It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.
Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.
Thank you.
Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.
Why do women break up with nice guys?
page: 12share:
I don't know,
obviously for the sake of argument the relationships between men and women are infinitely more complex than good vs bad.
The greatest romances are filled with tragedy, humour, sadness and joy.
But for the record, if I had myself a 'nice' guy I'd hold on to him!
Wag.
obviously for the sake of argument the relationships between men and women are infinitely more complex than good vs bad.
The greatest romances are filled with tragedy, humour, sadness and joy.
But for the record, if I had myself a 'nice' guy I'd hold on to him!
Wag.
reply to post by SuperSlovak
Most young women go for the smooth talking, slim,handsome ass*ole. They ignore the intellegent "geek", they go for the fast talking,"romantic" gigalo...........
I speak from 36 years of experiences. My husband, while not the smoothest speaking, romantic, is stable, very unemotional and sweetest person...........handsome with his sky blue eyes, tall, lanky and very intellegent........but he is quiet, not "romantic" ............. says what he feels and feels what he says.
He is a truthful and honest man..................reread that last statement.
So many young women are fooled by the "romantic" talkers..........and that is what they are, all talk.
In our 36 years of marriage, with the many "problems" we have come across, he has never left my side, never deserteded me.
To me, he is handsome, brave and moral.
You get what you ask for.
Is he a service to self or service to others?
My grand daughter asked me why I married grandpa............my answer, " Because he was kind, gentle and intellegent."
She responded, "What about his blue eyes?"
I answered, "yes, also because of his beautiful blue eyes".
Look beyond the physical, it is the soul - the essence of the person.
While looks seem to be important, it is the soul, the essence of the person that dictates the true person.
In my eyes my husband of 36 years is the most handsome person on the planet. He has always been a good husband and father.............he places our needs above his own.
I am so lucky he decided to share his life with me.
I am priviliged to have had his children.
Most young women go for the smooth talking, slim,handsome ass*ole. They ignore the intellegent "geek", they go for the fast talking,"romantic" gigalo...........
I speak from 36 years of experiences. My husband, while not the smoothest speaking, romantic, is stable, very unemotional and sweetest person...........handsome with his sky blue eyes, tall, lanky and very intellegent........but he is quiet, not "romantic" ............. says what he feels and feels what he says.
He is a truthful and honest man..................reread that last statement.
So many young women are fooled by the "romantic" talkers..........and that is what they are, all talk.
In our 36 years of marriage, with the many "problems" we have come across, he has never left my side, never deserteded me.
To me, he is handsome, brave and moral.
You get what you ask for.
Is he a service to self or service to others?
My grand daughter asked me why I married grandpa............my answer, " Because he was kind, gentle and intellegent."
She responded, "What about his blue eyes?"
I answered, "yes, also because of his beautiful blue eyes".
Look beyond the physical, it is the soul - the essence of the person.
While looks seem to be important, it is the soul, the essence of the person that dictates the true person.
In my eyes my husband of 36 years is the most handsome person on the planet. He has always been a good husband and father.............he places our needs above his own.
I am so lucky he decided to share his life with me.
I am priviliged to have had his children.
edit on 17-9-2010 by ofhumandescent because: (no reason given)
reply to post by ofhumandescent
Very nicely stated ofhumandescent. I agree..so many of us are so fascinated by the exterior and fail to look at the interior where the real skill/fruit set is to be found...male and female.
Thanks for your well written post,
Orangetom
Very nicely stated ofhumandescent. I agree..so many of us are so fascinated by the exterior and fail to look at the interior where the real skill/fruit set is to be found...male and female.
Thanks for your well written post,
Orangetom
So you are nice. Give yourself a pat on the back everyone who is nice. But sure you are not boring? Or a doormat? Because some people can't tell the
difference.
This lass likes nice guys. The postman, the window cleaner, the guy up the road are nice. Should I fancy them all just because they are nice? Heck no! I like a little bit of chemistry, a connection. Sometimes you don't know why you connect, you just do. And that's the thing, it's a two way requirement, this chemistry. It's no good liking people and perennially complaining that they don't like you back. That just marks you out as a loser, a whiner and someone who doesn't have a clue how anything works. And guess what, that sort of attitude marks you out. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Thus Mr Sometimes Loser becomes Mr Permanent Loser.
