Fathers rights...or the lack of

Am I alone in the feeling that as soon as I got divorced and recieved a child support order I became a criminal? I left her, yet she filed first so she automaticly got custody of our son until we went to court. Then since she was already in custody of our son she is awarded primary custody yet somehow it was supposed to be 50/50 from what I was told. I had done nothing wrong so there was no issue of my parental fitness. She also made a couple of bucks an hour more than me, yet I was saddled with maintaining health insurance and paying her $450 per month. If we are truely 50/50 and she makes MORE than me why am I losing over a paycheck and a half in health care and cash each month? By no means do I think that I shouldn't have to pay child support, thats not what I'm saying at all. But isn't this an exuberant amount? I'm barley surviving and she is out buying brand new trucks and lake houses. Not only that, but when ever I have to deal with the child support agency for any reason (new employer ect ect) I'm talked to as though I'm a criminal. Any corospondece from them is threatening even though I haven't done anything wrong. Submit to this demand or that demand or we'll *snip* your life up. And who is here to enforce my rights as a father? NO ONE!!! She meets some dude twice her age and shacks up with him and my son TWO MONTHS after meeting. When I found out about this I blew a friggin gasket (she hid it for a bit), especially having never even laid eyes on this guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jelous, I was concerned for my son. This to me seemed like a situation that had a high probablility of risk to my sons well being. Yet I have no say over the living conditions of my son....and if I do there is/was no one to help me enforce it. As soon as she started playing house with this guy I wasn't needed in the picture as far as she was concerned. So over the last few years she has cut me completly out of the picture and I have no recourse....because I have a penis, that's what I can gather from my experinces anyhow. Unless of course I had tens of thousands of dollars laying around to fight with, which I don't. That brings me to my next point. I'm a construction guy, when I work like I usually do they took the money straight out of my check because that is the way I set it up. Then I got laid off and continued to pay. As work slowed down even more (no side jobs) I wasn't able to send full payments but even if all I had was $25 I sent it in just to show consistent effort. I'm a few months behind now with an excellent payment history and these bastards from the state are threatening to take my drivers license, my business license ect ect. I have called in to try to explain my position and they are rude and threatening, they send me letters I liken to mafia type extortion. Nobody gives a *snip* about me as a father, except when it comes to money. Nobody cares that I don't get to see my son, or have any say in his up bringing. Nobody cares that I was concerned about the safety of his living arrangement. It is perfectly fine that she moved and won't let me have the address where my son lives, or question who this guy is and her competency to make proper desisions...it's all fine as long as I keep paying. That is all that matters. Sure there are alot of deadbeats the agency has to run down and deal with, but one look at my payment history over the years would indicate otherwise in my case. And what the *snip* good would it do to cripple a guys ability to drive to work or perform work by suspending his licenses? In my mind that only compounds the problem. I have so much more to say and no more room. Am I the only one out here? Why is no one fighting for us? We can't fight for ourselves.....were too poor from paying these infalted childsupport payments.....
Sorry if wrong forum.


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[edit on 4-2-2009 by Duzey]

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[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

It's alot worse than reporting you to creditors.

Get a vasectomy or masterbate more otherwise fathers are targets, unless the father is connected then mom gets screwed but not nearly as hard.

Child support casualties. mensnewsdaily.com...

DrEd

.)

[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

My ex left me and stopped me seeing my daughter and then tried to take my house away! Fortunately she didn't get anywhere so she stopped me seeing my little girl. I was warned if I caused trouble I would be taken to court. That was nine years ago. I have long since given up any hope of seeing her and if I'm truly honest, I've lost all interest for the last couple of years.
If you want to get anywhere in this life the number one rule is, don't get married and for gods sake don't have kids! The consequences if your relationship goes wrong are potentially fatal. . . Just look at the number of fathers who have had mental breakdowns and committed suicide.

I divorced her because she was a cheating whore. She also did not posess the ability to learn and grow as life progressed. To put it mildly, she is still the same childish girl I married, and it has been twelve years since I married her LOL. Yeah, I have to take some blame for marrying her...but at the same time I was seventeen....

reply to post by Mintwithahole.

