Why do I have to be alone :(

reply to post by Chiiru


Ah do I know u from somewhere, I think I do just cant remember from where....oh well

to the OP:

Boo Freaking Hoo! u think u are really suffering how about all the people in the world who die from wars and famine and live in streets and kids who are orphans and even snakes biting people and sick cancer amputee people. just because ur d*** aint getting s***** daily like everbody elses doesn't give u the right to complain. nomatter what, u got it good at least u got no snakes or anything and its not like its the end of the world for u. plus the cure for ur loneliness is one that gets u more problems anyway. its like having a headache so u make a snake bite u so u can divert the pain away but the venomous bite will hurt more man. I mean snakes are really bad they do the stealthy thing and jump at you from no where without a warning.

anyway aside from snakes, take my advise I know how u can land urself some chicks who dont pet snakes: try and insert these words into ur conversations with any woman regardless of context or meaning; big, huge, long, thick, strong, enormous, insert, large, snakes, thrusters, vibrations, $$$, back and forth, in and out, stimulate, wet, slippery, suction, push, pressure, smooth, hard, firm, fluids, gentle, slide it in.

but i want to add, have u ever considered that ur dilemma might arise from the fact that ..umm...that u might be on the wrong side of the fence or cheering for the wrong team, driving on the wrong side of the road, swimming in the wrong side of the pool... u catch my drift. thats just a maybe not implying anything, its just that pple are sometimes confused. ----Im pretty sure what i just said will drive u right into the arms of a women, always works unless u are actually voting for the wrong candidate.


and chiiru, those threads arent calling women sluts or whores its just saying that women ACT like sluts and whores. theres a difference jk

okay hopefully i was able to help u and careful snakes do bite.



[edit on 28-5-2008 by DuneKnight]

[edit on 28-5-2008 by DuneKnight]

reply to post by DuneKnight


Cheering for the wrong team? Are you implying I might be gay? Well, that's not the first time people thought I was gay.
I'm not gay, I'm attracted to women, I just get along a lot better with guys though, simply cause of the crap I've dealt with women.

I seek something worth more than sex from women though, I seek a relationship, seems that's a lot harder to get these days.

Chiiru, I'm not setting double standards, I don't expect anything more from women then what I offer, I don't need them to be better or more understanding or tolerant than me. What I'm looking for may seem far fetched or unrealistic, but standards I'm asking for are no more than what my own standards are.

-Jimmy

well I am sorry to say this but the problem is YOU.
First off you seem to be a bit needy yet still you don't accept that women can be a bit needy too at times, and what you say is simply incorrect.

You said you are not that good looking, well perhaps it is time to hit the gym? It can do no harm, would you date a fat chick rather than a slim one? probably not... even though you might say so (probably just to make yourself not feel bad). Hard fact is it does matter. I am sorry I am so harsh you seouriously need to get your acts together.

Second thing is you have to be intresting, it isn't really enough that you are in same situation in life with someone. Don't be an ass kisser it is acualy better to make fun of girls than buying them everything they want, IMO only the very upper class girls requier super hot rich men. The expectations play big role in this.

Bottom line is, your text sounds like if you could have women you do be a total W****E your self, and sounds like you are not needy only because your life situation. (I might be totaly wrong it is hard to know). Get your act together, set your goals way higher. You deep inside want to be richer anyway (probably), and you are not going to make anyones life worse by being him, acualy probably just the opposite.

Change everything about yourself, first thing is way of acting, I mean if you were a girl in demand would you want someone who just whines? (not saying you do necessarily). Also generaly it is harder to find anyone by being nice than by being bad. I am not talking about acualy doing bad things but just the way you act/move etc. If a girl likes you it is going to be way more fun to be around her. And don't play like you are totaly ok with any girl, if you are a bit demanding in a funny way, it can make girls feel special around you.

This is my 2 cnts. (BTW no pun intended)

I know you've probably heard this before, but truth is truth. Stop looking and it will just happen.

Let that sink in for a minute - stop looking and it will just happen.

Alot of what you first described (aside from the gross generalizations about how evil ALL women are) are how I felt. "I'm a nice guy" blah blah blah. Well, regardless of how great I thought I was, the one common denominator to every situation I put myself in when looking for that perfect lady was exactly that - I was LOOKING for that perfect lady. By doing so, whether I consciously knew it or not, I was evaluating every chance meeting or random encounter like some sort of job interview.... Couple that with the fact that I was looking in the wrong places (IE: bars/clubs aren't the best) and well golly, I just wonder why I couldn't meet anyone.

The day I met my wife I went to volunteer at a local dog adoption event in my city. I was actually on a date with a girl but I had decided before I met her that I was going to this event and invited her to come along. The booth I was assigned to belonged to my current wife and needless to say... I am sooooo happy the date didn't go too well. You see, I was finally doing something that meant something to me. Something I believed in and could concentrate on. The girl I was with wasn't as into it (thankfully) but I made a lasting impression on my wife by simply being myself. That very night I called her (got her number at the event) and we talked all night long. It was a life changing experience.

