Fathers rights...or the lack of

[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

reply to post by mushninja


Actually no there are not.

All the assistance is for families making a very low salary, under 15k. NO one can survive on that much. If your a single mom making 25k. You don't make enough for food, health insurance, and a home with bills, daycare, clothes, etc. So you make too much for assistance and not enough to get by.

If you think things are equal then you have been huffing too much fabric softener.

Your angry and you think all women are bad and have advantage over the world but that is not the real story.

Yes, being cheated on sucks. But it is not grounds for divorce in a lot of states, though I think it should be.

When judges decide these things, they are only thinking of the best interest of the children. While your wife was totally in the wrong, the courts don't see it as a reason to disrupt a family, and leaving. They should of given you equal access however. Unless there was reason not too.
Unless there is somethin being left unsaid.

reply to post by Res Ipsa


A child at 7 is not dumb. They are old enough to have lasting impressions from the father. If they were 2 or 3 I would worry.

My husband is from one of these exact situations. 30 years later and it is still going on!

If the wife is as bad as he says she is, the child will realize it soon, and more then likely want to get out of there.

And more then likely she is gonna go through one bad relationship after another. And the child will not care for that either. It will make them take that parent less seriously.

My best friend who is the mother just went though this and SHE lost.
He had the nice house, the job and money, he closed the bank account the day before he kicked her out. He had it planned. Then he called the cops on her with a false report, that she hurt him. Staged it all. Got a protective custody order that night, and it went from there. Case took two years . You could not believe how manipulative this guy was. When she did get weekend custody, he sexually assulted one of the boys who told the mother, ( I was there when he told her, she lived with me at the time) the mother called CPS, and was accused of lying to get the custody to go her way. They would not even interview me as a witness to what this kid said. He was very convincing. This is the same guy that was kicked out of the masonic lodge for voter fraud. He was something else.
He ended up with FULL custody. She went through 100k of her families money to try to get SHARED custody. She still thought the kids needed the father, that was until the sexual assult. Now they are with him full time, she went into a depression and I worry as I have now not been able to locate her for a year after she lost that case.

I feel for you. It is not rite that the one with the most money walks away with the kids. It seems to work out that way.

reply to post by mushninja

r
Mush, yes you are starting to see some of what they can do. 5 years ago I estimated there were about 1/3 of million fathers in jail - they don't report the numbers. I suspect there are more than 1/2 a million in jail now - not included in the 2.2 million noted in jail now. I wish I had an answer for you, as far as I know there are none. Some left the country to areas that do not export the 'deadbeats' - those that simply can not pay what was assessed, some are dead, some are homeless and on the run, some have gotten peace by merely being glad to have 3 squares a day and bed in jail and it has gotten them released, but that is rare.

Only 5% of assessed amounts are ever decreased for any reason and once assessed they continue without redress.

BTW, the more they assess your ability to pay, the more money the feds give them. Works out nicely for all but the dead and jailed.

Ed

reply to post by amatrine


It's not right but it still makes me happy to see a woman get the treatment usually reserverd for fathers. He must have been a smart guy to use typical woman tactics to his advantage and win. Most of the time I believe no contact/restraining orders are used by women to jockey for position in court. All a women has to do is say she is scared of him and presto, you have damaging evidence to use in court whether the order was unfounded or not.

Though I must add that I never had a restraining order placed on me. I have seen it done alot though.

[edit on 4-2-2009 by mushninja]

reply to post by mushninja


There are some that say it may be malpractice for a divorce attorney not the mention the accusation charge. From there, one must prove innocence which is simply not possible. The courts are set up to drain your cash 'proving your innocence'. Prove one and the next one follows and the process is repeated. Yes, it's great for the one that starts with the first accusal, not so great for the kids. Best interest is just gov BS for this unconstiutional BS. 20 bucks you get a jury trial and accusals must be proved. But your children get a scumbag judge and accusations are accepted as evidence.

Ed

[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

reply to post by Res Ipsa

I don't want to give up but I'm beating my head against a wall and getting no where. I used to rush home from work so I could make sure I got to be the one to feed him and wipe the strained peas from his chin and make him laugh that big toothless laugh. Now he calls someone else daddy and I don't even know him....I can take a lot, and have in my short life, but this is...I don't even know.

