I need some Wisdom and Understanding .

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

Seems like you already have wisdom and understanding, or else you would shrug your shoulders and move on.

What do you think life would be like if no one had any troubles? What if there was no sickness or sexual deviance?
Would we learn anything?
Would we have compassion for others if none was needed?
What kind of human would we be?

Take the strength and wisdom you have, learn from it, share it and become better for it.

This girl’s adversity and hardship, if she allows, will either beat her down or make her stronger.
Grow from her misfortune’s and learn from them just as we hope she can.

If she chooses she can take care of this child, probably not the easiest path in life, but it may be what she needs. This child will need her, depend on her and teach her humility.
I know a family whose daughter has Hydrocephalus. They wouldn’t trade her for anything. She has brought them joy they would have otherwise never known if they had gave away or aborted her.

The path in life shouldn’t be an easy one. The choices will at times be hard and almost seem impossible, but reassured we are not given more than we can handle.

Be humble.

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

Sometimes sh1t happens, and we all have ours to carry, sometimes though you can be of great value helping somone carry their sh1t. Who you chose to help is for you and you alone to decide and you should never feel guilty if you choose not to.
Beware of helping if it's not requested, and even if it was requested thread carefully...

originally posted by: asabuvsobelow

I was running through my daily Mind Movie imagining and feeling my Goals for the future . I place myself there , I feel it , I smell it , I taste it , I bring tears to my eyes experiencing the emotions of my future self .

I wish you success in what you aspire to be/are my friend

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

I'm looking for a way to understand the Evils around me and yet not allow them to affect me or drag me down. A way to focus on myself and my family yet not seem like a cold hearted bastard.

There is so much evil in the world that it seems almost trivial to strive for more in the face of it all.

Yet isn't this a big part of the WHY we are here in the first place? I know it is for me.

a reply to: BingoMcGoof

Do you think that too many scars can lead to callus?

It can toughen one up. Can also lead to a pretty dark place having too many black pills. Ain't going to worry about some spilt milk when there are more serious things going on.

One of the first important lessons when entering the medical field is to maintain some detachment from your patients. Still care for them, treat them with respect, dignity and compassion. But if you want to last in the industry you must hold some distance from getting too emotional and empathic or else it will burn you out. There is a lot of trauma that does go on in the hospitals, too take all that pain on board it is a lot to hold.

Finding a distinction between good pain and bad pain helps in navigating this gray zone. For example, physiotherapy can be a painfully process to go through. By targeting the right kind of pain in the right areas it does help the body respond and strengthen up the area. But too much pain in the wrong area can lead to more damage and increased restrictions.

a reply to: kwaka My daughter is an RN and often when we talk it is along those lines, about how she copes, the places she needs to draw her lines and how she processes it all. She loves what she does and was drawn to it because of how much she cares. She has had to learn lessons.

Thanks for the come back.

You need no such thing my friend.

It is simply as you said.


I have lived a very similar story with my ex's sister.


It is heart wrenching to know of young lives being played with for self gratification.

And the repercussions are beyond words...


All you can do is be supportive, if you have the opportunity.


If your path and that of another do not cross beyond a retelling, then it is not for you to intervene.


Continue on your path, continue to light the way for others.

Believe me, it is more than enough.

We don't need to solely save every soul we come across.

In fact, it is not our purpose, and one would likely lose himself in the process.

Never lose yourself.

originally posted by: BrotherKinsMan
You need no such thing my friend.

It is simply as you said.


I have lived a very similar story with my ex's sister.


It is heart wrenching to know of young lives being played with for self gratification.

And the repercussions are beyond words...


All you can do is be supportive, if you have the opportunity.


If your path and that of another do not cross beyond a retelling, then it is not for you to intervene.


Continue on your path, continue to light the way for others.

Believe me, it is more than enough.

We don't need to solely save every soul we come across.

In fact, it is not our purpose, and one would likely lose himself in the process.

Never lose yourself.

Thank you for this .

I know life's purpose and meaning is beyond my understanding . I can only hope that what has happened to this young woman will lead to something beautiful.

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

You are touching on something that is far deeper than you probably realise. Something which falls more into the process of “ascension” within the ancient traditions and mystery schools

Within questions which are something like:

”So I understand my own inherent divine nature (initiation) …

… Now what?

What good does this really do me? What does my journey do for the world around me and those within it? What does it mean in the grander scheme of things? And my place within it?”

MYSTERIES are darkness and the unknown, ILLUMINATION is the bringing forth of light

This is why those adept within the mysteries are historically referred to as ILLUMINATED

As with all things, we go forth and seek, because without doing such, the defining beauty of our creation and our ability to seek within it, can seem worthless

Within seeking that which is unknown, can we find ourselves known

Within the darkness, we become the light

(Parallel to Gospel of Thomas)

But it can also work the other way around

So, what do we do with that light?

