"Classic Quotes" Burial Ground

O.K. Not trying to flood this thread with too many of my own choices, but this one is Unbelievable......

The OP wanted to know how to get in to the Mason's...but giving up certain 'habits' seemed to be an issue:

Originally posted by Daiedi
Can masons Drink alcohol? Are masons allowed to masturbate? Can I become a mason if I am unemployed? What specific thing would I need to say im seeking in order to get in? I heard some of that stuff like they cant drink or masturbate from different people. Want to know if it is a rumor or not.

Then this response from mason mike:

Originally posted by Mason mike
reply to post by Daiedi

 

My wife works for the pee pee doctor and she says if you don't "excersize" on a regular basis, you can get prostentitis. I probably spelled it worng, but I think it's blue balls. Ask anything you need, but it would be best to ask those kind of questions here. There is a very slight hazing that goes on, but it's less than the one you got in kintergarten. Just a little razzing about how your going to handle the goat. It's best to have a good plan. (and hope he ate good the day you ride him.)

Now, this reply made me laugh soooo hard, especially since the member seemed genuinely serious...

Originally posted by Daiedi
you mean ride on top of the goat or have sex with the goat?

OMFG....


Does it matter man..?






mmaagrr idte!




[edit on 2/28/2009 by chapter29]

This is the BEST THREAD I have seen in along time! Congrats Chapter29!

I always come here when I need a break. I'll try and find a good one worthy of this thread,

]Edit to add: Good choices!

[edit on 2/28/2009 by hoagy1199]

In a thread in which an evolutionist is trying to make some obscure point:

The hair on your head is different to the hair around your pubic region, the hair in the pubic region is the same as that of the entire body hair of the gorilla. Needless to say you accept that the gorilla is your distant cousin.

This response was priceless:


Does that make Gorillas in the mist a porno?

Thread

Originally posted by chapter29
reply to post by irishchic

 

Seems to be an interesting place with lots of interesting people

Imagine a Senate hearing on acid...at times anyways.

Right on the money man!

O.K.


Not getting much traffic here lately, so I am apparently forced to saturate my own thread...once again.





This comes from Another Reptilian thread...


This time the OP claims that a photo he took of his 'woman' demonstrates how others get it wrong all the time...


But the thread turned into a major flaming session in regards to the OP's picture...

Originally posted by atlasastro
reply to post by flice

 

Dude, you blew it.
David Ike would have paid the Mint for that photo. And now you've just posted it for nix on ATS.
See what happens in an economic crisis, we all lose our heads.

then more...

p.s. Are you sure your GF is not a reptilian. Here are some tests
Go to the pet store buy a small rodent or mouse and then leave it out, and then keep an eye on her.
Does she shed and leave massive amounts of dead skin about periodically?
After she eats small children, is there a massive bulge in her belly?
Force her to watch Steve Irwin on animal planet, If she displays open hostility to Steve, you know she's a reptile for sure.
Good Luck.

[edit on 22-2-2009 by atlasastro]

I think there is a moral to this story...careful what you post - 'cause you may get more than what you bargained for.

Deffinatly one of the best threads here. I laughed so hard!

I know I have seen so many quotes that would be perfect here, but I didn't think that there was any need to save them. Now I know.

This one is quite recent...


The OP was trying to conduct an experiment, to see if members of ATS could move a spoon by doing nothing other than focusing on it...






The experiment seems to be running into problems - problems comprised of smart a$$ comments...just like we love 'em!

Originally posted by network dude
your neighbor has a spoon on her counter as well. I am having trouble distinguishing which one I should move. Please tell her I am sorry about her cat. That was a complete accident. She should not have put the knife next to the spoon.

Love it...

I have consistently enjoyed perusing the "roller coaster rides through the minds" of many of my fellow A.T.S.'rs as they compose magnificent verbal symphonies. (and I would not argue that I have not provided numerous personal examples of confounding brainfarts)

Originally posted by huckfinn

They are trying to capture the Son of God and his bride. But GWB can't go on t.v. and say that can he? So they say Iran wants nukes, which isn't entirely misleading, as subversion plots are based on concepts known to nuclear fission.


