Cheating on your S/O - how do you feel about it?

and



congrats! Oh and have a good aniversary too!

Great thread, great thoughts...can't say why this particular thread brings me out of the (usual) lurking shadows. Haven't read much so far on the subject of "love" in this thread; and if you'll allow me my humble opinion: If you love, don't cheat - cheating destroys a piece of the soul - both yours and the one the two of you created together. Maybe I should be referring to "True Love"! Just plain old "love" seems to be getting diluted and morphed. Possibly Shakespeare said it best, and I think timeless:
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved"

William Shakespeare -Dark Lady Sonnet #116
Best to all

Doesn't the matter here really boil down to the issue of the natural human desire for sexual variety versus the socially imposed constraints of marriage, love and monogamous relationships?

How do I feel about it? Well if you can decipher this tune I wrote, recorded and posted in a podcast on BTS, you'll get an idea...

Here's the tune (an mp3)

And here's the thread (any comments on the tune please post in that thread, thanks.)

And here are the lyrics:

Freedom To Let Go

How long can the animal remain in a cage
Before complacency turns into a fit of rage
Need to free the animal
Need to free it’s soul
Need to feel the freedom
Freedom to let go

Seems to me
The mind has been neglected
Please the body
But desire is disconnected
Wanting more
The longing is rejected
Open doors
Desire is reflected

How long can the animal remain in a cage
Before complacency turns into a fit of rage
Need to free the animal
Need to free it’s soul
Need to feel the freedom
Freedom to let go

Seems to me
That faith should be rewarded
Fantasies
Occasionaly reported
The sanctity
Monogamy distorted
Longevity
The animal aborted, yow

Freedom to let go
Freedom to let go
Freedom to let goooooo yeah

How long can the animal remain in a cage
Before complacency turns into a fit of rage
Need to free the animal
Need to free it’s soul
Need to feel the freedom
Freedom to let go
To let go, to let go

Freedom to let go
Freedom to let go
Freedom to let goooooo yeah

Freedom to let go
Freedom to let go
Freedom to let go
Freedom to let go

----------------------------------------------

I hope it's ok to plagarize my own work and copy my own lyrics, yes?

Originally posted by TrueAmerican
Doesn't the matter here really boil down to the issue of the natural human desire for sexual variety versus the socially imposed constraints of marriage, love and monogamous relationships?

Well I don't see the human desire for sexual variety as being necesarrily at odds with the constraints of marriage.

As Frau Dr. puts it, "we're straight, but not narrow."

(Meaning that infidelity is not the only source of variety)


Speaking for my self, the "constraints of marriage" are not merely socially imposed. More importantly, they are self- imposed.

.

Well, before we delve off too far from the thread title, he did say "cheating." How do you feel about "cheating." I suppose a more direct answer, in retrospect, would have been "I don't feel anything about it, cause I don't cheat." Wish Ida thought of that earlier, dr strange...

cheating. Is there more I have to say? Die cheating! No cheating! Anyone who cheats is a bad person! GGgggggggggRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!


Of course, I am not planning to have relationships, so I don't really care about it. And if its a babe who I'm havin for one night, I wouldn't care less if she f*s 100 men the next day. It is, after all, called A ONE NIGHT STAND. Those who do one night stands 99% of the time either not see the person again, or if they do, they wouldn't trip if the person f*s someone else. It isn't, after all, a girfriend or wife.




But once again, for people who are in a relationship together, or ESPECIALLY married, cheating is UNACCEPTABLE! Of course, they MUST FIRST find out THE TRUTH of whether THE PERSON REALLY WAS CHEATING/TRYING TO CHEAT.



cheating is bad. Just like the word itself-"cheating".

Originally posted by Russian soldier

But once again, for people who are in a relationship together, or ESPECIALLY married, cheating is UNACCEPTABLE! Of course, they MUST FIRST find out THE TRUTH of whether THE PERSON REALLY WAS CHEATING/TRYING TO CHEAT.

You know, I suspet the OP is a single person, or has spent most of their life in a non-married state. After about a decade of being in a relationship with the same person, cheating doesn't seem like a real issue.

After she's had your kids, done your taxes, washed your dirty undershorts for a decade, and still gives you pleasure on tap, then she's probably committed. If she takes off now, then I'm doing something REALLY wrong. Frankly, if she left me, it'd be due to the cockeyed s**t I come up with (like the migraine projector beam I built in the basement) and not because of fidelity issues.

See, the whole idea of cheating is based on "better than." If you got into a relationship too soon, or with reservations, then you start to wonder if you could do "better than" this person. Like my mom used to say: "marry in haste, repent at leisure."

Sort of like buying the first car on the showroom floor.

But if you searched for years, and then made a bunch of aftermarket modifications and upgrades over the years, then you are not gonna go joyriding in some stolen corvette, and leave the car keys to your ride lying in the gutter. And then it turns out the corvette was seriously underpowered, and the interior stank of rancid bacon . . .

Of course, I am not planning to have relationships, so I don't really care about it. And if its a babe who I'm havin for one night . . .

Yeah. I remember those days. The best thing about being a batchelor is, there's no one there when you come home. Of course, the worst thing about being a batchelor is, there's no one there when you come home.

Enjoy the Courvoisier, and see a doctor about that "rash".

.

Originally posted by dr_strangecraft

Originally posted by Russian soldier

But once again, for people who are in a relationship together, or ESPECIALLY married, cheating is UNACCEPTABLE! Of course, they MUST FIRST find out THE TRUTH of whether THE PERSON REALLY WAS CHEATING/TRYING TO CHEAT.

You know, I suspet the OP is a single person, or has spent most of their life in a non-married state. After about a decade of being in a relationship with the same person, cheating doesn't seem like a real issue.

