Thought Voices - Potentially Losing My Mind

I can't remember when this exactly started. But whatever it is it's getting worse and I don't know where to go from here. I am afraid to talk to my friends and family about it because they either won't believe me or just not care for me anymore.

When I was about 8 I had this imaginary friend that would tell me to do certain acts or rituals or else it would hurt me. So I did everything it wanted.

Now 3-4 years ago in my senior year of high school I got loaded up on alcohol and booze and that's where like all this began.

I had smoked pot and had a really bad reaction. I don't know if it was laced or if it was a mix of zoloft with the drugs and booze but I basically started tripping and hallucinating. Then every so often from that day on until the present I have had dissociative feelings where I suddenly feel like I am a robot or in a dream, different place, or not in control. It feels like a flashback. It feels like I'm hallucinating again, only not. Not really.

Then some really weird "explicitly censored* started happening. I don't know if it was a hallucination or what but I started having these things I call "thought voices". Basically they're voices how you hear in your head when you think out loud. Like it doesn't feel as though someone is right there talking to me, but more like the thoughts are telepathically placed in my head. The only problem is I can't differentiate if they are real or not. They are sent by my old imaginary friend I think or what could be multiple entities. I feel like I need to listen to them or else bad things will happen. But here's what made me believe in them more, which I know is only going to make problems worse although I am not suicidal and would not hurt a fly, I am just scared. But what I think will make things worse is that the "thought voices" started giving me information I would have no way of knowing. One time I was on the computer doing some work (and this is when the thought voices seem to come out the most, and under anxiety) and suddenly the voice starts talking to me about some *explicitly censored* movie called Bull Durham or something. I've never even seen the movie and I don't even know why the thought voice would bring it up since I barely remember the name. Anyway it goes on about how Susan Serandon and Kevin Costner are in the movie. I didn't think much about it at the time. But then low and behold for the first time ever I see some movie called Bull Durham come on the tele. So I watch some with my mom and sure enough Susan Serandon and Kevin Costner are in the movie. Prior to this I only heard the name Susan Serandon once and I never even cared for Kevin Costner. I can't emphasize enough how impossible it would be for me to know this information. I never even saw the movie, it was before my time anyway. There's also been a prediction from this imaginary friend which I'm not going to name, for personal reasons. The prediction came and went so it's not like I have anything to prove what is happening to me. Nor does it really matter since either you'll see me as a liar or mentally insane. Either way I get nothing out of it.

So I'm talking about this for the first time ever on this forum wondering what exactly is going on. I realize it's nuts and I'm most likely just crazy. But if it wasn't for the things these thought voices say I would just assume I'm crazy.
The only other reason I think it might be something other than schizophrenia is the voices don't sound like real voices, they sound like thoughts, and I already had a minor experience like this for awhile when I was little. I've suffered from depression and anxiety disorders for a good potion of my life but this is the first time I feel like I am actually losing it. It's really frustrating. I'm not low affect and I can think perfectly fine.

Just wondering what you think? Regardless I am going to tell a psychiatrist about this on Thursday....I just hope I have the balls. I hate being seen as weak.

I would say that since you are aware that it is happening, just note it and don't be afraid of it. Write down what you are hearing, maybe just taking that extra attention to it, without being afraid would bring it under control.

If you continue to be afraid of it though, I would imagine that things will only get worse.

Are you still on medication, drinking and smoking pot? If so, for your own sanity, you should probably stop.

I am curious to see what your psychiatrist will have to say. I really hope they don't put you on more meds though.

reply to post by Karlhungis


Thanks for the speedy reply. I'm actually about to drive out to Wawa for a midnight snack. I actually began to write down some stuff but it was more like notes. I'm going to start keeping a diary tommorrow. The fear deffinantly makes it worse. I try not to think about it but it's so hard and just thinking about it brings out the fear. I smoked pot once in the past 2 years or so. I smoked like a week or two ago. It was a rash decision and I never want to smoke again because it's sending me more and more down this rabbit hole and I'm grasping to get out. I quit my ADD medication because it was adding paranoia into the mix. I currently take Risperadal which was suppose to help with this tactile hallucination I was having, Zoloft, and Lamyctal for bipolar. Thanks for the reply and I'm curious to see what the psychiatrist will say as well. I really don't want to go on anymore medication though. It's bad enough even though it does seem to help.

reply to post by Teleport


Obviously, I am not a medical doctor. All of the different medications that you are taking make me wonder how much they are contributing to your problem. I am by no means suggesting that you quit taking them or anything, I just find it hard to believe that taking them all would have no effect on your mental stability.