Iran has a secret embassy down in Panther Burn, Mississippi; maybe its Hollandale, but its there.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Originally posted by huckfinn
reply to post by Snisha

 

Yeah, Panther Burn, MS. What's so hard to believe about that? The Iranians have a particular need for the very unique skills possessed by the occupants of the Mississippi Delta. I believe they specifically require their knowledge and expertise in areas of HooDoo.

King Kong is a weapons system, apparently a component part of Gog/Magog, and it was designed in the American South during the civil war and is currently managed from Mississippi.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

I think I found a good one. This one happened in the debate forum and took Place between The Great Skyfloating and some unknown judge. Its truely priceless.

The topic for debate was: Is Public Nudity OK? DEBATE
I am not sure the Judge understood what the topic was about, as they ruled in favor of Skyfloatings opponet (NYK537) all because of this:

It seemed like Skyfloating was arguing that “Public Nudity is OK” sometimes and basing his argument on that premise. That was an interesting take on the topic but limiting and could have as easily been attributed to nyk537’s argument

LOL, that made me crack up and then here is the Great Skyfloatings response:

Good job nyk. You broke a 4-debate winning streak...and I enjoyed your posts a lot. The constuction-worker analogy is a classic I will remember.

Thanks to Memory Shock.

No thanks to the Judge who wrote this:

It seemed like Skyfloating was arguing that “Public Nudity is OK” sometimes and basing his argument on that premise. That was an interesting take on the topic but limiting and could have as easily been attributed to nyk537’s argument

"Public Nudity is OK" was the topic.

lol, that was hilarious. A great one that should be in the hall of fame.



Sometimes its best that people are anonymous........

[edit on Mar 30th 2009 by TheMythLives]

This one is from our very own chapter29 and boy did it crack me up:

Would you post on the net or not? A secret that could compromise national secruity.

Originally posted by Estharik
If I had some interesting video... some that could comprimise security as you say, I would first back it up and distribute it to a few friends before I post it on the internet. That way if something happened to me there would still be proof. I'd go down to expose the lies they've been feeding us for generations!

what a, hmmm.. I think Chapter29 said it best:

Sweet...

You would jepordize your friends to 'expose' a non-friend..? You are a crappy friend - and even worse at getting crafty...

lol, you told that man/woman straight up.. "your a crappy friend"... Ah hell, the humor of one soul....

[edit on Mar 30th 2009 by TheMythLives]

Found a good one today. A great response to a not so well thought out solution... Great Response

Originally posted by Vitchilo
....., NUKE THE HELL OUT OF NK.

I'm sick of those bastards. Obliterate them, ANNIHILATE THEM.

. We're tired of NK BS and killing of it's people.

[edit on 31-3-2009 by Vitchilo]

I was hmmm and then it got turned up. UmbraSumus said it best.

So your tired of North Korea killing its own people.

Your Solution ....
"NUKE THE HELL OUT OF NK /Obliterate them, ANNIHILATE THEM"

Nice to see you thought that one through .

Hope this hasn't been posted already, and I hope it's funny - I thought it was.

From the "Cause of Grey Hair is Discovered" thread Wertdagf writes...

Originally posted by Wertdagf
When i get older and need a hair peice it will double as a cell phone.

And a lufa.

[edit on 1-4-2009 by Welfhard]

This one came from a hot topic - North Korea Missle Launch...


Everyone definitely has an opinion on this one - myself included - and things got heated at one point or another...


But out of this controlled chaos comes Realtruth...

Originally posted by Realtruth
As punishment for launching the rocket will be an Ipod, from President Obama, loaded with 8 hours video speeches from Hilary and himself.

That should stop em.

Great timing & wit...

reply to post by chapter29


Wow, what skill..lol..
Second line!

