Sheryl Crow wants me to wipe my butt with one, count 'em, ONE square of toilet paper!

Wipe your arse less, suggests Sheryl Crow
One sheet per sitting to save the planet
By Lester Haines → More by this author
Published Monday 23rd April 2007 11:39 GMT
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Eco-friendly chanteuse Sheryl Crow - who's just completed a US "Stop Global Warming College Tour" with "environmental activist" Laurie David - has formulated a cunning plan to save the planet: use less toilet paper and dispense with the services of paper napkins.

Crow's mission during her 11-stop campaign was "to persuade students to help combat the world's environmental problems", the BBC notes. Her illuminating blog reveals she "spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming".

And here's the upshot of that contemplation: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required."

Link

One square of freakin' toilet paper!!!!!! What the hell does this whacko eat? Does she ever eat Mexican food? You know, I made a thread sometime back about how much Sheryl Crow's music sucks, man, she just sucks period! Take your juvenile lyrics writin' no talent having one square toilet paper wiping arse and just go way you freak!!

Peace

[edit on 23-4-2007 by Dr Love]

As long as we're in fantasy land where 1 square in enough and "low-flow" toilets always get the mess down in one flush I suggest we put together a bipartisan committe to study the system of shells that was used in Demolition Man and see how we can adapt it today.

Well with what you save in paper I'd wager you'ld spent in soap. Just to be safe though, I'm not going to shake hands with Ms. Crow.

One square, eh? Hmmmmm.............
I hope she's at least using 2 ply.
One square. Hey! I have a much better idea! I'm going to go into business and invent some special underwear! Yeah! It'll be extra thick in the back end, that way you don't even need one square! Sit down, do your business, then pull up, zip up and go. When your day is over, you just pull off your special underwear, pop them in the washing machine, and Bingo! You're all set to go!

What a wonderful idea! Let's see, what will I name my underwear line.......

Hmmmmm.... Wait! I got it! I will name my new underwear line SKIDDO's!

It's perfect!

You know... if it wasn't for the ink smearing your cheeks red, green or blue, it would be better to use the thousand or so flyers we get at our doorstep every month.

At least that way, they wouldn't be totally useless.

Crow needs to back off on the meds a bit.

Originally posted by Dr Love
except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required."

Link

Pesky occasions!!!

Theyr'e all pesky occasions!!!

What does she do.. poke a hole in the middle of the sheet and scrape around with her finger?

This is literally one of the craziest ecological friendly statements I've read in a long time. How about we stop publishing books about global warming first..?

hmmmmmm..... may be she was thinking in relative terms. maybe she is using loo paper which has squires that are i dont know 15 cm by 15 cm (12 inches for those that use prehistoric imperial system) and 10mm (whats 10 mm in imperial system a hogs head ??) thick

Originally posted by bluesquareapple
What does she do.. poke a hole in the middle of the sheet and scrape around with her finger?

Noooo. You tear a hole out of the middle of the sheet. Then when you're done, you use that little torn off piece to clean under your fingernail.

This is the digital age. So you use your digit. Luddites.

The saga continues between the Doctor of Love & Sheryl Crow.

Wiping our back sides with one block of tp isn't exactly a reasonable request. I'm prepared to cut some corners here and there for the sake of the greater good, but I do draw the line when it comes to the mans thrown. I only ask for a little extra toilet paper and this weeks edition of Sports Illustrated. Not too much, in my opinion.

It's not a world worth saving if we're gonna walk around scratching out butts all day.

Why not leave the toilet paper on the supermarket shelf and use a totally revolutionary tool instead?

They've been around awhile, but remain largely undiscovered in the New World.

Originally posted by masqua
You know... if it wasn't for the ink smearing your cheeks red, green or blue, it would be better to use the thousand or so flyers we get at our doorstep every month.

Reminds me of the first Blackadder goes forth episode. "Ah yes, without doubt my favourite magazine, soft, smooth and thoroughly absorbant" "yes good, I thought it would be right up your alley"

Ah british humour...

Anyway on topic, are you sure she doesn't mean one square meter?

Hey, maybe we can simply sit backwards on a Bidet. That cold jet of water will be so refreshing!

Originally posted by masqua
Why not leave the toilet paper on the supermarket shelf and use a totally revolutionary tool instead?

They've been around awhile, but remain largely undiscovered in the New World.

I always wondered how do you dry your ass? It sprays water but does it blow dry too or are there two towels in bathroom? One for drying your hands and one for drying your ass after the bidet spits all over it.

Man, if I was at a friends house and discovered I dried my face with the wrong towel I think I'd have to burn the house to the ground and kill everyone inside just to save......face.

I think we should just stop pooping altogether. Using her mentality, pooping is just a waste of time. Perhaps she could not go for about 3 weeks. By then she will have saved some 10 or 11 squares. The world will be so much more lovely then.
Gimme a freakin break. If she were asking to consciously use one squre less in your fist full, that I could understand. But using only one square?

what a moron
the quality of her talent is in direct proportion to her intelligence.

Originally posted by shadow watcher
I think we should just stop pooping altogether. Using her mentality, pooping is just a waste of time.

The answer is already waiting in the shadows and being tested upon man's best friend.

news.scotsman.com...

IT IS the invention which could virtually consign the poop scoop to the dustbin of history.

A firm in Holland claim to have invented a dog food which dramatically reduces the number of times the animals have to defecate.

Thank you, Dr. Love, for once again proving ATS a rich ground for scatological research.

So whilst Ms Crow is handing out eco-friendly advice, she's flying around in a private jet + every gig she does has the carbon footprint of a small third world country.

I don't even want to talk about how much hairspray she used in the 80's-90s - but lets just say, she has a hole in the ozone layer following her around.

The irony.

All that to save the environment but this is what she must have as a tour requirement: three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars.

www.thesmokinggun.com...


Why do celebrities do this to themselves? Why do they make these ridiculous requests when they are some of the worst energy wasters on the planet? Are they just in la-la land or do they believe that no one will find out about their hypocrisies?

Bless you miss Crow

Noooo. You tear a hole out of the middle of the sheet. Then when you're done, you use that little torn off piece to clean under your fingernail.

This is the digital age. So you use your digit. Luddites.

That reminded me of something from work. I'm a systems manager at a hospital, and I was helping one of our "continence nurses" load up some policies onto the intranet.

One of them was called "Digital manipulation of an incontinent patient" (or something). I was thinking "wow, that's cutting edge...how the hell do you digitally manipulate hardened poo?" (still with my computers head on). Then about 10 minutes later it dawned on me: "ah...the old fashioned type of digital manipulation". Urgh, not quite so cutting edge.

How this loon Crow thinks walking around with stinky fingers - while the Chinese open a coal fired power station every 3 days - is going to save us from environmental melt down, is anyone's guess.

While she has her tips for students to save the planet, here are mine for pisspoor pop stars such as herself:

1 Stop releasing terrible music on any format. It wastes resources and makes me want to cut my ears off and feed them to pigs

2 Stop living in massive houses. She probably consumes more energy just getting the lift to her breakfast room than I do all month.

3 Stop flying round the world 1st class telling everyone to consume less

4 Stop eating*

5 Stop


Please add any tips you feel will help.

*actually, many of them have tried this - which might explain why she thinks you can get away with one sheet - she's just pooing air