As hearbreaking as it is I'm to the same point you are. Just take whats left of my rights and responcibliltys away if this is how it is going to be. When I do see him for a while on a random visit we don't even know what to say or do with each other, I don't even know my own son, and haven't for a half his life now (he is 7). I just found out on Christmas day she has him calling this guy daddy. She took the one thing left that I was clinging to, Boy Scouts. That *snip* has always known that I wanted to be deeply involved with scouting and my son and just the other week she took time out of her day to call just to let me know how much my son likes going to cub scouts with her man. *snip*, she knew how important that was to me, my dad was heavily involved with me and scouting right up until he died when I was ten and I wanted to carry it on with my son. I'm tired of being forced to live on a fence. I can't continue like this and it's not fair to him either. I want my fatherhood restored or just cut me out...


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[edit on 4-2-2009 by DontTreadOnMe]

reply to post by mushninja


Let me start off by saying that I am sorry this is happening to you. Since you seem to sincerely want custody, I wish you the best of luck in what you want.

The world isn't 50/50. Men tend to have more resources, better pay,and better opportunities then women. Women tend to sacrifice, hold back their careers for children, and promote their husband's careers.

Then if the husband leaves her, she has to support a family on a substandard salary, in a world that really doesn't consider her an equal.

And the courts know this.

While this is not in your case, and every case. The women tend to be the child rearers.

I know far far more women abandoned by husbands and boyfriends then men abandoned by women.

I don't mean this harshly, but you decided to leave and you broke up the marriage. This is what the courts see.

Unless their was major abuse, the court sees you as breaking up your family.

How much effort did you put into reconciling your marriage? Did you seek marriage counseling? Weekend retreats? counseling for yourself?

The judges look to see how much effort you have put into reconciling the situation.

As for most of the responses here:

There are two sides to every story. While you have a right to be upset and angry, it doesn't mean you are completely right.

[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

Just don't stop trying to see your kid. When he gets old enough, he will start resenting her for keeping you away. Let him know everytime that you do see him that you love him and you are there for him no matter what.

Don't ever badmouth her, bring up the divorce, teh boyfriend, nothing.

There is nothign worse to a child then being brought into the middle of it.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
Just don't stop trying to see your kid. When he gets old enough, he will start resenting her for keeping you away. Let him know everytime that you do see him that you love him and you are there for him no matter what.

Don't ever badmouth her, bring up the divorce, teh boyfriend, nothing.

There is nothign worse to a child then being brought into the middle of it.

I do concur with NN.

If you can't find a way to get a fair treatment through the courts--then at least be mature enough that you don't cement the image that your ex is trying to put in th ekid's head.

Kids are smart--they will figure out who is honest, and if mom is really that much of a problem they will figure that out.

I would record everything that happens, if mom actually does go of the deep end, then this may come in handy to you.

It is really unfortunate that you are going through this. There are far too many men that are deadbeats or trying to hide their abuse behind "biased courts" and the honest men get shrifted.

reply to post by Res Ipsa


LOL, can't handle life? Amazing they seemed to handle it pretty well up until then. You haven't seen squat to what could happen to you. I hope you never find out what those men found. Amazing you could pass those lifes off with a 'can't handle life'. No wonder there is no help for you, them or the family unit. Break the back of the family unit and you break the back of resistance to government tyranny.

DrEd

Nixie, that is a tired old argument!

Mush, what has happened recently that prompted you to start this thread?

...by the way Nixie, Family law courts are suppose to treat each case as a "case by case" not some sterotype or some generality.

