Some Experiences in My Consciouness

I think that one of the most important issues to consider when someone wants to share an unusual story, especially those which have to do with areas of life and aspects of this universe that are still not considered “normal” or accepted by the scientific community or the general population as “rational” or explainable, has to do with MOTIVE.

I do not pretend to know why other people do things, but sometimes their words speak for themselves. Sensationalist stories of aliens, messages from other realms, fantastic beings and places, etc. are being shoveled by the tons in ATS and countless other venues, and that should makes us all wonder and question the messengers and their motivations as well as the content at hand.

This includes, of course, me right now, so this is why I first want to clarify a couple of points before I begin:

1- I have been approached by many ATS members and asked to share the experiences that have lead me to know and believe some of the material I have shared in my two months at ATS.

I will do this with the earnest intention of being helpful, hoping that my sharing these moments of my life might serve as a bridge for others in their own lives, for I will be talking about the HUMAN CONDITION and its possibilities, as lived by one of us, in this case yours truly.

2-I will do my very best to describe faithfully and to my highest standards of truthfulness what happened, seeing no need or utility in embellishing or adding literary flair to these accounts.

3-I submit myself to the possible harsh judgment and strong opinions of those who “believe otherwise”, for I consider this a small “price” to pay to help who and what can be helped.

Not only do I think that some people can benefit of reading about aspects of the human experience still tucked in the corners of the unexplainable, but I also think that any debate, conducted with manners and the same desire of being of assistance to others, can be of service to all just the same.

I have been very private about my experiences in my “normal” life, and I would not be doing this here without the support and good wishes of some members that I have come to respect and call friends in ATS.
To them my sincere thanks and appreciation in advance, and I hope we can have some more good things to say and discover through this opportunity.

In addition and before I begin, I would like to contextualize some things, which I always believe to be important and pertinent:

-I am in my 40’s, the eldest of a number of brothers. For all of my life until the present moment, I have enjoyed the love and support of a happy family and a number of good friends in the many places where I have lived, both with my family and later as an adult.

I am now happily married to a wonderful, talented, and sweet woman, and enjoying very much what many consider a very fortunate and interesting life.

-I am an artist in the “classical music section”. This also (but not only)has led me to live a rich life, full of travels and knowing many countries and peoples.
I also mention this because whoever might think that I do not know what hard work and study, years of methodic preparation and discipline, and continuous appreciation of growth even of microscopic proportions over time mean, had better think again.

-My choice of lifestyle (for I define people by A LOT MORE than just what they do for a living) has also allowed me time and very meaningful opportunities for study in many other branches of knowledge more closely connected to the themes I am about to comment upon, both in university and advanced private venues. This includes but not only: mathematics, conceptual physics and other sciences, occult sciences, theology, eastern thought, psychology, etc.

-As a kid, I was considered a math wiz and, even when I decided in life to follow “my inner voice”, which I will later explain, and although I make a living as an artist and enjoy the subjective sides of life quite very much, my analytical and logical “sides”, those that permit me to analyze and that REQUIRE that I have or search for the best explanations for everything I would like to understand, are very present and a part of me.

-I have always practiced as many sports as was physically possible for me, and continue to value the benefits and sheer pleasure of practicing physical activities.

Once again, I hope we can carry on a good, friendly and above all USEFUL discussion, this time at my expense.

I have chosen three or maybe four concrete “Moments”, to keep my privacy as intact as possible, and to help keep our eyes on some which I consider to be the important themes; those that my experiences allow me to know about intimately and that I am able to share as useful.

This will also depend on the attention and discussions (or lack thereof) that anyone else might give to this thread.

Here we go.

My First, Childhood Experience with the “Paranormal”.


I say “paranormal”, although for me, in that period of my life and then onward, it was and is absolutely normal and intuitively obvious in what I am about to share.

It was only later, through more standard “education” and contact with people and the established cultural norms and the going definitions on what the “world is”, that I would begin to see just how much I would have to defend the integrity and purity of the things I have witnessed and known.

For ease of matters, I will call myself as a kid CC.

