Been Cheated on?

I just found out today my ex who im still in love with cheated on me, she came right out and said it casualy, im pretty devo right now i realy want to hate her but i cant. maybe im just retarded. she lied about it for months and just casualy came out and said it today when i was at her place for her daughters second birthday, i love her daughter like she was my own child and she still call me dad . im afraid if im to harsh towards me ex ill never get to see her daughter again.

ahhh im sick of it all

sorry about the terrable spelling a grammer im abit sauced right now

well u should be saused.maybe u should cheat on her too?
its not just right to cheat on you and say it cassualy

It is time to let go of all of it, including the child as much as it will hurt. This means do not return her calls take smetimes to figure out what it is you did or didnt door could have done better, get back up on the horse and find yourself something better. There is no point of putting yourself into an even further devastating situation and she has made it clear that is what she intends this to become. Walk away and do it today. Also dont let getting sauced become to much of a habit, no one or thing is worth the problems another destructive behavior will cause.

I agree!

Dude, I wasted 8 years crying over a girl that broke our engagement to go with someone else. I punished myself and all the women that wanted to get with me for all those years.

Don't fall into that trap! I know it feels like you're going to die but you have to cut her loose and never look back. Her daughters memory of you will fade and hopefully she will grow up before the girl needs advice on dating.

What happened to me is that I started to become the weak partner in the relationship after loosing my job. She started to feel this weakness and women don't like a man that is no longer in control and the protector. I think this happens to allot of men. I have since grown up but it took a long time.

The point is you can't let this drag on and have to completely remove any remnants of this woman from your life. Easier said than done I know but I would give anything to have those 8 years back that I wasted. At least 2 of the women that really wanted to get with me would have been great life partners and I blew it. All because of this one chick that broke my heart.

ivzm,

Hey dude...sounds to me like she wants you to break up with her and is maneuvering you to do such. You should take her up on it.

This sounds like a pretty agressive maneuvering type woman by the lack of considerations for your sentiments. It is just done in what appears like a passive technique. Do not allow yourself to be deceived here.
If a woman can so often maneuver you in such a manner..passive agressive she eventually will not respect you. You have most likely contributed to this result ..unawares.

It also sounds like a woman who doesnt respect you. As to how much you contributed to this result is your buisness but it is a possiblity. Think it through.
When a woman doesnt respect you ..your finished. Dont waste time trying to regain it. It is to much work. Let her do the work if she is so inclined. I doubt it. But for you it is time to move on.
Yes you will probably miss whatever realtionship you had with her daughter...but that happens. You are not her father. You must learn the hard lessons of moving on here too.

There are lots of females out here. Do not despair but learn the method of weeding out the wildlife. This is a good life skill to develope ..weeding out the wildlife. It takes work and thinking.

Thanks,
Orangetom

Originally posted by orangetom1999
When a woman doesnt respect you ..your finished.

That's exactly right and exactly what happened to me.

I started out as the strong one and turned into the weak one. Once the respect is gone it wouldn't matter if you single handedly brought down Al Qaida, it's gone.

Women are funny, you think you are being the person they claim they want and end up losing their respect. Truth is, no matter what they say, they want a strong, take charge man that won't put up with their nonsense.

[edit on 12-9-2007 by jbondo]

indeed^^even if they want to be on top some time u must show ur the leader or they loose respect and will dump you/cheat on you/do terrorist stuff.
if a woman dosnt respect you yea its over^^
so what to do if the woman is already disrespecting you?like my case^^
PUT HER IN PLACE^^like the little toy she is^^

jbondo,

I wouldnt necessarily claim that women want a strong take charge type of man.

What most women I know want is "Options." This often means that options which come from a strong take charge type of man but also a man who can pick up on their subtile clues and cues to perform or catch on and use thier strengths to take care of what they want or expect.

"Options" through a strong take charge type of man often means women dont have to take certain "risks" to get what they want out or expect out of life...children or no children.

