Everything I Believed is a Lie, Please Help Me

My advice in your situation would be to let go completely of the ego, let go completely of the negativity, let go completely of hate, let go completely of everything and look to your inerself and realise that not only is the way the world has been shapped is an illusion but also the pain that it causes is an illusion as well. Only love everything for it's fundamental natural state and forget the rest that doesn't even exist for real.

If you were to get stabbed in the heart by someone else, before you die you should look in his eyes and smile and not even hold a grudge against him because you know he was not his true self when he murdered you.

Peace and love always is the way to go.

Hello again hope I make more sense here my last posts were a bit crooked in grammer.

Find an artistic interest in the world do photography goes out to visit locations or report your sadness in pictures or video. Express it via some art form that in it self will help meditate the mind and concentrate on one thing at a time instead of many confusing avenues of paths that just don't want to tie up and join. If you see a sense of sadness maybe express it in a way that does not feel shameful to admit, buy your self a digital camera and show the world why everything is wrong or as a picture may represent a feeling or say the thousand words you were looking for that sums all your feelings up. It can be creative all this, don't be destructive over it but inspire by it, even method actors or writers try and purposely understand a sadness just to even experience it since their world seems too nice for them to find that level of sadness because they never had it or understood how people feel.

Your expression is almost poetic and arty and raw. People who read blogs would love it because people want to know true feelings or relate to you so that they know they are not feeling alone in all this. Hence why you have 5 pages so far of responses.

Long time ATS reader, I registered just for this thread. To skip over the (mostly) BS that has been spewed after the first page, to the OP: I've been there as well. And completely understand your current mentality. Now you start working on the truth instead of living in ignorance and lies. Since you mentioned christianity and the fact that christians don't follow the bible...know that you aren't alone. Check out www.gnosis.org if you would like to read some things no church will ever give credit to.

Oh, and to those mentioning the fact that we're moving toward enlightenment, I agree. But there's one problem. -No one- will be here to see it. The population as a whole cannot achieve enlightenment, and those who cannot, run the world. Catch my drift?

Hopefully I misread your last post, Shadow. Lemme just say suicide is about as pointless as any action, and if it accomplishes anything, it screams "I'm the biggest drama queen of them all."

If you honestly see no way out of your misery, then channel it into your art. The best stuff I ever wrote was when I was horridly miserable in life. The happier I become, the worse-off my writing. Perhaps this is where the idea of the tortured artist comes from. So if you feel you need to grieve and be miserable, then grieve and be miserable in a productive fashion, get up off the couch, and make something. It doesn't matter if it's never going to be seen by anyone but yourself, and it doesn't matter if it changes anyone's mind. That's not the point. If the only reason you have for making art is to bring attention to yourself or your ideas, then you've really kinda missed the point of the greatest artists out there.

Don't be an artist because you feel obliged to be one. Be an artist because there's no other way to release your emotion.

I have been the hedonistic, arts diploma having, adreniline loving guy.

I have a food family life, food. I am in the lucky eight percent.

And the random luck of life,serrendipity, kismet, fate what ever seem to add up some times and show me there Could be a god. but his difficuly (for those who do not read trendy novels) in that we have gotten kicked out of the garden. and now he can arrange only so much support to us.

DS

You say you try to follow the teachings of Budda and Christ. They are on different teams no wonder you are confused. Buddhism is a religion of works. Those that accept the Messiah are saved by grace.

Originally posted by Sun Matrix
You say you try to follow the teachings of Budda and Christ. They are on different teams no wonder you are confused. Buddhism is a religion of works. Those that accept the Messiah are saved by grace.

And here we go....

Let's not make this another thread for recruiting Christians, alright? All religions have useful lessons and varying degrees of truth, and the OP is perfectly capable of finding the right one for him. We already know you have found yours, so maybe some advice regarding his situation would be better.

Nihilism is the fundamental truth of the universe; there is no inherent meaning in anything. This shall become clear once you accept the fact that religion is nothing more than superstition and ignorance. Had you not been indoctrinated by your parents as a child, would you logically come to the conclusion that there is a magical, invisible man who lives in the sky that has constructed a wonderful amusement park that you get to visit when you die?

Of course the average human couldn't care less. We have "evolved" to the point where we have become self-serving, materialistic, sex-obsessed creatures who care about little more than amassing wealth, reproducing, and making ourselves feel good. It's deeply ingrained in our culture -- if you don't have sex all the time/don't make a six figure salary/don't drive a Lexus you are obviously a failure. The message could not be more clear: give in to the instinct.

Who are you anyways? Are you a single cell functioning thoughtlessly within the human body? Tell me, what happens when that cell dies? Or perhaps, you argue, that you are the "collective consciousness" formed by the multitudes of cells that comprise your body. You realize of course, that all human cells expire within a seven year period. Did you die? Did you ever truly live?

[edit on 14-2-2007 by OGROK]

[edit on 14-2-2007 by OGROK]

I wish to thank all of you - thank the OP for writing my very mind, and thank those who answered, because they answered my questions too.

