.
I rarely watch a movie more than once.
I enjoy the unfamiliar.
If I see something unusual, I will go out of my way to check it out.
I get bored spending time with the same people everyday.
My friends say it is hard to predict what I will want to do.
I like to explore a new area.
I avoid having a daily routine.
I am drawn to art that gives me an intense experience.
I like substances that make me feel "high."
I prefer friends who are unpredictable.
I look forward to being in a place that is new and strange to me.
To me, if I am spending the money to travel, the more foreign the country the better.
I would like to be an explorer.
I enjoy it when someone makes an unexpected sexual joke or comment that starts everyone laughing a little nervously.

HSS test
If most of those statements apply to you, you're probably a HSS.

Suppose you are an HSP who scores high on this test, too? What does that mean for you? As with your sensitivity, I can tell you what most HSP/HSSs are like and see if you recognize yourself. But nothing I say will be true of every HSP/HSS because each has so many other innate traits as well as a vast array of different experiences throughout their lives. But in general, again, HSP/HSSs have a strong desire for novelty and the “good stuff” in life, but are not willing to take high risks to get these. Since there’s plenty of novelty and pleasure to be found without taking risks, HSPs who are also HSSs tend to do just that—enjoy safe novelty, eagerly go after pleasures that are not dangerous—and to do this pursuing more than HSPs who are not HSSs. However, it’s amazing how safe an HSP can make a risky sport, for example. I know HSPs who have done hang gliding, and many like to ski, scuba dive, and ride horses. But they do these safely.

I have always used the analogy one HSP/HSS gave me, which was that she felt like she lived with one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake. But in fact, both parts are drivers, with human concerns and strategies for getting their way. Hence HSP/HSSs more often feel like two people in a constant argument. And the HSS part often wins because in this culture, at least, the combination of curiosity, competitiveness (more typical of HSSs), and risk taking are all admired more than the HSP combination of traits. Hence the HSP part often feels it has less power and is more often dominated by the HSS part.

www.hsperson.com...

Just a guess, but it sounds like this could be the reason you feel so full of contradictions. One part of you wants to experience new and exciting things, but the other part wants to be safe and protect itself?

Originally posted by justsomeboreddude
Well part of adulthood is that we accept that not everyone is going to be happy with all things all the time. We cant control the happiness of others, just our own. The best thing you can do is find the good in the people around you and let the bad stuff slide off of your back.

Then we aren't entirely different in our thinking after all
That's how I live my life. Where these sensitivities make me perhaps different is that I'm acutely aware of when others around me aren't happy. Which in turn effects me. It may sound strange, but there is research to verify it, but I do feel what other people are feeling. I've worked a long time to prevent this from happening, but I haven't found a way yet that doesn't also interfere with my own happiness.

So I'll admit, it's partly selfish on my part, that I want others to be happy because that in turn makes me happier. What I have learned not to do is to make myself miserable in order for others to be happy.

reply to post by TravelerintheDark


Well good for you. It really has a lot to do with how we focus on things. Once you realize it is not your place in life to make someone happy, it becomes easy to let it go. Then you just take control of your emotions and say I am going to be happy regardless of how the other person feels.

ok, i admit i read the first and jumped in on the last page, i am going to have to spend time reading it all ,
but the op info prity much fits me, although i feel out of place with the people i'm usualy around, but definatly describes me for the most part.
Very interesting..
Ok now to go read all 11 pages.

Originally posted by justsomeboreddude
reply to post by TravelerintheDark

 

Well good for you. It really has a lot to do with how we focus on things. Once you realize it is not your place in life to make someone happy, it becomes easy to let it go. Then you just take control of your emotions and say I am going to be happy regardless of how the other person feels.

justsomeboreddude~ Whoa, your last sentence there just cleared things up for me in your line of thinking. Now I understand why you respond the way you do to the posts in this thread. If that kind of existence truly works for you, then I'm happy for you that you found a lifestyle you enjoy. Best wishes with that.

Traveler~ I so understand what you're saying. My biggest joy in life is being part of making someone smile, or laugh, or in some way be happy. Seeing people around me enjoying life brings such an energy... I love it!

edit to add~ I'm still working on the part about not letting myself get miserable while trying to make someone else happy. Mainly with my son... I just can't help it as a parent lol.

[edit on 4-6-2009 by misfitoy]

Originally posted by justsomeboreddude
reply to post by berenike

 

Thanks for your blessings, though I dont know what an empath is.. is that a real word or did you just chop they Y off of empathy and try to make it a noun?

It is like you want to be abused. You just keep poking at me with a stick. Does it make you feel like your better than everyone else if you get more people to pick on you?

All I am saying is that maybe instead of embracing things that are obviously limiting factors in your lives, why dont you try to find ways to overcome them. But then again, if you want to live like this I guess it is your own choice.

Nah - I didn't make up the word 'empath' - I nicked it from Star Trek. That line was a joke - I thought you had a sense of humour?

Where do you get the idea I want to be abused - my main goals in life are to avoid hurting others and to avoid being hurt myself. Rather worthy, I thought.

And how have I kept poking at you with a stick? 'Kept poking' - I made one short post. Hey, don't be so sensitive.

If I was to be better than everyone else I'd find another way to do it than allow people to keep picking on me.

I don't think I have any more limitations in my life than most other people. I like to be by myself, for instance. That's a very easy thing to achieve. If, on the other hand, I wanted to go out to the pub with friends every night then I'd need to have friends available. If no-one could come out, I'd be disappointed and lonely. So what's more limiting?

I live as much as i can by my own choice. I call it being independent.

reply to post by Astrithr


Interesting information about HSS along with HSP. I would have guessed the two types would completely conflict with each other, but I suppose there can be differences within similarities, like the Myers-Briggs type of tests show.

Thanks for linking the astro site. I don't really look into that area much either, but it was fun reading. It has many uncanny correct specifics, like mentioning my field of work would involve medical. (I spent 4 years in the Navy as a Hospital Corpsman and worked in various other medical positions afterwords). Oh, and thx for the hug... I haven't had near enough of those!

Interesting.
I fit the bill in large for both catagories. I am the freak among freaks, lol; this, at least, may explain a few things.
I wonder what else is going to come up in here before we're done? I'm truly curious about how many other "personality types" I match.

reply to post by Malfeitor


Would you like to come over to my thread in BTS and try the Nerd, Geek or Dork test?

www.belowtopsecret.com...

That's been fun.