But are men really the strong take charge type of man if in fact they are picking up on a womans clues and cues to perform and get things done for them or are they just apes performing for treats or recognition?? Most men never develope the skills to see this side or the real value of thier ability to perform for women. Why should they?? Most men have been groomed by ESPN and other male drivel to be doers not thinkers in this arena. A woman gives the man the clue and cue to carry out the play she wants..and the guy goes hell for broke for the touchdown. Do you know many guys like this?? I do!!

This is where the natural subitilty of most women out paces the abilitys and thinking of most men out here. This is not a weak, downtrodden , victimized group of people we are speaking about here. It is the male which is often the dumb ignorant brute here who helps himself to his demise in his ignorance. He is a victim of his own stupidity.

Are all women like this ..certainly not...but most women recognize this trait of which I speak..especially in other women who use or misuse this very fingerprint. They are just not wont to teach or train a man in this type of subtilty. It would be giving away to much. Try to find poll numbers on this type of thing or pattern. They dont exist. They dont dare!!

The ignorance across the board here is on the part of the male in sticking his head in the guillotine blade without even being aware of it. The males often make themselves disposable and expendable. He volenteers into his stupidity and ignorance. Alot of guys need to wise up. I've seen alot of these types of posts on the relationship threads. One thing is quite obvious here...the lack of thinking which is going on among men or males out here. The women are years ahead of the men in getting them to do what they want or expect. A woman who can get a man to be so predictable will not respect him over the long run.

This cheating mentioned by the OP is just another option to them.

Thanks,
Orangetom

thx man i just learned somethin really good^^
i just need to think more and use my head,to get real,and not listen to my desires so much....womem can be really manipulating^^

Originally posted by orangetom1999
Hey dude...sounds to me like she wants you to break up with her and is maneuvering you to do such. You should take her up on it.

We all ready broke up a few months ago, shes my ex but we stayed friends so i think that parts all ready covered. I dunno i need more time to think about what to do I've already lost a child this year i don't think i can handle loosing another even if shes not genetically mine.

Originally posted by ivzm

Originally posted by orangetom1999
Hey dude...sounds to me like she wants you to break up with her and is maneuvering you to do such. You should take her up on it.

We all ready broke up a few months ago, shes my ex but we stayed friends so i think that parts all ready covered. I dunno i need more time to think about what to do I've already lost a child this year i don't think i can handle loosing another even if shes not genetically mine.

Yea, I think this one is done no matter what you want. The sooner you move on the sooner you can recover.

Orange,

What?

Kidding! Actually you could have saved yourself allot of time in your post to me by just replacing all that pontificating with the word "nonsense" like I did. I'm sure my friend STM would have appreciated it. (inside joke)

Actually, when I use the term "take charge" it mainly just means to not be wishy washy and dependent.

reply to post by jbondo


Lol! Don't pull me into this, Jbondo! I'll never divulge the secret strategies and beliefs women hold sacred! We'll forever be a mystery!

Oh, okay, I'll share one little clue that helps in on-going relationships, though it does not address the OP's situation, that is in his past imo.

Whenever there's a setback in your job or some other situation that affects your life do not moan and groan about it endlessly; instead look for other avenues, other directions to move upwards or past it and then you will look back at the old situation as a "good thing it happened, I never would've found this". That attitude keeps you moving ahead and the woman in your life appreciating your innovative qualities.

I'm outta here now, I've said too much,

STM

[edit on 9/13/2007 by seentoomuch]

Pfft, if you feel like moaning and groaning endlessly then do it, follow the beat of your own drum. Trying to adjust your personality to what you think will make you more acceptable or appealing in a woman's eyes, is a huuuuuuuuge mistake. Any woman who only appreciates a man with "innovative qualities" isn't worth spitting on. Be yourself and if she's worth having she'll stick with you, if not then she'll be gone and you'll be better off without her.

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
Pfft, if you feel like moaning and groaning endlessly then do it, follow the beat of your own drum. Trying to adjust your personality to what you think will make you more acceptable or appealing in a woman's eyes, is a huuuuuuuuge mistake. Any woman who only appreciates a man with "innovative qualities" isn't worth spitting on. Be yourself and if she's worth having she'll stick with you, if not then she'll be gone and you'll be better off without her.

