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Originally posted by pureevil81
The following is from Isaiah 53, This prophecy is usually attributed to Jesus.
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Right here, verse 9, the NT says Jesus ascended, yet this supposed prophecy of Jesus says he was assigned a grave with the wicked.
10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes [c] his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
Verse 10, he will see his offspring? Jesus supposedly had no offspring? right?
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.
verse 12 blows the whole " Jesus is god " argument right out of the water, It says god will GIVE him a portion from among the great!! Give it to him, not equal to, or that Jesus is god.
Most people I know believe Jesus to be their Saviour, When I ask why they usually say " because there are prophecies of him long before he came ". It is usually an answer similar to that.
So here we have a presumed prophecy of Jesus, but considering this prophecy does not fit Jesus, will you deny this or re-think your stance?
Here is a nice little article I found, home.att.net...
Is this tied to a " conspiracy in religion ".... I think so.
Your thoughts?
[edit on 30-1-2009 by pureevil81]
Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes [c] his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand
Text
Verse 10, he will see his offspring? Jesus supposedly had no offspring? right?
Text
So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this,
"Cursed are you above all the livestock
and all the wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring [a] and hers;
he will crush your head,
and you will strike his heel."
Text
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Right here, verse 9, the NT says Jesus ascended, yet this supposed prophecy of Jesus says he was assigned a grave with the wicked.
Text
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.
verse 12 blows the whole " Jesus is god " argument right out of the water, It says god will GIVE him a portion from among the great!! Give it to him, not equal to, or that Jesus is god.
Text
Originally posted by John Matrix
reply to post by pureevil81
I suggest you keep your day job. Biblical hermeneutics is obviously not your cup of tea.
What you call yourself on ATS speeks volumes about yourself and the confusion you choose to spread.
Originally posted by pureevil81
NO NO NO, it is not satan that messed up your life, it is you.
but when a book has people waiting around for a 2,000 year old MAN to come back riding in a cloud, that does affect me in some way and I have a problem with that.
Stop waiting around for a dude riding a cloud to save you, it will not happen, you have to take YOUR life into your own hands and in doing so the almighty WILL help you when you need it.
As I read Isaiah 53 and put myself into the text, I'm thinking: If the Hebrew Prophecy doesn't apply to ALL people, and not just Hebrews, World Leaders, and Man- Gods, then, is it really Prophecy?
Who would believe my story? Could it be that the arm of the Lord is revealed to me, an Athiest?
Even when I do talk about my life, it sounds too larger than life for people to believe. If they weren't my own experiences, neither would I. My mind is sharp as a tack as far as my memories are concerned, and I remember walking with another and viewing what this life was to be, start to finish, before I was ever even concieved. I even know how I am to die. I will be killed by someone I know. I will know who they are and what they intend to do, that is to shoot or pierce my heart, yet, even though I can avoid it for reasons known by none but me, I won't. i'll allow them to do it. from there I will be dead, but, it's hazy as towhether or not I die. I've been telling my family and friends that since as early as I could talk. And even psychics who have no connection to them or me, have told me as much in fit's of rage were I challenge whether they have the gifts they claim.
One such psychic. A Joan DeForracK (?spelling unsure) is used by the Paducah KY PD to solve crimes. I had argued with her that psychics preyed on people who couldn't really afford it and were so general with their predictions that they could be applied to almost anyone or anything, and that if she wanted to impress me, be detailed, be so specific, there's no way it could be interpreted by just anyone and so vague that it could apply to almost any time period.
I angered so much, she gave me three free predictions, in her anger.
The first was immediate, I would be surrounded by 13 turtles within 2 weeks. Two weeks later a friend of mine returning from vacation traded me 13 baby box turtles which he placed in my bathtub, as I was not home yet-- our friends were allowed to freely come and go at our house-- in exchange for some of my matchbox cars. He left the turtles he'd caught out of a pond because he didn't have any cars to trade right off hand like we always do. Paducah is not notorious for turtles out of it's rivers. I've seen a couple, but, rarely babies, much less more than one at a time. They don't generally just crawl around the city, even when someone let's their pet go. And as far as the pest store, they rarely keep a ton on hand. And my family and friends weren't really turtle pet kind of people. We'd caught a dew from time to time, never 13, or anywhere's near that number. I had let our argument slip from my mind by that point, but, when I put all the baby turtles on the floor and watched them crawl towards me I recalled it real quick, and I counted them several times. Definately, 13. Too specific and the time period was pretty specific also, to be luck. Maybe, it was. Doubtful. She was one for three. I was 8
The second was mid- term. She claimed that I would be some kind of pilot in the military. Though she thought it was a pilot, or a navigator, all she knew was it was a large military craft and that I would be responsible for driving or controlling it's direction somehow. She thought it may be an aircraft, because, she saw me surrounded by aircraft on all sides of me, every direction I turned. She said I would find myself seperated from my loved ones by a desrt and a mountain. She went on to say that I would behold a sunset more beautiful than any I had ever seen, or, will ever see again. It is at that point, she claimed, that I would recall our argument that day, having long forgotten it, and would have the sudden epiphany that she was right. Then I would see two messenger's from the South who would foreshadow my destiny. I would know them but know them not. I would not be long for the military as something which should not happen, will happen, and I will make the wrong choice and leave as it is my destiny that I should not remain. I stood Submarine Topside Watch at port in Point Loma San Diego, Ca, I observed the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen, and