"I have a crush on woodwardjnr, who is your ATS crush"

I still have a crush on Ahab. I fantasize about making sweet love to him in a tent with some Prince and the revolution as background music. ***sigh*** unfortunately I cant talk to my love much.. or at all.. anymore. My computer hates chat and chat hates me. Someone harped me. I think is was that dirty bird Springer. It HAS to be a conspiracy. I even took the tape off of my webcam and everything... no dice. Maybe the tinfoil bikini is interfering??

Originally posted by _Phoenix_
Edit: Warning this post may be too shocking for children and the faint of heart to read.

I'm not gonna read 76 pages of this thread, but I'm sure most of the posts have been about how amazing I am.

Please take this virtual Galaxy chocolate bar as a sign of my empathy for all of you fine ladies and gentlemen who have fantasised about me countless time.

I'm sorry but I don't have a six pack and I don't take showers like your fantasies suggest, this is because I am not human.

I deeply apologise, but I am what you would call an Alien, our faces look similar to how you humans potray clowns (which is highly offensive to us by the way) and yes we don't take showers (we suck dirt off each other using our hamoosas, which basically looks like an elephant trunk but it's attached to our backside)

But even if you put attraction aside I still can't have a relationship with any of you, because I would die from the smell of your bodies (this IS simply scientific fact, but you humans still STINK I can assure you of that)

So once again I'm sorry to ruin your (sick) fantasies, I still love you all.

edit on 8-8-2012 by _Phoenix_ because: (no reason given)

Who are you???

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Jax... erm.. if it starts ranting about earth women with their teenie little breasts.. DUUUUUUUDE RUUUUUUNNNN!!!! Its a Bernard Schnitzel thing. Ahh poop.. I said his name. He may appear.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


You were supposed to read my desperate cry for attention and say you were crushing on me! Now I'm totally shattered!

Ya hurt me Jax... Ya hurt me...

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by JaxonRoberts

 

You were supposed to read my desperate cry for attention and say you were crushing on me! Now I'm totally shattered!

Ya hurt me Jax... Ya hurt me...

Thats nothin. Ever since Zazz crushed me and then went for that weird non smoker Jax.. well, no one will even speak to me. I must have zazz stink on me or something. I dont recall her peeing on me to mark me.. but there is obviously a lot I dont recall.

reply to post by Advantage


Egads woman, I dont mark my crushes.

If its any consolation, I too have lost my Kavorka (Latvian Orthodox for 'lure of the animal')., most posters don't recognise me....sigh~ Its ok, THE JAX has satisfied me anyway


Ahab I will grant members a joyful boon allowing them to request new thread titles, seeings mamabeth has a BIG thing for Slayer maybe lets give her "Mamabeth has a crush on slayer69"

Originally posted by zazzafrazz
reply to post by Advantage

 

Egads woman, I dont mark my crushes.

If its any consolation, I too have lost my Kavorka (Latvian Orthodox for 'lure of the animal')., most posters don't recognise me....sigh~ Its ok, THE JAX has satisfied me anyway

Ahab I will grant members a joyful boon allowing them to request new thread titles, seeings mamabeth has a BIG thing for Slayer maybe lets give her "Mamabeth has a crush on slayer69"

edit on 9-8-2012 by zazzafrazz because: (no reason given)

Hmm okay. I could have sworn you peed on me. Maybe it was Moneydoo or someone. I do have a splitting headache.. why Im on here babbling and backspacing from so many typos. . Im going to try chat again. I changed my stuff on the comp.. but forgot to even try!

Folks dont recognize you?? Put that luscious avatar back up. Youll have the newbies worshiping you.... again

Dare you to change it to mamabeth has a crush on slayer. Too bad we cant see her blush.

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts
Who are you???

I wish I could tell you more, I would send a picture of myself but your human mind would never comprehend what it is seeing and I'm afraid the utter confusion would send you into a psychotic meltdown.

I love you guys too much to say much more.

Bah you people are just failing to see that this is ALL ABOUT ME!!!! Sob,

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by JaxonRoberts

 

You were supposed to read my desperate cry for attention and say you were crushing on me! Now I'm totally shattered!

Ya hurt me Jax... Ya hurt me...

Sorry Heff, but you don't put out... I like my men like I like my crossword puzzles... simple and easy!

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

Sorry Heff, but you don't put out... I like my men like I like my crossword puzzles... simple and easy!

WHAT!? Why didn't you tell us earlier!? and here I was trying to make myself appear complicated and mysterious.......

Originally posted by _Phoenix_

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

Sorry Heff, but you don't put out... I like my men like I like my crossword puzzles... simple and easy!

WHAT!? Why didn't you tell us earlier!? and here I was trying to make myself appear complicated and mysterious.......

It worked. Well, the complicated part anyway.

Originally posted by zazzafrazz
reply to post by alysha.angel

 

AA i thought I crushed on you back in 2011?

nope, not that i remember .. but i crushed on you so its all good..

This one ATS member named Rubicant13. He's dreamy...

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by JaxonRoberts

 

You were supposed to read my desperate cry for attention and say you were crushing on me! Now I'm totally shattered!

Ya hurt me Jax... Ya hurt me...

Sorry Heff, but you don't put out... I like my men like I like my crossword puzzles... simple and easy!

Its moments like these that make me Heart crush on you more.

reply to post by Advantage


Yeah, because if P-Funk is playing I would get no sweet and....oh, wait T&C's.



zazz, you know that all title change requests have to go through proper channels for review or a whisper in chat or skype message when I am not busy or trying to go to bed.



Heff, you know how picky Jaxon is about bacon grease.



AA, maybe we should have placed the old titles as the reason for the title changes so it would have been a timeline of the many moods of zazz.



_Phoenix_, somewhere in the pages of this thread zazz crushed on me. I think it was just to be mean as I had said I don't crush on anyone. Either way it only lasted for about 5 minutes before she changed her mind.



Advantage, I had heard she pees to mark things as well as long lasting scars from bite marks. But the big question is to as if she might ever snort when she laughs and be embarrassed by it.



zazz, if you ever did snort while laughing and I heard it, I wouldn't tell. It would be our little secret and little secrets are about as close to a crush as I get.

Originally posted by Ahabstar

_Phoenix_, somewhere in the pages of this thread zazz crushed on me. I think it was just to be mean as I had said I don't crush on anyone. Either way it only lasted for about 5 minutes before she changed her mind.

If memory serves me, the death of this crush came when she found out that you wore socks together with sandals... Who could blame her, really...

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Ahahahaha I forgot about that!
Ahab you just got served.

Ahab.... socks with sandals????

You can forget all of the e-harmony notes I sent to your inbox then....

reply to post by zazzafrazz


Because you wanted to forget. But I see now why Jax is your crush, he defends it from would be rivals to keep you interested.

But sadly those particular sandals finally died last year and it took some time to find a replacement pair. Had to settle for some Tevas...which I have no love for at all as the sole is to thin and everything straps by velcro. But what I really miss is my old, old sandals that were handmade. Now those were some Jesus sandals there as I could tie the leather laces all the way to my knees if I wanted to do so.