The attention game

It is my view that we, as a society, are undereducated on a subject that steers our entire lives. That subject would be...

Attention

It is my view that it is easy to control people who are unaware of how our need for approval and attention steers much of our behavior.

Look Ma! No Hands!

As children we crave our parents attention and are hurt when they withdraw their attention. In this way they can play us by rewarding us with different types of attention (hugs, gifts, spending-time, love) when we do what they want us to do and punish us by withdrawing different types of attention when we dont do as they say. Early on getting approval and attention and avoiding disapproval or attention-withdrawal becomes a matter of survival. We need our parents food and shelter afterall.

Later in life we seek the attention and approval of our spouses, our bosses, our employees, our colleagues. Thus needy, we can be played accordingly and become pawns in other peoples games.

This does not only happen on an individual scale but in all and every aspects of the world we live in. Corporations seek attention. Marketing is nothing other than seeking attention. Politicians seek attention. Becoming a superstar is all about getting attention. Countries seek attention. Members of this website seek attention. Attention here is counted in number of thread replies and stars.

In this sense attention is the No.1 commodity, more valuable than money, energy, resources...because those things naturally accompany gaining attention.

From a certain perspective, all of life can be seen as many, many different methods to get attention. The assertive and agressive force gets attention by standing out. But its victim gets at least just as much attention in its calls for pity.

An Experiment

Stop on a busy street and look upwards...

notice how other heads start looking upwards too.

Thats how easy it is to steer other peoples attention. Most people not being self-determined but "on automatic", this is easy to do.

An Experiment that could change the world

Stop giving criminals as much media-coverage as we have been, and watch how crime-rates drop.

No kidding. There are criminals who thrive on the media-attention they get. Their acts would become pointless if we stopped caring. Im not saying its this way with all criminals...but some.

Neediness = Powerlessness

While there is nothing wrong with liking acknowledgement for ones work and basking in the warmth of a loved one...when we start craving and needing attention rather than liking it, we enter a state of powerlessness.

Not having been educated in the art of giving oneself attention or giving others attention, we start demanding it from others. The beggar never has power though. The giver does. Watch how people brighten up when you have given them attention. Watch how they distance themselves when you are needy of receiving it.

In my view there is so much more to say on this. I think if we dig deeper into this, it will stir up stuff that is so controversial that most would be unwilling to look at it for fear of dismantling their whole reality construct.

Your thoughts on the subject?

Though I agree with all the information in the post, I think that stating that

It is my view that we, as a society, are undereducated on a subject that steers our entire lives

As humans we tend to socialize a lot, and when out in the public, it is our nature to observe others, and get to know more of their activities and it is primarily based on interest. As in this case, your mentioning of looking at the sky can be said. Only the interested persons look up and there are many others who just ignore the person and walk by. So, it is not based on education, it is natural.

[edit on February 2nd, 2009 by peacejet]

reply to post by peacejet


Good point.

It is also natural.

And yet...

Learning more about the eye than being told what to look at

there are a lot of skills related to attention -focus, -withdrawal-,steering-, that could

a) empower a person
b) make him immune to brainwashing
c) allow him to prioritize and be more self-determined

that we are not taught as an official subject at school.

I wonder why...

So, Im sitting in school, and instead of teaching me something about the nature of attention itself, the school teacher directs my attention to what "has to be learned" in his opinion.

[edit on 2-2-2009 by Skyfloating]

Excellent subject! Allow me to lavish attention and approval on you by flagging and starring your post.

Seriously, this is a very interesting topic, which I have discussed in other groups many times. Some of the things I have come to believe about this:

1. Some people are more desirous of attention and approval than others. For example, the people who take the Myers-Briggs type tests and come out as ESFP (Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving) are more likely to be the life of the party or class clown. Those people (I believe) are innately inclined to seek more approval than others.

2. The more real self confidence (NOT arrogance) one has, the less they need others' approval. Conversely, the less confident someone is, the more they need the attention and approval of others.