I'm not one to watch a whole lot of them, but, as I was outdoors anyways, I was awestruck. I was going to use the boat's telescope to film it, but, decided that film would not do it justice and I didn't want to miss asecond. It was odd, but, beautiful. Just then her long- forgotten word's popped into my head. My first thought was, "uh- uh, no way!" I began to look up and realized all the commercial and military helicopters, jets, and planes flying around. Whether from the San Diego Municipal airport or the airport's beyond it, to my back; the Coronado Air Base to my left, or Mexico's airport's beyond it; the Coast Guard base helicopter's located on my own base's property; or the Mirimar Top gun Academy or the 32nd Amphibious Base and it's Helicopter Range, or the other airport's off to my right. Or the Carrier's located just beyond the Bay and their floating flight deck's in front of me, just over the Ocean's horizon. I began to turn and turn, realizing every where I looked, I was surrounded by aircraft that I hadn't really noticed before. What's more. San Diego/ Pt. Loma, seperated me from my loved ones by the Rocky Mountain's and a vast desert. What's more, after my epiphany that she was correct again, I logged, recorded, and photgraphed with the ship's telescope and InfraRed imager, 2 glowing Orange Balls with disc like interiors, as evidenced by the InfraRed. I had witnesses, and had them all make notes and testimony and sign and date my WatchStander's Top Side Log Book. It was packeged as Ultra Top Secret Ultra (Weapons)/ Intelligence/ Classified and sent with our other materials to the Naval Department of the Pentagon.
And as a Submariner, you are rquired to master every position on the boat (as it is a sealed environment and accidents happen) so I was qualified and trained to operate all the dive, drive, rudder controls, and to navigate, and operate ship's system controls, etc. (in case all the Officer's met with accidents); what's more, as a Sonar Operator/ technician when the Sub is submerged, RADAR and Visual Optics no longer work, at a cetain point even Satellite is gone. The Sonar Operator becomes the eyes and ears of the Sub. We override the Captain as far as Command of the Vessel Goes. If I say dive witha 5 degree down bulle at 20 knots, you do it. If I say go port 25 degrees and shut off all engines, you do it. If I say turn off or on anything anywhere on the Sub at any time you do it. I owe no reason, I owe no justification. I cannot be contradicted, challenged, and you cannot hesitate, or, I have the authority to have you arrested on site and court martialed for failure to obey the lawful order of a Superior, even the Captain, be they a Commander, must obey. Once, I am relieved of duty, then, I can be questioned and possibly reprimanded or whatever, but, i can not be Court Martialed for just doing my job. So yes, I was a Pilot, in a sense, responsible for driving and controlling the submarine's direction. The following year, I was given a direct order by three Superior's to divorce my wife or be Court Martial for Trumped up charges and sent to Levinworth for Five years. And no, Levinworth is not just for Officer's. Pretty accurate, detailed, time period is reasonable, and pretty non vague so as to apply to anyone anytime or anywhere. Maybe, but, doubtful. She was two for three. I was 20.
The third is yet to come. It is about my death. Oddly, it is exactly what I recall from my first memories, when I walked with another viewing what this life was to be. I even know my age. The thing is, we are both hazy about the ending. I die, that is certain. It will be murder, by one that I know, that is certain, although the taller figure reminds me of the one I remember walking with before I was born. We aren't clear as to whether I will be shot or stabbed, but, we are certain it will be through the heart. We are certain that I will know on the day and hour and can prevent it, but, for whatever reason, I choose not to. I die from the heart injury. We are very certain of that. However, I don't get the impression that I stay dead. And, she, unaware of my memories, even today, says that unlike other deaths she has foreseen, or the dead that she has located (over 15 dead bodies found for Police-- kids mainly) she doesn't have a clear sense that I will remain dead either. She said that she's certain that it kill's me, but, that she's also certain that it does not. She doesn't see anyone saving me, she is confused as to what she sees, as, it is so contradictory as to make no sense. I would be before my 33rd birthday. I argued with God for 3 days, non stop, not even to eat or sleep, on Valentine's Day, just month's before my 32nd birthday. I had a heart attack or stroke, or something, as I blacked out, and woke up feeling like I had been pierced in the back of the head and heart with an icepick, I blacked out for the next week with a constant 105 degree temperature. After that, I became a passenger in my own body. It was to be that way for the following month and a half. I spent my birthday in an Asylum: Charged with Claiming to be Christ Reborn, me, an Athiest, based upon my ranting that if there were a Messiah, and, I were he, I should wonder what about Man is worth Saving-- and when made a passenger in my own body, I watched as my hands called the Haguee Ministry and CBN and told the operator's through my mouth, but, not my word's to pray with me the Prayer of Jabez, to make me Great, then to Pray the Prayer of a Sinner, then announced to them that I am the Son of God; Threatening to blow up the Court house, despite that was based on an event that had already happened and was proven on site to not be true; And, threatening to kill children who were not mine, even though it was a misrepresentation of my angst over the lies concerning my daughters as seeming like strangers to me, and, it being akin to a sentence worse than death having been imposed upon me. Perhap's I did die, but, did not remain dead, at the hands of someone I knew, which I could have prevented by not arguing, but, for the pain I felt, chose to confront as open, honest, and real as I could, despite my disbelief that the person with whom I remember walking, whose name I keep to myself, is God, or that there is such a Diety. But with nowhere left to turn, I turned to the One evryone else says is responsible for Man. Maybe, she was three for three. I no longer care, as I no longer know what to believe. I have seen everything I ever thought I knew yanked out from under my feet. Have you ever walked through the downtown and urban reions of a major city without seeing a single soul or not one passing or occupied vehicle, smelling rotting flesh all around you, and knowing 100% that the entire world is dead, not a single living plant or animal to be found. Well, I have. And when you have to, then, talk to me and tell me whether it's psychological or divine.