What is a light that shines, without something for it to shine upon? Or more specifically, something with which to shine upon?

There is no easy answer within this, because you are trying to measure understanding of your own light and personal ability to heal through such, with a pain the size of the world itself that can seem immeasurably inconquerable in comparison

This is why most religions view a process like ascension as being dangerous and unnecessary towards the evolution of the individual soul

Carrying forth the waters of initiation (Aquarius "water-barer", from Pisces the "fisherman) to impose an impression of our own initiated soul upon the world, is one of the hardest things that can ever be done in this world

Most struggle to even begin to perceive how the external body of the world, and the internal body of our self, could ever be the same thing

It is also why many modern incarnations of older traditions, such as your own Freemasons, appear to have incorporated many of the aspects of the “externalised” soul, into a structured society and hierarchy and the good things which they seek to do for the world

Similar to the conceptualised "Church" within religion

The idea being that the initiates of such structures, never need seek align to the greater "world", as their journey already exists within a comparable aligned system, Church, society or organisation

Regardless, it is a hell of a thing to become conscious of PAIN and DECAY around you, beyond that which you can control

And again, there is no easy answer for it

Other than to do your best to reduce the scope of your light down, to focus in on the things which you can control

To become the balance and equilibrium (El'ohim) between CREATION and DECAY. LOVE and PAIN

This may not do well to lessen the pain you feel for the world around you and the people, animals, etc within it

But what it does do, is allow you to focus on beauty within the smallest of moments and miracles, and the things which are within your control

The new day, after the dark of night

Remember, it is not about overcoming, but rather becoming one with the cycles (Christ)

As with Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders in the Greek tradition

It becomes near impossible for us to live within this world, whilst we carry the weight of its burdens on our shoulders

Remember, that the depth of PAIN, is equal to the height of LOVE. And vice-versa

Without having tasted lemon, could you still say sugar sweet?

It is easy for us to get our appreciation for that which you have, tangled up within guilt for those very same considerations

This is because,
CREATION could not exist without DECAY
LOVE could not exist without PAIN

Yaldabaoth (empathy) is both a gift and a curse, which invites DECAY into our ability to reflect within CREATION

This is why it is the “Demiurge”. Emotional influence outside of self, which can bring death, and all bad things born of it, into the light of our creation

SABOATH - WIKI

Thrown into Tartarus, Ialdabaoth envies his son, whereupon his envy takes on shape and becomes death. From death, envy, wrath, weeping, roar, loud shouting, sobber and grief emerge. Many of these emotions seem to be related to lament during funerals. As mourning was controversial among early Christians, associated with Satan, they might intentionally display disapproval about lamenting the dead and advocated control of emotions. However, this is not explicitly spelled out and some emotions, such as anger for the rulers of darkness, are approved, thus differing from Stoicism.

After Ialdabaoth brought death into the world, Sabaoth creates a host of cherubim, a notion also appearing in Jewish Merkabah mysticism.

Within the process of the initiate, who seeks to understand the nature of the self (I am who I am) Yaldabaoth is important, as it teaches us to see and understand all the things which others may miss

But when it is externally applied, to our place within the world and the grander scheme of things, it can become quite destructive …

If we allow it to

It is the necessity of the “blind God”, within the darkness of the mysteries

But within the light of the Sabaoth (sympathy), it can be like opening a floodgate to all scope and manner of pain, which we were never meant to carry

Pains which are not ours to bare

At least, not in any way other than we are capable of committing ourselves to

Within what you spoke of specifically, I would say, that through your fiance, her work and the systems associated with them, there is little more that you can do in that particular situation

The pain is not yours to carry

That does not mean that it will not hurt you to think of, or that it should not hurt you

Only that you need understand, that the full weight of the burden is not yours to carry

This is the difference between

Yaldabaoth – Empathy
Sabaoath – Sympathy

The Saboath is the “true God”, because though it may feel pains just as truly and heavily as Yaldabaoth, it also knows how to let go of that, which is not its to carry

These types of things are designed to affect us, to influence and change us …

But for the good of our soul, within the understanding of the experience, and the wisdom that we carry forth from it

There is nothing to be gained for anyone, within allowing these things to heavy our hearts, burden or destroy us

Within whatever pain and feeling of guilt you may feel within comparing your life to those less fortunate than yourself, there is also to be found, the seed of greater appreciation for that which you have

As I said at the start of this post, you are touching on something much deeper than you realise. A conundrum which has haunted the minds of all the wisest people to ever walk this Earth

The guilt is a symptom, of your ability to perceive something greater than yourself

Hold yourself within the perception of this pain, rather than the measure of its emotional reflection

Feel worthy of your graces in life, and see gratitude instead

It is OK to want something extra in your life

You can understand that you are lucky and be appreciative of such, without needing to feel guilty

I'll post something I wrote a while back in a second post in a minute, which may be of some help to you

I need to go back and re-write this at some stage. As it was written a very long time ago, and is very thin and rushed in parts

But you get the idea ..