Best interest of the child standard....if you didn't read my post. Not someone elses child...."that child"

reply to post by nixie_nox



....ok, this post was better in my opinion....but....great theory but she is bad mouthing him......
1) he should not give up for sure
2) the child is 7 so bad mouthing mom now is immature and damaging
3) When the kid gets old enough, he will ask questions and dad shouldn't lie, but no full disclosure then either.
4) when the kid gets in his teens and he is "wise" then the questions will becoming more probing and then dad can say more.
...can't bail on the child now because the truth won't make any difference later on then.

reply to post by nixie_nox


I have posted my reasons for leaving her and they are more than adequate. Nor do I need appoval from the courts to justify the acceptablity of my reasons for leaving to attest to my fitness as a father. To be honest, the "poor single mom" crap no longer applies in the real world. There are countless organizations a single mom can reach out to for a wide range of issues....all with catstrophic results for the father. You can have your custody agreement in hand as a man and law enforcement will do nothing. Try to keep you kid longer than what her paper says and the cops will be at your door. She can instantly get food stamps, free housing and med care, even work part time.....and still get a check from me. Not to mention everyone is willing to bend over backward for the "poor single moms" they know. Who do we turn to, a lawyer??? Even when I have known guys who spent tens of thousand in court they didn't come out much better than I did. And even if they did, who would bother to enforce their rights?

Originally posted by EdWardMD
reply to post by Res Ipsa

 

LOL, can't handle life? Amazing they seemed to handle it pretty well up until then. You haven't seen squat to what could happen to you. I hope you never find out what those men found. Amazing you could pass those lifes off with a 'can't handle life'. No wonder there is no help for you, them or the family unit. Break the back of the family unit and you break the back of resistance to government tyranny.

DrEd
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Once again I have no idea what you are trying to say

Are you implying that I'm lying about going through, right now, what Mush is? Did you bother to read my post?

Do you understand that I believe the destruction of the family unit is one of the worst things that can happen to society?

Do you understand that I blame the "no fault" divorce?

Suicide is not the answer....Homicide is not the answer either.

Life isn't fair and when you get screwed, when you get "BETRAYED" life sucks but you are not alone. Suicide is for cowards.

reply to post by Res Ipsa

LOL, you don't have a clue as to what CAN happen to you. You have received on a small portion of what could very well happen to you. No one is stating that suicide is the answer, only that it has been the answer for for many that have been pushed beyond their limits. I'll give you a hint - check out the use of restraining orders now granted at 3 million a year like candy. Wait till you get a great paying job then lose it. Then you will start realize what these 'cowards' realized. And then you wonder why there is no help. He, Larry, Us.

DrEd

Originally posted by mushninja
reply to post by Mintwithahole.

 

As hearbreaking as it is I'm to the same point you are. Just take whats left of my rights and responcibliltys away if this is how it is going to be. When I do see him for a while on a random visit we don't even know what to say or do with each other, I don't even know my own son, and haven't for a half his life now (he is 7). I just found out on Christmas day she has him calling this guy daddy. She took the one thing left that I was clinging to, Boy Scouts. That c**t has always known that I wanted to be deeply involved with scouting and my son and just the other week she took time out of her day to call just to let me know how much my son likes going to cub scouts with her man. F**cking b***h, she knew how important that was to me, my dad was heavily involved with me and scouting right up until he died when I was ten and I wanted to carry it on with my son. I'm tired of being forced to live on a fence. I can't continue like this and it's not fair to him either. I want my fatherhood restored or just cut me out...

Sorry to hear about your plight my friend. My father used to have a saying; "What You Can't Change Learn To Live With." I think he was spot on. Sometimes in life you just can't go on banging your head against a brick wall. Sometimes you have to stop for your own well-being. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on. Sure, I miss my daughter. I often wonder what she's doing and who her friends are etc, but when you can't win the battle and all the cards are stacked against you you simply have to walk away before it gets to you.
You have my sympathies.

[edit on 4-2-2009 by Res Ipsa]

reply to post by Res Ipsa


Things have been fired up since Christmas, and now the state is sending me threatening letters. It is an accumilation of years of frustration, hopelessnes, and pain. Not to mention I am so anti government it's not even funny, so I preceive their threats a little differently than most guys do. In my mind government and authoritys have no more authority over me than I give them...and I give none. So threats and attacks on my way of life from someone who has no business being involved in my life and are not doing anything to better the situation are only adding to the voltility of the situation. Just the state of affairs of this world have me on the verge of a one man revolt and now I am coming under proverbial attack. I'm being pushed around and feel like I should push back...but on who?....it would only be to my own detriment though. I've done nothing wrong and I'm losing big time.