She's going out with ex for the weekend (just friends)

Ok guys and gals of ATS, I have a question for you:

I met this girl a month ago when I was on vacation at my best friend's house (his cousin). Well we have been calling and texting each other a lot. After a couple of weeks, she started telling me she wants me in her arms, and wants to be with me, and when I go on vacation again before the end of the month we had planned to spend it together. Basically she is telling me everything I want to hear.

However, her ex-boyfriend who borrowed her tax money from her and left her for another woman, is coming to where she lives sister's house which is a few miles from her so he could spend the weekend up there. Fishy huh?

Her story is that they are still just friends. She told me she was only going to shoot pool with him one night, which I was lenient and said that was fine, but now her aunt told me he is actually coming into town just for the weekend. She didn't bother to fill me in on that part. Her sister is going with them to but her sister doesn't know she likes me, and her aunt may go to, but she doesn't want her to go, because she knows she will run her mouth to me when she gets back.

So I asked her about it, and haven't talked to her since yesterday afternoon. I have been ignoring her texts. She sent me one telling me she is sorry and didn't mean to hurt my feelings but her and her ex are still good friends and nothing more and she wanted to be with me.

However I see this as weird. Why would you leave your girlfriend for the weekend to come and see your ex? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I have been in past relationships where they were only going out with their ex as friends but it ended up more than that. I am afraid this is the case here.

Her Aunt says the reason why she doesn't call me often is because she is on the phone with her ex all day long. So this just makes me wonder.

She is telling my best friend that she really likes me (her cousin) and is just her exes friend. Nothing more. And he is telling me he trusts her and wouldn't lie to me, but I know he wouldn't lie. However, I think she is just telling him that to try and keep me. He is also telling me his mom the girls aunt is just filling me up with drama, and lying about things to make me mad. But he hasn't been through what I have been through in the past with girlfriend and their exes that were supposed to be just friends.

So ATSers am I doing the right thing by already telling her no man would put up with it, and not talk to her anymore or am I just being to jealous and they are just friends?

[edit on 2-5-2008 by jca2005]

[edit on 2-5-2008 by jca2005]

[edit on 2-5-2008 by jca2005]

Originally posted by jca2005
So ATSers am I doing the right thing by already telling her no man would put up with it, and not talk to her anymore or am I just being to jealous and they are just friends?

you are just being jealous but it is understandable.

relationships are founded on trust and this should be viewed as a major test of that trust. let her know you are not happy that she didn't give you the full details of the visit and let her know that, while the situation makes you uncomfortable, you have no choice but to let her do what she wants. If, after this weekend, she is still not with the ex, you have proven yourself to be one hell of a guy and the relationship should blossom from there. If she winds up back with the ex, so be it. It will hurt but you will have avoided the sneaking around and the future pain and anguish and that pain and anguish would probably have been far worse as your relationship might have been at a much higher level.

There's also the possibility that she views your jealousy and lack of trust in a horrible light and, even though this "visit" from the ex was nothing, you have now blown it.

man up and let her do her thing.

jca2005,

You really need to think through what you are posting on here...think it through ..not emotionally..women dont like drama queens.

This woman is going to see a guy who borrowed her tax moneys?? Then left her for another woman?? This guy dogged her ..understand??

You must be a really nice guy!!! This woman obviously likes nice guys..but is more attracted to men who treat her roughly and abusively. Got it yet..you are to nice..she doesnt respect you. She will play the game with you but not long term...she would rather a guy treat her like her ex boyfriend.

I am using the term woman here...you are obviously young..nothing wrong with this most certainly. What you have is girl games going on here. Women play them too..they just get a bit more sophisticated as age transpires.

This woman obviously puts you off while planning how to get to the ex boyfriend.

Are you giving her first fruits in decency ..dates/moneys, risks??

You are probably treating her incorrectly..you need to treat her like crap.
You need to dog her.

Now that sounds mean on the surface...but think about how you are being emotionally dogged here. Is your time and money worth that much dogging from her??
Are you an emotional train wreck.

While women may occasionally like a man who is jealous as it raises their value in the marketplace...it also puts you on the emotional string. In short it makes you insecure. Do you think a woman like this appreciates a insecure man?? A man she can put on the emotional string.