I'm still an Athiest, in that, if there is a God or Devil. I don't care. I have been witness to and victim of every wicked thing and beautiful thing Man has to offer, yet, the wickedness just seems to keep piling on me. And all I do is keep trying to concentrate on the beautiful. I'm 34 now.
I approached Joan a few years ago, but, she claims to remember neither me nor the argument and the predictions, I was only about 8 then, and, I'm 34 now.
I am generally despised and rejected by men, except by those who actually get to know me. I'm average in everyway possible, except for my mind. I have no problem getting sex or a date, though I am not thier first choice, so, I am not truly desired. My wife and I married more for economics than love. I had a child with a woman whose friend told me he was flying her to have an abortion a few weeks later on a wednesday. On that day while she was on her Hawaiin spring break, I get a postcard telling me she slipped on a wet ship's deck and miscarried, it was postmarked the same day her friend warned about, she returned home and stuck to her story. I had no idea who to believe, but, my baby whom I wanted so much was gone and one way or the other I was lied to as to whether or not it was an accident or a deliberate murder. We fell apart because of it, even though we deeply love one another. I was 17.
Eventually, she moved on and had another daughter and named her for the name I had chosen for our baby girl who was gone, was that out of respect or guilt. I'll never know. I was 22. But, I did not have personal knowledge of her daughter's day of birth until this month, I spent all that time wondering if she weren't really my daughter by her, still alive. I'm 34 now.
A few years later I had my own daughter with a woman I despised, the result of break up sex. The State took our daughter, whom I loved very much, but, only saw as a newborn infant, I will never be able to know her, and, it has been assured that she will never even know that I exist. I was 25.
A few years later, the mother of my first daughter who was gone, admitted she lied, that she miscarried a few weeks before the vacation, when her friend told me the warning, and that she did not have the heart to tell me. So was the friend's warning an attempt to explain that my baby was gone, by lying to me? Or, where they telling the truth and she lying? I'll never know the Truth. I still did not know, and she did not tell me, when her daughter was born. I was 32.
But I am the father of two daughter's, one dead by accident or deliberate, the other a stranger to me because of the action's of other's beyond my ability to Control, and concerns that she may still be alive, yet, as the result of all I was told being lies. Throw into that personal tragedies, losses, and experiences so larger than life you'd have to have been me to believe them. And, I know plenty about Sorrow, and am well acquainted with grief. I snapped and spent 3 days yelling at God, whom I do not believe in. To become a passenger to my own body, and recalling every detail of evry day as though it were only yesterday. Eventually leading to meeting people who cameras and witnesses confirm were not there, I couldn't tell, I shook hands with them, could smell them, and everything. I was arrested for tapping over a 400lb. movie case. A month and a half later I was decieved into a State Sanitorium Hospital for the Mental Insane Asylum at Hopkinsville, KY.. I was 32
And everyone I have ever loved and cared for and even those I have never known have hid their faces from me, because of it. Especially, those who have heaped it upon me, like the Social Worker who admitted under Oath to the Court that she made evrything up about me, that she really had nothing, because, at first glance she could not stand me. I have become so cold and emotionally numb from my greif and sorrow and from all the being ignored and despised, that I have been avoided like the plague. I feel like the person that one warns their children to avoid. And when I go out in public, I am treated and made to feel as though I don't belong. After Arguing with God for three days straight, I an Athiest, spent the next month as a passenger in my own body. Out of fear, I was decieved by those closest to me into an Asylum. After my release to the very person's who decieved me, and on whose authority I can easily be returned at any time, the Psychiatrists instructed me to not take up employment or interact with groups of people. I am not esteemed, or held in esteem, although, my own self esteem is high.
