anyone want to help/talk/give advice, etc..i NEED some help

reply to post by Boondock78



Sometimes.... you need to just focus on the "DANCE" of the pixelated detailed illustration of the meaning of life... good luck!

I've read and reread, hesitated and hesitated some more, and even though I still haven't formulate what I consider to be helpful advice... I have say I'm glad you've opened up yourself and are willing to face and discuss your issues.

As long as you give your wife and kids your love and affection, you're a good man. Don't stress yourself over things you could have done, should have done or wish you could do. Focus on what you can do and that is to be there for them and let them know how much they mean to you. I wish I could help with the pain, but try taking hot baths in epsom salts, also stay away from the caffiene.

good luck and if you need an ear...i'm a u2 away.

Let me second what MM said to you ... she gave you a link to a yahoo group where you can talk to others with the same problem.

I dearly love my husband of 34 years. He sufferes from deepression and from agoraphobia, so my life is different than if I'd married someone else. But nobody makes me smile like he does... and nobody ever made a better Chicken Cordon Bleu! And I wouldn't trade him for all the other men in the world.

Remember that this is a cycle... the pain and the depression lead to racing thoughts and that drags you down and further down. I know that you have SOME strategies to stop or slow the cycle... try to pick one to get some control so you can break the cycle.

Support is important for right now. I did some research on this, and found that finding a group you can talk to (even us, I guess), will help you in many ways. I think a moderated group (no trolls) with folks who really understand what's going on and who can give you some ideas.

Like MM.

Boondock,

I was diagnosed with severe PTSD directly after the Marines and that combined with my childhood family situation, morphed itself into Clinical Depression...

I have managed to function without the Meds as my profession will not allow that...

I will be more than happy to talk to you about some of the strategies and disciplines I used to accomplish this...

Please U2U me if you think I can help....

Semper

BD, we haven't heard from you since this morning. Are you OK?

hey all.

thanks for the replys...

i'm as good as i can be i guess major...i woke up about 3:30 so not rested as usual. back is hurting.

it's going to be one of those days...

Originally posted by Byrd

I dearly love my husband of 34 years. He sufferes from deepression and from agoraphobia, so my life is different than if I'd married someone else. But nobody makes me smile like he does... and nobody ever made a better Chicken Cordon Bleu! And I wouldn't trade him for all the other men in the world.

this little part here makes me feel good byrd. my wife says the same things...she always tells me that even if she didn't need to work she would and she does not need/want me(a man) for their money or to take care of her...
she said she wants what we have. i don't cheat. i don't yell at her. i don't raise my hand to her. i cook for her and run her feet. draw tubs for her...

she says i treat her great and nobody makes her feel like i do...

i know that no matter what is going on in my head or no matter how bad of a day i am having, if she calls me cause she is having a bad day, i can turn it off and just listen/talk to her and it makes her feel better.

little things like that...

thing is, i KNOW better than to think these things, it's just something else my brain does.
i know she loves me. i don't think she is lying but it is still hard to believe you know...


i called the center about 20 minutes ago just to see whats what, maybe see about going to talk.

of course, i get the automated intake answering service....the service says leave all your info and you 'should' recieve a call back within 48 hours.

PERFECT



if i had to guess i would guess that sat and sun won't be part of the 48 hrs so i can look at at least monday to maybe get a call back....

see what i mean?

what about the hospital?

i'm afraid if i just go to the hospital they will just sweep me out the door as fast as possible or peg me as a drug seeker cause of how i look.

this is so #ing frustrating....my back is killing me...

Sorry about the back pain, you really should try the hot bath in the epsom salts... it's cheap, easily found in drugstores and I'm sure the hot bath will help you relax.

ok, well, it's 8:30, my wife just left and my day already sucks...been up for hours. i had my 1 hour with my wife and now she is gone till 4.

i have been debating for the past couple hours about going to the emergency room but i don't think they'll do anything(unless i get drastic like i talked about).
when i called the center, their intake message said if this is an emergency to go to the hospital...

so i go and i sit in triage' for an hour only to get back and see some general practitioner ER doc that don't give a crap and tells me to follow up with a psych.
thats how i see it playing out.......or

i just don't see the help coming. i called the center again and got the same automated intake message.
give em 48 hours unless it is an emergency then go to the hospital...

reply to post by worldwatcher


i do hot showers a lot...kinda half and half really. i don't really fit in the tub and it is pretty painful so i fill the tub up halfway with hot water so it hits my lower back and then i just sit, indian style with the shower beating on my upper back.....have not used the salts though.