Years ago a woman tried to do this to me by telling me she had an invitation to the mountains with a guy for the weekend. I opened my wallet and gave her $60.00 and said have a good time ..dont spend it all in one place. I dont play those games.

Be prepared to give her up...let her go if necessary. There are to many women out here to be taking second place while being a nice guy.

As strange as it sounds ..there are women out here who have no respect for a nice guy..they do have respect for a man who will reject them and dog them.

I dont really like to do it to a woman..but have found that the alternative is not something I like either. I dont have alot of time for some womans baggage like this. I will tell her to get lost ..and stop messing with her...or if she is determined to come back..I will dog her. She worked hard for it.

YOu dont take second place in this world while offering up first place. You are not here necessarily to be a nice guy. Decent yes...but nice guy ..no ..especially with some women. IF you dont take this to heart ..women like this will handle you..not you them. Understand now??

Re reading your post..I dont think you actually have that much time invested in this woman/girl. Better you learn this before you have alot of time moneys and emotions/risks invested.

It appears you have mostly phone time invested. Cut your losses dude. Before you are out alot of time,money, and emotions. If you think further than your ego...ask yourself how many other guys has she done this to. Is it a regular pattern of behavior??
It is obvious that you are not around enough physically to make any difference...so dont sweat it.

LOL LOL...this is a woman who wants a man around physically..she cannot go the distance otherwise...even a guy who dogged her....understand??
Her biggest problem in life..is boredom. This is a girl/woman on whom you want to spend your time and moneys/vacation?? Think it through.

Dont become an emotional train wreck here..she has already done that enough for both of you...got it?? This guy took her tax moneys...and then left her for another woman. She wants to go back to him ..even for a weekend. Cause she is bored?? What would happen with a train wreck woman like this if you were in the military..far from home and her...married or not. I ve been in this position and I know what happens.
You are going to be dumb enough to get emotional over this?? Get a clue dude??

In short ..you stop being a wuss!!!

Dont mean to be so rough..but you are being lead around by the emotions and glands here. You are even helping yourself to be lead around by the glands and emotions. Learn to lead...dont be lead.

Thanks,
Orangetom





[edit on 2-5-2008 by orangetom1999]

I have to agree with Orangetom on this one. I got played like this in my last relationship. Personally, I'd quit taking her calls, cut off all contact, and leave it at that. I'm usually not the type to tell someone to get stepping, but that's what you need to consider here.



[edit on 2-5-2008 by DamnedDirtyApes]

I say you get in touch with OJ Simpson, and give him her number.

Seriously, sounds to me like she is playing you. It's ashame. As a previous poster stated, it might be time to cut your losses.

Orangetom,

I don't think I am taking your advice. There is no need to "dog" a woman. They don't deserve that. If that's what they like then they don't deserve a "nice guy" or man I shall say. I grew up watching my father abuse my mother and because of that I try and be nice as possible to a woman and not mean to her like that.

I told her I was sorry for not trusting her, and to have fun, that I just have to get my trust back from previous relationships. She said that she is glad I am talking to her again, and that she understands.

Yes I am young. I am 21 years old. She is 31 with 3 young kids.

leave this broad alone.

she's still got some feelings for dude..

if you can't see that you're as blind as a bat...

yea plus she's 10 years older then you with three kids

careful man thats all i'm gonna say, careful

Three kids!!!

My God man, get out of there now.

I'm gonna say what Roland D. didn't say...

She's looking for a sugar daddy to babysit and help support her kids.

Then when you discipline HER kids, she will come down on you like a ton o bricks.

Don't be a chump.....this is the voice of experience talkin..........

[edit on 2-5-2008 by whaaa]

Originally posted by LordInfamous
leave this broad alone.

she's still got some feelings for dude..

if you can't see that you're as blind as a bat...

Yes she I knew from the start she had feelings for him. She has even told me herself, and that she is doing her best on letting go.

Originally posted by whaaa
Three kids!!!

My God man, get out of there now.

I'm gonna say what Roland D. didn't say...

She's looking for a sugar daddy to babysit and help support her kids.

Then when you discipline HER kids, she will come down on you like a ton o bricks.