Because of my diverse background I have walked among the Law Abiding and the Criminal. I have taken the blame for things I have had nothing to do with and have had that blame heaped upon me. Because of someone I never met, but, whose average common name, and average common description, I have been misidentified and reminded others of so many people it's not funny, but, whose skin I did not share-- a trait one would think would be obvious, unless they mistook my skin also, I had 5 cops hold guns to me for hours with baton's poking my ribs, and crushing my throat, told if I even breatehed funny they'd kill me, as they ran my info through the system over 18 times-- I counted to distract myself, and as I looked at my front door two blocks away, telling them my mother could identify me, she was right there, I pointed to her lighted window. I'd of yelled for her, but, I did not want to die. I was coming home from an overnight to get ready for school, I had great attendance, great grades-- aced almost evrything, school was boring really, but, I did not do drugs, They would not go to talk to her at all. I was only 14. I thought it had been for no reason, but, apparently, they thought I matched their murder suspect. I still remain a suspect in their database, even though the witnesses were clear about knowing the murderer personally and his color being theirs, and, that it was not me, as we didn't know each other, and are not the same color
At another time, I was in an armed standoff with 56 police, because, someone told them I was about to commit armed robbery of a bank, among alot of other stuff. I was not only unarmed, but, I was charged with 56 Class A and B Felonies, That's after dropping 15 Class C and D Felonies and some Misdemeanors. I fired my lawyer, silenced the prosecuted, challenged the Baliff, shushed my parents, and verbally laid into the Judge. Then, presented him with a challenge and a sealed thick envelope, written two weeks before the incident and mailed to myself, detailing everything that would happen and all the reasons why it would come to be so. The judge angril despised me and declared his intent to give me 40 yrs, without the possibility of parole, minimum, plus all the mandatory crap for each count, because He, as he admitted, despised me also, just as all the Police did, and my lawyer, who stayed to watch, did, and as bad as the Prosecutor did, as he smiled allowing me to hang myself for him, he even stated his being okay with it to the Judge. He opened the letter, skimmed it, looked at it closer, sealed it back up, and dismissed all charges and order my record expunged. Now, just what did the Judge read? It has been destroyed with the record, but, I'm sure it is still on file somewhere.I was 17
While the State was taking my daughter, the Chief Clerk, who openly despised me, despite not knowing me, informed a Guard that I had a bomb in my bag. Long story short, there was no bomb. but, I am now registered in the Local, State, Federal, and International Suspected Terrorist Databases and Watch List's. I was 26
While retelling how I was put on the list's in the first place, it was used as one of the three reason's by those close to me and the State to commit me to the Sanitorium 2 years ago
Yet, I have never condoned or committed one single act of violence. I have committed not one single crime.
I could do this all day. But, I have borne plenty of grief and sorrow, not brought upon myself, but, placed there. I have been pre- determined to be among the lowest of low, because that is the environment that I grew up in, and by the pictures that are painted of me. I'm labeled an anti socio psychotic with hallucinations and disorders, I fit the profile of a serial psychotic killer; I am suspected of Murder, I am a Suspected Terrorist, and placed on Terror List's not once, but, twice for the same incident made to llok seperate, I am the father of two children I will never see or know, ever, because of lies so bizarre that I will never even know for certain why they may never be with me. One is dead, the other will never be allowed knowledge or access to the records (Don't think so? I have a Court Order for visitation, and another which states that I may not be allowed to know where she is, they even changed her name, and, I almost didn't find out.). i won't tell her, as it would destroy the world she knows to be real and could have a lasting impact on her life, psychologically, especially as she gets older and made more and more to believe that the ones who have her now are her bological parents. I will not be the one to do that to her or allow it to be done. No, she will never know that I exist, and, I will never know her. Yet, I love her so much that I can't even feel love or loved anymore. I've never dated since she was born. I was 25 then, I am 34 now, that's 9 years that I have chosen to remain single, and, I am not interested or looking to be with anyone, beyond limited friendship and casual sex. I prefer women who can't get pregnant, or, lesbians who want children.
by the time I was 13, I was so empathic that I developed an Ulcer that was 2 days close to erupting and killing me, because I watched news and world event's and even those around me and took it all so personal.
During my "breakdown" I saw footage from the Serbian- Bosnian War, where soldiers stood atop a pile of bodies that were dead and dying, laughing and joking, one bored soldier began to laugh a little while he engrossed himself in kicking one dead man's head while atop the pile. It is not that people send people to kill for stupid causes that enrich the few, it is that Man is so sick, twisted, and demented, that, once he get's a taste of blood long enough, you have to send him to kill over stupid things which enrich a few, just so he doesn't kill you. I cried harder than I'd ever cried before, uncontrollaby, especially, since the Bosnian and other's whom are very close to me were laughing as they watched it. Not because they enjoyed it-- though I'm certain parts of their hearts or minds did-- but, because, they only knew to laugh at the pile of bodies and the head being kicked to deal with it. Why should man have to deal with it? because it's part of life and death. no it's not. life and Death occur in the body and the environment naturally. It doesn't compel Man to kill Man. It allows for Man to die, but, there is no need for Man to kill Man, or, save Man. those are Man's choices. And Man is a horrible decider.