Here's a piece of art I made a year ago when I was really down, I used it as desktop wallpaper and I guess it sort of worked...

Ah Shadowflux. I came to the same conclusions back in 1991, after finishing my Media Studies A Level (here in merry old England). After a year of learning that what the news shows you is in fact biased and not completely objective, I began researching everything, including religion, the paranormal, politics, ethics & morals, everything. Like you, I suffered disillusionment to the point that I fell into a very dark depression that lasted many years.

Let it go. Let it all go.

Not the knowledge: it's important that you remember what you have learned. But you don't have to change the world all on your own: there are others feeling what you are feeling, who want to use this knowledge to make the world better themselves. Listen to a lot of the other posts in this thred: there's a lot of wisdom there. Reconnect with the natural. Go camping, turn off your TV, go walk barefoot in the park. Simple things, but hughely effective. But chief above all of these is to remember that you aren't alone; that you have others who will be there, doing the best they can in their part of the world, waking people up to the reality of the world rather than the stupor they are in. We're all here alongside you, and we're only a post away.

I agree also that going back to that stupor looks mighty attractive right now: is it better not to know than to know? But once you get into this stuff you are hooked: knowledge, true knowledge, is more addictive than any drug. Which is why conspiracy theories are so much fun and so addictive; it's why all of these secret societies (if they are really there) spend so much time and resources in constructing plausible deniability. They don't want you to know what they know. The most scary thing is, it mainly comes down to the rich wanting to stay rich. For all the UFOs, aliens, urban legends, ghosts, monsters, and everything else spooky, most of these smokescreens are made by people wanting more money and trying to stop you getting more money of your own. I am convinced that if some entrepreneur came across a downed saucer, the first thing they'd think isn't about what a momentous occasion this would be - it's about what patents they could file, what they could put into mass production. Greed seems to me to be the prime motivator of modern human behaviour - above procreation, above shelter, above food. Greed in all its forms.

It's an ugly truth, to be sure. But now you know what really makes the world go round, you can construct a little corner of that ugly world that is always yours, like a family, or a mission, a cause, a commitment to your community, your friends, a social circle, anything you want. Decide what's important to you most. Surround yourself with people who are in harmony with that. Live towards those goals you have given yourself. And make your own life the way you want it, and be happy in it. Try to change the world sure: a lot of us are doing the same. But always live by the Serenity Prayer, which has nothing to do with Joss Whedon, and makes all the sense in the world:

God, grant me the courage to change the things that I can change; the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Go with grace, keep your wits about you, and remember: it's never all bad. There's more good than bad in this universe. And there are other pilgrims out here with you, learning as we go. You are not alone.

Just a quick statement for you Shadowflux.

In your response you questioned your sanity. You said that maybe you were going insane. Any psychologist will tell you that if you have the capacity to question your own sanity then you are not insane.

And as far as you using the teachings of the past's spiritual leaders, which you said made you happy (to a degree). When you tried to reach out to other people to make them happy and they made you feel crazy. At that point you just gotta learn to say # 'em. If it makes YOU happy, then that's all that matters, because I'm sure that YOU aren't hurting anyone in the ways that you obtain said happiness.

I hope you start to feel better about this sooner than later.

hey shadow how goes everything? we were talking about a similar thing in another thread and what i posted there i will put here as well. its nothing special but just to make note. this is meant for people who are not as familiar with what you are talking about. someone said if a person cant tell the difference between fantasy and reality they need professional help. i had to tell them the thing is our reality has been tampered with and people are starting to realize this. the truth can really mess with the mind once it has been revealed.

i have been at the wrong end of smart ass remarks at work and in the mist of so called friends for years because of what i know. this happens more than i would like for it to. as you said it seems as if they are trying to label me as “creepy” or possibly “insane” because of their blindness. this has given me sort of a complex. i sometimes think that maybe i am. but with the facts given and all of the things that i have studied and researched i am not the one.

I feel like I’m losing my mind, sometimes I get deep into a pit of fear and despair that maybe I am actually insane. In times of greater clarity I realize that I’m the only sane person, that everyone else is mad and they seek to drive me insane to legitimize their madness.

is a perfect description of my situation as well. but i dont think crazy has anything to do with our situation. its about knowing the facts. some people know and some dont.

i know you are asking the question what to do...it seems there is no stopping the beast. and to tell you the truth i dont think it can be stopped until its it has finished what it was put here to do. the one thing that gets me thru is my ten year old son. he is true. he is what life is about. innocence. love. joy. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control.. all of those show thru him. and until we become as the children things cannot get better for us or our planet. we are very close and it makes yet another day worth being here. when i see him all of the walls of deception go down and i see life. but know that at the end of the day i pray that he will be able to see thru the veil as we do. i believe he will.


[edit on 14-2-2007 by Funkydung]

i read most of this thread and am experiencing much of what the OP is feeling but with less black and white thinking... i think tonight im just going to sit outside for a loooong time

@Shadowflux

I love you man(like a brother i mean)

In some ways your fortunate, you know what you want inner peace... you can't right the worlds wrongs just be ready to help out when we get around to sorting this mess out.
Now go out and take control of your life your still young and its all achievable.

