Need advice? Ask Dr. Intrepid

This is purely a joke thread. Take nothing you see here at face value.

That being said, if you need advice, ask Dr. Intrepid.

BTW, I have NO educational doctorate(similar to Dr. Phil imo) except being the doctor of humour.

Ask away, and then duck.

I hope the lawyers are satisfied by those disclaimers .

It is very difficult to talk about this problem of mine. (trembling voice)

thank you for offering...

You see...I'm a bit lost. My friends say I'm phat and it hurts very much to hear that, because I'm a retired guy and I fear that I'm regressing. A girl told me yesterday that my hair was 'sick' and she looked at me...you know...that way. It really scares me...

Can you help me look and act my age? I'm almost 60 and can't go to a retirement center looking phat and sick, now can I (?)

I can pay you two netchickens if you can...

Originally posted by intrepid
This is purely a joke thread. Take nothing you see here at face value.

That being said, if you need advice, ask Dr. Intrepid.

Oh really.....? Let's see if our very own Dr. Intrepid has bit off more than he could chew...


So.....I am a mind controlled slave (terminolgy is loose) who has been operating with that knowledge for more than five years. In that time, I have learned much about the sociological and psychological happenings of the human mind and have attempted to live out my time with the awareness that there are certain people who visit me in my sleep (I have been conditioned since birth) with whatever intentions.....some of those intentions, oddly enough, are fairly altruistic in that the human lessons learned are valuable tools to utilize throughout the course of any given life, but of course, the very nature of the 'transmission' of these lessons is what many would consider subversive and antithema to the morality expressed. This of course not only supposes the existence of a 'secret society', but clearly expresses it.....

My concern is this........how can a 'mind-controlled slave' continue living a life when the very social nature of our species is contradicted on a day to day basis? You see.........everyone is in on it.....

I hereby seek the wisdom of one, *ahem*, Dr. Intrepid.....

.....

Hey Dr. Intrepid

I'm 13 and a girl has been really flirtign with meand talkign dirty to me online. What should I do we're just good friends right now and I only like her a little but she talks dirty pretty good.

Thank You In Advance,
Confused in Connecticut

Dear Dr. Intrepid,

I am writing to you because what has happened is very hanus. The world has been taken over by these Giant alien Giraffes. The same Alien Giraffes that have created the Anti-Christ and launched a battalian of Angry seals on the Killer Whales of the North Arctic.

Now, this is something we should all take very seriously, and even though our weapons have no effect on their mind control powers, I have the full intent in taking down these nasty invaders and their pancake mind games.

I fear the worst for my brethern and their brethren, who in turn are underground Badgers that are mounting a small resistence against the Girraffe Aliens.

What should I do? Should I combat them in a single confrontation, should I do a recon mission, or should I see a doctor for my mental problems?

With Regards, You're lumbering Lumber Jack, Mr. Myagi.

Shattered OUT...

Doctor intrepid, I have been having this problem for like five minutes.

Everytime I open my mouth word come out, I cant figure it out. PLEASE help doc.

Spittin

I have an...err...rash. Can you help me?

Originally posted by masqua
It is very difficult to talk about this problem of mine. (trembling voice)

thank you for offering...

You see...I'm a bit lost. My friends say I'm phat and it hurts very much to hear that, because I'm a retired guy and I fear that I'm regressing. A girl told me yesterday that my hair was 'sick' and she looked at me...you know...that way. It really scares me...

Can you help me look and act my age? I'm almost 60 and can't go to a retirement center looking phat and sick, now can I (?)

I can pay you two netchickens if you can...

I don't see a problem here. Phat and sick is the lingo the hip cats are jivvin on. It means that they dig your bag, you're far out, a stone cold groove, outta sight.

Unless of course you're sick sick. In which case, you're no longer phat. Then you'll have to go see your doctor.

At least you still have your hair, that's more than this good doctor can say.

Originally posted by MemoryShock

Originally posted by intrepid
This is purely a joke thread. Take nothing you see here at face value.

That being said, if you need advice, ask Dr. Intrepid.

Oh really.....? Let's see if our very own Dr. Intrepid has bit off more than he could chew...

So.....I am a mind controlled slave (terminolgy is loose) who has been operating with that knowledge for more than five years. In that time, I have learned much about the sociological and psychological happenings of the human mind and have attempted to live out my time with the awareness that there are certain people who visit me in my sleep (I have been conditioned since birth) with whatever intentions.....some of those intentions, oddly enough, are fairly altruistic in that the human lessons learned are valuable tools to utilize throughout the course of any given life, but of course, the very nature of the 'transmission' of these lessons is what many would consider subversive and antithema to the morality expressed. This of course not only supposes the existence of a 'secret society', but clearly expresses it.....

My concern is this........how can a 'mind-controlled slave' continue living a life when the very social nature of our species is contradicted on a day to day basis? You see.........everyone is in on it.....