So surely I have also bourne Man's griefs, and carried Man's sorrow's, to the point I can barely feel anymore, yet, am bothered by them still. Did Man not so grieve and sorrow and ignore and despise me that I was stricken down so low as to argue with a God I do not believe exists, yet, have reason to believe otherwise, and in all the Confusion did I not challenge and attack that God's very worthiness and decisions as detailed as I could lay his offenses out for Him. Wouldn't He above all else know of the Innocence and Purity of my life, despite the pictures painted of me as someone I am not? Was this Diety not so moved by this outcry as to take possession of my faculties, or was it all in my head, and show me a BIBLE cover to cover such as has never been read by man, naming even the Angels by Name, and visions within vision's which were not transient, but, solid and firm to the touch. Was I not Smitten by God for my outcry brought on by Man's esteeming me stricken? And was I not afflicted, even if all in my head, by God's being smitten by me, if there be such a God? And am I not so now lost that I would not know God from a Delusional Hallucination, thus ensuring my Athiesm, though I try so hard to have the blind faith which I just cannot possess? Is not such state of being so lost because of Man who has found their way to render me so stricken, despite my pleas? Do I not chastize Man's peace, a living reminder that even Man's best intentions and true beliefs can be so destructive as to destroy another's life? In every single case Man's good, moral, productive, lawful, peaceful intent was upon me, done for what Man felt in one case or another was in my best interest's. I ask you, does it seem my interest's have been preserved?
When I was three, I read the entire King James Version of the BIBLE to my mother over the course of weeks to my mother, translating to her with each passage what it meant and what it meant to me. Maybe, that played into my psychosis, if a psychosis it be, but, I always wanted to be a Holy Man, but, it always felt hypocritical. I don't know why, it just does. I have been baptised three times. Even my name is a mixture of the three predominant religions. The first is the name of the first King of the Jews, the second's etymological root is John-- the Baptiser being the first Christian, and the etymology of the last is found in the Muslim Moor's. They are so common that each is on the top ten lists of names and each on the top ten lists of names as per it's placement as well. And as an entire name goes, first, middle, and last, there are 76,000+, living and dead, of many races, so named. Even my Social security number pulls up over a hundred hits, more, if you alter or move, arbitrarily or by mistake, just one number. How does that occur? I am average in every way, even the size of my penis, except for my mind which seems to exceed most others, even while I don't feel very smart at all. It does not bother me one way or the other. I've never felt the need to prove anything to anyone, least of all, myself. Have you ever had the blood of another on your hands, though you never inspired, condoned, or had to reveal the one who did? I have. And until you have or worse, then don't tell me anything you don't already know, as, I am already to well full aware. By my stripes are you not somehow healed? Do you not, somehow, think better of yourself are you not more aware of how you can unknowingly transgress your fellow Man? Do you not see that no matter how hard you try, though try you must, you cannot stop who you are or what you do?
I have studied many religion's and beliefs, yes, Athiest though I be. I do not Worship or follow any God or Devil, but, I have studied them and those who do. I was baptised, and am a member of the Baptist Church. I was anointed, had the Elders lay hands, have been baptised, recieve Communion, bear Testimony, and am a member of the Mormon LDS Church. I even wear the Apron, that is, I am a Priest of the Royal order of the (Traveller) Melchizedach. I was catechumenized, recieved the pin of the fish, recieve Communion having the Priest lay the body of Christ on my tongue, have served as Lecturn, and Altar boy, and am a member of the Holy Roman Church. I have evn been extended a standing offer to join the Satanic Cult of New Orleans, LA. I have read every Holy Book and UnHoly Book I can lay my hand's upon, some having survived many years hidden from the light of day. I have looked into Judeo- Christianity/ Islam/ and Eastern Orthodox Principles, I have studied Satanic Work's such as the Necrinomicon of the Mad Arab Abdul Alhazared, I have met with members of and studied principles of Wiccan, Druidic, Hoodoo, New Age, Pagan Cultic and Mystery faiths. I have even studied the Works of the FreeMason's and the Order of Orders and the stories of the Eye, the Sword, the Pilgrim, the Four tortures (not 3) of Ch' iram Ch'abiff, and have even dubbed myself the PMP%ttIOI after reading the Revelation of God's BIBLE, of my psychotic event, if psychotic it be, about the Angel Drago. And penned my poem Legion word for word from it's Mark 5:9 under the pen name of Nikolai Machiavelli de Rajah AzinPrinz PhyberDragon. But, I am now so lost, so incapable of return, so devoid of what is real or not, despite the sharpness of my mind and the very proven accuracy of my memory, that I do not know what is real or to believe, and faith is not mine to possess. I do not serve a Diety, nor, do I serve it's nemesis, if there be such things. I do not serve others and I do not serve myself. I am Searching, because only the Truth will set me free, but, I search in circles, because the Truth has been lost, hidden, or, was never really evr know.
