How Many Times to Apologize for Old Mistakes Before Giving Up?

Give up! Women never forget anything and will constantly hold it against you.

I knew before I even opened up the thread that it would be a woman that wouldnt forgive and forget. :bash:

hey, Mac,

Originally posted by MacDonagh
6 times. After the 6th time, it becomes annoying of being reminded how you are such a bad person. Sometimes, no matter how in love you are with a person, they can't stay together cause they hate each other's guts.

So what happens after the 6th time? The person just vanishes off the face of the earth and you forget they ever existed? ;-)

Why not transform hate into at LEAST a friendly and peaceful homeostasis, if not love....?

It's your call, I'm not trying to be insensitive to you, and I hope you don't think that, but if the girl has lost respect for you..she'll likely never get it back. Don't be her doormat....that is all I can offer you. Don't go through life being the guy she wipes her feet on! It impowers her... because she want you to suffer! It's a tool she uses against you. I don't think you have to cut all ties to her, but I don't think you have to spend the rest of your life ...either of you... miserable for a problem that has no solution in the predictable future. It's better to find this out before you marry, then to have a divorce down the road... when their might possibly be children involved!

If you intend to stay with her.... something has got to give!

**Edit** God help me.... "Women" and I'm one of them....can find a Million ways to make your life a living hell once you have crossed them! Beware... It is true...I'm sure you've heard a many men say that women are evil...or the devil...This game... is a game you aren't likely to win!!

[edit on 9/12/2006 by jensouth31]

jensouth31 wrote:

>It's your call, I'm not trying to be insensitive to you, and I hope you don't think that, but if the girl has lost respect for you..she'll likely never get it back. Don't be her doormat....that is all I can offer you. Don't go through life being the guy she wipes her feet on!

I don't. She can't control me and I have made that abundantly clear. She can try to abuse me in various ways, but she can never break my will or my spirit.... and I just get better and better every day....

>It impowers her... because she want you to suffer! [snip]

>**Edit** God help me.... "Women" and I'm one of them....can find a Million ways to make your life a living hell once you have crossed them! Beware... It is true...I'm sure you've heard a many men say that women are evil...or the devil...This game... is a game you aren't likely to win!!

No, but it's a game I don't want to play!

Think about what you said above, about her wanting me to suffer.... if that's true, she is in a dark and sick place - drunk on power, dishing out abuse, and taking delight in another person's misery.

Bad Karma!

I don't want to play her game - I love her and I want her to come out of that dark place! Even if she doesn't want to get naked with me!

Have you and your partner tried spending time apart from eachother? I'm talking like a week or two.

Often time spent apart is good for relationships.

Originally posted by millerman
hey, Mac,

Originally posted by MacDonagh
6 times. After the 6th time, it becomes annoying of being reminded how you are such a bad person. Sometimes, no matter how in love you are with a person, they can't stay together cause they hate each other's guts.

So what happens after the 6th time? The person just vanishes off the face of the earth and you forget they ever existed? ;-)

Why not transform hate into at LEAST a friendly and peaceful homeostasis, if not love....?

After the 6th time (from my point of view, since the events you are going through have happened to me before, albiet in slightly different circumstances.) I had enough of being told how I'm such an amoral, self-serving, *take away constant swear words* prat or how everything is my fault. So I duely told her what I thought, and she disappeared. This was what I was like. -> I wish you luck and hope that your relationship with her, wasn't as bad as the one I had. If you can get it fixed, then that's great.

A word of sage advice a Hopi Indian woman gave to me many years ago.

"If someone cannot love you for who you are, then get the hell out of the way and find someone who can, because if you don't, all you'll ever know is sorrow"

I think it sums things up nicely.

MacDonagh wrote:

>After the 6th time (from my point of view, since the events you are going through have happened to me before, albiet in slightly different circumstances.) I had enough of being told how I'm such an amoral, self-serving, *take away constant swear words* prat or how everything is my fault. So I duely told her what I thought, and she disappeared. This was what I was like. ->


Yes exactly

For a relationship to work things need to be carefree and fun and Cooperateive, there needs to be a synergy there.... even just simple things like sitting and eating a pizza and playing a video game together.... and that can't happen when people keep holding a grudge and holding onto hatred and being miserable and disagreeable for the sake of being miserable....

I hate it when the simplest of things turns into a giant control battle.... like I'll ask her "call me next weekend, or send a quick email and let me know where you'll be" and she'll be like "F YOU!!! Why should I make it so easy for you, YOU F-ing COWARD?!?! How about you come out of that pigsty you call an apartment and come find me!!!"

I said "Holy crap! So sue me for trying to show you I love you enough to invite you into MY HOME AND MY BED AND MY LIFE!!!"