This lass likes nice guys. The postman, the window cleaner, the guy up the road are nice. Should I fancy them all just because they are nice? Heck no! I like a little bit of chemistry, a connection. Sometimes you don't know why you connect, you just do. And that's the thing, it's a two way requirement, this chemistry. It's no good liking people and perennially complaining that they don't like you back. That just marks you out as a loser, a whiner and someone who doesn't have a clue how anything works. And guess what, that sort of attitude marks you out. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Thus Mr Sometimes Loser becomes Mr Permanent Loser.
edit on 19-9-2010 by starchild10 because: grammar
I don't try to be nice, it's my natural demeanor .
I don't try to date women, they're idiotic scum around here.
I don't care about being by myself or having idiots label me as being gay, or too nice or whatever.
You people can keep your brutish chatter to yourself, and leave me be.
Oh, and you know what? Most of the women that are my age may think that I act too nice and write me off too soon, but the older, intelligent, and wise women know I'm being true to myself, and I readily speak with them in long, deep conversations. If I ever date a woman again it will likely be either when I'm a decade older and the woman has become wise and true to herself, else it'll be a woman who's a decade older than I am now!
I don't try to date women, they're idiotic scum around here.
I don't care about being by myself or having idiots label me as being gay, or too nice or whatever.
You people can keep your brutish chatter to yourself, and leave me be.
Oh, and you know what? Most of the women that are my age may think that I act too nice and write me off too soon, but the older, intelligent, and wise women know I'm being true to myself, and I readily speak with them in long, deep conversations. If I ever date a woman again it will likely be either when I'm a decade older and the woman has become wise and true to herself, else it'll be a woman who's a decade older than I am now!
edit on 19-9-2010 by unityemissions because: clarification
Originally posted by starchild10
So you are nice. Give yourself a pat on the back everyone who is nice. But sure you are not boring? Or a doormat? Because some people can't tell the difference.
This lass likes nice guys. The postman, the window cleaner, the guy up the road are nice. Should I fancy them all just because they are nice? Heck no! I like a little bit of chemistry, a connection. Sometimes you don't know why you connect, you just do. And that's the thing, it's a two way requirement, this chemistry. It's no good liking people and perennially complaining that they don't like you back. That just marks you out as a loser, a whiner and someone who doesn't have a clue how anything works. And guess what, that sort of attitude marks you out. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Thus Mr Sometimes Loser becomes Mr Permanent Loser.
edit on 19-9-2010 by starchild10 because: grammar
LOL LOL...yes..roll the dice...chemistry is bound to be better than nice. We will never be fooled by chemistry.
Chamelions are quite capable of using chemistry to their advantage. Problem is ..most chamelions cannot go the distance. They cannot keep up the chemical front for very long. I've seen numerous women like this...all outside..and empty on the inside. But lots of short term chemistry.
On the extreme end...even a black widow or a praying mantis have chemistry. It is apparently the best they can do.
Yup...just roll the dice...it will come up sevens all the time...you deserve it the others don't
Thanks,
Orangetom
Unityemissions,
Yeah..I've liked older women too. Not as much nonsense from them. Most tend to be down to earth and have learned by their mistakes. They are well aware that they are not sitting on the only one in town and the world does not revolve around them.
Agree...just be yourself. While I can be nice/civil...I am not interested in approval or disapproval of others in this manner. I am going this way..if they want to come along..be civil and decent...not a bunch of wildlife in its natural habitat. Also be useful...not high maintenance.
Thanks,
Orangetom
Oh, and you know what? Most of the women that are my age may think that I act too nice and write me off too soon, but the older, intelligent, and wise women know I'm being true to myself, and I readily speak with them in long, deep conversations. If I ever date a woman again it will likely be either when I'm a decade older and the woman has become wise and true to herself, else it'll be a woman who's a decade older than I am now!
Yeah..I've liked older women too. Not as much nonsense from them. Most tend to be down to earth and have learned by their mistakes. They are well aware that they are not sitting on the only one in town and the world does not revolve around them.
Agree...just be yourself. While I can be nice/civil...I am not interested in approval or disapproval of others in this manner. I am going this way..if they want to come along..be civil and decent...not a bunch of wildlife in its natural habitat. Also be useful...not high maintenance.