Don't be a chump.....this is the voice of experience talkin..........

[edit on 2-5-2008 by whaaa]

This is funny because I dated a 35 year old woman with 3 kids for about a year only 2 lived with her. So I already know how it is.

Take Orangetoms advice,
And I am sorry to be the only woman to reply to this thread.

Let her go, please, she is playing you.
WIS

Originally posted by jca2005

Originally posted by LordInfamous
leave this broad alone.

she's still got some feelings for dude..

if you can't see that you're as blind as a bat...

she is doing her best on letting go.

lmao..

you prolly beleive this to don't ya?

if you do you're a stonecold fool..

Originally posted by LordInfamous
lmao..

you prolly beleive this to don't ya?

if you do you're a stonecold fool..

Nah, I don't believe it. But come to find out he is staying the night and was going back to a funeral, that I believe because his girlfriend's cousin died last week, I know her so he wasn't planning on staying the weekend. The aunt lied. I asked her about it, and she said she wasn't sure. But let's just put it this way, I know, I have been through this once. I have a plan.

Originally posted by jca2005
Orangetom,

I don't think I am taking your advice. There is no need to "dog" a woman. They don't deserve that. If that's what they like then they don't deserve a "nice guy" or man I shall say. I grew up watching my father abuse my mother and because of that I try and be nice as possible to a woman and not mean to her like that.

I told her I was sorry for not trusting her, and to have fun, that I just have to get my trust back from previous relationships. She said that she is glad I am talking to her again, and that she understands.

jca2005,

I stated that I dont like dogging a woman either. But if a woman is dumb enough to come back around after doing that to me...and for a guy like this who dogs her...she must like it.
Personally..dogging women is alot of work. Id rather spend my time and moneys on something with more potential. But this woman strikes me as very manipulative to get her boredom taken care of...she likes the excitement. Excitement and good times is not a nice guy. I know lots of women like this ..the will go for the fantasy and good times...every time. It is like they are on a drug.and have to get to the source of the fantasy/drug.
Up to you dude...but when you get tired of being dogged yourself...coming in second third and futher down the line.. and finally figure out that alot of the work necessary to get dogged...you are volunteering into yourself...then rethink what some have posted in this thread.

Dude..this is a woman in her 30s with three kids..still thinking and acting like a 16-18 year olde?? Going for the fantasy and the good times.

However...no problem. Be a nice guy and set yourself up for another one. They are all over out here among the wildlife.

There are lots of women in their thirtys with kids....the biological clock is running out dude...it is getting ready to strike midnight Cinderella. Pumkin time. A nice guy is just what the doctor ordered....until an olde boyfriend comes into town.

LOL LOL LOL...nice guys finish last dude.

Oh..and Ive dated older women for most of my life. I know how it is too.

Thanks,
Orangetom



[edit on 2-5-2008 by orangetom1999]

Sage advice has been given.....

No Rules
No Limits
No excuses

and most of all no whining......

Go with your gut... If she cared she's bail on him as a friend... Every girlfriend I've ever had made me delete all my girlfriends numbers... I've lost a lot of good friends just to satisfy my girl... If you guys end up serious I'd suggest to her she stop seeing the ex any more... Girls cheat a lot too man.. So watch out... It's a hard call and you might be jealous or whatever, but if you feel it's not right chances are it's not... Also if you have to be worried about any of what I've mentioned then it's not worth it.. If you don't trust her you will never have a relationship with her...

My recommendation to you would be to trust her for now since you haven't really been together long... If things get better cool, if they get fishier then I'd bail, but that's just me... Plenty more in the ocean man...

You've known her for a month.

:bash:


If this early on in your relationship you already feel the need to question her, then I say *red flag*. Whether she is honestly being a idiot and repeaing past mistakes or just telling the truth and your overeacting, both are not good signs.

Maybe it's best to step away from the situation for a short time and then come back to it after the dust settles. If she is truly worth it and she truly feels you are as well, she will come to her senses, meanwhile you can be busy doing other things or dating other people.

We always think we are way smarter than you guys and are able to one-up you at any given moment.

Dump her now and don't explain yourself either.

There are many good people who don't play these types of games.