Cruises - And why they, well, suck!

Me and a mate looked into a South Atlantic cruise a few years ago then he took ill and we've never really got round to discussing it again.
I know quite a few people who swear by them but others who's experiences were pretty similar to the OP's - just not relayed quite as eloquently.

I wouldn't mind a slow river boat cruise down The Danube or possibly even The Mississippi.....providing it was adults only.

The thought of a family get-together anywhere fills me full of dread.....to be stuck on a boat in the middle of the sea with them would be horrendous.

Heh, so lots of stories to tell from this 'trip'. Here's one...

I get up one morning and we're pulling into Portland, Maine. It's sunny, and I'm sporting my "Rank Stock - Rodeo Company" hat.

Several people had seen my hat up to this point and had given me a thumbs up on it. (It is a cool hat). Anyway, this one older lady comes up to me (I think she was a "cruise-ee") and says..."I can't see what your hat says with your sunglasses sitting on the bill." So, I pulled my sunglasses off my hat, took my hat off and showed her (she couldn't have been over 4'-10" (tall AND around). She wrinkles up her nose and says..."Well, I don't think I like that hat...at all!. I told her..."Well, I didn't wear it to please you, Ma'am! But...I reckon' you'll like my T-shirt even less!!" She huffed at me, snottily. So I turned around.

My T-shirt was from Hooker's 'Bait' Shop in New Orleans (famous shirts), with a sexy gal on a trapeze and the quotation... "Something fishy goin' on in here!". She ran over to her husband and started making her case to get me ejected off the ship or some such. Even my 88 year old super Catholic, super Italian, mother in law laughed at this episode!!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Another story...

The wife made some nice reservations for just her and I (finally) at a specialty restaurant on the ship, it was a sushi 'lunch', or so I thought. But it turned out to be a sushi and sake pairing thing (which was still very nice, and kudos to her for setting this up). She'd told me it was almost impossible to find an available slot at this on-board restaurant, and so the only time she could reserve was 11am. Okay, fine.

So we show up at about 10 minutes to eleven. They tell us we have to wait until 11am in the "lounge" (where they try to sell you $15 dollar well drinks). At 11am we go up there and there's no one there. Seriously, like we're the only people in the entire place...and it seats like (150) people. So they seat us. Okay, great.

Then, (2) other people come in. They're not together, but they're there for the same thing. So they seat them like right next to us...at the same table. Okay, not so great. We exchange nice greetings, you know, I'm Bill, I'm Bob, I'm Janet, etc.

Then there's that awkward silence. So, I asked this dude what he does, and he says he's a "pilot". Oh really? Well, so am I, and I asked him what his ratings were. Ratings? He doesn't have even the slightest clue. Big pause. Then he says..."Do you mean aviation? I'm a maritime 'pilot'." OHHHHhhhhhhh!!!...different kind of "pilot", I say. Wow! That's really cool, and boy do I have a lot of questions for you!!! (me talking). (He starts fidgeting, like he's nervous).

Then Mr. 'Pilot' launches off into this lengthy diatribe about his decades of experience as a deck hand and all of his maritime certifications (none of which made any sense to me, but whatever). After this he goes on this big monologue about how he knows everyone, including the ship's captain, all the tug boat captains who have handled the ship up to this point, and basically about everyone on the eastern seaboard. Okay, now I'm suspect...right?

So, I asked him..."Our Captain is some guy named 'Misha', so you know him right? The main captain of the ship is someone different, but for whatever reason he wasn't in command on this cruise...SO, it wasn't something our "pilot" could easily look up on his phone! He stumbles around for a moment and blub-blubs around, and THEN my wife fires up and asks him to explain the "Jones Act" to her because she doesn't understand it. LOLOLOL!!

This dude completely short-circuited. He talked about Africa, Singapore, the Great Lakes, his High School, who his Mom was...why he got into the Merchant Marines, working on tugboats...and like 30 minutes later...my wife asked again..."So, can you explain the Jones Act or not??? (she can be very direct)

BTW...the "Jones Act" is a very old law which says that ships cannot originate from a US Port and return to a US Port (at the end of their destination) without first leaving the US, UNLESS they are ships registered in the USA (most ships aren't). SO, this is why most cruise ships leave the US for at least one port of call outside the US before returning back to the US. AND, in our particular case, we met a band member who was all frustrated because he had to travel back to the US from Canada by air because of this law.

Well, our quote "Senior Pilot" with all of his Coast Guard certifications had no idea about this. Okay, still fine...sort of. BUT, then he started telling us about how he knew all the tug captains who escorted us out of Baltimore harbor, and all the tug captains up the eastern seaboard. This was enough for me, so I asked him...."So then, you know the name of the tug company who pushed us into Halifax, Saint John, Portland and Boston then, right? (nodding at him affirmatively)

He said..."Well, most of them". My turn to be direct..."but that wasn't my question; what is the name of the towing company??? (BUSTED!) (RED FACE) "Dunno", he said. I said..."It was the same company every time, and you said you know them ALL, including the captain of this ship, whom you allege told you that "YOU" could sail it out of Baltimore harbor (through the Francis Scott Key Bridge wreckage, with armed gunboats as escorts...even though you are a pilot from Philadelphia...but you can't even remember the name of the towing tugs????????"

(the name was Atlantic Towing Inc, one of the biggest tow and tug companies on the northeast coast) They tow icebergs out of the Atlantic shipping lanes! LOL! I pretty much think anyone in the "maritime" business on the east coast of the US would know who these people are! I mean, they sent some of the rescue ships out to save the stupid ill-fated bastages who dived the Titanic recently.

Response....(crickets).

Enough said.

When we got married my wife said "No cruises ever". We broke the rule once for Alaska. That is one I'd do over. We joined a group less than 30 days before so it was no stress planning.