1:1
Find better within you, so you can be better. It isn't who you are as a person that is ever 'not good enough', only the parts of you which can be improved

1:2
When you think of the best way you could possibly be, what is the feeling that goes with it?

1:3
It's not a question of can you do it, but 'can you see it being done'?

1:4
It is unrealistic to believe if the belief brings you nothing, but it is not completely without merit

1:5
More self-confidence opens more opportunities and within this, belief is essential

1:6
When you think of the past do not think about how it has found you falling short

2:1
Look at it as the essential process towards becoming who you wish to be

2:2
There is a difference between having something better and having something extra

2:3
Seeking better seats discontent

2:4
Which plays to a deficit when you need move forward

2:5
Hold everything you have as precious

2:6
Because the better you seek could just as easily become worse

2:7
Nothing permits when nothing is asked

2:8
Giving is the same as receiving

2:9
As it goes further than the expectation of nothing gained

2:10
Something is better than nothing, and for every something over your purpose, there is someone with nothing in need

2:11
Do you seek better as one with something, to those with nothing?

2:12
It is not to say that because others have less you should feel content, only appreciate that you have more than they

3:1
You move forward from here grateful for every bit extra that you receive

3:2
The less you're concerned with having a better life

3:3
The more you enjoy the path to finding it

3:4
So many ask the question of what this world holds for them and the meaning of life, without asking why it is they think they ask the question

3:5
Is tomorrow going to be any different if the answer were to be given? And is the meaning of life to be found within the answer, if indeed it even could be given?

3:6
It is less about what the meaning of life is, and more about how we can bring meaning to life

3:7
The answer itself, lays within our ability to ask the question

3:8
The question, is the answer

4:1
We have belief, because we seek understanding in something greater than ourselves

4:2
But what could be greater than ourselves, as those capable of seeking such understanding?

4:3
Remember that you do not need to be right, in order to find peace within what you have learned about this world

4:4
And others need not be wrong, in order for you to appreciate their journey in all the beauty of its difference, when compared to your own

4:5
To believe, is not to see an end to the questions. Because without these questions, such belief would hold no meaning

4:6
If everything were to be answered, all at once, life would hold little meaning

4:7
Life is precious, because it can be held within contemplation of itself

4:8
This is what we are

5:1
We are neither the question posed, nor the answer in any culmination or definitive form. But the consideration of all which comes in between

5:2
The fluid nature of water, is exactly the same as that of thought

5:3
Though both can be held within you perfectly, it is much harder to hold them within your hands for offering

5:4
And we would drink of the waters from our own hands, before we would from the hands of another

5:5
This is the essence of experience. It is amazing. It is horrible. It is beautiful, and it is disgusting

5:6
But it is yours. And what more could you, as yourself, ever need?

5:7
And within the same likeness with water, belief represents our thirst. A taste in reflection to our own specific needs and wants

5:8
So where does purpose fit in to all these things?

5:9
Is their purpose within belief?

5:10
Do we drink just to sustain ourselves? Or does it form our part within processes far bigger than ourselves?

5:11
Why should we be here tomorrow to sate our thirst? Or maintain our beliefs?

5:12
When the sun sets tomorrow, what difference was made by us being here to eat, drink, breathe, believe, love and feel pain?

6:1
Is the world better off tomorrow, than it was today, because I was here to do all these things?

6:2
Did my understanding of this world help to lessen our collective pain in some way?

6:3
Do we know more? Do we love more? Do we pain less?

6:4
We can see that this world loves us. We can believe that we were created for something greater than ourselves

6:5
Yet we can still overlook the reason for why we are able to do such things. Which is purpose

6:6
The question itself is not the problem. Just as the answer is not the solution

6:7
The important part of looking for, finding, or understanding your purpose, is within the experience itself

6:8
Along our journey we can exist within a state of creation. Or we can exist within a state of decay

6:9
Which we represent, is ours to choose. Regardless of our differences, how we live, what we understand, or what we choose to believe

6:10
You need not know where you are going, to find your way

7:1
You need only take the next best step that you can possibly take

7:2
The best step that is available and open to you

7:3
It may not be much, but where it leads you, may be huge

7:4
When all is said and done, and your time in this world is done. It will be the things you did not do, that you will likely regret, more than the things you did

7:5
What is it that you will leave behind?

7:6
What part of you will live on, when you are gone?