Man are truly like sheep who have gone astray. Even the Athiests are pathetically hopeless, as the transgress Man as much as any Man and are transgressed by Man themselves, with or without a God or Intelligent designer, or nothing but luck or illusion alone. Each is lost, yet, continues to travel ever more each in their own way further from their origins which are lost to them anyways. And because even the ones charged with Guarding such things have done such a terrible Job, even the Clerics, Priests, Bishops, Cardinals, Popes, Dali Llama's, Priestesses, Masters, Adepts, Initiates, Divine Kings and Keepers of every kind. They have all failed so horribly miserably to accurately pass down and preserve the Origins that they were entrusted to Guard that evryone is lost. And even the ones who think they have preserved the tradition orally or in writing are so horribly lost, and, sadly, are probably unaware of how lost they really are. The Keepers of Science speak of seeds and big bangs, but forget to tell you where the material or anti material or that of which both are composed came from to satart with. From where did the first distance come? What was the measure of the first point? Where did the measure come from to decide that? What came before the first distance? If nothing, where did distance come from? Of what was it made. Scientists cannot answer that so they are as clueless as the rest. Because of that Man has become as Man has and I have had to suffer in my life because of it. And Isaiah says because of your failure as guardians, Man has suffered and the Lord (singular or plural, Man or God, real or imagined, all in my head or divine, I do not know) has laid it upon me. To hear Man tell it, I laid it upon myself, by Isaiah's standards that would make me the Lord, or , one of them.
I am oppressed and I am afflicted, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, chemically, etc. Afflicted in every way possible. Yet, I said nothing. It does not say nothing would ever be said, it says that while the oppression and affliction took place, while the lamb was slaughtered by the wolves, dumbfounded before those who would wrong me, I said nothing. It did not say when the damage was done one such as I would not speak. It says one like I endured in silence.
Think back, even as my first daughter's mother's friend told me about the planned abortion. I said nothing. Even after she came back and held fast that she slipped fell and miscarried, I said nothing. Even as she claimed years later that she had lied and had miscarried before she ever left, but, never had the heart to tell me, I said nothing. Even as I longed to know her daughter's birthday to know if this child with my daughter's name where mine still alive, I said nothing. Even as the Social Worker admitted under oath that she lied about everything and the Court proceeded as though she had said nothing and found me guilty of the admittedly fabricated charges, I said nothing. Even as it was admitted that the Legal Process was done illegally at every turn, but, that it was water under the bridge and was allowed to be a done deal. I said nothing. Knowing I'm allowed Visits, yet, am denied them and not allowed to know where she is, all as per Court Orders. I said nothing. Whether it was being raped as a boy, or witnessing murder, rape, robbery, trafficking by legal professionals at every level of munitions, arms, drugs, people, or bootlegging the illegal, and watching good intentioned people get fined and arrested for doing the exact same thing if it affected the ill intentioned's or legal professional's profit's. From one extreme to the next, whether placed on me, or, just the guilt of just witnessing, I said nothing. Even when Police tried to kill me for no good reason, whether the 5 when I was 14, the 56 when I was 17, I said nothing. They weren't the only ones who've ever tried or wanted to kill me, not even close.
Serving time in Prison, was nothing to me, serving time in jail was nothing to me, serving time confined in a Submarine was nothing to me, serving time in an asylum was nothing to me. From the day I was born I have lived in a prison, where every vile of offense that could possibly be imagined has been experienced by me. Where nothing you can say or do can phase or injure me. Where Apathy is the only religion I know. And where emotions seem like faint whispers and stirrings. I love my family, but, if you slaughtered them in front of me, I would still say nothing. If you tortured me, I would still say nothing. I think at this point, I would just crawl into my head and cease being me, since, I'm not certain why I don't now. I'm not suicidal. There's nothing anyone can do that's worth my hurting those who would miss me. I know that pain, as, my Uncle inflicted that on me when I was 13 by placing his double barreled shot gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger (He was the Architecht Time Life hunted down for his Multi Million dollar "Dream" House design, which he gave me right before he did). And I'm not violent. What's more. I still love people, as much as I can love. And I don't hate any of them. And I don't judge them. In fact, I really feel nothing about it. It's the absence of feeling that interests me the most. I guess that's why I don't crawl into my head and quit being me. I do know that if you threaten to kill me, I have no mind about it at all. If you do you do. I would just ask that you hit something to make it quick, I think it would kinda suck otherwise, but, whatever. I'll be unaware of it in a flash. Even if it's not because I'm dead or in shock.
I've been oppressed and afflicted, yet, I said nothing. I was led like a lamb to slaughter, it wasn't my doing that drew all those people on me who wanted to kill me. It wasn't my doing which triggerred my outburst at a God I don't believe in, arguing for Man's sake, by the way, since, there's no way I wanted to know him even if He were real, and wouldn't believe it if I did, anyways; and despite the fact that I truly believe that unlike folks in the BIBLE, I don't believe that Man's good outweighs his bad enough to merit saving a single soul, arguing that that was Man's fault. Telling him that He may be real, He may be all powerful, He may be the size of the Universe itself, but, that I Judge Him and find Him wanting: and I spent the next 3 days telling him why. I don't remember most any of what I went on about. It just poured out without waiting on me to catch up. It killed me to do so, whether divine or from stress or both, who knows, but my heart gave out. It stopped beating, and painlessly, I was free of this prison nightmare called life. I stood before the person I remember walking with before I was even concieved, and I was very adamant, to that person, real or imagined, just as I had actually really said throughout my 3 day yellig spree, that I have Judged you and found you wanting, as a result, if you are real and can really Judge me and know me for all that I am, then you know, and I can not hide, nor do I now, that I Find You to be UnWorthy of Ever Judging Me. Maybe, I can't stop you, but know that I do not care what you decide one way or the other. I do not blame you for my life, I blame you for the life of Man, as you are responsible for and to them. And even if you are just teaching some fallen Angel you love the best as He was your first best and brightest, that he can't be you, even if you let that fallen one have your job so it can see for itself why it can't be you, well, it's wreckless and irresponsible of you, and I blame you for it and not some fallen one, as, it can't be you and you know it, even if the fallen one doesn't. And on I went.