I don't know what to recommend about the pain.

People have told you lay off the coffee and the cannabis -- coffee helps boost the effects of painkillers according to the anesthesiologist who helped at my C-sections, and the cannabis does help alleviate pain, so I don't think that's great advice for you, but just IMO.

The only thing I can recommend until you can get in to see some docs is to do some visualization. When you start getting angry, or catch yourself cycling into depression, close your eyes and picture a stop sign. Tell yourself stop. Take a few deep breaths, and go on with what you're doing.

The stop sign thing sounds stupid, but it's helped me in times of need. One of my therapists taught it to me years ago. After you practice with it a bit, it works better and better.

Keep us posted, man. I'm thinking about you.

Because I'm so geeky...

I made a personalized search engine to search for medical things on Google and NOT get back garbage results (research for a paper I'm doing.) I don't know how well this will work, but try this one and see if you can google for "mental health" and "services" along with the name of your area (and let me know how it works.)

Hopefully it will bring you some alternative choices other than that one clinic. (I typed "mental health services dallas" as a test and it returned info and not garbage)


Byrd's Personalized Google -- give it a try if you like:
www.google.com...


For the back pain... can you tolerate massage or manipulation (sometimes I can't, which is why I ask)? If you can, perhaps one of those Cheap Massage Therapists (we have a couple in the local mall) can help. I find their touch painful but a half hour session can often get rid of certain kinds of intractable back pain.

[edit on 9-11-2007 by Byrd]

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
I don't know what to recommend about the pain.

People have told you lay off the coffee and the cannabis -- coffee helps boost the effects of painkillers according to the anesthesiologist who helped at my C-sections, and the cannabis does help alleviate pain, so I don't think that's great advice for you, but just IMO.

major, i really do appreciate it....all of you as well.
this is helping me..i mean, don't get me wrong, i still feel like crap but it feels good knowing there is a couple people out there that are willing to listen to some stranger and try to help....

i will keep you updated cause i feel like i can post things here and someone will take it and give me something useful...even if it is something i might not want to hear.....i don't have any human interaction really. i mean when i pay a bill or go to the store but i have no friends..no 'confidants' or whatever so this is good.

i get nervous/scared/anxious/angry around people and while i talk to my wife, some of this stuff is hard to talk with her about...i wind up telling her everything but sometimes it tkes a few to come up with the right way....she always supports me but i don't want her to worry. so, i worry about telling her cause what if she starts to worry? then i will worry more..see

you guys are awesome though...i have been here for a long time..longer than some of the mods and super mods and such but i just now feel like i am getting to 'know' some of you guys and am getting to feel comfy 'opening up' in certain forums.

i go to other forums but if you start to talk about serious issues, forget it....troll/flame time and i don't need that.
you guys are about the closest people to 'friends' that i have.....pretty sad ain't it...


major, i am on the same page as you are with the grass and coffee but i do know what the others were saying. it is not good to smoke all day(which i don't), but i do see myself smoking more....
also, they are saying it is not good to drink coffee all day(nor would it be soda) and again, i do drink a LOT of coffee in the winter, after noon i go with caffeine free and we actually just switched to the folgers half and half kind cause my wife can't have caffeine anymore...so, i really don't think i am over doing it with that..

i don't feel like i am losing control of the other or getting 'junkified' or anything like that, just that i am not getting the same bang that i used to...
i mean, i could lay off for however long but then i am going to be taking prescription pain killers(with their cost and side effects) or i will be going to get over the counter sleep aides, that of course don't work that well.

last time i was taking unisom or tylenol pm, i would take like 5 of them dudes and nothing...
so in the end, i kind of looked at it like why pay about the same amount of money for a manufactured chemical pill that i have to take far more than recomended to get any effects, when i can do the other, AND enjoy it..?
so, i made my choice...