My first memories in this life as CC begin at a point where I was three years old, and they “solidify” and become more stable by the time I am four. From five years old on, I remember quite a lot of my life and times.

It is easy for me to place my different ages because, for work reasons, my parents moved practically once a year until I was almost six, when we finally went to the home that is still our parents’ and family base.

One of my brothers is one year younger than me, so I have known him for as long as I remember. We used to play a lot as kids, and my memories of us playing and wandering around are some of my most cherished.

For all the time since the beginning of my “memory” as CC, I had two modes of seeing the world:

-I would see it as now, through my eyes, with my consciousness interpreting what I saw and thought.
-Many times, however, I would switch to a “detached” mode (from now DMod), where I would see MYSELF and everything around me from a distance.

The way I can best describe this is to say that I would see things AND myself as CC from a distance of about two or three meters up, no more, and at an angle of about 45 from my actual physical position.

While in this “mode”, I would see myself play, laugh, cry and the places around me. I would “follow” everything I did with extreme attention and, from that higher platform, I could even avoid obstacles, and see things that I could not otherwise because of my physical height or position.

This DMod just happened, and I could not wishfully control when or if it would happen, but it was a regular thing, to the point that I considered it a perfectly normal aspect of being anybody.

The only difference I felt between my “normal” perception as CC and the DMod was that I could not hear myself think. It was very silent mode. This silence was full of knowing however, and it was naturally peaceful and very enjoyable.

My “ability” to switch into DMod ended in one of the strongest and most meaningful experiences of my life to this day.

I was in our house’s living room, playing by myself. My brother was in another room watching TV.

At this point I switched into DMod, but this time it was VERY different.

I was aware of myself as “something else”. As some people would say, it felt like a Higher Self, so I will call it HS for now.
I was also aware that I was not “alone”, but rather this was only one of a few PRESENCES, in what felt as a reunion around a table. (In fact, from that day on I have always called it the “Round Table Meeting”…).

These other presences, just as me as HS, were faceless shapes. Still, I was very aware that they were all distinct personalities, with marked and definite characteristics of their own.

Picture yourself in a day at the beach. You are aware of the beating sun, the heat, shiny sand, the wind, the color of the sea, the noise of the people around and the sound of the waves, what you are reading and/or listening, etc. It doesn’t take analysis or too much time to understand and place yourself or the surroundings.

In this same way, I did not have to analyze anything to be COMPLETELY AWARE of the following:

-All of these “Presences” and HS were ME. I was ALL OF THEM, AND ALL OF THEM WERE “MYSELF”. This might seem counter-intuitive now, but in that moment I KNEW I was all of these, and separation was only apparent. HS was “me” as connected to the kid we were all “watching”, but there was a sense of psychological and ACTUAL unity that was stronger than any idea or feeling I could give or convey.

I was absolute, poised and centered CERTAINTY.

-I myself as HS, and all the other presences were “PERMANENT”, meaning that it was OBVIOUS and NORMAL that we were all “THERE” from before I was born as CC, way before into the unknown, and that we would be there "always". Time was not relevant in any way.

-The “realm” or “level” in which this “Reunion” was taking place, was permeated and engulfed by what I KNEW to be the “Presence of God”. But not God as some person in a beard, peeking.
It was more like a pervading Energy, an overall atmosphere that IS everything, yet has very definite and perceivable characteristics. I understood at that moment that the “silence” I felt when detached was this Presence, which fills EVERYTHING with meaning and awareness.

This Presence of the Divine, as I would term it then, was reassuring and full of wisdom, and nothing exists aside or away from this Presence.

-Going back to the reunion, there were differences that became apparent as I would “be there”.

There was one that I recognized as my “Teacher”. I knew him to be as dear to me HS as anyone could ever be, and I was happy to sense Him. "He" was NOT a part of me. He was a "separate" Being in some way. Still, we were intimately connected.

Also, as I looked around, I would begin to be able to focus some characteristics of those other “Shapes” of myself I saw around the “table”. Some were masculine, some feminine ( saying male or female would not be accurate; it felt more like a tendency at that moment). They-I felt all equally at peace and worthy of being there.

There were two other of this “presences” that began to focus in a slightly different fashion than the rest.

One of them was still Me, part of that Unity, but it “felt” foreign in some way. It felt not from this earth, pretty basically.

The other “different” presence was an observer, not a part of Me or my Teacher. It felt friendly and interested, but definitely not connected to “this world” or myself directly. It’s presence felt "right" but slightly aside from the Table, as if the observer were to remain one step behind.

In total, I could sense about eight to ten Personalities, with many more fading or being more “blurry” behind these, for we were all in what felt like a circle.

CONTINUES...

CONTINUES...

This whole “watching period” felt like it lasted for seconds, maybe thirty seconds to a minute.

Then, for the first time I could remember in Dmod, words were spoken that I HEARD, both as HS and as the kid CC.

It was a telepathic exchange, but as the kid, as CC I “heard” and remember perfectly every “word”.

I could not tell who said to who, or if it was a unison, but it was HS and my Teacher, while the others “watched” silently. They were speaking about me as the kid, about CC.

The words (translated) were:

“This is going to be a good life, full of good teachings and difficulties that will be overcome. This life will also be *****.” And the exchange ended.

(The phrasing of the last sentence I will not disclose, but the content was to say that it would be a life helpful to others as well.)

There was an overall feeling of happiness and satisfaction, and then there was “silence” again. After a few moments Dmod ended, I “came back” into CC.

After that experience, Dmod would not happen again, until only once in my teenage years.

From that day on, I retained, or even, I can RELIVE everything that happened in those moments, and everything that I KNEW NOW about WHO I was and what WE ALL ARE.

-That we are a Higher Self who is “PERMANENT”, eternal if you may, and many other “Personalities” make a part of WHO WE ARE.

- That I could communicate with myself as HS, and continue to do so to this day. I have developed my “CONCEPTUAL FRAMEWORKS”, so that this communication could take place as cleanly and naturally as possible, and continue to work on this to this day. Communication can also happen with those other personalities, but it has been a far trickier thing.

The CONTENT of those communications has to do with “taking advantage” of the knowledge, wisdom, and “higher” perspectives that seeing things as HS can offer.

This Communication has turned into something else over time, which I will discuss later.

-That WITH the other Personalities or “Lives”, there is an overall sense of Unity and Intent.
Later in life, I would finally “learn” what other people called these aspects of reality.

When I first heard about reincarnation, the first thing I thought was: “So that’s what they call it!”

With the Soul it was the same, though slightly different, because the ongoing themes and baggage that are most times attached to the Soul “concept”, limit and severely distort some of which I felt about this almost limitless Unity and central consciousness that WE ALL ARE.

-That I was not special in this way, and that this “reality” was the same for EVERYBODY, and that it did not matter if the people as human beings, as CC for example, would be aware of this or not.

There is THAT level, where all things are known, planned and appreciated, and there is ALWAYS wisdom and assistance within us. There is no reason to think that things can or will go wrong. Everything and everybody have a meaning and a reason for being.

This applies to and for EVERYBODY, in all places and at all times.

Many more things can be said, but it is getting long, so it is better if they come out in later discussion.

In this as in the other experiences I would share, I heard no names, nor special qualifications of any type that would lead me to have to use or distinguish things, concepts, or places by a definite name and, as a matter of fact, I will usually avoid as much as possible, concept-laden names and other labels, just because most of these do not accurately reflect the totality of what I perceived and witnessed.

I USE some terms for lack of better words, so that I can more widely and publicly reflect and describe what I saw and happened, for which I have not needed any words until I had to share these Realities and concepts with others.

This is the end of this one.

Thanks for sharing your powerful experiences. A very good read. You act as an inspiration to others so that they may learn that there's a little bit more going on.

States of Identification vs. De-Identification and soul-guide/higher-self type encounters are not entirely uncommon among certain people.

reply to post by Skyfloating


Thank you Sky...

Hope that, if it interests enough people, that it can become a venue to share some impressions and cross-reference experiences in this area and then others, to see how far we can take these together.

Originally posted by citizenc
reply to post by Skyfloating

 

Hope that, if it interests enough people, that it can become a venue to share some impressions and cross-reference experiences in this area and then others, to see how far we can take these together.

I dont think so. Its a rarity. Welcome to the 0.1% club.

I'm not fortunate to be in your club, but interested all the same. Sounds like the silver thread I have heard people talk about.. I know I get information from somewhere, but it doesn't seem as clear as yours.

nice read and interesting post.

The closest experience to this was a dream where I was standing in front of a mirror combing my hair and cut off my own head with a razor. I held my head up to see again into the mirror and like the department store mirrors where one sees their reflection into infinity I saw the ongoing reflection with other people.

I kept reaching into the mirror and plucking their heads off and putting them on my body one by one. Each told me little something different that pertained to a situation I was in. It didn't feel strange because it seemed they were all me. In the end I plopped my own head back on and reversed the cut reattaching my head with the razor.

Nothing surprises me as I lived in a strange house for 20 years. I wrote one thing on here about 3 events that happened when I was a child that baffles me to this day. The so called haunted/poltergeist house I lived in so long it doesn't seem like such a big deal because I was so used to it.

reply to post by Skyfloating

I dont think so. Its a rarity. Welcome to the 0.1% club.

That is the problem precisely... not so much that we are a minority in that it happened, but that we remember!

This is why trying to "remind" others can be an ungrateful thing, but one that, as far as I am concerned, should be done., for the sakes of all those who, instead of "remembering" things closer to a more personal "reality", are fed infotainment to "sooth" their minds.

Let's hope these things take...

reply to post by seagrass

I know I get information from somewhere, but it doesn't seem as clear as yours.

The more the "source" can be clearly ascertained, the more easily we can establish the"channels" that can be used to tap into those realities.

I decided to share this one, not only because it obviously has conditioned my life practically from the go, but especially because it gave me a look into an important part of HUMAN NATURE.

Since I am talking about practical communication with a legitimate aspect of EACH AND EVERY ONE, then matters are really not as complicated.

I have also seen, through experience, that there are almost infinite gradations of "depth", so ANY effort made in the direction of exploring and communicating with deeper aspects of your Own Self WILL yield results.

After this, the effort to recognize and legitimize this newer modes of perception should be addressed, to avoid "contaminating" concepts and expectations muddy the waters.

In any case, I am sure that by following simple steps, anyone can report immediate and satisfying moves in this very fulfilling direction.

[edit on 21-11-2008 by citizenc]

Thanks for this topic, i will follow it with great interest.

Never had a 'one on/in one' in this way and it sounds like a life-forming experience on that age. Looking forward to see the unfolding of this topic.

I don't want to really disclose my experience because of how many people make up BS here on ATS, but I can draw a lot of parallels from it with your own experiences. What especially resonate are the feelings of unity and peace. I am exactly half your age so I hope in the 20 years to come more will be revealed to me. If not, however, I have experienced enough already to be content.

I take everything with a grain of salt that I read here so don't be offended by that, but thanks for sharing this with us.

reply to post by Harman


It was a life forming experience as you say...

The interesting thing that I can think of in that respect, is that although my life's view and perspectives were set in that communication practically since my beginning, I have also been here in "this world" and in this society, quite enough to say that it is very hard to maintain certain focuses.

The damage that can be sustained from a psychological point when dealing with such experiences AND the "exterior" society, that presents you with a completely different picture of reality, is hard to ignore.

I remember, for example, going to church as a kid and hearing the most absurd, unbelievable descriptions of God and his operating, which most times completely clashed with my simple experiences.

How was I supposed, as a kid, to maintain the certainty, the information, the "atmosphere" of my inner sights when contrasted by such powerful grown men and institutions?

It was very difficult, yet attainable. I did, but at a price.

This is why one of my "soft" spots is the safeguard of the people's right to have useful information, that can lead them INTO themselves, not towards the next jerk or institution with an agenda.

Thank you for the interest and hope to see more of you.

reply to post by InterestedObserver


My pleasure...

And you do very well to be interested yet weary. This is a point we were discussing in another thread, and one that should never be underestimated.