I awoke spent a week blacked out at 105 degrees and being steady tended to and medicated. But, I was free of prison and judgement. I no longer fear or feel anything, more than a whisper of emotion and it fades. I just go through motions now. And, as to my daughter's, who shall declare my generation? The first was a miscarriage, or, an abortion, either way the record's are sealed and I am not listed in them anyways. She has never and has stated that she will never tell anyone about it. And, there is no way that anyone will ever reveal the truth to or about my living daughter. For the sake of my own sanity, I typically give her no thought what so ever. i mention them here, but, in practice, I answer that I have no children. It is not lying, for the most part. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I do. I spent an entire day believing the entire world was dead, whether that was all in my head and brought on by myself, because of Man, or if it were divine brought on by God because of Man, makes no difference. It was real to me. And I can never shake it. Next to that, nothing has any worth. Nothing comes even close to adding up. Most people can imagine an Armageddon whereby, Mankind is Extinct so therefore then and only then will He really know if there is a God or not. Man can imagine what it would be like to be the only person left alive on Earth. Well, for one whole day, my entire reality was being the only living thing on Earth. And, I had no clue that it wasn't real. I walked everywhere all day and not one sign of life, not a living blade of grass, and the smell of rotting flesh everywhere, but, not a single solitary body. I had no idea that it would come to an end. And when it did. SNAP! Nothing has ever been the same since. I know. I don't have to guess or wonder what I'd feel like or do if I ever woke up to find myself the last person alive. I know. I think everyone should have to spend one day like that. Without warning. And without knowing that it would actually end and go back to normal as quick as normal changed.
Wasn't I taken from prison and Judgement, having case overturned.And am I not now evermore taken from prison and from Judgement, being Insane, so, that I will only see an Asylum, until such a time as I can be released as posing no injury to myself or others, especially since, I harbor no anger or ill will towards anyone? No. No one, not even God can Judge me. If there be a God. I dare him. I f--king dare him. For I was cut off out of the land of the living, let some Anti Christ, or, Christ, or Messiah, or God, or Man God, or Devil, or Obstacle/ Adversary (Satan) Serpent King, or Mystic One, whatever, let them dare try to tell me that any such thing has ever happened to them. I think I'd smack them for their ignorance of making such a wild claim or statement. For the transgression's of Isaiah's people, that it do to the doing's of Man, was I stricken, I was cut off from the land of the living. Even if just because their doing triggered an innocent man to have a psychotic breakdown. The breakdown of breakdowns.
And, I will be given a military burial when I die, plot paid for and earned, when I officially die, where I will be buried alongside those who Commanded me to Divorce my Wife, or, spend Five Years in Levinworth for whatever charge they could Trump up. Threatening me with a signed blank Court Order Petition. And, even if not, I will be buried alongside those who decieved me and had me committed 6 months after my visions had stopped and I was no longer a passenger in my own body, for charges most distorted. As though I were a shame and an embarrassment to them that I could be so hurt as to fall to pieces under the weight of my own silence. I could have stayed dead when I had a heart attack, but, I refused. Choosing to stay with those who would later betray me. What makes their deeds all the more wicked is that they were done with my best interests in mind, each and every time. And even if I were buried among stranger's, Man being Man, I know that I will be buried among the wicked, even if my ashes are cast to the breeze, it would travel among them. And the wicked are enriched by my death. Either by assurance of my silence, or, by marking my words, whether they chose to heed them. Because I have commited no violence, nor have I ever been accused of such. Even the Domestic Violence brought against me was false, and even the mother of my second daughter admitted in open Court, that just so she can get a temporary Court ordered custody of our daughter, as per her Social Worker's advice-- the same Social Worker who later admitted that she made the whole case against my daughter's mother and I all up. I have committed no violence, even refusing a Direct Order to take another's life, although, I obeyed the Order to divorce my Wife. And I have never once in my entire life, ever brought myself to tell a single lie. Even though there are those who thought I have on many, many an occassion. Not once. And neither God, or Devil, or Man, or Intelligent Designer, Not Alien or Spy, could ever produce and prove a single time I have ever not been honest. I even make sure to tell the truth, even when I pass it off as a lie. I don't know of any one who has ever made a conscience effort every day of their life to do that, even when they were infants. Believe it or Not. I know I that have not, not once, ever deliberately lied.
