Feeling hopeless

a reply to: 19Bones79

Excellent advice and I can vouch for same. I am training for the US Senior Games as a sprinter. My trainer told me to do cycling and "hear him out"; Yoga. I have gone 5 times so far. The breathing does work.

Quite interesting that Jagstorm is Korean. My Yoga Instructors mother was Korean who owned a restaurant in the USA.

a reply to: ancientlight

We moved and I had to get a new email address as for some reason I could not update my profile here on ATS back in 2017.

I wrote both parts I and II. Its true to my core. Similar posts were also launched by Dr. Sheila Pryce Brooks of York University in London UK as she interviewed me. You may also want to contact her. Its free and it may really open your eyes. Shes confidential and has also lived through hell.

You cant always Trust The Science, in my opinion

We Live On As Pure Energy After Death Part II

Sheila Pryce Brooks

originally posted by: ancientlight
Hi all.

This is going to be a vent. One outlet , the only one really atm.
I can't remember the last time I didn't feel hopeless. Feels like it must have been decades ago now.

I hate my life. I hate the future, I hate feeling hopeless and hate feeling the best is long behind me.
I see no future. All I do is long for the past, feel depressed the past is gone and dread the future.
I'm stuck living in a country I don't want to be . I've been stuck here for more than 20 years and have hated every day because of it.
It's a long story, somone else's doing at the time basically. I can't go back to my home country and my home country no longer feels ike home.
Neither do I feel at home were I'm stuck. I worry every day about losing my elderly mom. And my one and only aunt.
If they're gone I will be alone. I need to take care of my minor son, but there will be no adult support network.
There's my brother but wer'e not at all close.

There is nothing to look forward to, everything is behind me. My best years are behind me. It's a dreadful feeling. Terrifying.
I'm just waiting for death really.

Everday I wish to die. I'm only still alive because of my son and mom, especially for his sake. But my life is worthless otherwise.
I would have killed myself already otherwise.
And I feel a constant emptiness. There's nothing just a feeling of total numbness.
I was at my dentist a few months back and he pointed out some polyp in my mouth or throat, not sure, and he advised me to have an ENT specialist to take a look at it. This is my only ray of sunshine/hope!!! Possibly cancer in my future! Yay. I won't have to live to old age hopefully. Off course I didn't go see an ENT.

I'm 50 and have to dread the next 30, possibly 40 fu*king years!!

Otherwise things are bleak. Sad , that that's the only ray of hope .
Please don't tell me to go to a therapist/doctor etc (depression meds etc) . Not going there.

Thanks for letting me vent

I feel your pain in equal measures perhaps for different reasons but similar circumstances

we are of similar age (I am 48) i feel i have 30 years of sorrow ahead of me now as my soulmate/wife passed away Jan 17th 2023, I currently have no joy in my life, I am morose each day and see only negativity, I also have a son who is 16 and I will do all I can for him and his future but for myself I can see nothing but sadness.

Talking to others in now a chore as they dont uderstand the pain and loss of your partner, most of us have lost a relative but losing your loved one is so much worse in my expierience.

I have never felt such anxiety and suffer from panic attacks now when i go outside and struggle just seeing others be happy, the pain and loss is more difficult today the yeserday.

If you have a loved one, tell them you love them as this world is nothing but and evil and cruel place, I am so sorry I can not offer you any help other than you are not alone.


Here are my prevous threads about my wife and our struggles with illness

Failing a loved one with brain cancer

Failing a loved one with brain cancer Pt.2

The days are all we have. Work, dance, rest, eat. Life is more than often a sad story and I can only imagine the situation you are in as a foreigner. For things beyond my limit I can only pray. May help be on its way every day for all of us.

a reply to: ancientlight

If I recall correctly you are Dutch living in Florida?

Maybe try finding a Dutch group locally and just talk in your mother tongue and feel some connections?

If that's not correct , at any rate:
As others have said, just don't bottle it up and live alone with it. It will eat you away.
I know we all get depressed and many people these days have life ending thoughts, but deep down I honestly believe you want to go on with life.
You just need to change your patterns and environment, if only temporarily.
Maybe also more exercise?

It's ALWAYS easy to preach and give good advice.
It's much harder to actually act on those bits of information.
I am just as guilty as anyone.

I wish you the best, and am sending love.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I have never had a home. Too much moving.
Even when I ended up in my current State after all that, I still don't really get it, as I didn't go to elementary here.
You have to be at home in your heart. With yourself.

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
a reply to: JAGStorm

I have never had a home. Too much moving.
Even when I ended up in my current State after all that, I still don't really get it, as I didn't go to elementary here.
You have to be at home in your heart. With yourself.

You are 100% where you hang your hat is home. Anyone that has moved a lot or has a military background knows what I’m talking about.

I’ve lived in 38 houses in my life…….can you even imagine? I went to 3 different kindergartens!!!

you were put on this earth for a reason. Not to complain . Not to be constantly in your head. Not to constantly think about I and me. You need to retrain your thinking.Everyday find things to be grateful for. Do service to others. Keep busy, eat healthy, exercise. Stop complaining and change.There are always people that have it worse than you.If it is a chemical issue try Psychedelic treatments with a doctor. I heard great results with only one treatment. a reply to: ancientlight

a reply to: ancientlight

I am doing fine, as is she, despite her situation. As amazing as this may sound, she is taking it far better than any of us are. I'm only able to assume that's because she sees no reason to fight it; she's stuck in this situation, and there's nothing she can do about it at the moment. Might as well try to be as happy as possible.

Truth be told, we are a VERY closely-knit family unit. There's nothing that we don't see with regards to her. We make it our priority to make sure she has all that she needs and wants, as best we can. She's loved beyond what words can convey.

Anyway, the real reason I brought that up was because I wanted you to know that you're no where near alone. It may not be much, but you have MANY people here that are willing to lend an ear and be a soundboard. Please use the one(s) that you feel best.

As Red Greene used to say: "Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."

Truer words were never spoken. All my best to you!

TheBorg :-)

a reply to: Maxmars

People like you make me feel like there is still hope in this world. Your words of encouragement were quite inspiring.

originally posted by: orion40m
a reply to: Maxmars

People like you make me feel like there is still hope in this world. Your words of encouragement were quite inspiring.

Thank you kindly... but did you know that I should never have spoken those words?

Irony of ironies, I am forced to admit that from a certain perspective I can't really speak to someone who utters the words that might indicate self-harm because it creates a terrible liability for the entire ATS community. It has happened that someone in a similar circumstances - dealing with a similar situation made such an attempt to be helpful and was rewarded with a lawsuit... Such a thing could destroy this platform. "No good deed going unpunished" would leave a scar that would have been my fault.

So I face the fact, that faced wit this situation again, I might have to remain silent... which as you can probably see, is not in my nature. I can only hope that as this thread proves, I am not alone... and our excellent members will show the color of humanity... even if I am forced by better business acumen to remain seemingly aloof.

Good always finds a way though... always.

a reply to: ancientlight

Hey ancientlight, just checking in.

How are you feeling this week?
The weather by us is absolute crap and I think a lot of people here have seasonal depression.
Warm weather is on the way. Be sure to get out and get sun on your stomach. Sounds weird but
that's what really pushes the vitamin D (actually hormone D) into your body.

Apparently, we just aren't naked enough outside anymore!