also, it must be said that the ther helps my apetite IMMENSLEY. most days i do not eat untill the evening which is when i do that..the medicines that i am on have pretty hardcore side effects in reguards to the apetite and my doc and i talked about it and she was going to give me another script for another med that was an apetite stimulant. i tald her again about this and that i would rather do this cause it works, and she was cool with it.

we don't have that medical program here but i am lucky to have a doctor that understands my situation.

enough about that though.....i don't want to change the topic.



as of this moment, i am not feeling a horrible as i thought i would be...it is sunny outside.thats nice.
this morning, i was messin with my fiddle(my guitar) and i started hitting some high notes like the other day and our little lady baset started howling back into the amp.
that was nice.....things like that put me in a good mood.

i found that nice mid/high range on the register and she was going off. it was too funny.

i wanted to show you guys and gals these pics...
along with the pills, the epidural blocks and lidocane injections, i get to have this too.
accupuncture with a little electroshock...





along with my back, she puts the needles in my wrist(for anxiety) and my legs but i forget what those points are for

I haven't had time to read everything, but I really understand where you are coming from. Really. If you feel like you need to vent I will be here also.

Originally posted by Byrd


Byrd's Personalized Google -- give it a try if you like:
www.google.com...


For the back pain... can you tolerate massage or manipulation (sometimes I can't, which is why I ask)? If you can, perhaps one of those Cheap Massage Therapists (we have a couple in the local mall) can help. I find their touch painful but a half hour session can often get rid of certain kinds of intractable back pain.

thanks for that search byrd..i'm going to check that out and see what i come up with.
i can not really tolerate either(my wife is a physical therapist btw)..

about a year ago, when i was getting the fentanyl(before the insurance pulled it) i would pop a loszenge in my mouth and go to the medical center and get into a pull, get a rub, get some estem and do very light excercises..i had the fent for breakthrough pain.
since those have been taken away, i have had either nothing for the breakthrough pain, or like now, vicodin..the vicodin helps but not much..it helps with my regular activity but not if i start to do other things.

i try to go for a walk every day but the past 10 days or so, i have not..
i should not say i can not tolerate manipulation cause my wife does stretch me out and gives me very small excercises but honestly, i don't do em a lot because it makes me spike. if i spike then i eat more vicodin. if i eat more that means i run out and if i run out that means i have a worse x number of days..
it's like a lose/lose.

my wife really wants me to build my stomach muscles up cause it will take some of the stress of my back so i sit on a swiss ball sometimes but not much else.

it must be said too that when i had my surgery, it was a strange situation.

i was preapproved for the surgery about a month before i had it. i had insurance. by the time i went in for surgery, the insurance was gone cause the job was gone...i had the surgery and was in the hospital and on the 4th day the admin lady came in and basically said i had to go.
i had 2 days of therapy in the hospital but after i left the hospital, i never saw the doctor that did the surgery again, nor did i have any type of therapy...
i am talking post surgery.


now, through the years i have had therapy at different places but i have no doubt that having no recovery therapy afterwards has a lot to do with this

are you willing and open to try some crazy stuff? Like changing your diet for a week? meditation, chanting mantras etc?

oh and obviously pills are not working for you, SO STOP TAKING MORE THAN THE RECOMMENDED DOSE NOW!!

You might think it's not doing anything to you or for you, but those things are only contaminating your body.

And what are you passionate about in life? Do you have a hobby?

Originally posted by worldwatcher
are you willing and open to try some crazy stuff? Like changing your diet for a week? meditation, chanting mantras etc?

I was gonna recommend relaxation videos. There are some great relaxation videos on YouTube.

I listen to them at work. I damn near fall asleep sometimes.

What about hypnosis Boondock?

Peace

reply to post by worldwatcher


i like to play guitar but it is limited cause of my back.

i like to edit video..i do wuite a bit of that....lately though, none of it...
as far as the medidation and such, i really don't think so...i am trying the alt way with this acupuncture and don't see the big to do...

that kind of stuff might work for some but i honestly don't put much stock in it

Would a lifter's back brace help at all?

I get pain from hyperlordosis from time to time, and it really helps my back.

reply to post by MajorMalfunction


only tried one of those kind that would velcro around your waist, kind of like a weight lifters belt....more uncomfy then anything