Good luck on your journey.

[edit on 06/11/2008 by blackbox]

Some of the best advice I was ever given was this:

Learn to be alone. This means learn to live alone and do for yourself. This forces you to learn who you are. If you cannot make yourself happy then no one else will be able to. Simple fact.

You sound as if you are jaded because of past experiences. This is common and the cure for it is to be alone. To live life for yourself, to learn what makes you happy, to learn to what it is you want out of life. Only when you know those things will you be able to know exactly what it is you want from a relationship.

And yes, when you stop searching, it will happen. I can vouch for that. I simply stopped looking, stopped trying, stopped spending so much energy on trying to get that right guy ... and wham ... I met the man I am going to marry.

Last thing, you really need to let go of the resentment towards women. Yes, you have been hurt, but that does not mean all women are like that. If you continue to hold those thoughts about women, you will never meet one that will be right for you.

VV

Originally posted by jimmyjackblack
I'm a pretty nice guy,

lets review shall we? Actually your OP is riddled with sexist, self pitying dribble so I'll just quote the end of it:

I love people, but I can't stand women,

..so women aren't people now? Oh thats right.. you think we're all whores..

they make me sick

. They are selfish and care nothing about others.
They care nothing about me, no women love me, I treat them with the same care I do for men,

Clearly you don't.. unless you go around blaming ALL men for all thats wrong in yout life? thats alot of baggage to heap on any prospective girlfriend.

but they don't want to be anything more.
Why do I have to be so alone?

Why shouldn't you be? Answer that and you might get somewhere.. thus far you've only winged about women being whores. Why should a woman want to be with someone who disrespects women as much as you do? I'm really sorry you're lonely.. but misogriny is not a turn on.

[edit on 12-6-2008 by riley]

Originally posted by ValhallasValkyrie
Some of the best advice I was ever given was this:

Learn to be alone.
[snip]
And yes, when you stop searching, it will happen. I can vouch for that. I simply stopped looking, stopped trying, stopped spending so much energy on trying to get that right guy ... and wham ... I met the man I am going to marry.

The experience is NOT the same for men.

Men are the ones who are *expected* to try and take risks and make it happen. When we give up and stop trying and stop approaching women - then we get to be alone indefinitely

I am glad that your "stop looking and trying" philosophy worked for you as a woman - but please understand, this is the WORST advice you could possibly be giving single men

reply to post by MrdDstrbr


It's the same advice I gave and I'm not a woman. It's the same advice I live by because I would not have had a chance with my wife had I been "trying".

I think women like admiring a man's passion and getting a feel for what we are about without worrying about if we are simply trying to get in their pants or not. When you're trying to impress someone, you often (whether consciously or not) are not acting completely like yourself. When you let go and show your true personality is when magic happens.



[edit on 06/11/2008 by blackbox]

reply to post by blackbox


Well let me clarify what I mean by "trying".

I DON'T mean "trying to impress" or "trying to get in a woman's pants".

What I mean by "trying" is, putting yourself out there, creating opportunities to meet new people, striking up conversations with people, asking women for their numbers or for dates, etc etc.

I went back and read your post about meeting your wife, and I would say that you were "trying" in the sense that you put yourself out there by going out and getting involved in an activity that you enjoy; you found an opportunity to meet an interesting new person, you acted on that opportunity by taking a small risk and asking her for her number and calling her later....

When men give up and stop "trying" like that - then they get to be "Forced Loneliness" men

Don't ever give up and stop trying!!

reply to post by MrdDstrbr



Thank you for clarifying your point and I agree with it to a certain level. Nobody would get anywhere if they shut the blinds, locked the doors and huddled in their home.

I do think that when you go into a situation with a clear head (as you say "put yourself out there") the possibilities seem to be more open ended. I didn't go to the adoption event "looking" for anything, in fact (as I said) I was there on a date. Magic just seemed to happen when I wasn't looking...

See what I mean?

reply to post by jimmyjackblack

i would recommend you get some confidence first. because that energy you put out in this post is most definitely picked up by women. while its true that all alot of women want are the stereotypical male types, for the most part its what we men look for too. that doesnt mean you cant land an attractive female, you just gotta learn how to present an aura of confidence and that will make you attractive to women. because women like us, dont know what they want. they are just as dumb as us when it comes to this stuff, sometimes even more clueless. the reason you date those bad types of women is because you feel like you dont deserve any better than them. stop falling in love with any female that gives you the time of day as well. not every woman you date is your true love. and lastly, be honest with yourself and what youre looking for because what you say youre looking for here isnt the truth by a mile. you yourself wants to be adored, as should anyone in a relationship (the feeling of being loved deeply by another person). if you truely feel that way about helping people, then you dont need a woman to help you do those things. we find people when we least expect it btw. good luck, do some soul searching, pick yourself up off the ground, learn to be stronger and then things will change for you.