I do highly reccomend that you don't compound the issue with any additional chemicals though (recreational drugs or alcohol).

How is your rapport with your psychiatrist?

Originally posted by Karlhungis
reply to post by Teleport

 

Obviously, I am not a medical doctor. All of the different medications that you are taking make me wonder how much they are contributing to your problem. I am by no means suggesting that you quit taking them or anything, I just find it hard to believe that taking them all would have no effect on your mental stability.

I do highly reccomend that you don't compound the issue with any additional chemicals though (recreational drugs or alcohol).

How is your rapport with your psychiatrist?

Would have to completely agree with Teleport on this one.

You should not be mixing all those drugs with alcohol (the pot I don't know but probably not the best idea either.).

I am not a doctor either but the fact that you can talk about it seems to me like you can control it or just "accept" it.

If it helps keep a note pad and write down things it says (or topics). I would also tell the psychiatrist all about it.

Good luck bro.

Wow.
I've had that disociative thing since a dental thing. laughing gas set me off.
i flipped out, kept having the symptoms off and on since then.

a voice pops up, very irregularly. doesnt tell me to do anything, just freaks me out.
Once it said "She's never waking up"
suddenly felt like i was in a hospital in a coma.
so scary.

i dont drink or do drugs or take medication though.
just a little crazy i guess.

reply to post by BiohazardsBack


Did they knock you out? Do you think that the Dentist said that while you were under and you are just remembering that? I have heard of other cases where people end up being haunted by the conversations that the Dr's had while they were under anesthesia.

Interesting.

reply to post by Teleport


hi, sorry you're having such a hard time. It's understandable that you're scared and upset, and it doesn't mean you're a weak person because you're going through this. Everyone has problems.

You did a good job at articulating what you've been going through, and I'd suggest that you print out a copy of this thread that you started and show your psychiatrist when you see him/her on Thursday. That way, in case you're nervous and have trouble telling him, you won't have to worry about it.

In the meantime, I'd suggest calling your psychiatrist just to let him know what's going on. I don't know if the combination of medications you're taking might be part of the problem or not, but that's something that would be good for your doctor to assess.

Mixing pot and/or alcohol with your medication can cause problems. Does your psychiatrist know of your drug/alcohol usage in combination with the drugs. If not, perhaps you would consider letting him know so he can support/help you in stopping your alcohol/drug use.

Maybe this article from BBC News can be of help to you. It seems that you are not alone in hearing voices in your head:

Voices in head "are normal"

Hearing voices in your head is so common that it is normal, psychologists believe.

Dutch findings suggest one in 25 people regularly hears voices. Contrary to traditional belief, hearing voices is not necessarily a symptom of mental illness, UK researchers at Manchester University say.
Indeed, many who hear voices do not seek help and say the voices have a positive impact on their lives, comforting or inspiring them.

Researcher Aylish Campbell said: "We know that many members of the general population hear voices but have never felt the need to access mental health services. Some experts even claim that more people hear voices and don't seek psychiatric help than those who do."

Some who hear voices describe it as being like the experience of hearing someone call your name only to find that there is no one there.

People also hear voices as if they are thoughts entering the mind from somewhere outside themselves. They will have no idea what the voice might say. It may even engage in conversation.

Link to full article:
news.bbc.co.uk...

reply to post by Karlhungis


Really good point. Especially in that case, where the triggering event, (laughing gas) and the "thought" really seem to fit in the same context. It could very well be a memory you had while not fully conscious, and so now when the memory surfaces you dont recognize it as an event you were present at.

The OP's issue, however, seems a little more persistent. Another thing you might want to avoid entirely are any sort of stimulants you may ingest. Caffeine, nicotine, etc. Stimulants cause a lot of trouble for people who suffer conditions such as depression, anxiety, etc., those conditions are made worse by the mind telling you stories over and over again about those things that depress or worry you. Stimulants increase the mind activity, and if you already have trouble controlling what sorts of things you are thinking about, and not able to refocus on other less worrisome thoughts, stimulants only exacerbate the problem.

Obviously just cutting out caffeine will likely not solve the whole problem, but as other people have said, lessening the overall chemical load on your body and brain certainly cant hurt. Stimulants are just something I have personally witnessed as having a VERY detrimental effect on people with anxiety and depression. Compounding the problem is that those people are the most likely to seek them out to make themselves feel better.

I can understand how crazy you feel im sure you probably feel very alone at times. And i also understand that when youre going through a real tough mental time it will be equalized with great happiness in due time. Yin and Yang baby.The best advice I can give ya is that always have faith and hope that things will be better or good. Your life is not a problem to be solved but a gift to be enjoyed.

Hello OP. I have the same voices as you do, and have had them since 2004 when I became telepathic for some reason.

Firstly, the alcohol and weed doesn't help imo. I think alcohol weakens your defences and makes you vulnerable to entities and such. The weed also.

Where do you hear the voice, to the left of your head, the right or from the centre of your brain?

I've had a woman speaking to me for years and I think I've created this myself. She bull#s me often, as I'll be playing poker and wondering whether to fold or call a hand and I'll hear 'jack ten', call and be shown another hand. That's happened once.

Sorry I can't offer more advice. Don't let it get you down, the voice isn't causing you to do anything so you have the choice to ignore it.

Didn't Socrates mention voices? He names his voice the Daimon. Then again I heard Grant Morrison talking about the classical Greeks, saying how they never considered the voices in their head to be theirs and attributed it to something else. Not sure if that's true.

Originally posted by Karlhungis
reply to post by BiohazardsBack

 

Did they knock you out? Do you think that the Dentist said that while you were under and you are just remembering that? I have heard of other cases where people end up being haunted by the conversations that the Dr's had while they were under anesthesia.

Interesting.

haha, no, I flipped right out, I had only been there for about 5 minutes, I never actually lost conciousness or anything.

Most notable in my mind about the whole situation is my mom cautiously describing it as "how people feel after they've had a glass of wine" (I was maybe 14 or 15 at the time) and that alone made it so I'm the only teenager I know who has never drank

Hello again.

Sorry for not responding in awhile...been feeling kind of down. My friends have turned against me and even my family is starting to hate me after an incident that occured. People I even considered acquaintinces have even told me that a good friend of mine deserved to die because he was black. I have been having such emotional instability. It seems like it's just becoming too much. I will try to address the people that posted. Sorry if it's a little confusing. I'm going off memory.

Firstly, someone mentioned how they have had dissociative feeling since laughing gas. Well, over the past week, maybe longer I have been researching triggers and such. It turns out a good handful of people have been having dissociative feelings after smoking pot. What the doctors have told them is since it was an anxious experience along with intoxication it created something similar to a marker memory. It is an anxiety disorder....at first I didn't believe this. But the more I kept analyzing my state of mind I realized I was having it provoked by anxiety. I assume the same is for the laughing gas. Personally I try to avoid anasthesia as much as possible. I have had it before and I feel complete loss of consciousness and worry if that is what is for us "on the other side".

Since moving around my room and making it more me-friendly. I have stopped having the dissociative feelings. It has lowered my anxiety. Also I have not taken anymore drugs or alcohol. It just isn't for me anymore. Though I suspect if I bring up the truth about how I have been feeling these days it wouldn't be unexpected to be put on some type of anxiety pill. Usually I despise the medication, but given the way I feel, it really feels like I have no choice. I'm going to ask if I can cut back on some of the other meds because it feels a little too much and I can think clearer off some of them.

Someone mentioned telepathy as a source for the voices. That is honestly what it feels like. But in your case did you have any of the things confirmed? Right now I can't read your post because you are anonymous and I am already in the written section. So I'm not sure if you've already mentioned that. It seems like there are two categories. One of the voices seems to be a stigma effect of my imaginary friend and I do not believe to be real, once I am centered and able to sort my thought processes. The other kind I get which happens doing mundane tasks seems like it is actually a tap into a larger spectrum of knowledge whether telepathic or not. I also hear the voices like a thought, it is in no center, right, or left of the brain. At least not one I can distinguish.

I quit taking coffee because it made me just feel strange and out of it. I am very sensitive to caffeine. I'm trying to go completely sober, including an addiction to amphetamine, particularly adderall. It's been hard but I'm trying to hold in there. I see my psychiatrist tommorow at 1.

As for the printing this out and showing my psychiatrist. I'd feel much more comfortable showing a therapist and asking for his advice. The reason being that I have been disbanded from an older psychiatrist because I confessed to drug use, and had a good talking to.