Yet, even all those who admitted me to the Asylum lied when I answered no and they recorded that I had said yes. When I told them all as clear as I've told you here exactly what it was that I have said.
So, Maybe: it was the LORD's will to crush me and cause me to suffer,
and though the LORD makes my life a some sort of guilt offering,
I see my daughter's, I'll always know that they are mine, even if others don't and I am still alive,
and, maybe, because I have no ill will towards any who have hurt and injured me, and no ill will towards any at all, and because, I do not speak decitfully, and that, despite my not knowing what is real or not, evn God, the fact that I have judged him from my heart and not in malice, I even hold no ill thoughts about the Devil whom some claim makes men this way, if anything, I would wish it Mercy if such devil existed and were Judged. If such devil has brought my pains and misery, well, I forgive it. As I forgive Man and his God(s). It still doesn't make it hurt less, it doesn't make it right, that is to say, it doesn't change the past, present, and I know nothing of the future.
Well, maybe that means that the will of the LORD has, somehow, prospered in my hand, because, I not once raised or lifted it to another.
I don't know that God is real or that, even if so, I deserve anything (unless there's a hell worse than the one in which I live), but, if such LORD were to give him a portion among the great, it could never replace what I have lost. and I would just give it ALLto the strong in spirit who have endured such as I at the hands of the wickedness of good intentions, if it were mine to give.
because my life has been pured out while I was alive and I am already dead, death would be, at best, my first real breath of life, and, at worst, an eternal blank, such as I now live. And being just a Man I am numbered with the transgressors, being, by Nature, an unintentional Transgressor myself. That is, I am a sinner. And God, as far as I am concerned has sinned against me, and therefore Man, as well.
Knowing that, I bear the sins not only of my own doing, but those of Man and, their God(s) and Devil(s) or Intelligent Designer's as well, and even if there is only Man, by fluke of luck or illusion, well, then just of Man and I, or just the Sins of All that I have placed upon myself. It does not mean that I can save any of us from such things, real or imagined, but, if their be a God, maybe it has listened, and in that maybe I have made some sort of intercession, on behalf of myself, and maybe Man, and maybe their God(s) and Devil(s) and made some kind of intercession for the transgressors. To remind all this is my story and this is how I've dealt with it. So, what's your excuse?
I do not know that I am the Son of a God, but, if there be such a God, I am that God's equal, whether such God would see it that way. I am certain of this.
An Anti Christ would be a God made flesh and nothing else. It would come as Man and denounce itself. Because if I were a God made flesh, and, in fairness to the suffering of Man, erased my knowledge of myself and bound my own powers from myself, then placed myself among sinner's in a form most overlooked. and that God made flesh endured even an ounce of what I have, or better yet, every single step. Then, I would say to you that, if God walked among you; And, I'm not saying there is one, or, that, there's not. I'm not even saying that it's me. I'm not saying that it's not. If God walked among you and died as one of you, quiet and unobserved, and not as some great leader who'd do all kind's of miracle's with help of the Beast of the Earth that evil Matrix and Structure of Organized Religion and Culture, I'd say, what a sad day for the Earth.
Because, if I were your God made man, I can assure you that, by your own doing, and by observing all you've done, or, failed to do, why then, your God, your Messiah, is an Athiest who doesn't even believe in himself.
And even if I'm just a Man as I feel like I am. Was it's the Lord's will, and, am I the one sent to judge Man, because man has freed me of judgement myself?
And, even if not, isn't this a Testimony, that Man should shape up?
I believe Jesus is the saviour because when I first wanted to know if he was real or not ...he really did do what scripture said he would do if you really believe in him....he first drew me to him by everytime I was in a mess I would call out to him and beg him to help me ..He really did send angels and miraculously help arrived out of nowhere (several times in several situations) ....I would also feel him comforting me and keeping my spirit strong in me (helping me to not give up as people were trying to take my life and wanted to kill my spirit within me)..I could feel him with me and he kept me from feeling any pain while getting beaten hard many times ....I went numb basically and I actually left my body and went to a beautiful place in Alaska where used to climb a tall tree and look at the snow covered mountains when I was young and I looked out and asked God ..who made all of this ..and I swear I heard a very quiet calm voice that said I DID >>(I When I was being beaten ......I wasnt a christian ......I sort of believed in God and I had heard about Jesus ...been baptized etc but did not understand what it was really all about or if it was really real or not ......the beatings did make me start reading the bible because I was so scared ..and did not know what to do ......I knew some about what the bible said and I did not think I was supposed to leave him ..so I began to ask God ...to help me ....I didnt know how he would but I begged him to .. It took a few years ..but he protected me every beating (no broken bones and no serious things that I had to go to hospital for)
Originally posted by pureevil81
Most people I know believe Jesus to be their Saviour, When I ask why they usually say " because there are prophecies of him long before he came ". It is usually an answer similar to that.
So here we have a presumed prophecy of Jesus, but considering this prophecy does not fit Jesus, will you deny this or re-think your stance?
Here is a nice little article I found, home.att.net...
Is this tied to a " conspiracy in religion ".... I think so.
Your thoughts?
[edit on 30-1-2009 by pureevil81]