7:7
This will be your life after death, on Earth

7:8
This is purpose

7:9
Your ability to look back at your life, at the end of your time here, and know you did well

7:10
You did good, and you left behind love and creation, rather than pain and decay

a reply to: Compendium

I was hoping you would respond thank you very very much .

Your Insight is so appreciated .

a reply to: Compendium

3:4 So many ask the question of what this world holds for them and the meaning of life, without asking why it is they think they ask the question

3:5 Is tomorrow going to be any different if the answer were to be given? And is the meaning of life to be found within the answer, if indeed it even could be given?

3:6 It is less about what the meaning of life is, and more about how we can bring meaning to life

3:7 The answer itself, lays within our ability to ask the question

3:8 The question, is the answer

I see . I've never looked at it like this .

I've heard it asked many times " What is the meaning of Life? " " What is our purpose? ''

If someone broadcast live tomorrow on Television that they know the meaning of life . It would be a lie .

There is no Universal Meaning to life . We are not all here for the same reason or purpose and if we were what would be the point .

Every individual has a different meaning in which they are to discover or live out in this Life .

Our life is the sum of our individual choices.

Walk into room #1 and meet your future wife , Walk into Room #2 and have your legs chopped off. Though one may seem unfair I am confident the reason for that occurrence can be traced to something deep within your own being .

Don't be angry your legs were chopped off but rather be thankful it wasn't your Head .

I do wonder though. Do all of our individual choices affect our life's direction even at the youngest most innocent age ? Or is it only after a certain age or maturity is reached do we start our true journey .

originally posted by: asabuvsobelow
Our life is the sum of our individual choices.

Walk into room #1 and meet your future wife , Walk into Room #2 and have your legs chopped off. Though one may seem unfair I am confident the reason for that occurrence can be traced to something deep within your own being .

Don't be angry your legs were chopped off but rather be thankful it wasn't your Head

I do wonder though. Do all of our individual choices affect our life's direction even at the youngest most innocent age ? Or is it only after a certain age or maturity is reached do we start our true journey

Yes, but examining things as a result of "choice" can in itself become a little bit of a trap. Like looking at the reflection of a reflection, trying to work out where the reflection or "choice" originated from

Like pointlessly chasing blame across generations of wrong-doing and reaction

For some, all choice amounts to is picking the lesser of two bad outcomes. For some, there is no choice to be seen at all, let alone made

It is far better to look at these things in terms of PROBABILITY (Prophecy) and POSSIBILITY (Prayer)

That way, nobody who could rightfully be considered a victim, can ever be said to be responsible for the hand they may have inherited without fault of their own

This is why I suggested you "Hold yourself within the perception of this pain, rather than the measure of its emotional reflection"

It is best to view our lives, as being like the seeds which are sown within "the parable of the sower" within the Bible, and more specifically in the gospel of Thomas

I'll give you some basic context to the meaning of these verses, from my own experience

I was going to the hospital to see my Dad, who had bladder cancer at the time. As I did every day whilst he was in the hospital. At the same time, another friend of mine, same age as myself, was also in the hospital with multiple myeloma blood cancer

Every day I would try to bring in a little bit of my own light and happiness. And every day I would leave taking a little bit of their darkness and sadness with me

Not just them, but everyone I encountered. Some in palliative care, with little hope or joy to speak of

One day as I was leaving, I noticed the dried-out husk of a mango seed sitting on the concrete in the middle of the parking lot, in the blistering heat

And for a moment I felt a sorrow quite unlike I had ever felt before, which made my cry

A seed, so perfect, which had been shaped from the dawn of time and creation itself ...

And it now lay in the middle of a barren and burning concrete lot, as far from soil, water, or anything within this world that could love and nurture it, as a seed possibly could

It had come so far, yet it never stood a chance

(9) Jesus said, "Now the sower went out, took a handful (of seeds), and scattered them. Some fell on the road; the birds came and gathered them up. Others fell on the rock, did not take root in the soil, and did not produce ears. And others fell on thorns; they choked the seed(s) and worms ate them. And others fell on the good soil and it produced good fruit: it bore sixty per measure and a hundred and twenty per measure."

Some fell on the road, and the birds gathered them up
Some, never stand a chance

Others fell on the rock and did not take root
Some become victims to their circumstances or environment

And others fell on thorns; they choked the seed(s) and worms ate them
Some become the decay of their environment or circumstances

And others fell on the good soil and it produced good fruit
Some find their way, or are lucky enough to get to know their potential

It bore sixty per measure and a hundred and twenty per measure
We are the result of not only our environment, but also the choices we make within it

In my case, I took the dried and semi-damaged seed home, to plant it in a pot with good soil, with the promise of giving it a space in my yard, if it decided it still wanted to live

And it sprouted faster, and prouder, than near any seed I had ever seen

Producing purple leaves immediately as its very first leaves, as if making me its own promise of the fruit it will someday come to give me in return


(10) Jesus said, "I have cast fire upon the world, and see, I am guarding it until it blazes."

