I Don't Cry

It was less than a year ago
When she moved her stuff in
She was long gone
It was her turn now

Cover the Mantle in pictures
Of a Family that I don't know
Cooked Food I'd never seen before
But she made Him Smile

It was almost two years ago
When I found her stuff in the bin
They said it was done
I nodded, and looked down

My heart was left in fractures
She left when there was snow
She even washed the floor
Before leaving on a journey of a million miles

It was almost a year ago
When I couldn't find anything of mine
It all had been moved around
Nothing had a place anymore

It was almost two years ago
When I said "Yes, I'm fine"
I was never fine, I was always down
Falling towards the floor

It was almost a year ago
When I met the rest of them
When I thought I could like her
Come on, it can't be that hard

It was almost two years ago
I visited her and then
I felt the pain, in my mother
Their wedding bands taped into the card

The card that said "I love you
Happy Anniversary, my dear
I'm always going to be true
And stand with you, right here."

I cried.

- Carrot

# you all
You don't know me
So don't give me your crap

I've had too many?
What the # does that mean?
If I'm still alive
I ain't had enough
Capiche?

I'm all done here?
Then I'll go on down the road
The next # hole will help me get my fill

I need skanks
Let us give thanks for the trash
Get in the dumpster with me and let's #
Let's suck the life out of eachother
If there's any left

What's in my glass is my life support
My life preserver
You trying to kill me or something?
I can take care of that myself
So go # yourself

Bartender, another round for my friends
That's right! I don't have any
So give it all to me
Keep on pouring until I start snoring

What?
You're calling me a cab?
Mother #er
I'll only get in that spunk stained back seat
If the driver promises to drive off a cliff

Wait
Cabs aren't blue and white
You called the cops on me?
You're afraid I might hurt myself?

Come on let's go peacefully now
No I don't think so
Shoot me and then I'll go
You get it?
SHOOT ME!
That's how I will go peacefully

SHOOT ME you piece of # public servant
You get it?
There is no going peacefully if there is no peace
SHOOT ME NOW!

I'd rather die than cry you sons of bitches

SHOOT ME!









[edit on 18-11-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

Stop Looking at me like that
As if you know all about me
Don't tip to me, your hat
As if you know my story

Don't pretend to know me
As if we've been friends before
Perhaps in another life we were
But now, you don't know me

Don't pretend to care
I don't want your sympathy
Unless there's Vodka in that glass for me
No, don't come and sit by me

Let me drink myself away
I'm not any of your concern
Turn around, walk the other way
This is a lesson I have to learn

That nothing I need is at the bottom
Of this rock glass, full of only ice
That I can find my Solace
Almost anywhere else, if I try

That six more shots will put me over
The bar, or under it, as the case might be
Stop looking at me, the show is over
"Another, straight up Vodka Please."

I'll stumble past you, and your judging eyes
As you think you're witnessing my demise
Thats right, look the other way my friend
I'll fumble, I'll trip, I'll fall to the end.
Alone.

Don't make me walk that damn line.
Because, I just might cry.

- Carrot

OKAY
I get it
I drank too much last night
You just PC'd me, right?
Can I get out of here now?

HELLO
Where are my boots?
Why would you take my boots?
I understand shoes have laces
And I could hang myself
And maybe I would have
But boots?
What did you expect me to do?
Bludgeon myself to death?

ALRIGHT
You're gonna let me loose
Like a longed necked goose
Oh baby that's what I like

Sign here
Okay, how do I get out of here?
Not my problem
WHAT?
Not my problem
Get out of here or I'll be your problem
You stupid drunk asshole

Excuse me?
What part of get the # out of here do you not understand?
FINE
There's an exit sign
I'll figure this out
Where the hell is my car?

I'm in Flagstaff?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I get a ride to my car?
What? This is funny to you?
Can you just tell me where my car is?
It's where you left it you stupid asshole

Flagstaff's finest
Was I in Flagstaff when you picked me up?
GET OUT OF HERE
Or I will find a reason to keep you here

OKAY
Flagstaff is a cool town
I'll get some breakfast and hopefully my memory back
Any suggestions on where I could get a decent breakfast?
I didn't think so
You have a good day now officer
Don't take any wooden driver's licenses

At least the sun is out
BAM!
What happened?
He passed out when he got outside
Did a header right on the walk
Face first
That's gonna leave a mark
Get him inside and get an EMT

Stupid asshole
What a waste of a life
Sometimes I don't know whether to cry
Or beat the crap out of these sick bastards

Self-realization begets willful ignorance
And I am the dumbest person who walks this earth
Its time to put this beast to bed
Before I run out of second chances

Rice flew at your funeral
The devil finally found his bride
He didn't know what a bi# you'd be
Drink the lies and let my innocence die
Black cats didn't seem so prevalent
Now I swim in a sea of broken mirrors
I never knew I had this much blood in me
No matter
It evaporates and feeds the sea

Oh these ashes are so beautiful
I can see myself clearly again
I'll let it take what's left of me
I know how this one ends..