[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

reply to post by Res Ipsa


If you have the slightest inkling about getting into family law you should. There needs to be more advocates for just child support enforcement and fathers rights. Your pain and personal experince would probably make you quite profecient once you got past the cutthroat aspects and learned your way around the flaws in the system.

I am sure I will get flamed by other women, but I think the time has come and gone for the woman to be automatically seen as the nurturer, care-giver, and "best" for the child(ren).

I am the child of a broken home, so I am an adult who can say that what happened with my parents when I was a kid (they divorced when I was 5) still shapes part of my life to this day (and I am now almost 33). But, that's another story for another thread.....

Fathers are not the enemy. They should not be viewed as the breadwinner, able to fork over 1/3 to 1/2 (sometimes more....a lot more) of their income monthly to pay child support. They should not be automatically seen as the lesser of the two parents.

And, as to what Mush did.....he left a cheating wife. How in the hell did he break up the marriage?? She broke up the marriage with her actions. This situation is not his fault and he should not be penalized by the courts, the mother, the law for leaving a horrible situation. He should not be punished with missing out on his son's life because she is keeping his son away from him, shacking up with another man, and allowing her son to call the other man "Daddy".

That isn't right; it isn't fair.

reply to post by Res Ipsa


deleted in empathy.

Dei Jurum Conventus - God's Rights Convention/Unity

Ed



[edit on 4-2-2009 by EdWardMD]

Res,


Ed

[edit on 4-2-2009 by EdWardMD]

[edit on 4-2-2009 by EdWardMD]

reply to post by EdWardMD



God Bless you Ed!!!!!!
Thanks

I am so sorry to hear about your problems, it isn't fair it is the same here in Australia too, i have been divorced to with 2 young sons and the system is stacked in favour of the mother, Fathers have no rights :-(

reply to post by mushninja


Mush,

Yes, it's what we all feel. It's only a half step short of your childs death. It is devasting. The most devasting thing to happen to me. Nothing even close in comparison. Hang in there. As you can see there are many in your shoes and remember there are others that are worse off. Hopefully, that is of some help to you. Take the advice on all calls, dealings, conversations, if you can't tape record in your state, stop and write it down, use a message machine for any calls from your ex, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. It may not help, if you have a scumbag judge 90%, but it can't hurt.

Ed

Originally posted by mushninja
reply to post by Res Ipsa

 

I don't want to give up but I'm beating my head against a wall and getting no where. I used to rush home from work so I could make sure I got to be the one to feed him and wipe the strained peas from his chin and make him laugh that big toothless laugh. Now he calls someone else daddy and I don't even know him....I can take a lot, and have in my short life, but this is...I don't even know.

...do you believe me when I tell you that I know how you feel?
...you are not alone.
...you may not understand this, or believe this, but try to look at this as an opportunity...find a "Father's support" group. Reflect on what things you might have taken for granted before.
I do not believe that "challenges" that get thrown at us are for no purpose.
Yeah, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....sounds great but over simplified to the point you want to punch the person that says that to us.
...If you aren't spiritual then I can't tell you or suggest anything that might work.
....geez, now I'm getting like Dr. Ed (by the way, whom I am soooo greatful for helping me settle down and think straight on getting rid of my other posts)
...nobody who hasn't gone through this can tell you anything.....but that now reminds me of your last post...........don't wish for some woman to go through this or be glad that she is.....its wrong....if anything you should feel bad for her too......Stop thinking about yourself and think about the kids.

Your kid is being harmed by you not being in his life. (given you the benefit of all doubt.) Why wish that woman the same taste if she did nothing wrong? Don't let yourself stoop to that level.

You know I empathize with you to the nth degree but I won't say its ok to wish some good mother go through what we are as revenge.

reply to post by Res Ipsa



Thank you Res. Your post made my eyes water. Glad I could help. We caring dads need all the help we can get and there is so damn little of it.

And may God bless You, Mush and all the families destroyed by this government tyranny. Lord knows we need it.

Ed

Mush,

Definitely find an equal parenting support group. DON'T EXPECT THEM TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING, many are psuedo activist groups set up to deflect any real accomplishment - not the members just the leaders, BUT MOST DEFINITELY INTERACT WITH SIMILAR DADS IN YOUR AREA for emotional support. Unfortunately, it's the only real help I know of.

Ed