We should only cast the fires, that we ourselves are capable of tending to

We should only take responsible, for those things which are within our control

We should only take on pain or burdens, which are rightfully ours to carry

Though the experience of pain may not be within our control, the choice to carry it is

The next verse goes on to state, that when we bring "that which is dead" in, we invite it into "that which is living"

We introduce sadness into the flavour of all our joys

"This heaven shall pass, and so too shall the one beyond it"

I refer to this in one of my songs as "the feeding of the empty"

You can give all the happiness and "heaven" you have to give to these types of pains, and they will still need more

"This pain we feel, won't subside in a heart like mine"

(11) Jesus said, "This heaven will pass away, and the one above it will pass away. The dead are not alive, and the living will not die. In the days when you consumed what is dead, you made it what is alive. When you come to dwell in the light, what will you do? On the day when you were one you became two. But when you become two, what will you do?"

The point is to choose LOVE, despite PAIN

If we as the one, allow the second to influence us? Then what good are we to another on such things?

The psychological considerations within what you are exploring are immense

As deep as any consideration into "what is choice?'

Or "what is it exactly that is within my control?"

Could I be doing more? Could I give more?

These types of things have the ability to destroy us, if we are so inclined to allow ourselves to drown within the depths of just how much we can "feed the empty"

Should I stop and pick up every mango seed I see fallen by the way and tend to them?

Do I have the resources, time and energy to do so?

Where would I plant them all?

But more importantly, would it actually lessen the pain I feel, even if I committed everything I have and am?

Or would it only make it more painful, for all that I fall short on

Like in "Schindlers list", when Schindler comes to realise just how many people he saved, and all he can do is weep for the many more he could have saved. "If he had only tried a little harder, or given a little more"

The emptiness will take everything, if you let it

It is there to be mindful of and acknowledge. So that it can guide us and help us build a better world

But it cannot be at the loss of joy and the expression of beauty and creation itself

Otherwise, all such pain and the lessons to be learned within it, would be pointless

"Be grateful it was not your head", as you stated

It does not mean you can't be sad if you lost a leg. Just that you should never let it define you, or the harden your eyes to the world

I like to say, "There is nothing more beautiful than a person with one eye, smiling to bring joy into the lives of those with two"

As with gospel of Thomas, this is choosing to bring life into death. Rather than death into life

originally posted by: asabuvsobelow

How do I move past this , how do I accept that other people's lives are not my responsibility . I cannot help but imagine her suffering when I’m trying to imagine a bright future for my family and I.

Do you also feel the pain and suffering of the 6 billon others that have a worst life than you do? Do you feel they are your responsibility too?

I call this the Bady Jesscia syndrome. In 1986 Baby Jessica fell down a small well, and it took tremendous effort to rescue her. The whole country watched in real time crying out to save her and when they pulled her out everyone cheered.

But what about the other 80,000 children that go missing or worst each year? Nothing...

When we focus on one then it is a big deal to us, but we don't care about all the others because they are not directly in our reality. I would say provide care and help at whatever level you can and tell yourself you at least help a little.

The other day an old lady was stuck at the gas pump with an empty tank, and her debit card wasn't working. She came up to me and was frantic and said she had to get her granddaughter, her card wasn't working, she had no gas..... etc All I said was "do you need gas?" She looked at me and just said...yes. I said OK not a big deal and pumped 40 bucks into her car and said have a nice day. Sometimes little things are big.

Meister Eckhart once wrote “When the Soul wants to experience something she throws out an image in front of her and then steps into it.”. So for whatever reasons the girl is experiencing sensations that were needed for her growth. That does not mean we should not be empathic and helpful in which ever way we can be. At very least we should pray/meditate that she escapes the illusion of her individual self so she no longer suffers anything the material world can throw at her.

My best wishes for her.

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

Hey whats up Asa, hope you are well this morning. Your post tapped me on the shoulder, it did. I recently was at a job site in a very bad area, I install security cameras and security technology. At the job site, me and my close friend (I am blessed to work with a good amigo), we were working in this detached laundromat room in an apartment complex where nobody speaks english. Its kind of a 3rd world country feeling in there ;*D. My friend is guatamalen so he knows spanish its good when we need to communicate with others that speak spanish, lol, im learning but I digress.

My point is that im trying to get to: is the place was really run down, probobly high crime, and things werent very clean or taken care of. We were installing some wiring in the walls of this room for door locks. But it was the nastiest room I have ever been in, the first thing i noticed on the floor was used condoms and needles, beer cans behind the dryers, puddles of god knows what EVERYWHERE, the puddles and standing water that was behind the machines....had oil in it, you could see the oil slick all over the floor and in the water. There was rotten wood with black mold creeping out of holes in the walls, and poop all over the floor from probobly stray dogs i guess. But, there was a litter of kittens in the corner, kind of using the hole in the wall, in this seemingly forsaken place....as a shelter.