I recall not knowing anything
Brain damage is surely bliss
Now my own truth has ruined everything
The good liars will be surely missed

I wiped the tears from my face
Time to get over it...

Rice flew at your funeral
Just like blood poured from your life
I visited the house you built
It was like a coffin in the woods

We used to suffocate in that house
It took three lives
And then the new owner's dog
It jumped through a basement window
With it's leash on and hung itself

You killed that dog because
We didn't keep the house in the family
I didn't want to live with the ghosts
I can't speak for the others

I drive by that house still today
The ghosts are still there
You're still there
There was a hitch in our get along
I couldn't live with you and I don't cry


- EB






[edit on 17-2-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

I can't speak for the others
but my name is confusion.
without imagination there is
no memory. This is a
sensation, this is the work I care
about, this is how I make a living.

I'm a hermit and I lock the door
against the windstorm.
All winter long I sort out my love.
What was started will not be finished.
What was not, should be thrown away.

This spring I will emerge
with the mask of a clown,
a tranquilized prophet,
out of breath, passing
among the strangers,
the murdered angels
and strung out saints.

This Thread has moved me much so I thought I would add.
(True) "Cycles"

The Bottle was first seen,
Before the end of the World War had even been,
A Proud Man before that,
Even before Hitlers first March,
Captain enrolled, Young strong, fresh faced,
With his shiny Badge & Cap.
Ruffled he was when Poland fell,
He Joined for Girls, Planes and career,
Not a life of continuous fear.

5 Years later as the Madman retreated,
"Going Up" again against those German Planes,
Got to him the 68th time that year that finally had him defeated,
Vomit they all did, in the dorms as the Claxons sounded,
"Jolly Good Show Old Chap" was just for the films,
This I knew 40 yrs later still hearing his screams at night,
By visions he was hounded,
Flashbacks Terrors seeing the young German boys explode in his sights,
Remembering his two crews who did not make it,
One lad 17 first time up,
He an old pro second crash in those big old planes,
Wished HE was dead not them, strange that with how we see luck.

Every night from the local farmers and potatoes and bounty won in the fight,
Stare at the bottle the officers would, couldn't cry must be strong,
Another few or a bottle tonight,
Stop the planes from dropping their bomb's on home,
If I can only forget and get to sleep without a fright.

Then it was over at last,
But so was the life had to get out of the Air Force,
Drift from woman to woman job to job,
No his only true friend to fend of the night horrors and his sanity defend,
OK back then too many men broken and shells or rosy from booze,
Not many left for women and employers from to choose.

Given to him and his wife I was,
Even though he was not my blood,
Dip his dummy in some rum will stop him crying tonight,
Maybe the screams made him remember the fight.

Not there much when grew a bit wild,
Off to private school my parents paid,
Good in conversation, eases guilt of abandoning their child.
Careers in pubs hotels and clubs is important you see nothing more,
He can come on occasional weekends or some holidays will settle the score.

His wife out and about and in need of much psychiatric help, this another secret to, never to be talked about or said,
The bottom of the bottle theirs or others was OK then for them to sleep,
As their child or charge, every night wept then to get to sleep in his Bed,
With parents music, drunken brawls and and loud smell of Tabacco everywhere from the bars below, would till early hours every night seep and waft into my head.
With charges pots and pans being thrown, smashing glass and every day the screams,
Shouting slurs and sound of police, would daily and nightly vibrate through the floor boards and beams infiltrate growing dreams.
Nine now and told one night as words mixed with the smell of alcohol into my nose again streams,
What's wrong with you "men don't cry"
Oh since that day how I have tried.

A man now all front and wisdom would of made social services frown,
Still stupid enough to be drinking on a Sunday night,
Half fair on the bus to town, idiot acting like a clown,
Staggering and swaying for full adult fair on way home,
All the Barmen and Maids knew me well,
Had seen me sat in the pubs on school nights with charge or family at last bell,
Now I was 15 and alone a regular, so if I didnt they wouldnt tell.
Could get my friends served to was a popular dude.
Looking back in the years since I wish a tear would fall to show the guilt,
To their growing years my friends I was disrespectful and robbed them it was rude.