We joined the group for ONE dinner. Princess diamond I think. But we found a great waitress at a bar on the ship and enjoyed a few side excursions. Glacier Bay was awsome.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Biscuits and gravy for breakfast ??!!!!

What?

Dude. I would have been suspicious of any mariner who sailed on a cruise ship voluntarily.

If your not paying me I’m not stepping onto a boat, f that.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

originally posted by: SecretKnowledge2
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Biscuits and gravy for breakfast ??!!!!

What?

Yeah, it's an American thing. Not 'biscuits' like you might be thinking (i.e. crackers), but rather soft dough rolls covered in gravy (sometimes with bits of meat in it). It's southern US thing, dating back to the Revolutionary War when food was scarce.

originally posted by: SecretKnowledge2
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Biscuits and gravy for breakfast ??!!!!

What?

come see me. Sausage cooked, then make a rue then gravy with milk. Put that on buttermilk biscuits cut in half. Enjoy, repeat.

originally posted by: Freeborn
I wouldn't mind a slow river boat cruise down The Danube or possibly even The Mississippi.....providing it was adults only.

A mate told me the Danube cruise is not very relaxing due to 5 or 6 boats that leave at the same time. He said disembarking for trips in the morning was like the rush hour at Kings Cross Station. What made it even worse was all the boats moor side by side during trips and at night making privacy very difficult (the view is directly into a cabin on one of the other boats).

a reply to: network dude

Some of it can be really delicious, for sure! And some of it can suck bigly too. I'm assuming yours is in the former group and not the latter!



It took years, but I finally found a great recipe for it now which I learned from another colleague. Never really cared much for biscuits and gravy before that. It uses hot Italian sausage as the meat component, and it's really thick, not runny at all.

originally posted by: Morrad

originally posted by: Freeborn
I wouldn't mind a slow river boat cruise down The Danube or possibly even The Mississippi.....providing it was adults only.

...
What made it even worse was all the boats moor side by side during trips and at night making privacy very difficult (the view is directly into a cabin on one of the other boats).

And if you're on the inner most boat, then you've got passengers tromping across your boat for a couple hours to get to their boat, which adds even more 'fun' to the mix.

I have never been on a cruise ship, and never ever desired to go on one. My Cousin mentioned he gets a good rate, he and his wife were going every year for about seven years minimum...they actually went on three cruises one callender year I think. He has twelve brothers and sisters, so they went hog wild for a few years going with a different sister or brother and their spouse quite a few times.

I got horribly sea sick taking the Ranger boat to Isle Royal a few times when I was young, I am not interested in paying to get sea sick....all that food and I couldn't eat it...I do not like being tortured.

I would never want to go on a cruise with a bunch of relatives, that would not be relaxing. After two days of conversations I would be half nuts, and I am sure I would drive them nuts with drifting towards food chemistry and medical and pharma science discussions. I am good at avoiding conversations about my knowledge of organic chemistry in short conversations, but if I was with relatives at a buffet, I would be informing them of the properties of food on the buffet and how it effects physical and mental health...I would drive them nuts eventually.

originally posted by: rickymouse
... I am good at avoiding conversations about my knowledge of organic chemistry in short conversations, but if I was with relatives at a buffet, I would be informing them of the properties of food on the buffet and how it effects physical and mental health...I would drive them nuts eventually.

Heck, I'd probably even toss you over the side for that!! LOLOL! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

To each their own... I've been on 10 or 11 cruises throughout my life and enjoyed each and every one of them to the fullest. At this point, most ports we do not even get off the ship... that is when the cruise ship is at its emptiest. I do not eat in the main dining room any more... we usually opt for one of the speciality restaurants each night... the quality of the main dining room has dropped off over the years on most lines.

I would not do a cruise to a destination that was not tropical, that was the first mistake I picked up on lol...

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
I always wondered how it would be having a vacation on a floating flat in in the middle of the ocean having stops at different Caribbean locations, hearing it like this it sounds like a scene from Wally , thanks for talking me out of it .

I like the Caribbean islands just to move around and enjoying snorkeling with cocktail bars etc.

There was one guy (of many) that I honestly wanted to wrap a mooring line around his ankles and use him as trolling bait behind the ship. But I digress.

Lmao, i wonder if something like this ever happened?

Thanks you made a good title for the coming writers contest

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I would have politely explained that my wife and I were enjoying a quite time alone and would the wait staff please seat the other folks at a different table.

originally posted by: SecretKnowledge2
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Biscuits and gravy for breakfast ??!!!!

What?

Dude! Biscuits and gravy is DA BOMB! Good part starts at 2:30



Jump to 5:20 for the best part.



And if you are really intrigued and want to try it at home ...



:

a reply to: AwakeNotWoke

I like good biscuits and gravy, but have never actually made them at home. Quality varies from restaurant to restaurant, most restaurants get the canned special gravy and sausage mix here, and it is mediocre. But I was down south one time and got it in a truck stop...boy was that good. Since then I tried it at a few restaurants and it was so inferior to that truck stops creation I quit ordering it anywhere.

Like anything, the cook and recipe is the part that is important. Also the quality of the sausage would be important too. Maybe I am going to have to try making it at home in the near future to see if I suck at making it. The second video has a recipe, but it seems a little too thick when he spoons it on. But that is easy to adjust.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
This is why I have never, ever, wanted to go on a cruise. Just the thought of being cooped up and not being able to get away from people is my worst nightmare. I also know how you make plans for two and it ends up being a posse. I have a big family. I tell my husband to keep quiet about dinner plans and trips we might take. Lol I feel bad for you that it was such a bad trip.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Ghastly. I couldn't imagine anything worse than a river boat cruise.