Kevin and I looked down in there little spot and smiled on them and gave the mama some fresh water and we removed some of the nails with spikes in them and the debris from around their spot that was dangerous. To help out. We started our job in this room and had to work in there all day with this litter of kittens nearby, so we were careful not to disturb them, and, theres just something in my heart that, seeing that, and them being nearby while im working, I dont know how to explain but it just settles my heart knowing those little ones....well....exist....and are being taken care of by their mama cat. (Life, going on as it should....and in the famous words of Dr Ian Malcom (jeff goldblum) from one of the most legendary movies of all times....."Life Finds A Way".)

Holy crap, I just typed that and it made the hair on my arms stand up. I think thats going to be the quote (Takeaway) from my message here :*D, lol, yep there it is.....Life finds a way.

But as I worked, I would ocassionally glance down at the little kitties, admire their softness and cuteness, and then return to my work, meditating on thoughts of life, gratefulness, and appreciation for it, inspired by these little ones, just doing there thing and existing. I saw some kind of symbolism in the situation....while I worked....and you know, you work quietly and get to thinkin and you kind of fall into this meditative state sort of when your thinking about stuff deeply. The inspiration was coming in thru my eyes, just from simply witnessing a little litter of kittens being cared for, naturally, in nature, amidst this hellish structure that represents the FAST PACE of humanity and life, the room is almost forgotten, trash everywhere, nasty, never cleaned or kept up by a human, but amidst the chaos, neglect, forsakenness, this little litter of ...well....life....thrives, is being nurtured, just behind that black mold hole in the wall.

Youd never think something so beautiful that could inspire so much thought or prick you in your heart......could be lurking right around the corner, just inches away from you, about to change something within you.

As we got ready to leave, there was a kitten that kept straying away from the litter, kevin went and got it a couple times and returned it to the mom cuz she wouldnt pay it much mind. So....after a couple times, we took one of the broken pieces of wood and screwed it in to the base of this doorway while we worked, to kind of trap the kittens inside with their mama so they couldnt wander off, and to protect them. Kevin said out loud "if that one keeps wandering off, I may take it in a few days", cuz we were there to work for at least 3 days.

Went back to my truck, went to the store for something, returned, and as we walked up to the room in which we were working, i saw something on the front porch area of the laundromat, a small crumpled furry form, right there on the concrete as we walked back towards the room, right on the other side of the wooden plank we screwed in. Outside of its pen that we had just made.

I assumed the kitten had been removed by a human, because the wall we made was too tall for it to climb over. It was the same kitten that kept wandering off that kevin had his eye on. It was laying on its side, blood dripping from the corner of its mouth, its eyes half open, struggling and breathing rapidly. I stood over it and my freaking heart broke in two, good God, man. That hurt. I could tell the little guy was about to die, it looked like he had been stomped on, literally, with a humans foot. His little body was broken and twisted, and he was beyond any help that me or kevin could offer to it. I wished that I had a 22 or something in my truck that I could go and end its suffering quickly, it took a knife stuck it right in my chest and twisted it. I had tears in my eyes, i even have them right now, typing this story, reliving it. I looked at my bro standing next to me, kevins face was screwed up and he was angry, I saw him look up and look around us, I felt the same way he did im sure. THere were kids around, i know how cruel they can be sometimes, I figured one of them did this. THey were gathered nearby and I think kevin realized which one did it and he scolded them in spanish and pointed away and shouted at them to GO HOME. We had just witnessed the murder of one of (what felt like OUR...beloved little litter of kittens).
I said this is the end of my day, I cant anymore, I had to get in my truck and sit in silence for a moment and pray and thank God for the life i have and my family and my chihuahuas and the animals I have at home. I saw MY animals....in that little hurt kitten. Stuck me right in the chest man, deeply too. God that was gutwrenching. What made it worse was that, that was the little specific kitten that kevin had his eye on. As we left we both agreed that if the litter of kittens was here tomorrow we should try to help it or remove them or something if somebody is hurting these animals intentionally.

Anyways, enough of the dwelling on that hard part, time to move on. The next day me and kevin returned to finish our job, we walked up to the same laundromat structure, and as we approached, both of us were looking at the front doorway to see if that little kittens body was still there. It had been removed, thank God, I didnt want to see the reminder, because as we pulled up and approached, my heart sank, i know his did too, thinking about what happend the previous day.

When we entered the room, there was a lady leaving, she had poured chemicals all over the floor and let it set for a while to clean the years of human neglect, from the space, me and kevin continued to get back to work, quietly, both of us silent, im sure, thinking about what happened the previous day, and our litter of kittens was now gone, thats where the sinking feeling this morning came from. I think we were both quietly and secretly hoping to see them again to know they were okay and for re-assurance. CONTD: in one more post

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

They were gone. We hoped they were okay wherever they went to or maybe a nice family came by and helped...who knows, one can only hope, and invest in hope, when there is nothing left, right?

I hate those types of days, those types of hurts. Those deep cuts in the heart sometimes that we get in our lives, like you...when your wife told you about the young girl who was going thru the human trafficking experience, and it straight up broke your heart.

Well, I contined to work, I put my head down and kept silent, grit your teeth a little bit, lol, your a man with tools on a construction site, you dont want to let others see tears in your eyes over a little iddy biddy widdle kitten ;D.

Im standing there, stapling a wire to the wall, kevin is to my left....when all of a sudden both of us heard the tinyiest little

"Meow" "meow" "rawr" "meow" , I look around then down, and that hole in the wall.....there is the WHITEST of PURE WHITE little kitten with a black spot on the top of his head came out of the hole in the wall he was still wobbly cuz he was so tiny, couldnt walk straight, newborn from the litter yesterday. He had been hiding in the wall I guess while the lady cleaned the room with chemicals....and he missed wherever his littermates and family moved to. (Or he missed whatever their fate was).

Not gonna lie, asa. When I saw this little guy MY FREAKING HEART LEPT, dude, I let out this sound like an "OH, or and OW" or something, and looked down at him. Had tears in my eyes again (and I do now as I type this). I looked over at Kev, he was smiling too....we both knew what had to happen next, lol....the kitten RAN UP TO MY LEG and started climbing my jeans, meowing and yeowling the whole time...like "HEY MR, SAVE ME, I NEED YOU PLEASE HELP". Kevin looked and laughed and said "Hey bro, you know they say, they pick their owners" and we both had a good chuckle. That was my q to bend down and scoop up the little guy and hold him to my chest. I put him close to my face and he started licking the tip of my nose. Boom, bonded, right there in that moment. I went to my truck and dumped out my tool tote (big plastic thing in the backseat area) I was in such a rush and so excited that I just flipped it and dumped them on the floor. I took off my overshirt and tucked it in the corner, then sit the bin in the room next to us and set the kitten in there so he wouldnt wander off until i could take him home at the end of the day. We waited to see if the mama cat would come around looking for him, he woke up a couple times and we let him meow loudly, thinking it might call her back, but truly i was kind of hoping she was gone, and I was going to be forced to take care of him.

Right as i picked him up and put him on my shirt pallete, he went right to sleep for a good 6 hours for the rest of the day until I had to go home. Many times that day I would come and check on him and make sure hes breahting and okay....he just chillin...just napping. On my way home I realied the little guy is still nursing so I picked up a bottle from petsmart and some kitten formula. When I got home, he woke up, and was hungry so I made the formula and started feeing him. Cradled him in my arms like a little baby, and he just went to town on that bottle till it was empty. Then I laid him back in his pen and he went to sleep.

But I nursed him for the coming days, bonded with the little guy, gave him a litterbox, and we grew tight . My son named him Rocky, and now he is part of the family. We have 3 chihuahuas, (and 2 cats now) a python, and a tarantula.

Somebody said "whyd you take him home?" i was like "are you kidding bro? dude cmon, it had to happen" and really, I felt in my heart that it did "have to happen" I didnt see any other choice, naturally, the human side of me stepped in and did what needed to be done with regard to preserving life and light...in this moment.

When the kitten came up to my leg, and looked up and asked for help (my perception). I could have just ignored it....and kept working, not looked down at it. But, it would have been there all day, crying, and I would have had to put plugs in my ears to ignore its little cries thruout my shift. What kind of person would it take to do that? To plug their ears to legitimate cries for help? And then if i left it.....It would have surely died, couldnt survive on its own, still nursing, with a kitten serial killer in our midst......if i had just ignored it, I would have been the one (the only one) who could have saved it, but instead, left it to its fate of death. And then i would have had to live with that everyday I ever saw a cat or thought about a kitten............I would be reminded of myself ignoring the cried for help, and I cant live with that, thats not me. So I did what is right and true to myself, (to thine own self be true) and what was right and true in my heart, and did what I felt like I was "supposed to do". And saved myself the pain of realizing I have the capability to be heartless. We all do. Just by looking the other way.

Our 3 chiuhauas sleep in bed with us, they are very small and thats okay, I love them each with ALL every piece of my heart. Well the little kitten as he grew, and nursed, he started sleeping with them too. And we joke that he thinks hes a chihuahua now and he really does. When we go to kitchen and its "treat time", the 3 dogs come in there and they stand on their hind legs, excited, waiting for treat distribution....but......SO DOES ROCKY, and yes, he stands on his hind legs WITH THE DOGS, and LETS YOU PUT THE TREAT IN HIS MOUTH JUST LIKE THE CHIHUAHUAS. I have never seen a cat do this so is obvious he thinks he is one of the fam.