If you ever get to europe and need help don't hesitate to call on me it would be an honour.

e-mail addy on the way

.

I was watching the uc santa cruz channel and a woman named Angela Davis's speach was titled" How Does Change Happen" from 10/10/2006
I thought of your thread when she said this
"It doesn't have to be depressing, it is only depressing if you assume that the way things are today is the way they will be tomorrow, this is not how things are supposed to be and they do not have to remain this way"
she also mentioned that her comrads in the 60's and 70's attempts at change were critical and that they changed the terrain reconfigured the landscape on which we now try to increase the freedom of all communities enjoy. she said that she was concerned about the vocabulary and the conceptual tools we use and the need to adopt critical habbits that require constant criticisem not only of the things we want to change but of the way we want th change them and of the tools we use to conceptualize that change. Seek out connections which should be obvious but are not because of the ways our perceptions of the world are so deeply ideologicaly influenced.

Since I have been here ATS has changed the tools I use to communicate and I am glad that it is here for us all to use to change things.
I have felt the same way shadowflux started this thread and I see many lies and just thought it would help to know that there are many who think this way and please do not leave try and make a change.

just my 2 cents worth

Megaslayer
edit added link
ucdavis

[edit on 15-2-2007 by megaslayer]

Your not alone. Consider how many people alone have read what you wrote and found some comfort in the fact of relating alone. Some of us have been further,higher,lower etc and it always offers some comfort to know there is others out there that have been to that point good or bad.

At the same time you pose a problem that seems you will HAVE TO solve. There is beauty in problems we never see until it is solved. You must ask yourself why did you bring this problem upon yourself? Was it by mistake? Do you think some us bring on these problems for reason? What is the reason? When Einstein,Hawkins etc worked on problems do you think they were faced with a problem of dealing with the answer before receiving it? Why would they have to deal with an answer? Only you can answer this, but I can say that they dealt with it so we could.

Once we are drunk we rather not be sober, yet at times of sobriety we can accomplish things we can't while drunk. You may have not seen it or see it now, but we have the option of being drunk or sober. You have brought yourself to this point and you must understand why and if you change back you should consider why not.

There is sense in there somewhere, I hope it helps. Again, I relate

I am very touched with the comments made in this thread, for everyone seems to have felt a common sense to i all. Ending life is never the answer for what you learn in this life shapes the future.
for those who say one person cant make a difference you are wrong, for on person can show friends family and strangers a more beautiful way of life without preaching but setting example. if I can make you smile then I have had a successful day and seeing you smile has brightened mine.
Thus, if me making you smile made your day better maybe tomorrow you will think about it when you meet a stranger and smile, and so forth.
smiling is a small example of this as stated earilier by different examples in this thread, but it does show how one person makes a difference.
I once believed in nothing but through the use of "magic mushrooms" found a way of life that is happy, not preaching the use of such things but that is where i found my faith.
I Hope tomorrow you find something you didnt intend to find and it surprises you in a beautiful way for this will be my only gift to you, Look for beauty and beauty will grab you in its clutches and shake you into submission.
If reality isnt truely concrete which we all wonder about heres something to try, figure out what it is you desire to have and hope for it whenever you find nothing better to do for life has the tendency of making thought materialize.

stop wanting bad things to happen in YOUR life and they will cease, for you are the only true person in control of your life.
no one has the right to blame you for the mistakes and misjudgments they make in theirs ad force you to suffer for their mistakes, so dont choose to suffer.

thank you

Calm down now, the problems you are confronting may well be largely from terrible elites who have entrenched themselves for thousands of years. On the other hand, everything you have learned about ordinary people could be far more true than you may have thought.

A key to much of everything here is your ability to read people, and to delicately cease being conned by anyone. Now everything you have learned about the world may well be a lie, but if you know the truth now, you can take greater caution and learn to trust people again who are on your side. Even then the overall gessellshaft or money based world of strangers, may still look too uncaring, but there is a more conducive set of realities you yourself can create, manage, and sustain. Knowing about the lies, is probably the first step towards translating things into a new vision. I like what Catherine Austin Fitts calls "the equity in the trees, sunlight, and your surroundings." For that matter starting a Solari or just looking into it would be a good idea. You can make the proper distinctions between investments in "Tapeworm economics," and net positive gains in other options. Just because all the big crooks had you convinced their fake Santa Claus is real doesn't mean you cannot find one in your mind's eye that is closer to the real myth.

Now a Solari is not the only thing, but it may well be a good answer to the "where to go from here," question.

[edit on 16-2-2007 by SkipShipman]

"Reality sucks", I think its cruel to get powered up only find the world is a whole nother place. But its cruel to not at least keep children innocent for a while. A guess take peace when you can. All in All most of what I have learned as a child turned out to be crap.

Hi Shadowflux,

We have been hoping to read your posts again. If you can, please communicate with us. I just sent you a u2u.

Cheers!

[edit on 17-2-2007 by searching_for_truth]