That was our most recent fight.... sheesh! Am I crazy or is she being just a TAD unreasonable there folks?!

Well, I gotta tell ya it sounds like you are in one of those god awful addictive relationships. Y'know, the kind where you are totally miserable but feel like your life will end without her. I had one of those when I was younger. It was the most awful waste of 4 years!!!

Sounds like neither of you can trust each other anymore and a good, happy relationship needs to be built on trust. Once the trust is gone, forget it. It's over.

It was very hard for me to get out of my relationship because I was afraid of being lonely, but I knew it had to be done or I was going to live a very miserable life with this man. I was lonely when we broke up, but I just hung out with friends and swore off of men for at least a year so I could get my head back together. Then I met my husband and am the happiest person in the world!

Originally posted by closettrekkie
Well, I gotta tell ya it sounds like you are in one of those god awful addictive relationships. Y'know, the kind where you are totally miserable but feel like your life will end without her. I had one of those when I was younger. It was the most awful waste of 4 years!!!

Sounds like neither of you can trust each other anymore and a good, happy relationship needs to be built on trust. Once the trust is gone, forget it. It's over.

Yeah, trust is extremely important to me as well

The problem is, too.... we'll fight and fight and fight, but every once in awhile we'll have the most mindblowing make-up sex imaginable!!

It's hard to forget things like that ;-)

Imagine how much nicer it would be if you could find someone else to have mind-blowing sex with that doesn't require tons of fighting and anger as foreplay.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

Originally posted by Duzey
Imagine how much nicer it would be if you could find someone else to have mind-blowing sex with that doesn't require tons of fighting and anger as foreplay.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

Yes, actually!!

And as I've mentioned, I'm not so dumb as to put all my eggs in one basket before they're hatched...

There have been other women.... and she has been with other men.... and yet we seem to keep coming back to each other anyway....

*shrugs*

Perhaps you need to invest in chastity belts for each other and swap keys. Then this kind of thing wouldn't be an issue.

I can't believe I'm actually going to post this. :shk:

Sorry MM, to me it doesnt sound like you have a relationship. I think a "power struggle" would be a more apt description. Be friends if you can but life is just to short to spend it with someone that seeks psychological domination.

I too once experienced what you are going thru and I found that it's better to be alone than fighting.

Good luck my brother!

Originally posted by whaaa
Sorry MM, to me it doesnt sound like you have a relationship. I think a "power struggle" would be a more apt description. Be friends if you can but life is just to short to spend it with someone that seeks psychological domination.

Yes, I at least want us to stop tormenting each other and be friends anyway.... even if we don't get naked any more....

Let's try the Forgive and Forget rule. I mean if it's a constant challenge to appologize for a wrong that was done in the past, then obviously the one that was wronged can't understand the terms, Forgive and Forget. Seriously!

I have a very simple and perfect solution for u.

Stay with her but cheat on her. This way u get to sex up 2 ladies and even if ur girl finds out, she will break up with u. and u will have the other girl to fall back on so u wont be sad and wud forget abt the old girl easily. what do u mean which old girl?......the one u were dating. see its already working.


and oh yeah...if u r really lucky u might get to have a threesome too. then everybody is happy.

[edit on 13-9-2006 by half_minded]

I went through something very similar a few years ago, so I can relate.

Your girlfriend has a lot of power over you right now and will continue to use it every time she senses her control over you slipping. That's just what this is, a control issue. You said it yourself, this is abuse and you're right.

What you'll find that the hardest thing is moving on with your life. You are a guaranteed source of power for her and when you leave that strips her of the power she craves. It takes some time in a relationship to dig into a person and find out what you can hold over their heads, so that's why she isn't willing to let go.

I know I don't know you, but I would really like to see you get out of such an abusive relationship. Best of luck.

I have an old guy friend of mine that drags up things I did in high school still (we're now in our 30s) whenever we get into a disagreement.

I can only imagine it gets much worse in a true relationship....

Here's the deal.
You've appologized... it's not enough.
Not saying that you owe more... but for her, it's not enough. If it was cheating we are talking about, or some other breach of trust - it will take time and proof for you to earn back the trust. That's just a consequence you have to live with.

If it was something that effected her as a person (let's say cheating again), it will not only take time and proof for her to trust, but there will be scars on her personaly that may or may not ever heal - and if they don't heal - then she will not be the person she was and until she deals with issues that she needs to deal with - she will never be able to have a trusting relationship with you or anyone else.

Remember also, when 'big' mistakes are made in relationships - all relationships can be mended... but never will that relationship be the same. It will be better or worse, but never the same.