Hope all is well with you guys/gals,
Teleport

I hear your feeling down. this world is so flippn insanely written. i wanna tell ya that some people wish their world wasnt so simply ordinary wish that they could have special ways. its crazy to seem as though we didnt ask to be the character in this story.
why ask, why wonder, when you shud be looking forward not back. ask where can this get me? let me test these skills. who can help me cuz though we may seem alone there is a significant other.
Train yourself to see it as a positive. there is absolutely two ways to look at everything. why we may wonder? well, weve all got puzzles to solve. as soon as you start seeing or understanding the amazing part of your gift/burden the more easy it shall be to flow along.
let me tell you now i wud drive myself straight up insane everyday but then i remembered that there was a time i felt nice everyday i was completely dazzled by all thats around us! i know its hard for many to accept but start praying buddy i mean it man to the Good Lord. because that is the only thing that can help your sanity if you decide to give into self-peace. there are all sorts of quotes thats say so much and teach u so much thatll help you understand the world around you make you feel good about youself by helping others forgetting bout your ego.
Check out God's Little Devotional Books. there is so much more to think about than the negative. seriously. north south good bad yin and yang dont forget it. helps you understand and figure it all out. Lord be with.

I do have my own advice for this matter.

Every night, I try to lucid dream. I have never gotten to actually do it, but I have gotten incredibly close, and when ever I do get close, I hear voices in my head, and every time I hear them, I get a little bit of the phenomena that you have described.

Now, what happens for those who are in the know of metaphysical things probably had an OOBE before. In the lucid dream state, it is very possible to go into an OOBE, because the Lucid Dream state will open most of the subliminal mind and enact that on yourself and on the Astral Plane, the plane that you travel on when you are having an OOBE. With that said, it is possible to travel to other places, or to hear things that you do not normally hear. If you have ever had a lucid dream, or had an OOBE, you probably heard these voices because there are most likely entities that are surrounding you.

Now, drugs and other medicines can contain chemicals that can fade the boundaries of the Astral Plane, and kind of put you where you are still on the physical plane, but just a little bit on the Astral. This can answer why you have been seeing things, or why you have been hearing things. They are really there, but you just don't see them or hear them normally.

So, in order to help the intrusions into normal life fade away, I would suggest trying to Lucid Dream or OOBE, so that you can talk to these entities. Now, I would suggest that you don't trust these entities, but do not fear them, because they might or might not be good entities to hang around with. Also, respect them, because if you don't, then they might not be so willing to talk to you, or they might be in the mood to attack.

But whatever it is, everything seems to me like you need to listen to these entities because they need to tell you something.

If you need any more help just let me know.

reply to post by TechnoFan21


Well some questions and points about that. What I hear doesn't seem like a message of any kind. It seems like ramblings about obscure non consequential things. I have had an OBE before but I got too scared and went back into my body. I was 14 at the time. It was many years ago.

Also why would anyone want to give ME of all people a message that is so important it would come from another realm? Also why can I hear them and see them and normally other people cant? When this first happened I thought it was all in my head or my imagination. I was like 8 at the time. Then everything was beginning to be proven as time went on or I got more educated. Other people have experienced the effects of what has been happening to me.

reply to post by Teleport


Umm, well, maybe the entities just, like you? This has happened before a few times, or maybe your house is situated where the entities meet at, or where they died, are connected to, etc.

You're also right about the ramblings thing. They might not be trying to give you a message, but, like I said before, maybe they just like your presence and they want to talk to you.

An explanation for why you are seeing and hearing things again refers back to my latter statement about the boundaries fading between the Astral and Physical plane, but maybe you are like that naturally, and sometimes this is strengthened by drugs, like the fact that you seem to be seeing and hearing these people like you did when you were little. This is probably because you tried to blot these entities out of your mind, like it never happened, and then you thought it was just you imagining things, but then the drugs opened back up the psychological barrier that you made.

This might not be exactly what is happening (and I am very sorry if it's not) but from my knowledge, this seems very likely.

Imo what you need is a medical doctor who gives you the right medication for your ADD and who can educate you on what certain combinations of meds and alcohol or drugs can result in.

With regard to your bad pot/meds/alcohol experience, I once had a bad trip created by mushrooms and very strong painkillers (taken 12 hours apart). Ever since this bad trip I can float back into it. A few years ago I had eaten little, had drunk a bit of champaigne and looking at flashing lights in the bar I was at made me feel as panicky as I was during the bad trip (in which I was loosing my mind). I even considered lying on the ground or calling an ambulance. Instead I fixed my eyes on something that was stable, not flashing and concentrated on my breathing. After 30 minutes the peak was over yet I felt bad for hours afterwords.

I think meditating every day for say 10 minutes will help calm down your system.

As regard to the voices, when I have had a lot of input of what ever kind, when in bed I will sometimes hear voices talking to another and also very seldom to me. I interpret this simply as my brain being very tired. By the bye this happened also to me when I was a teen, years before the bad trip.

I do not think that you are being contacted via telepathy, I think you need rest, order, good medication and no booze or drugs. And good guidance by a physician you trust.



[edit on 2-8-2008 by QueenofWeird]