There is gullibility, and then there is absolute skepticism.

Instead, being open yet careful, curious but requiring more from information, is more the way to go.

Remain open, but let information resonate. BE the filter, without trying to incorporate or borrow exterior ones.

Hope you can relate and share some of your visions as well.

Citizen? Do you think that your musical abilities had anything to do with your ability to communicate with other dimensions frequencies etc.?

reply to post by seagrass


WELL...

It is funny you mention this.

My artistic inclination has to do with an immense love and appreciation for the aesthetics in everything.

My first impressions when dealing with the world as "our realm", our creation, was one of awe, of constant surprise and wonder before all the beauty I would witness.

This sense remains complete and pristine to this day, where if you ever see a guy standing around looking at a cloud for a few minutes, then say hi and we'll have a coffee together....

I "discovered" that I gravitated towards music very naturally and markedly.
My mother would listen to records day and night, sometimes just to see me dance and sing and be happy, so it was quite obvious that I was very musically inclined from the beginning.

I would later in life discover WHY I would fight to become a musician in this life, and that has more to do with some missed opportunities in "other" times...

Also, choosing that path would give me many windows of opportunity that I will describe later, in another of the themes I want to touch.

I would enjoy the cloud as well as the coffee and conversation with you, but I have no musical abilities except enjoyment and love of dance. I just wonder if that isn't more of a mathematical, geometric quality I do not have developed.

I was transfixed by your words.

As strange as this will sound, I knew/sensed what the following words in your passage would say - as if I was standing next to you as you wrote.

I am forty years of age, and had similar - but not as explicit - experiences throughout the years, starting in my childhood.

Thank you for your post. It gave me both warmth and a sense of validation regarding my own experiences.

I look forward to learning more of your experieces.

I think about my childhood a lot. I tend to go there to find answers, because that seems like the most "purest" form of me. The one that hasn't been jaded, changed by experience, manipulated or controlled. I miss that person. I had a few experiences where thoughts seemed to come from somewhere outside, or deep within, that I could not explain. Flashes of insight, questions, images. I have always wanted to do regression, but have never pursued it. Even though you are moving on to other topics... I would like to hear more about those childhood, outside of yourself, moments.

citizenc, I am so glad that you decided to surrender your history to the altar of ATS.
And I am not at all shocked that ATS has chosen not to sacrifice that offering.

Words given in honesty are words that ring true.

I, for one, am willing to stand amongst those who trust your story to be genuine.

That’s a first for me.

Whilst it contains significant scenarios and extraordinary individuals (or should that be individual ) that stretch the limits of our, and my, understanding of existence, it, somehow, embraces a different yet challenging form of reality that is not so far from the reality that we currently understand. There is something intrinsically philosophically optimistic and inherently unadulterated and unmodified that seems fixed solidly in the now, that resonates continually in your posts. I can identify with the sensation of detachedness you experienced as a child, as something similar happened to me, too. I used to call it being “big and little”; a sensation of being slightly above myself, physically, as I lay down. It also manifested as a real impression floating above my body under certain circumstances. This may well have had something to do with my childhood illnesses (asthma), and all of the related symptoms a breathing disorder produces. The sensations ceased as I became older.

I sincerely hope that ATS is now, finally, the recipient of something exceptional.

But, I am not sure how far I can travel on the road you show us. Why, I do not comprehend entirely. I wish I could appreciate this alternative awareness of being you exhibit so incisively in the way it is intended. That does not mean that I cannot appreciate wise words; consider me the barbarian crouching on marbled floors, listening to words of wisdom from the mouths of learned men. The import is obvious, but the ability to apply those teachings is lost amongst the temporal existence I occupy. This is not a form of idealistic cowardice, or a manifestation of naivety based on an unwillingness to change my own rational paradigm; it is simply a realisation that I am not able to go where others may.

This is my confession for the now. In time, this attitude may change. The passage of the moment may well be an irrelevant measure when it comes to finding the correct path for the soul. We all have to find the light, in our own way, and in our own time.

I wish you well, and those who question you with sincerity, and again thank you for relating what is patently an incredibly private series of events.