I hereby seek the wisdom of one, *ahem*, Dr. Intrepid.....

.....

An interesting case but nothing the Doc can't handle.

To allay your fears you will have to travel to the Dagobah System. There you will learn from my master.

www.barryparks.net...

Originally posted by cpr12r
Hey Dr. Intrepid

I'm 13 and a girl has been really flirtign with meand talkign dirty to me online. What should I do we're just good friends right now and I only like her a little but she talks dirty pretty good.

Thank You In Advance,
Confused in Connecticut

OK, on a serious note, I'd be leery of chatting online, you never really know who's on the other end of the communication.

OK guys, this is for chuckles, please don't take anything seriously, execpt what I wrote for cpr12 here.

Originally posted by ShatteredSkies
Dear Dr. Intrepid,

I am writing to you because what has happened is very hanus. The world has been taken over by these Giant alien Giraffes. The same Alien Giraffes that have created the Anti-Christ and launched a battalian of Angry seals on the Killer Whales of the North Arctic.

Now, this is something we should all take very seriously, and even though our weapons have no effect on their mind control powers, I have the full intent in taking down these nasty invaders and their pancake mind games.

I fear the worst for my brethern and their brethren, who in turn are underground Badgers that are mounting a small resistence against the Girraffe Aliens.

What should I do? Should I combat them in a single confrontation, should I do a recon mission, or should I see a doctor for my mental problems?

With Regards, You're lumbering Lumber Jack, Mr. Myagi.

Shattered OUT...

Firstly, you have to put more thought into this. It is essential to determine what barbeque sauce you will use once you bring down those giraffes. D'ems damn tasty.

Oh and wine, don't forget the wine, if you're of age. I recommend a Riesling.

Originally posted by SpittinCobra
Doctor intrepid, I have been having this problem for like five minutes.

Everytime I open my mouth word come out, I cant figure it out. PLEASE help doc.

Spittin

One word............ Oreo's!

Originally posted by Jonna
I have an...err...rash. Can you help me?

Yes I can.

One Look Dictionary:

Rash- noun: a series of unexpected and unpleasant occurrences.

Stop walking under ladders, avoid black cats, stay away from mirrors.

*looks at the calender, not Friday the 13th*

This should help.

masqua can i ask how old was this girl was that called your hair "sick"

because you know young people these days have many different words in which can mean different things.

because if she was youngish then "sick" mean cool.
its the same as "fat" that means wicked.

oni x x

Dear Doctor Intrepid

Recently the Doctors have told me I can no longer drink Moonshine. My question is.........

Would an IV drip count? Technically I wouldn't be drinking it.

I have tried it over my breakfast cereal but it makes my frosted flakes explode.

Can you help me?

Originally posted by Amuk
Dear Doctor Intrepid

Recently the Doctors have told me I can no longer drink Moonshine. My question is.........

Would an IV drip count? Technically I wouldn't be drinking it.

I have tried it over my breakfast cereal but it makes my frosted flakes explode.

Can you help me?

Sorry, the IV won't work because it's still going through your system. My recommendation to you is to send all of your hooch to the following:

[email protected].

*Cereal and booze hmm*

Doc "I," why does it hurt when I pee? And is poo flinging hereditary?



Just Wondering Monkeys, not just for discussion board healthcare anymore...

Dear Doc,

I got up in the middle of the night the other night to investigate a strange sound. I went into the family room and there was an elf with a deviated septum eating a grilled cheese sandwich. I turned to leave the room and he hit me behind the knees with a forearm shiver. I rolled over on my back and he stuck his arm in my face and asked me if the scab on his elbow smelled like root beer. My question is, given the absence of a credible defense, what are the odds that the Colts will make it to the Super Bowl this year?

Originally posted by Mirthful Me
Doc "I," why does it hurt when I pee?

I'm not a vet but the similaities in our anatomy gives me the leeway to reply. If you had been carousin with this guy



I would suspect an STD. Barring that, it could be a urinary tract infection or LOOSEN YOUR GRIP MAN!

And is poo flinging hereditary?

Just Wondering Monkeys, not just for discussion board healthcare anymore...

No, it isn't hereditary, it's just fun. Weeeeeeee.......................

*SPLAT*

Originally posted by yeahright
Dear Doc,

I got up in the middle of the night the other night to investigate a strange sound. I went into the family room and there was an elf with a deviated septum eating a grilled cheese sandwich. I turned to leave the room and he hit me behind the knees with a forearm shiver. I rolled over on my back and he stuck his arm in my face and asked me if the scab on his elbow smelled like root beer. My question is, given the absence of a credible defense, what are the odds that the Colts will make it to the Super Bowl this year?

OK, heavy drugs and football don't mix. Just say NO. To the drugs that is.

Barring injury, the Colts should do well, Superbowl? Sure, when Hell looks like this: