Alien vs Human Fight

lol yeah you don't know how strong a little Grey could actually be, their muscles could have developed in a different way to ours. But if they did turn out to be small creatures like they are depicted, physics says that a good old boot up the arse should do the job

As much fun as it might be, I doubt it would turn out to be a big old-skool punch up, the military would get involved and spoil the fun for all

lol Ironman, you crack me up!

As for an alien trying to take me on in Scotland, Well..........

First off they'd have to avoid the neds on the street corner as they would ask him the following without fail:

"whaaeeerr are you fae Weee man!!"
"have you goat any spare channge"
"can you nip in the shop fur us and buy us awww a bottle o buckie"
"gies the keys to yer spaceship or your getting malkied! ( malkied = getting slashed over the face witha razor blade)"

Should they manage to dodge the incomming neds and make it to my bedroom then the scottish technique of the " flying headbutt" followed by a swift kick in the nuts should be enough to take them out..

As for telepathic powers, hey, im scottish no brain here they there powers are useless!

Good thread guys!!! Giving me a great laugh.

zeetroyman, that is so true!!!! Coming from the land of neds and buckie myself, i can assure any wee nasty greys out there that if their plan is world domination, they better leave scotland alone!!! It's just not worth the hassle.

As you said, there would be no way to get past the SNDF. (Scottish Ned Defence Force).

Originally posted by IronMan


On the physical side, I would box 'em Marquis of Queensbury
style. You know... fists raised high to protect the face and soft
fleeting shuffles. After a couple of minutes of civilised bruising,
the slimy Reptoid would be wishing he'd stayed on the Dulce base.

Why wouldn't you just use your repulser rays from a distance or that nifty omni beam in your chest hole?

If I'd meet a grey and they're not as powerfull as they are... I don't know... using my fists on them seem a bit inhumane, wait... nevermind.

The best way to get past their psy-attacks would be the old... "pick up an inanimate object and aim for the head" technique, like bottles, rocks, bricks (thats a keeper), etc ... Their heads won't be that hard to miss.

As for reptoids... a fight in a freezer (a big one) would be fun, while you run in circles warming up and he's trying to catch you and slowly freezes to the point where you can smack him to death.

Those 8ft tall aliens would be fun... AIM FOR THE KNEES,

As for using Segal being a personal bouncer... ha, Chuck Norris never sleeps. 1 round-house kick and he puts them on the endagered species list. He can make a grey's head explode by pointing at him and saying *click* (he doesn't need to say *bang*, for them. Aah, where's Chuck when you need him.

This army of Scottish neds. How much does up keep cost for say only a dozen? Monetarily per week? I'm thinking that hireing them would be effective. I could post them around my house and bedroom. They are probably even good for keeping soliciters away! i want some, where do I get them, is there a store in Scottland they hang out infront of? Tell me I need info.

I had a crackhead once as a anti alien security system, Only cost one rock a day. He was great, you should have seen him when he got "all crazy" he would have done justice to the image of a PCP inhanced chimp going berzerk in a National Geographic video. But, instead of fur and the jungle picture a wife beater, pants with holes, and wearing one shoe... ... while wrestleing with an unsuspecting Jehovas Witness on the front lawn while the sprinklers are on. Screaming the whole time- Give it! Give me the rock!! Ohh that sweet juicy crack. I need it! I know it's hidden on you!! The guy in the house said so!

Never had another problem with the door to door soliciters nor the neighbors again while he was there. So in theory the Neds, or my old crackhead security system would probably work well against the greys. Notice the greys never abduct any crackheads or people on PCP, or angel dust. That is a tool to use to our advantage. I could start up an internet mail order site...for this. hmmm thinking all entramanuer and stuff. I am formulating a genius plan! I'll be rich! Only problem with the crack head is a low retention rate, he ran away when the cops came to investigate a recent rash of kitchenette plastic cutlery burgleries at the local mini marts.

I was thinking why don't people just put a bucket of cleaning solution or something else irritating over their door? When the greys come in splash! And the greys go running in pain back to their hover ship. And humanity gets another night of well deserved sleep.

I was thinking why not get the kids involved too. A home alien trap kit, along with fun book and crayons to draw on your new alien pet/toy. The delux edition comes with a dress and bonet the grey can wear, for young girls who want a playmate dressed like her other toys for when she plays 'imaginary tea time'

Set up is simple. Place the shatter proof plastic bucket over the door while it's open just a crack. Make sure your mom or dad fills the bucket with the ajax and vinigar solution, for your safety kids. Then simply place the net that comes along with the play set over the bucket, thus insuring your new 'friend' won't be leaving playtime too early. Then simply put on our patented alien bait CD with recordings of real live hillbillies. The aliens won't be able to resist! So come and get the newest thing that all the cool kids at school are talking about, simply dial 1-888-new-friend. call to order costs 2.95 a minute so remember to ask mom and dad for permission before you call!!!

Order Today!!

Phew! I'm back... what a queue for flasks.
I've purchased a large Tartan-patterned Thermo-King,
so now to get topped-up.
"Lal lal lal (thundering water sound in background, slowly
coming to a slight dribble) 'Humm, humm, haaah!"

"Whoops! er good afternoon vicar" (must finish this later).

It occurred to me while I was browsing through the portable
ice boxes and bait packs, what's urine like under pressure?
I mean I have in my potting shed, a high pressure weed-killer
back pack.
I used it last year to get rid of those pesky dandelions on my
drive. So maybe I could use this as a deterrent and become,
let's say, 'GreyBuster'!

THis is the way I look at it, I have decided, beside ultra burning spray of human pee ( Males we have an advantage since we can aim better ) I think I'll keep some PCP by my bed side......No matter how many aliens, you could just go crazy nuts, break their metal restraints and cause the first intergalatic grey massacre.....

But I really wanted this to be a serious thread, I know it may never come to hand to hand battle, or if we are even involved with disclosure in our lifetime....but some to think about....Always prepare for the unexpected.

Seriously the weed sprayer is a good idea. I would fill it though with stuff much worse than urine. Maybe add some urine, but i'd go all chemically on them. They want nutrients to absorb on their skin? how bout highly concentrated uria (nitrogen pelets dissolves in water) mixed with a little bit of heavy salts, and maybe some of that solmonila infested watery slime that raw chicken gets when left unrefriderated and on a window sill.

We should seriously look into simple household compounds that the greys don't like or find toxic. make creams that one can wear at night to repell them and maybe some foolproof non- electronic home security systems that burst and send this toxic stuff all over aliens approaching ones bed.

I think I've got the spray working now, although
the cat isn't my friend anymore.
My wife Sissy, says that I may be overreacting,
but the thought of being reamed on the mothership
makes me tense up 'down there'.

I sometimes think we ATS'ers are like the biker gang
off of the movie 'Every Which Way You Can' the Black
Widows.
Maybe we should all raise our arms now and shout:
"Are we muthas?" and then with gusto call: "WE ARE
MUTHAS!"

What we need is someone like Captain Quint from 'Jaws"
You know, a salty character who's full of anecdotes and
drinks like a rummy.
I know he couldn't extend his arm because of the big China
man in an arm wrestling match, but I'm sure he'd foil the
aliens, life jacket or no life jacket.

Anyway, back on topic. How about bolting from the room
on the craft, hiding around the corner and tripping them up
as they race to catch you. Then with an asthma inhaler loaded
with pi*s, spray them all the while with a wry smile on one's face.


[edit on 7-2-2007 by IronMan]

Well I've tried the spray jet on the back wall of
my garden, I wrote 'IronMan' in urine, but it exhausted
the contents.
Oh well, I wonder if the local scallywags who slurp Carling
lager on the street corner may help, I mean... with that
turbo booze on board. it should make those Reptoids/Greys
shudder.

I've also fashioned a helmet, it's a cross between a collander
and a coal scuttle, it should show that mean business.
(Sissy laughed at me from the kitchen window)

I'll be back, I just gonna see if the youths will provide a top-up.

lol

I sometimes think we ATS'ers are like the biker gang
off of the movie 'Every Which Way You Can' the Black
Widows.

I agree, we should all coat ourselves in tar so that we are completely hairless.. Then when the grays go to pull on our Wigs and it comes off in there hands I can again respond with the scottish flying headbutt technique...

As for neds, its not a problem to supply you yanks with your own personal ned security force..

For the price of a one way ticket to the usa per ned ( we dont want them back) I can supply the following:

1 x Ned fully kitted in a selection of Burberry, Lacoste or stone island = please tick the preffered clothing selection on your ned application form

Each ned relies soley on bottles of fortified Wine which must be supplied by yourselves. 2 bottles a day are recommended to keep your ned in a tip top agressive mode.

Please note, neds are best purchased in batches of two for maximum effect as neds like to impress each other with outragous acts of idiocy.

Here are pictures from our latest catalogue..

www.abdn.ac.uk...

www.lincoln-darts.org.uk...


[edit on 8-2-2007 by zeetroyman]

OMG Zeetroyman!!!

Those are the funniest links I've seen! I need to go out and photograph some of our crackhead denizens and post them. Out security force teamed up with your Ned's could be turned into a personal army in which to rule the world....er umm...maybe just to keep the greys away.

I could picture it now. The greys step out onto the front porch carring an anesthasized guy in a streacher to get him into the spaceship, but instead their ship is getting carjacked by a crackhead, his meth'd out buddy dangling from the jimmy opened porthole hatch tagging the ship with graffiti and a knocked out alien laying in the street, curtesy of the Neds,cause the grey had no cheep booze to part with, the other grey cursing in reticulan as other Neds force him to hand over his space wallet.

That should solve the problem, once and for all! No more abductions for Me!!!

Question can these Neds tell the difference between cheap wine and dehydrated boxed wine? Just curious, thanks.

Well! I've never been so insulted in my life.
Those darn youngsters on the corner laughed
at my request to fill my contraption with urine
and then held me me down and pi*sed on me.

Are these people Neds?
They seem to struggle to construct a sentence,
looked drunk and held crisp packets with glue
inside and all wore Burberry baseball caps, even
the Staffordshire Bull Terrier had one.

Sissy ran me a bath and I'm now wrapped in a
towel with my Homer Simspon slippers on.

I agree that these types would certainly be a match
against the aliens, their demeanor alone would make
Reptoids, Nordics and the grey ones think twice.

So I'm contemplating visiting a nearby farm and asking
a farmer if his stock can help me out.
What do my fellow ATS'ers think?


[edit on 8-2-2007 by IronMan]

[edit on 8-2-2007 by IronMan]

Question can these Neds tell the difference between cheap wine and dehydrated boxed wine? Just curious, thanks.


Ohhh yes, its gotta be buckfast tonic wine, the drink of the ned:

www.scallycentral.com...

i would kick a reptilian humanoid in the nuts then i would put it in an armbar haha. but seriously the point is that any advanced alien race doesnt need anything physical to destroy us cause all they have to do is press a button

yeah, i saw the movie alien...predator was pretty good too

Well, your typical Grey Extra Terrestrial probably would not fight you physically, but mentally because that's how they work. As pertaining to the alleged Reptilian Race, concidering rumors of their physical strength you'd be layed out on the floor before you could land one punch.

[edit on 9-2-2007 by Reptilian_Queen]

Originally posted by Reptilian_Queen
Well, your typical Grey Extra Terrestrial probably would not fight you physically, but mentally because that's how they work. As pertaining to the alleged Reptilian Race, concidering rumors of their physical strength you'd be layed out on the floor before you could land one punch.

[edit on 9-2-2007 by Reptilian_Queen]

this is true they would easily just disable us mentally, however i think you understimate how crazy some humans are aka kimbo slice. lol the repitilians would be scared as hell of him. but i wouldnt fight an alien tho cause they r cool and the greys are cute

[edit on 9-2-2007 by red eye agnostic]

Technology-wise, I think there's not that much a gap between ours and theirs. Eg. telepathy has been covertly used for espionage in the Cold War and has been perfected into outright mind control since then.

Our government's intelligence into extraterrestrial technology is extensive. Back-engineering has been going on for decades with quasi unlimited budgets. Our military defense probably can match theirs by now.

At least I hope so, or we're deeply screwed in case they *really* get pissed -- for us shooting at them.

BTW, how long before the American government will shoot on us and call it an alien attack?