3. Not everyone that is the center of attention is there because they crave or require it. Sometimes an inner strength and confidence can attract approval and attention, even without feeling the need for it.

4. If a person is not self-confident, NO amount of approval or attention will satisfy them or MAKE them self-confident or powerful.

5. People who need a great deal of attention can get is in constructive ways or destructive ways. A constructive way to get attention is for a child to get straight As. A destructive way is to break the law.

6. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing attention or approval. It all depends on why and how one goes about getting it.

Interesting post..but not quite there.

I subscribe to the theory in the papers today on the 'experiment' you raise.

Text below

Scientists studying the human tendency to follow the gaze of other people have found a link to the behaviour of lemurs, a distant primate relative.

Psychologists at the University of St Andrews said the action was a practical, food-finding skill, dating back to the time of the first primates.

Previous studies of apes and monkeys found they could follow the direction of another's gaze.

But they failed to use the ability for a purpose such as locating nourishment.

Common ancestor

Professor Richard Byrne said: "Humans find it impossible not to look up when they see someone staring upwards at the sky, even when they know it might be a trick.

"It's been known for some years that several species of non-human primates, apes and monkeys, show the same tendency.

"But when their ability to use this to find useful information, such as where food is hidden, has been tested, they generally failed."

Lemurs are primates so distantly related to humans they look more like cats than monkeys.

Fellow researcher April Ruiz explained that the discovery suggested the gaze ability had evolved earlier than first thought.

She said: "Because we have found this ability, once thought unique to humans, in lemurs, we can push back the date of its original evolution far beyond the last common ancestor we share with apes, or even with monkeys, back to the time of the first primates."

The researchers found that whenever a lemur looked at a location signalled by gaze, it was most likely to choose that location to search for food.

In contrast to previous tests with primates, the lemurs were able to use gaze to increase their chance of finding food.

Originally posted by Skyfloating
reply to post by peacejet

 

there are a lot of skills related to attention -focus, -withdrawal-,steering-, that could

a) empower a person
b) make him immune to brainwashing
c) allow him to prioritize and be more self-determined

These cannot be taught in a school like math and physics, it depends on the personality, the environment in which the person has grown up, and education to a good level(by this, I meant the general knowledge & IQ), and people with more IQ have all these characters by nature.

Thanks for the insights. Ive come to the same conclusions on most points.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic

3. Not everyone that is the center of attention is there because they crave or require it. Sometimes an inner strength and confidence can attract approval and attention, even without feeling the need for it.

I´d take this even a step further in saying that those who crave it too much are less likely to get it and those who do care about it but dont crave it, become that center.

5. People who need a great deal of attention can get is in constructive ways or destructive ways. A constructive way to get attention is for a child to get straight As. A destructive way is to break the law.

I think this is crucial information for crime-fighters. There does not seem to be much awareness of how crime is related to seeking attention.

6. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing attention or approval. It all depends on why and how one goes about getting it.

I would like to...if I may...disagree. Needing it would be, imo, detrimental, while enjoying or liking it more healthy.

I think it is evident in how we dress and groom ourselves.
Its evident everywhere for me.I see it in the choices of cars and even in some peoples posts here on ats.

Originally posted by annefran
Professor Richard Byrne said: "Humans find it impossible not to look up when they see someone staring upwards at the sky, even when they know it might be a trick.

Objection

Ive trained myself - in all earnesty - not to react too quickly to other peoples motions and demands. I have found it to be a useful tool in not getting swept away by the constant stimuli from outside, but remain centered and prioritized.

[edit on 2-2-2009 by Skyfloating]

Originally posted by peacejet
These cannot be taught in a school like math and physics, it depends on the personality, the environment in which the person has grown up, and education to a good level(by this, I meant the general knowledge & IQ), and people with more IQ have all these characters by nature.