Yea? See how far that goes as I've yet to meet a woman that likes to hang with a guy that moans and groans because he's jobless and hangs around the house crying in his beer. Or maybe every woman wants a guy that can sit in his underwear all day watching Jerry Springer and complaining about the raw deal he's gotten in life for months on end. That's a quite a catch!

In all seriousness devotion is great but when a man does nothing to change his life it eventually effects everyone around him. It's not a matter of adjusting to what you think the woman wants (which I think we all have been saying is a mistake), it's just a matter of trying to get out of a funk for yourself and that in turn will affect the woman in a more positive manner. But yes, do it for yourself first.

Time to move forward from your past, in life we have to learn to accept the fact that people come and go. Some sooner than others. Take your ex and her little girl out to a special place and for dinner and then let them know that you have to move on, its what is healthy for alll of you in the big picture. Let them know that you will always love them and then take the high road.

Ivzm.

I've already lost a child this year i don't think i can handle loosing another even if shes not genetically mine.

Very sorry to hear of your loss. However pick yourself up and go on ...dont get stuck in a rut. I am not saying to forget your loss...no way. Learn from it and grow stronger. Life is very difficult, trying, and demanding. It will test us till we are in the grave. Nothing gaurantees us the choicest morsels in the pot.

Ivzm, has it ever occured to you that this woman told you this to deliberately get you to break up with her. I have known many women who are this maneuvering. A couple of women have actually voiced to me how they were going to do this with thier men in order to get to the position or posture in life where they wanted to go. The key ingredient here with all of them was that they wanted it to appear like it was their boyfriends idea to break up with them so that they would bear no responsibility. No risk...and look like it was his doing ...and they were the victim. Got it yet???

This is just another variation on the "victim dictum" so popular with many women.

Watch seentomuch's posts

Lol! Don't pull me into this, Jbondo! I'll never divulge the secret strategies and beliefs women hold sacred! We'll forever be a mystery!

There is nothing mysterious or sacred about this. The sacredness is not sacred ..it is merely strategy. 'This is what often keeps many men off guard and in a position of trying out for approval.
It is up to you to catch on and think ...not emote.
Emotions among many women are what they consider sacred...emotions are often a tool to get men to perform for them. A type of pass to play thorough unaccountable...without risk. With many women emotions count for what is correct in life....especially if one can by emotions get someone elses to take risks to satisfy ones needs, desires, and wants... dont be deceived by this. Once you break through this ignorance the so called sacredness and mystery of these emotions..including yours..... will disappear..vaporize...into thin air.


No woman wants a man who is so emotional and emoting that they are competition for them in the emotional arena.

Women by and large do not want a sensitive man....they want a man who is sensitive to them..even when saying no. Got it yet???

Most of this "sensitive man " stuff is crap..rubbish. It just looks and sounds good ..when people mouth it.

Yes...some of he posters here are correct. Women by and large dont want a man who is a moaner and groaner. They want a man who is confident.
Confidence goes along ways with most women. They can spot confidence in a man like radar searching in the dark.
When a woman can constantly get a man to perform for her in whatever she needs or dictates with subtilty ...this is not confidence ...it is control. Like a puppet on a string. It just appears to dumb ignorant men like it is their idea and they are flexing thier tostesterone for the ladys.

As to antars advice just before this post...do so if you want..I wouldnt. Just move on. This is not to say that you dont be civil when you see them in public...not at all. Be civil. Especially with her daughter. Just contiinue on. Date other women..this is part of confidence and not letting this drag you down. I can gaurantee you that if this woman of which you speak is in fact a woman ..it wont take long for her to find out you are seeing other women. You just leave her right where she is at.

Be careful what you think is the actual status quo or what is really happening out here...especially in relationships..your emotions and desires can often fool you ..as is evident by many of the posts on the relationship board.

Learn the diciplines needed to week out the wildlife in relationships to get what you need or where you want to go....not necessarily what you desire. They are often not the same thing. Think ..dont just emote. It is obvious by many of the posts here that our emotions can deceive us.

Thanks,
Orangetom