Put a bunch of socks in the crotch of your pants. That'll do the trick, and women love it.

Grab girls in the ass. They may not appear to like it and will have you for sexual harrassment but they like it in the end and will take it as a compliment. But seriously just switch off your brain and just say whatever pops into your head. It will set you free. Dont hessitate with anything or its obvious youre not confident.

reply to post by jimmyjackblack


Hey Jimmy.. Heres some old school wisdom for you..

When you are single you want to be with someone..
When you get with someone you want to be single! hehe

Its a catch 22! And finding the right person takes much time and alot of hard work on both ends.

I say this.. Anything worth having.. Is worth waiting for..

If you are everything you say you are.. Give it time, dont rush it.. And never give up..
Sooner or later you will be just as unhappy as the rest of us!

LOL enjoy being single for now man!!
Sooner or later you will be hoping you where single agin.

reply to post by Critical



yea or try sarcasm

reply to post by jimmyjackblack


Hey jim,

First off, what im about to say isnt meant to be mean or offensive. its a sort of way for me to get a feel for the situation you're in.

I do not consider myself a handsome guy, certainly not in the underwear ad sense. My wife is gorgeous, and far out of my league, and i have no idea what she see's in me Though it was not always this way.

My old weight, before my 'awakening' was 285lbs and i was 5"9
so yeah - i was a chunker. I never had a serious relationship with anyone up to this point, when i was basically jerked back into reality from my 'pity party' that i had created for myself.

What was told to me was that i had two options

1.) If i felt that my phsyical appearance was the reason - then maybe i should change my physical appearance

2.) Maybe my standards are too high because i worry to much about what others will think.

The second one got me, until it was explained further.
Think of your married friends. Now think of their wives. think of the one, or one's, that are not phsyically attractive.
Do you make fun of your friend(s) in your mind because they didnt marry Denise Richards (drools....)
??

No.

So i issue you the same challange

fi you think its because you're 'fat' (and ... by the way, there's chunky people, and then there's FAT people. Google it and you'll see what i mean)
Then go do something about your weight. At the very least, it will improve your self-esteem and overall confidence when you can look in the mirror and see what you define as skinny


or


Do you worry about what people would think if you hooked up with a "7" instead of a "10" ? If so - refer to my previous statement about thinking about your freinds.


Personally - i went with the first option.
I worked out, took Zantrex 3, cut out the Mcdonalds.

Now dont get me wrong, i didnt go to a tofu and rabbit diet. I still eat burgers, steaks, drank A1 like it was water
but it was all home cooked, and i "earned" my burgers and steaks by walking/running/lifting weights and doing pushups/pullups

lifting weights tones muscle, which replaces fat. So you can still weigh 250lbs, but look fit.

The options are up to you man
I'd be more than glad to talk with you more u2u if you had any Q's (since i feel as though i can relate)

Oh yeah

and

You'll never see "the one" coming. You wont realize its happening until its already happened and you're going on your honeymoon.

Take it from me That last part might as well be law.


Also - i didnt read all the posts in this thread, so if someone already offered this advice, i apologize.

[edit on 13-6-2008 by Andrew E. Wiggin]

[edit on 13-6-2008 by Andrew E. Wiggin]

Don't sweat it man....why spend so much energy focusing on what "could" be.

Enjoy yourself, build the single "self" instead of always persuing the "couple".

"If you build it, they will come"

life goes on man, people in africa starving, people in wars all over the world. Why worry about being single. Focus on some thing else, read a book, play Ps3, modify a car, learn guitar, go back to uni/school....im single, got years more of uni to go, i play 3 instruments, teach music and modify my ride with my spare cash and work full time..im so busy man when i got free time all i want to do is watch the simpsons and movies and hang with some mates. Take it easy one day at a time, youll pull thru ive seen a few mates feel the same way told them the same advise.

Well for one put the pity party away, two start practicing some of that forgivness stuff , third if you feel unattractive then it is time to put the pork rinds down turn the computer off and go outside. Believe it or not there are actually all kinds of people outside your front door that want to know you but, the problem is you really havent even scratched the surface of knowing who you are.

You say you want a woman who is intrested in missionary work and such which brings a question how do you not know that you wont meet her if you go off and do it by yourself first?

You need to forgive those that hurt you in the past and understand that each new woman is not the same as those that hurt you. You dont do it for them you do it for yourself, when you truly forgive someone you carry nothing, when you carry resentment you are always carrying something,
lighten the load.

And by all means quit trying to find the love, it will find you. This does not mean shut yourself in and hide from the world. It simply means in engage in activities and conversations with no expectations beyond having a good time. I have puzzled a great many men trying to get the girl simply by doing nothing at all. You sir are just trying to hard and it shows. Stop taking rejection personally it really isn't. You get rejected and think to yourself whore, slut whatever when you see the woman you were talking to enjoying someone elses company, this kind of negativity shows in all of your body language and is key to you having been rejected in the first place.