Grown man now first working job finished excess of college and so,
I keep my college place work full time nothing wrong with every night finishing one or two bottles of wine,
Pretend by looking at the bottom of a bottle all and every weekend,
Many people it brings to your life and the same amount go,
None though really are truly close friends,
Cant be alone need to escape go out and drink with the boys tonight,
If I cant find a girl to share one with to get into her knickers, until she gets sick of it and we fight.
Then alone don't want to be with the boys now,
Just me and the glass bottom another one gone, friend, partner and opportunity lost how?
What's wrong I know I was right,
Frown and lament staring into the glass,
Searching for the answer in this sweet nectar,
So down drinking and thinking all the time the past the past missed loves pull at my heart,
And then a big man of 24 finds his truth finds the missing soul fragment or part.

Searching since the age of nine, a solitary tear falls he is shocked at this new sensation and breaks down,
His glass filling with tears now not spirit beer or wine.
How many hours of sobbing went by he does not know,
Just that for the first time ever the next morning instead of a hangover he feels fine.
Staring into the mirror he frowns and decides today is a new start and he wont go to town.

More than a decade has gone since then,
Once or twice a year a single tear will fall, even a torrent once or twice since when the loss of loved one.
A good bottle of red, a beer with friends on christmas to he can stare into still,
But no longer searching and hiding behind that glass wall,
A different person a real man who can feel,
and has a much more powerful will.
Once or twice a month is enough at most to keep him chilled.

The cycle started with tears born from fear before he was born,
It ended with fear of never being able to really feel
And be felt,
Behind all the bull# and spiel,
Was a nine year old child wanting to be held and not ignored again,
For the bottom of the bottle and always being scorned.

Elf

That was a touch cathartic I dont think Ive ever shared that part of my life with anyone, and nearly had a tear remembering it all lol.

[edit on 18-2-2009 by MischeviousElf]

reply to post by MischeviousElf

That was a touch cathartic I dont think Ive ever shared that part of my life with anyone, and nearly had a tear remembering it all lol.

Elf....welcome and thank you for that. I enjoyed it on many levels.

My dad was a war guy
He was in the World War II
Foot soldier in the Army
A true grunt...an ant to FDR
Like squashing one under his foot

Dad wasn't in Germany long
He got squashed and spat out
The monster that is war ate his leg
His right leg and he almost lost the left
Lost most of the use of his right arm
...and was right-handed

He was almost left for dead
A medic came by and said
"This one's gone"
My dad said HOLD ON
I'm holding on...not going anywhere

He woke in a hospital
He could feel that right leg
Even though it was long gone
Incinerated...Cremated without a prayer
It was just another leg

Back in the US it was Walter Reed
He spent four years there...
Maybe today it would have been six months
Many operations and plenty of morphine
He was 100% disabled per he US government

What did he do when he got out of the hospital?
He put himself through business school
No cost...through the G.I. Bill
He got himself a car and and a wife
He worked the next 35 years of his life
Didn't sit on his ass and let us struggle on the pension

The pension was like gravy to this hero
He was a good man...
A decent man and a gentleman
A gentle man dripping with character
He died seven months after he retired
He had been developing heart disease


I only saw him cry once
When my brother died of cancer
He came home and was crying
My invincible saint of a dad let it out
He felt guilty like he did something wrong...

He thought God was punishing him
By taking my brother
Punish for what?
Different generation...Different way of thinking
I think he figured out his mistake


We played cards together the night before
I hadn't been around much
We hadn't played cards in a long time
We played for several hours and talked
We talked like equals...

He was dead in the driveway
Before I woke up the next morning
He was 63...I was 22...my brother died at 21
I was all alone
I was all gone for a long time
Gone gone








[edit on 18-2-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

The world is full
Of strung out saints
Overworked and uninspired
They're much too tired

And sick of us stupid humans
It'll get worse before better
Better put on your sweater
It's getting real cold

And we are all growing old
It's a rat's race
And the pace is too fast
None of us were made to last

Yet some want to live forever
I have to laugh and ask why
On the whole is this fun?
It's a constant battle

That's why some check out
Are they dumb or geniuses?
Die young and stay pretty
Die old and forgotten

Die young and well rested
No more trials to be contested
Life isn't meant to last
Just grin and bear it

Better to die than to cry
So say goodbye
Pour the white light into the red vein
Just pour it

- EB











[edit on 19-2-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

Searching since the age of nine
For a sign of a grand design
A meaning

Big brother dead
From the liver cancer
It's always the good ones
Assholes seem to live forever

No answer from the penguin nuns
No talking to anyone
No closure

Over exposure
You lose your composure
I decided to replace my brother
I forgot who or what or where I was

Why when there was so much going for me?
It's history but a mystery
Who should I be

Still have trouble
Living in my little bubble
What is the purpose of being here?
When there is no one left to play with or for

I could certainly go on and on and swear
It really is dark out there
It gets black

I don't cry
I don't want to try
Won't get lost in the Black Sea
Won't let anyone take away what's left of me


-EB

I know for a fact it's killing me
I'm suffocating and I can't breathe
These walls are closing in on me
Darkness is all I can see

Please can someone turn on a light
I'm scared of the dark, can't sleep at night
My shoulders are tired, my heart is heavy
I pray to god, the darkness won't get me

I won't cry, just close my eyes
Close you're eyes, no need to cry
It's just a phase, you're not gonna die

I know it, I feel it, the end is coming
My brain is filled with high pitched humming
Feet are unsteady, my knees are weak
If I survive the night, I'll consider it a feat

My mind can't stop racing
My legs won't stop pacing
Please dear good, just let me sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep.


- Carrot

Birth
I am blessed to be here
Rich am I with all my potential
Teach me and I learn quick
Hear me roar

School
Classes are the best
How I do enjoy learning
Old things and new things
Obscure and concrete
Life is my oyster

Work
Oh how sad
Really hate what you do
Kills your spirit

Death
Everything over
At the blink of an eye
Time is over
Happy time

- EB





[edit on 4-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

This dark hellish hole
All alone
He wanted it that way
He then gets a call
His buddy's stoned
I tried to stay in and rest today

But no these excuses are what drive us still
I leave my years of darkness
Just one more night, I'll get my fill
Now with no money, there's more to hide
And its such a shame to me
I'll deal with it honey, as I have all my life
And you're too blind to see
That I get over it quickly, without a doubt
My method is plain and repeating
You hit this glass
Til your on your ass
Then the pain of life just seems fleeting

I'm over it for now, and I am happier for it
But there's no light I see quite yet
Anxious child in me still bawls
To be left out to crawl
To one more den and another set
Of the old ghosts,
The wicked whores
Neanderthals
And yammering bores
The tax evader
The husband hater
The speed dater
The now and later

The later is now, and I'm sick of this mess.
Too bored with monotony to cry

I am very upset that I only got one star for my last poem.. Did anyone happen to notice that the first word of each stanza also reads down as the first letters of each line in the stanza?

This is genius stuff here people. So how about some more stars and some recognition on how incredibly awesome I am!!

Originally posted by Excitable_Boy
I am very upset that I only got one star for my last poem.. Did anyone happen to notice that the first word of each stanza also reads down as the first letters of each line in the stanza?

This is genius stuff here people. So how about some more stars and some recognition on how incredibly awesome I am!!

Well this thread is a tribute to your awesomeness. But I did feel you were slighted as well, so not only did I star that post, but I starred your response to the starring problem as well.

By the way, keep an eye on your u2u's. The song I pieced together from some of your lines from this thread will be on ATS media soon. I'm not gonna promise you'll like it, unless you like really, really, ridiculously hard rock.

Thank you everyone for the stars. You like me you really like me...

But seriously...sorry about yesterday. I was feeling down and needed a pat on the back. Much appreciated and thank you Santa Claus for the good words. I would love to hear your song and I like all kinds of music and all kinds of rock so.....BRING IT ON!!

I DO NOT CRY

Don't ask me why
Or why not

Not to worry
Or worry about
Toss it to the wind

Carry on
Rinse and repeat
You will learn or cry







[edit on 8-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

Eyes don't cry
Yes they would like to
Eyes used to
Should release the pain

Eyes a good man
Yet not perfect
Eyes make mistakes
Should not suffer

Eyes tired
Young no more
Eyes in a lot of pain
Should stand like a man

Eyes can't take much more
You're killing me
Eyes don't deserve this
Should end the nightmare

Eyes don't cry
Yes I'm that guy
Eyes don't have it in me
Should rather die






[edit on 11-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]