Thanks,
Orangetom
Originally posted by unityemissions ... the older, intelligent, and wise women know I'm being true to myself, and I readily speak with them in long, deep conversations. If I ever date a woman again it will likely be either when I'm a decade older and the woman has become wise and true to herself, else it'll be a woman who's a decade older than I am now!
But if you want children the woman can't be too old, and fertility declines after about age 25. Fortunately it's not that hard biologically to make a baby, so one can have a lot of things suboptimal (on your side and hers) and still get little munchkins out of the deal, but it's useful to be competent with women who still have all their fertility hormones intact -- even though they probably don't have much wisdom then.
I recall reading something about menopause being the beginning of wisdom in a woman.
reply to post by oniongrass
Most men's sperm is sub-optimal these days, but I do many things to give a higher probability that mine is in top notch condition.
In either of the cases mentioned above, we should be okay. Even if we don't bear any children, I'm okay with this.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply!
Most men's sperm is sub-optimal these days, but I do many things to give a higher probability that mine is in top notch condition.
In either of the cases mentioned above, we should be okay. Even if we don't bear any children, I'm okay with this.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply!
reply to post by ofhumandescent
You are speaking from a position of wisdom and success. I'm sure you are where many young women want to be when thinking of the outcome of a successful marriage. Not the only definition of success but a typical one.
But what was your perspective when you were 20? What did you go for? What were you like to date?
You are speaking from a position of wisdom and success. I'm sure you are where many young women want to be when thinking of the outcome of a successful marriage. Not the only definition of success but a typical one.
But what was your perspective when you were 20? What did you go for? What were you like to date?
IMO a lot of "nice" guys are just putting on an act. A lot of the guys i know that are supposedly "nice" are actually either passive aggressive losers
or guys with skeletons in their closet that they are trying to hide behind the "niceness". This is something i've picked up on over the years as i
have taken an interest in observing people and their psychology.
Generally being too nice creeps girls out. They (usually correctly) see it as a form of manipulation. This might not be on a conscious level, but its definitely there. Almost every girl i am close friends with has said the same thing to me about guys that are "nice". They are either completely creeped out by them, see them as stalkers, or see right through the "nice" routine and realise that the guy is just trying to jump their bones but do it in a "nice" way. If you're a "nice" guy and buy a girl gifts for no reason, guess what they assume that you are trying to get something in return. There is no trust here.
Also, as girls operate on a more emotional level than guys, being too nice is simply boring. Most good, decent girls dont want a guy they can walk over. It all gives the girl every reason to drop the "nice" guy and go find someone that will challenge them emotionally. Someone that will fuel their passion and excite them. Again this is something i have heard time and time again; the guy was 'no fun' because he just 'took it' or he was 'nice all the time' and it got boring. Guess what guys, those little jabs at you and snarky comments are unconscious tests...if you roll over or simply agree with everything she says you are not to be trusted.
There are guys that are genuinely nice guys, but unfortunately for them these automatic defenses of girls will often shut them out. It usually takes a while for girls to see that these guys are being genuine, and not just "nice" in an attempt to please the girl into sex. Too often they are well into the friend zone by the time it happens and if they are successful it has taken years.
My opinion is that there are very few guys that are purely "nice", we all have our quirks. The thing is that most guys will try and hide the quirks instead of putting them out there. Its often the quirks that girls find challenging and appealing. As i've grown i have realised that the best way is to be your true self, as being any other way will be picked up by girls as dishonest and you cant be trusted. i spent too much time being quiet and shy because i was afraid that people wouldnt like me for who i am. Quite the opposite is true!
So if you have something to say, say it (with the caveat that you shouldnt say something to deliberately hurt someone, thats poor form and will not get you anywhere in life). Girls are very flexible and love wierd, wacky and unexpected things and the guys that say them. They love to be teased in a fun, loving way, and IMO that kind of teasing is natural in men who dont suppress it. Its honest, its loving. It all comes back to honesty, trust and integrity.
Generally being too nice creeps girls out. They (usually correctly) see it as a form of manipulation. This might not be on a conscious level, but its definitely there. Almost every girl i am close friends with has said the same thing to me about guys that are "nice". They are either completely creeped out by them, see them as stalkers, or see right through the "nice" routine and realise that the guy is just trying to jump their bones but do it in a "nice" way. If you're a "nice" guy and buy a girl gifts for no reason, guess what they assume that you are trying to get something in return. There is no trust here.
