Real US Military Warning Info...

"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." -U.S.A.F. Literature.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantryman's Journal

"A slipping trigger gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantryman's Journal

"Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance Manual

"Five-second fuses! only last three seconds." -Infantryman's Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." --David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -Infantryman's Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon Naval brass

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."

That's really interesting intelgurl.

My favorites

"Five-second fuses! only last three seconds." -Infantryman's Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."

haha i like the 2nd one.

I love information like that. I'm a big fan of "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual. Nice find.

P.S.-- "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." reminds me of a former paratrooper I know. He said something like the guys who did the piss tests went around asking who could piss clean so the unit could pass inspection.

[Edited on 2-11-2003 by kaoszero]

Hehe, very nice.

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your
friends who have guns.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life
is expensive.
3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast
enough nor using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and
diagonal movement are preferred.)
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a
friend with a long gun.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and
running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more
dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.
9.5 Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket."
10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. Have a plan.
13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
16. Don't drop your guard.
17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep
your hands where I can see them).
19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you
meet.
22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
23. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment
to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does
not start with a "4."

Navy Rules for Gunfighting

1. Go to Sea
2. Send the Marines
3. Drink Coffee

LMAO.....Great post Intelgurl.

If i remeber correctly, the Claymore Mine has printed on it
" DON'T EAT EXPLOSIVES".
Also the standard this way to enemy, but i have never needed a warning to tell me not to eat C-4.But like someone said once, we wouldn't need warnings if someone didn't try it first.

Lol

Originally posted by Jay
If i remeber correctly, the Claymore Mine has printed on it
" DON'T EAT EXPLOSIVES".
Also the standard this way to enemy, but i have never needed a warning to tell me not to eat C-4.But like someone said once, we wouldn't need warnings if someone didn't try it first.

Lol

claymore mines.....nasty things, as for eating some?
heard of those dangerous farts in webmd?

[Edited on 3-11-2003 by Cyrus]

Originally posted by Jay
If i remeber correctly, the Claymore Mine has printed on it
" DON'T EAT EXPLOSIVES".
Also the standard this way to enemy, but i have never needed a warning to tell me not to eat C-4.But like someone said once, we wouldn't need warnings if someone didn't try it first.

Lol

A business associate of mine who is military told me that he was on an operation where they had a k-9 with them - the animal that was supposedly highly trained decided it liked the smell or whatever of some c-4. The dog took a bite out of it while the team was preoccupied and swallowed it - this came to the team's attention almost as soon as it it happened - about 90 seconds passed when the dog fell over stiff as a rock having seizures, eyes dialated... it was essentially dead in a matter of minutes.
Morale to the story - don't eat C4~

mu uncle told me of this dog he used to have...

one day, he was working on his car and had to empty the gas tank and remove it from the car. he emp

oooops , didn't mean to send that post yet, got distracted...

anyway,

the gas tank was empty and off of the car.. the gas was emptied into big bucket... the next thing my uncle knew, his dog was drinking the gasoline.. he yelled and ran towards the dog... and the dog took off running, he went into the yard and started running around a big tree.. he must have made 20-30 laps around this tree then suddenly collapsed...

my uncle didn't know what to do, he feared the worse, he thought the dog had died...


however, he had only run out of gas..

Originally posted by elevatedone

my uncle didn't know what to do, he feared the worse, he thought the dog had died...


however, he had only run out of gas..

LOL!

My favourite's an warning label for a Korean kitchen knife.

"Keep out of children."

Here's an amusing line from the SR-71 flight manual.

"If an ejection seat fails to fire, manual bailout is preferable to ditching or forced landing since the aircraft will probably break up on touchdown."

Beautifully understated, just like most military manuals!

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin

I got to wondering if theres a manual somewhere that says;

When the countdown is started, Mr Thermonuclear device is not our friend.

Frightning thought !!

Hilarious, who said the military doesn't have a sense of humor?

I heard the americans in iraq had cards saying "don't shoot the british" or somthing like that

[Edited on 3-11-2003 by Kobyoshimaru]

Originally posted by Kobyoshimaru
I heard the americans in iraq had cards saying "don't shoot the british" or somthing like that

[Edited on 3-11-2003 by Kobyoshimaru]

and the brittish had ones saying watch out for american blue on blues

i like:
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin"

Seriously:

"When you go into the service always, I mean always have a clean pressed uniform that you most never use for inspection only."

That one might keep you golfing with generals on Wednesday, which is far better than contending with any of the warnings above.

It also saves peeling too many potatoes.

[Edited on 5-2-2004 by SkipShipman]

At the risk of just forwarding junk mail, I submit these items which make the rounds among my aviaton buff pals. Even if untrue, still funny.

actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.