After she's had your kids, done your taxes, washed your dirty undershorts for a decade, and still gives you pleasure on tap, then she's probably committed. If she takes off now, then I'm doing something REALLY wrong. Frankly, if she left me, it'd be due to the cockeyed s**t I come up with (like the migraine projector beam I built in the basement) and not because of fidelity issues.

See, the whole idea of cheating is based on "better than." If you got into a relationship too soon, or with reservations, then you start to wonder if you could do "better than" this person. Like my mom used to say: "marry in haste, repent at leisure."

Sort of like buying the first car on the showroom floor.

But if you searched for years, and then made a bunch of aftermarket modifications and upgrades over the years, then you are not gonna go joyriding in some stolen corvette, and leave the car keys to your ride lying in the gutter. And then it turns out the corvette was seriously underpowered, and the interior stank of rancid bacon . . .

Of course, I am not planning to have relationships, so I don't really care about it. And if its a babe who I'm havin for one night . . .

Yeah. I remember those days. The best thing about being a batchelor is, there's no one there when you come home. Of course, the worst thing about being a batchelor is, there's no one there when you come home.

Enjoy the Courvoisier, and see a doctor about that "rash".

.

You are correct: I am neither married, nor have ever married nor plan to have kids. To put it in simple words: THIS IS NOT MY STYLE. I'm not into changing diapers, telling people my feelings, have to be told what to do by a spouse, etc. And the thing about you saying that "the bad thing is there is no one there when you come home", my answer to that is either to go hang out with friends or go invite a girl to my place. Also, I am a rather solitary person, and at only 17 am already moving into an apartment with just a few friends. I know so many people, that anytime I get lonely, I always have someone to hang out with whenever I'm lonely.

Yeah, I basically am not into LOVE or KIDS, I don't "feel" love, nor want to, and I don't wanna deal with crying, pooping kids.


I just want you to know, ALL PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT. I may not wanna ever do the two things, but for some people, its a lifetime dream.


Oh yeah, one more thing, if you gonna cheat, might as well not get married. What's the point of marrying if you gonna cheat? Plus, cheating is not a good thing............er A VERY BAD THING TO DO.

I hear you RS, and wouldn't have you change in any way. If you read through my posts I think you won't find me passing judgment on anyone's choice. Maybe I should have written, "The worst thing I found about being a batchelor . . ."

A batchelor myself for 15 years, I completely understand the merits of going it alone. The fact that I found it to be ultimately futile in not a ruling on how other people should live.

I'd rather die than to find out my S/O cheated on me. The main problem wouldn't be the fact that she'd be getting intimate with someone else, but that she'd be doing it behind my back. I wouldn't be able to trust that person ever again. Forgiveness is easy, trust isn't.

Infidelity is something I do not forgive or forget.

I am tolerant of alot of things, but that is one thing I feel a person has absolute right to suddenly end the relationship over.

After all, if you are going to shag other people, there is no point to the relationship, is there?

Originally posted by Kruel
I'd rather die than to find out my S/O cheated on me. The main problem wouldn't be the fact that she'd be getting intimate with someone else, but that she'd be doing it behind my back. I wouldn't be able to trust that person ever again. Forgiveness is easy, trust isn't.

This will sound fairly stupid, but there's the disease thing, also.

If they are cheating on you, it's probably with some strange they met in a bar or a parking lot somewhere, who is probably doing half the town anyway.

I'm pretty sure my wife would kill me if she thought I brought a disease home.

Single with no kids for life!


"MY" (ok, you may have a different definition, maybe even the opposite defenition of mine) definition of marriage and having kids is: To say good bye to freedom . And there are even more harmful side effects (including shortness of lifespan) that I am too lazy to mention.

cheating is in no way forgivable. even if your drunk or under the influence of a drug,( unless you were slipped somehting). people make mistakes. i have cheated before. i cheated on my x-husband. , and i regret it everyday. it not only makes you never satisfied , but even after you get caught or fess up, you have done it once, whats the hurt of doing it again. (thats the mentality that i had). the person loses total respect for you and will never look at you in the same way again. i think it takes time and age to realize that its the wrong thing to do. obviously if you are cheating ( with random people or the same person) then you are missing something in the relationship.
the person i am with now, i would never hurt them like that. i am completely satisfied in every way.
if you did it once to the person you are with, then odds are you will do it again, you might as well leave them and start over with someone new and make a commitment to YOURSELF that you will leave or tell the person you are with that you are not happy( so at least they know).

so in general cheating is bad, just remember " would you want that done to you"?


im out
-mindtrip02

I read one of the posts here that "if the partner won't have sex with you, you have no choice other then to............"




Dude! Here is my reply to that: Use viagra, double viagra, triple viagra, etc.


If that still doesn't work, go to South East Asia and buy those expensive potency products.


If it STILL doesn't work, then your partner doesn't want it with you, so that is grounds for divorce. After you divorce, you can f* the whole world if you want!


Just don't do it while you're in a relationship.

Cheating is just that, cheating. You shouldnt do it, ur S/O shouldnt do it, and if u dont have the communication enough in your relationship to let the other know that you are having thoughts of it and why, then divorce and find someone you Can communicate with. My Sweetie was my friend long before she was my lover and i have never been in a better relationship. We talk about everything, just because we enjoy each others company, support and friendship. We both are divorced from greatly unsatisfying others and waited a significant amount of years to find someone that we Wanted to be with whole heartedly. Not settling for what we got at the time. It has made a better person of both of us for it and an even Better relationship to boot. Just my 2cents on the matter.

Blue is cheater, red is cheatie


Honestly, cheating is no good. It just boggles my mind when a S/O has the need to stray. What is it about new "arse" that people get so worked up about?

A quote from Chris Rock: "Recycle the pu***"