Also, as girls operate on a more emotional level than guys, being too nice is simply boring. Most good, decent girls dont want a guy they can walk over. It all gives the girl every reason to drop the "nice" guy and go find someone that will challenge them emotionally. Someone that will fuel their passion and excite them. Again this is something i have heard time and time again; the guy was 'no fun' because he just 'took it' or he was 'nice all the time' and it got boring. Guess what guys, those little jabs at you and snarky comments are unconscious tests...if you roll over or simply agree with everything she says you are not to be trusted.
There are guys that are genuinely nice guys, but unfortunately for them these automatic defenses of girls will often shut them out. It usually takes a while for girls to see that these guys are being genuine, and not just "nice" in an attempt to please the girl into sex. Too often they are well into the friend zone by the time it happens and if they are successful it has taken years.
My opinion is that there are very few guys that are purely "nice", we all have our quirks. The thing is that most guys will try and hide the quirks instead of putting them out there. Its often the quirks that girls find challenging and appealing. As i've grown i have realised that the best way is to be your true self, as being any other way will be picked up by girls as dishonest and you cant be trusted. i spent too much time being quiet and shy because i was afraid that people wouldnt like me for who i am. Quite the opposite is true!
So if you have something to say, say it (with the caveat that you shouldnt say something to deliberately hurt someone, thats poor form and will not get you anywhere in life). Girls are very flexible and love wierd, wacky and unexpected things and the guys that say them. They love to be teased in a fun, loving way, and IMO that kind of teasing is natural in men who dont suppress it. Its honest, its loving. It all comes back to honesty, trust and integrity.
edit on 20-9-2010 by zvezdar because: (no reason given)
reply to post by SuperSlovak
Ok SuperSlovak it goes back to very basics. Women want someone who is strong, powerful and yes confident for their genes. Men want women with beautiful bodies for their genes. Overtime this is changing because of how much we communicate with each other.
Over the generations we have gained more mentally than physically. Those that stay in the more "traditional" state want looks, power, etc. but those that are growing more mentally want that closer bond of minds. Thats not to say that looks don't make a difference because they do and always will, just not as much.
When you are looking for someone you want to be with, think 20 years down the road not a couple of months. Talk with women and get to know them. I am very picky right now in dating and if I don't like their attitude/morals I won't date them. Make yourself happy not the other way around, if your not happy how do you expect to make them happy?
Ok SuperSlovak it goes back to very basics. Women want someone who is strong, powerful and yes confident for their genes. Men want women with beautiful bodies for their genes. Overtime this is changing because of how much we communicate with each other.
Over the generations we have gained more mentally than physically. Those that stay in the more "traditional" state want looks, power, etc. but those that are growing more mentally want that closer bond of minds. Thats not to say that looks don't make a difference because they do and always will, just not as much.
When you are looking for someone you want to be with, think 20 years down the road not a couple of months. Talk with women and get to know them. I am very picky right now in dating and if I don't like their attitude/morals I won't date them. Make yourself happy not the other way around, if your not happy how do you expect to make them happy?
Originally posted by Trudge
reply to post by SuperSlovak
Ok SuperSlovak it goes back to very basics. Women want someone who is strong, powerful and yes confident for their genes. Men want women with beautiful bodies for their genes. Overtime this is changing because of how much we communicate with each other.
I've heard it said that the woman's intelligence and the man's body is passed to the offspring. So marrying an idiot fashion model is not the way to get great offspring. And curiously, women who are attracted to personality and intelligence aren't making the right choice either.
Originally posted by oniongrass
I recall reading something about menopause being the beginning of wisdom in a woman.
:shk:
There are rules about minimal posts however the emoticon already said it all for me.. this line is a formality.
women act like they want a nice guy, but they are sneaking out to bang a "bad boy". this is the thing no matter what society tells us we are men and
we are supposed to be aggressive and in charge it's our nature. no matter how you were told to act there is still that base instinct, it's been that
way for thousands of years and women are attracted to this even if they don't realize it. nice is boring and predictable, and that gets old quick.
most women probably think they deserve better than you even if they don't, the media basically tells them they are some kind of diva and deserve a
rich man who does all of the house work cooks cleans and works and still has time to make her feel like a real woman every night. give me a break this
is not real life it's fantasy, but tell some of these females that. it sounds mean but if you treat these egotistical types of girls like they ain't
s### they will go out of their way to impress you and want you even more, just because you don't seem to want them. aka don't come on too strong..
hope i helped.
