Cheating on your S/O - how do you feel about it?

There's no question that society has changed a lot in the past 20 years. Things that were taboo back then are now regarded as normal, acceptable behavior. Many factors have contributed to this, including the influence of the media.

One such thing that has changed is society's attitude toward infidelity. Society has become so tolerant of it that it is no longer an issue in divorce cases in some states; the judge simply does not care about weighing it in as a factor in the divorce. Infidelity is just no big deal anymore, it seems.

What are your thoughts on cheating on your S/O? Is it OK, no big deal, or the epitome of disloyalty? Is it worse if you are married? Could you forgive your S/O if he/she cheated on you? Would you expect forgiveness? Or is there a line that, once crossed, cannot be retraced?

Who in their right mind would actually argue that its OK to cheat? Times have changed, thats for sure, but certain things are timeless.
My view is that once a person cheats, its nearly impossible to trust that person again. If that person truly loved you, there would be no desire to cheat in the first place.
If you cheat : Theres the door.

Well, if it was with Elizabeth Hurley I think my wife would understand.

This is a multi-facetted question. I don't see much difference now as opposed to 20 years ago but even 20 years before that I would say there is a great difference.

I think that once that bridge is crossed something dies in the relationship even if forgiveness is granted.

Originally posted by xEphon
Who in their right mind would actually argue that its OK to cheat? Times have changed, thats for sure, but certain things are timeless.

Well, I expect to get a few responses that defend it by saying that the variety and the risk of being discovered actually helped save their relationship.

It may have saved the relationship for the one person, until the other one found out of course. After that, I would pretty much say its doomed.

You should look inot how business men in Japan are treated. It all depends on the culture.

I have many different feeling about cheateing (since everyone of my ex's cheated on me). However I have learned alot and no longer see it "wrong". Instead i see it as weak or a change of heart. I blame it on consumerism. We no longer buy cars to keep them for years to come. We don't even buy houses to make them a home. We buy them as a financial investment. Things have moved much further into consumerism/ materialism.

On the other hand I would not get mad if my wife cheated on me. Not even if it was somebody i fell head over heels for. The way i see it is if you are unable to accept a person's wishes than you do no respect them as a person but rather an object. Th people who ususally get mad are the people who have a hard time dealing with loss. i don't. People no longer can accept change. they get caught in their "comfortabe" rut and the other partner wants to move on. This is one reason we see alot of divorces.

On a side note i have not cheated on any one i was "going out" with. however I have dated several women at a time. I have even been "the other guy".

Also multiple partners is natural in nature. Many species such as dolphins and monkeys have intercourse for reasons other than reproduction

clif notes:
I would not cheat on anyone
I think cheating is a sign of weakness
I think cheating does not kill "love" or "friendship", infact if you learn to come to terms with what happened (ie accept that it happend and there is nothing you can do about it) it can make this type of relationship grow stronger.
Can they ever be trusted again... to stay true... i would have to say No. but that is still something you will have to determine if you want to live with

[edit on 4-8-2006 by scoobdude]

I would agree with the notion that it is forgivable in some situations, but there is definatly a piece of the relationship that is tough to restore, if even possible. We are, afterall, human. We are conditioned from birth to strive for the best, or at least something better. Even love has a tough time overcomming these urges.

My example...my girlfriend after highschool cheated on me on spring break after nearly 2 years of a very serious relationship. It was the drunken romp so many young hearts fall victim to. After lots of yelling, and holes in walls, massive alcohol consumption, and lots and lots of tears, I took her back a few months later. I truely could not imagine life without her.

Here I am 5 years later and I haven't once regretted my decision to take her back. However, there is definately trust issues, even after all this time, and honestly there probably always will be. She knows I will forever have a difficult time trusting her because I understand this temptation will always exist, just as it always will for me. IMO, its when we let this guard down and start neglecting our lovers that these temptations form to infidelity. I will never make this mistake again because I cannot imagine life without her. This single situation all these years ago makes our relationship stronger because I realized the things we do subconsciously that push our significant other away from us.

I think this is one of those threads that would benefit from the use of an "Anonymous" userid.

Ha ha ha....

After years of washing his dirty underwear, picking up after him, cooking for him, cleaning for him.....I'd cut it off. Its not acceptable to me at all.

The way to do it is say"You know, i've had it with ya...I'm gone"- I could only hope it would be forever
Justifiable, in a moment of rage Besides, jail isnt so bad i would imagine if i knew he'd be useless to another woman.