Why couldnt I just leave the kitten there? And Ignore it? Why? (because im human, maybe). I dont know. Whats the difference in THIS particular situation? Theres THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS of stray cats, litters of kittens, everywhere thruout the city of Houston, behind every dumpster, in every alley, and I cant "save them all". This one situation, i was presented with life, it was directly infront of me, and we do what we have to do with what he have to work with.

Sure it hurts when I see life being stifled somehwere, I see it all around me everwyhere I go. I was driving few days ago and as i was entering the freeway, I saw a cute orange cat limping, running, dodging cars, running THE WRONG DIRECTION, trying to escape. I couldnt stop cuz of the flow of traffic (thats kind of symbolic of our world and life)...to help the little guy...I had to keep moving. But Ohhhhhh i wanted to, i wanted to turn my dam truck around, youturn, find him and rescue him cuz I knew he was headed for death.

But i couldnt, all I could do was swallow the painful realization and keep....driving....forward. So that Im on time for my customer, and truly, I cant handle many more animals lol. Thats a painful truth in life. That THERE IS MUCH WE CAN DO TO HELP AND CARE FOR THE WORLD AROUND US. But at the same time, we need to find balance within ourselves and realize that this world.....thats one of its qualities. We die, things decay, things fall apart and disintigrate. People, relationships, experiences, people kill murdered, theres war and famine and death and human trafficking and sadness and evil exists somewhere.

But, we do what we can with what we have to work with. We work with whats infront of us. We be effective when and where

a reply to: asabuvsobelow

when and where we can.

I cant save the whole world. It breaks my heart to focus on everything that people need saving from. But I can save.....whats infront of me, and whats present to me in my life experience. And I cant let all the pain and darkness of our present age get to me and weigh me down, not even a little bit. I have to keep pushing on and forward strongly for myself, for my family, and for my customers who need me. So when I show up at my customers, I am full of life, and bright, and sharp, and if a customer is going thru a rough time and I detect it, i have the words to say while I am in there home, to maybe bring a bit of hope and light to their present circumstance.

I share light, hope, and love, or i try to. I can be a jerk on the freeway just like the next person, sure. But just like you mentioned theres things that need our attention.

Were human, things like this hurt us in the heart. I cant save every little kitten that comes by or my house would be overwhelmed. But I can do, what I can, with what I have, and try to make the best of

the little slice of life that I am given. And keep pushing forward and always remember that "Life finds a way". Some lead very very very very tough lifes down here on earth. And they are born into hardship, and they live thru chaos, and they die alone or in sadness....it happens.....all...too...frequently. But this is part of the natural order of our fallen and cursed world. I say fallen and cursed because I believe in the fall of man and Eden. But I also believe in light within the hearts of people who nurture it, and people who know......you know.......people who "know the thing" .

And I detect....Asa, that you "know the thing" too. And even tho its hard for me to describe. You know what I am alluding to. I believe everythign happens for a reason. And I also believe that death is not the end,

but only the beginning in a veeeeeeeeeryyyyy looooooonnnnnnnnngggg existence. (That we are eternal, and we are not alone).

So we keep pushing forward. We keep nurturing the hope (when there is hope), and when there doesnt seem to be much to go around WE FREAKING MAKE SOME! And we spark that fire, deep down within ourselves, and feed it, until its a bonfire that burns deeeply within us, a bonfire for the appreciation and gratefulness of the things in live that are:
lovely,
peaceful and peaceable,
honorable,
things on high,
things holy,
things of beauty,
thing made of love and light,
recognition of the light,
recognition of empathy and compassion and a growing of a heart to nurture a spirit of a servant for life.
a steward....
of the earth.
And of this body and the life within that drives these flesh vehicles we currently inhabit (that will one day disinteigrate) and that....that right there, let that drive us to....to....

carpe....

freaking.....

diem.

Respectfully,
-Z

edit: Carpe Diem en Christo

a reply to: Compendium

Sir, your post touched my heart. Wow. Thank you for sharing of yourself, experience, your wisdom and this story of the seed here. The way you put the parable of seeds into words, helped me understand it finally better than I ever have.

Thank you for sharing this story. It became an important truth for me to realize. Thanks again.

Resepctfully,
-Z

originally posted by: asabuvsobelow
a reply to: Compendium

I was hoping you would respond thank you very very much .

Your Insight is so appreciated .

Sorry, it took me a while to write my other reply, so I forgot about responding to this one till I just read the thread again

No problem, any time