Found this, two ladies arguing about Reptilians and they both believe in them, but argue over what they believe. And this quote just came at the perfect time. SOURCE

SaviorComplex Originally stated
reply to post by SS,Naga

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


reply to post by WonderfulWorld

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ladies! Ladies! We think you're both beautiful!

I'm not sure what either of you are arguing about; you both believe this reptilian nonsense. Can't you find some common ground in absurdity?

Common Absuridty, in the most Absurd of theories, is it possble?
I think NOT.

[edit on Apr 4th 2009 by TheMythLives]

Most quotes that come through here are either comical as hell, or at least ludicrous on some level...

Yes, the occasional provocative line finds it way into this thread, but for the most part, flaming leads the way...


The thread in question was an Introduction - yes, an INTRO...and the OP took it upon themself to lay down the law...at least according to themself:

Now that I have introduced myself with my mission here and my job choice, you may now more understand why a lot of my posts will seem bashing, or just down-right meandering. If you see a post where I agree, consider it gold. It won't be absolutely too rare, but it will be definitely scarce.

The following response comes from kindakurious and let me tell ya', nothing like a member representing this place with attitude - and nothing better than a member doing that very thing while throwing in wit and sarcasm at the same time...

Originally posted by kinda kurious
Welcome. It is always refreshing to gain a fresh perspective from objective and free tinkers. I sincerely hope your belong to one or the other.

And on par with your sincere opening introduction, I would like to share one of my favorite quotes by Golda Meir.

"Don't be so humble, you're not that great."

Regards......KK (Proud to belong in the 99%)

Way to represent KK...




content edit!





[edit on 4/11/2009 by chapter29]

TortoiseKweek post

Some international humor here: (We're talking about wiping Kim Jong-il and NK off the map)

"You know, for a serious topic / thread I must thank ugie1028 and mtmaraca for giving me a really good laugh!

I don't know which was funnier:

all those marching rines, GONE, all those cheering people, GONE! kim, GONE, the trees, GONE! (Trees, GONE....LOL!)

That would be a little like if Putin stopped Obama in a hallway at a summit and said "um, hey...Canada is really pissing us off, we're going to wipe it off the map. Is that cool?"

... Sure it's COOL Putin...., it's Canada for God's sake, it's always COOL! Would you like me to throw in some Polar Bears Putin?"

[edit on 25/4/09 by plumranch]

Here's one about the world going to hell in 2 months time. Guys says we've got 2 months left

Originally posted by bobbylove321
We ONLY Have 2 MONTHS left until either things get REALLY bad or REALLY good!

atlasastro replies:

WTF....2 more months of your threads. Where is the Good bit, all your threads a really bad.

A thing of beauty, I tell you.

[edit on 26-4-2009 by whitewave]

Ignorance at its best:

Originally posted by bobbylove321
reply to post by hounddoghowlie

 

I don't think you understand.

Swine Flu ONLY exists because a large group of people (general public) WANT it to exist.

The ones who have died were NOT in control of their minds. You CAN'T die if you have total control over YOUR own mind.

It's the ones that have their minds set on "default" that get everything bad which comes their way.

This one comes from Prevenge - he actually could have had several of his posts land here, as both wit and common sense seem in abundance for him.


Here he is Laying Down the Law! in a thread concerning both angels and demons - obviously a controversial topic...





And usually quite a hilarious topic at times...here is the best of his post:

Originally posted by prevenge
sorry if this hurts your feelings, but I think that the expressions displayed thus far in this thread perfectly sum up the lowbrow, dimwitted, broad stroking, literalist base-minded primitive type thinking of the common christian church follower.

"aliens are or aren't demons"...

I mean seriously.. how retarded can you get? how low on the food chain of thought can you plummet without falling off?

"aliens are or aren't demons"....

what are you thinking ? what is this?
it's like your emotional and rational levels of thinking STOPPED growing in 5th grade or something!


I'm privileged to share the planet with people as open minded and broad thinking as you all.

-

Here you go Prevenge - well deserved:


[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/bc051001eff4.jpg[/atsimg]