Good luck and good riddens. When do i pack for you???? Besides, Jsobecky and i can then hook up.

[edit on 4-8-2006 by dgtempe]

[edit on 4-8-2006 by dgtempe]

DG, remind me to NEVER piss you off.

By the way...

YOU would want me, wouldnt you, Jsobecky?

Well the question is . . . who was the first person that wake up one morning and decided that it should be a law that tells man no to have more than one woman. . .

Even the bible makes references of the many wives and concubines let not forget slaves that very influential men of the bible had . . .

So from where the issue came to be a law?

Is still people in the US that gets away with it.

And as for me . . . I can barely keep up with my husband of 25 years . . . do you think I want another one?

And as for him he better watch out because after this long I will walk away with everything.

Then we most question the fact that while in our western society is still tabu the issue of infidelity more so for women than for a men, we have other societies around the world that have no problem with it.

Thats true its more a cultural thing, but at the same time, there are a lot of cultures which condone it. In fact, I dont even know of one where its openly accepted...
Either way, if both people are OK with it, then its not really cheating or infidelity, just pure swinging baby YEAH!

This is about commitment. If you are commited to your partner, it is completely unacceptable to cheat on them. And if you choose to cheat, you better tell your partner about it before you try to get in bed with them again. When you sleep with a person, you basically sleep with their previous partners. At least that's the way I see it.

In my opinion, cheating on a partner isn't as bad as withholding that information after the fact. Go ahead and cheat. But be a man/woman and accept responsibility for your actions.

I have never cheated on my partner, and I will never cheat on my partner.

Originally posted by scoobdude
You should look inot how business men in Japan are treated. It all depends on the culture.

And you should look into the culture more before making generalizations.





















i.e. handjobs are a gray area.

Originally posted by dgtempe
Ha ha ha....

After years of washing his dirty underwear, picking up after him, cooking for him, cleaning for him.....I'd cut it off. Its not acceptable to me at all.

The way to do it is say"You know, i've had it with ya...I'm gone"- I could only hope it would be forever

Justifiable, in a moment of rage

Besides, jail isnt so bad i would imagine if i knew he'd be useless to another woman.

Good luck and good riddens.

When do i pack for you???? Besides, Jsobecky and i can then hook up.

[edit on 4-8-2006 by dgtempe]

[edit on 4-8-2006 by dgtempe]

HAHA, you do have a scary side..
I think if more women did that though the men would think once or twice about cheating!

SOO according the poster I assume he is suggesting that because he thinks infidelity is no longer "a big thing" although I have never heard of someone who walked in on their man/women bent over another man/women and say "Hey, its aight, we all do it and your just .. expressing your self.. il be downstairs.. unless I'm welcomed to join in??" - and il stop there..
Do you think that because no one thinks its a big deal (when it doesn't happen to them) that in the "future" we wont marry at all and just have .. partners with no strings attached - "friends with benefits" or something and that we should be free to go fornicate with whom ever we wish regardless of your "partner/friend" wanted? And you are not trying to justify you sleeping around on your wife are you, because I like to think anyways that society frowns upon cheating but that, like murder on the news, we become numb to it and figure ah .. no surprise.

[edit on 8/4/2006 by Rockpuck]

If you must cheat, then call it quits with your s/o before you do. Its only fair to them. Otherwise the cheater is just being selfish, trying to have the cake and eat it too. Is it more acceptable now? I don't know about that, but I will say that people are caught much easier. Technology, don't you know.

Also, I think that monogomy is a hard thing to maintain from a biological standpoint. Just from the "purpose" of our physical existence, which is the continuation of the species, breeding with multiple partners is biologically advantageous, and what most organisms are genetically programmed to do.

I think that if you feel inclined to cheat, just stay single and date a lot. Nobody says you have to have a committed relationship.

Originally posted by dgtempe
By the way...

YOU would want me, wouldnt you, Jsobecky?

Only if you promise not to neuter me with a kitchen knife...

Now, every time I think of you, I'm gonna think of that movie "I Love You to Death" with Tracey Ullman and Kevin Kline...

Bangin had a good point. When you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with every partner that person ever had. So you're exposing your S/O to health risks.

Originally posted by jsobecky
Bangin had a good point. When you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with every partner that person ever had. So you're exposing your S/O to health risks.

Which in this day could be significant(AIDS, herpes, etc). You willing to roll the dice on your partners health for a short time? How is that commitment?