I do think it can be taught. Example:

I come online here and see all these threads demanding immediate attention. When I see a thread in ALL-CAPS and EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!! I make a deliberate point in not clicking on it first (if ever) and instead seeking out something that interests me.

You can also teach people how to get attention...as in "a course in marketing" for example.

[edit on 2-2-2009 by Skyfloating]

Exactly, that is why i hate the news and it's 'bad things are happening' addiction. It pulls our attention to the incidents making it our problems. Movies; the same story. Media craves our attention and abuses it (willingly or unknowingly, results are the same and it does create the attention bubble in society that steers us. When you steer away from that you will notice a calming effect and a more neutral stance on things.

Personally i see through most of the propaganda/commercial hypes and other attention builders so i can watch it without buying a new mobile phone every 3 months and stuff like that.

News-subjects are the same you can see that the news tries to steer an opinion while saying it is unbiased ( i'm not an US citizen, in the Netherlands we have a relatively harmless media, or more covert). So don't stop watching but teach yourself to stay critical whatever the source of the information given, at some point in time you get detached enough to poke through it and see it as it is. Always keep looking outside to see the real state of the world instead of allowing you to be spoonfed by the tube or whatever source of information.

Originally posted by Skyfloating
I come online here and see all these threads demanding immediate attention. When I see a thread in ALL-CAPS and EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!! I make a deliberate point in not clicking on it first (if ever) and instead seeking out something that interests me.

You can also teach people how to get attention...as in "a course in marketing" for example.

Ill use your post to explain my stand. Why do you avoid all-caps threads and look for interesting ones? while many flame the poster. You were not told by anyone to avoid those threads, your sun-conscious mind automatically decides it.

In the case of marketing, I think "speech hypnosis" is involved in a small scale.

reply to post by Harman


To add...in a way there is no such thing as unbiased information because the moment a journalist reports on something - in order to do that - he must first have chosen out of the millions of things he could report on ONE thing he deems more important than others. This pre-selection is already a form of bias.

Originally posted by peacejet

Why do you avoid all-caps threads and look for interesting ones? while many flame the poster. You were not told by anyone to avoid those threads, your sun-conscious mind automatically decides it.

I told myself to. Consciously. I "programmed" myself to be on the lookout for certain things at the expense of other things.

In that sense I "taught myself".

Meanwhile much of it is sub-conscious but it did not start out that way.

Or not?

[edit on 2-2-2009 by Skyfloating]

Originally posted by Skyfloating

I told myself to. Consciously. I "programmed" myself to be on the lookout for certain things at the expense of other things.

It is fine that you programmed yourself.

In that sense I "taught myself".

You didnt know all the concepts about this in the beginning itself, right? Your experience only helped you to programme your mind.

Double post

[edit on February 2nd, 2009 by peacejet]

reply to post by peacejet


Being in the Debate-Forum has put you in Debate-Mode, hasnt it?

Lets put it this way: You say it cant be taught, I say it can. I guess we're both right. It cant be taught the way math is taught. But it can be taught the way social skills are "taught".

Agreed, but they claim they are unbiased nonetheless. But anyway, stepping off the attention treadmill does a person a world of good. Stop craving it and don't give it to people that have only negativity to spread.

Originally posted by Skyfloating
reply to post by peacejet

 

Being in the Debate-Forum has put you in Debate-Mode, hasnt it?

To some extent.

Lets put it this way: You say it cant be taught, I say it can. I guess we're both right. It cant be taught the way math is taught. But it can be taught the way social skills are "taught".

Accepted, it cannot be taught the way math is taught, but it can be 'learned' the way social skills are 'learned/experienced'.

i think some of this may also be misconstrued. for example, if you see someone dressed in bright, stylish clothes, you might assume they are doing so to get attention. fact o' the matter is, they might just be artistically-inclined and enjoy making their presentation to themselves and others, more ...artistic. not a matter of attention, but a matter of spreading ...art.