Molested as a kid

My ex girlfriend had a similar experience in her childhood. She was repeatedly abused and sexually assaulted by her stepfather and some of his friends.

When I met her she felt exactly how you feel; lonely, depressed and very eager to be in a relationship. She constantly made sexual advances towards me, particularly when she was upset or depressed and if I refused (I was working 16 hour days so I had little time for it) she took it as a sign I was disgusted with her.

In time I found out everything and we spent about three hours one evening with her just talking about it. She cried, she got mad, she felt sick but afterwards she said she felt so much better, and I could see the difference.

She became a new person, literally over night. She was more confident, got a better job, and the relationship which was rocky before lasted another year and a half before we amicably split and remained friends.

This may seem a bit much, but my advice is this; find someone you trust completely and who loves you. A friend, a relative, whatever. And just ask them to listen to you while you rant about it. Tell them what happened, how it made you feel, how it affects you now and, most importantly, what you want to change in yourself.

Life is short enough as it is. Don't give anyone who wrongs you the satisfaction of corrupting your future as they did your past. Whatever happened, happened, and it won't change. Instead of looking back, look forward to the day when (not if) you WILL meet that special guy who will make you happy.