Originally posted by 2weird2live2rare2die
women act like they want a nice guy, but they are sneaking out to bang a "bad boy". this is the thing no matter what society tells us we are men and we are supposed to be aggressive and in charge it's our nature. no matter how you were told to act there is still that base instinct, it's been that way for thousands of years and women are attracted to this even if they don't realize it. nice is boring and predictable, and that gets old quick.
You do not have to be an aggressive "bad boy" to not be boring.
most women probably think they deserve better than you even if they don't,
You mean even if YOU think they don't. I'd be one of them and yes I'd deserve better. It is not up to other people to decide what I am worthy of and speaking of women like they are meat to be graded for quality isn't very "nice".
Originally posted by riley
Originally posted by oniongrass
I recall reading something about menopause being the beginning of wisdom in a woman.
:shk:
There are rules about minimal posts however the emoticon already said it all for me.. this line is a formality.
Well rather than just giving us a purple shaking head, why don't you try a google search? Be creative and quote me directly, "menopause being the beginning of wisdom in a woman" , and you'll get a whole bunch of links, mostly written by women. The second link I get is this one
www.womentowomen.com...
where there is the following quote
A common belief among traditional shamanic cultures — for example, Mayan women and the Cree women of Canada — is that women must enter menopause to access their shamanic and healing powers. Menstrual blood has the power to create life in the womb, so when women reach the age of retaining their “wise blood,” they cross the threshold into “wise womanhood” by keeping their wise blood within. At this point they become priestesses and healers — the spiritual leaders of their communities.
reply to post by SuperSlovak
Stop trying.
I don't know why, but every meanigful relationship I have ever had has occured shortly after I have stopped trying to find a relationship.
Maybe it changes the pheromones or something.
Edit to add:
Thought about this after.
It could have something to do with, when you are not actively trying, you will act much more natural and calm.
It is way easier going out with a girl without having any pressure of trying to show your best qualities.
Stay calm, stay relaxed, be yourself, and the rest will fall into place when it is time.
Stop trying.
I don't know why, but every meanigful relationship I have ever had has occured shortly after I have stopped trying to find a relationship.
Maybe it changes the pheromones or something.
Edit to add:
Thought about this after.
It could have something to do with, when you are not actively trying, you will act much more natural and calm.
It is way easier going out with a girl without having any pressure of trying to show your best qualities.
Stay calm, stay relaxed, be yourself, and the rest will fall into place when it is time.
edit on 25-9-2010 by peck420 because: (no reason given)
new topics
-
A Flash of Beauty: Bigfoot Revealed ( documentary )
Cryptozoology: 5 hours ago -
Fire insurance in LA withdrawn months ago
General Conspiracies: 7 hours ago
top topics
-
Fire insurance in LA withdrawn months ago
General Conspiracies: 7 hours ago, 8 flags -
A Flash of Beauty: Bigfoot Revealed ( documentary )
Cryptozoology: 5 hours ago, 5 flags -
Bizarre Labour Party Tic Toc Video Becomes Even More Embarrassing
Regional Politics: 16 hours ago, 4 flags
active topics
-
Fire insurance in LA withdrawn months ago
General Conspiracies • 24 • : sapien1982 -
Planned Civil War In Britain May Be Triggered Soon
Social Issues and Civil Unrest • 31 • : AdultMaleHumanUK -
Steering the Titantic from the Drydock.
Rant • 47 • : andy06shake -
Trump says ownership of Greenland 'is an absolute necessity'
Other Current Events • 87 • : bastion -
Regent Street in #London has been evacuated due to a “bomb threat.”
Other Current Events • 8 • : TimBurr -
A Flash of Beauty: Bigfoot Revealed ( documentary )
Cryptozoology • 3 • : BeyondKnowledge3 -
Judge rules president-elect Donald Trump must be sentenced in 'hush money' trial
US Political Madness • 86 • : Flyingclaydisk -
The Truth about Migrant Crime in Britain.
Social Issues and Civil Unrest • 44 • : angelchemuel -
My personal experiences and understanding of orbs
Aliens and UFOs • 41 • : WeMustCare -
-@TH3WH17ERABB17- -Q- ---TIME TO SHOW THE WORLD--- -Part- --44--
Dissecting Disinformation • 3982 • : WeMustCare