How do I not give in to the stress of having wasted time and knowing I have to make up for it?

a reply to: dragonslayer83

Communal living is probably less work since you share everything and others will contribute too.

You know why most communal living doesn't work?
Because inevitably certain people don't pull their weight, or certain people get bossy.
Human nature.
The only time i've seen this be somewhat successful is if it is family and they accept the shortcomings of others.

It works in certain very homogenous situations too, like the Amish, or some tribal places.

originally posted by: dragonslayer83
a reply to: gortex

I'm 32. I didn't have friends and spent all day indoors, video gaming and surfing the internet. I think I'd rather have wasted my time outside, eating out, traveling, having friends, etc. Even though it was fun, I do have regrets since I could've started working out, gaining skills to make money, work, etc. I postponed being an adult. Not only did I waste my time/life, but it's not even a great way to waste time

Those wiser than I always remind me, "it could have been worse."
I'll elaborate so that resonates with you.
I had a horrible upbringing. Total hell, I'll just leave it at that. By the time I was 14 I started a journey to drug addiction. By 18 I was deep in a very dark rabbit hole and it was just starting to get worse. By 22 I was in drug rehab. And it took another three years to get that under control. So from about 17-23 my life is a blur. I don't remember most of it, and most of what I do remember was doing drugs. Now that was a total waste of time, money, and I lost so many friends and people I loved along the way. I lost people I loved because of the things I had done. I had hurt others and myself.
Now I'm almost 50 and that "wasted time" has been a great motivator for many many things, and has actually helped others..
You still have a lot of time to live life and there has been excellent advice here and they are right.
So, the serenity prayer is great here. Even if you don't believe in God, pay attention to the words. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Over 20 years of sobriety and I still use that prayer a lot.
Start by being thankful it wasn't worse, and live your life one day at a time. And like they've said in the thread: it's okay to enjoy your time, waste time, and have fun. You're heart is in the right place here and you'll find the motivation to find the path of balance that brings you fulfillment. And you are right: it's all about balance.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I might join a communal living community. Worst case scenario it doesn't work out and you go back to your old life. Also politically, I think communal living is the way to go. Screw all forms of government, they just want control. The way forward is by being with like minded people. If you refuse vaccines, digital id, upcoming dystopian society, etc, you're going to have to be a bit off grid.

originally posted by: dragonslayer83
a reply to: gortex

I'm 32. I didn't have friends and spent all day indoors, video gaming and surfing the internet. I think I'd rather have wasted my time outside, eating out, traveling, having friends, etc. Even though it was fun, I do have regrets since I could've started working out, gaining skills to make money, work, etc. I postponed being an adult. Not only did I waste my time/life, but it's not even a great way to waste time

None of my business but I am curious... how have you survived until age 32 without working? If you were/are living with your parents, I'd be curious to know what they would have to say about it.

All of the following are just my opinions so please take with a grain of salt:

Unless some is born into a wealthy family and will never have to work OR they have no problem becoming basically a bum on the street, life is going to require a large dose of effort and work and the stresses that come with that. One can either put in that stress early and spread it out over decades (with some fun/vacations/hobbies spread throughout) so that in their later years, they have a cushion and can enjoy some sort of retirement. Or, they can coast through life without thought or planning for the future and end up working at jobs they may despise (which may involve physical labor which may be taxing to an older person's body). For my part, I can't imagine being in my twilight years and still struggling to make ends meet the way I did when I was in my late-teens/early-twenties. We're all going to suffer a little bit so the question is what form do you want it to take?

I want to stress again this is all opinion, so I won't guarantee I'm 100% correct....

First the harsh part. I believe you indicating that you have wasted time up until today sounds about right to me. Its a terrible thought but I think it's very good that you acknowledge that. This gives you a baseline, starting point as you turn over a new leaf.

As is pertains to the anxiousness you are feeling, I suspect it is due to the fact that you haven't had a chance to actually do anything yet. For example.... Go get a job. Any job. I can (almost) guarantee you that once you have received a few paychecks and you are starting to build a life, you will notice your anxiety SLIGHTLY starting to recede. The more you do to build a life and the farther you get in time away from today, the more and more that anxiety in you will decrease. The changes will be subtle, but time goes fast and before you know it (provided you keep it up), you will look back in a year or so from now and have something to be very proud of. Even though there will still be a long way to go, you will have something to build off of and some momentum to be excited about.

Just a thought on working.... I'd suggest doing your best not to concern yourself too much with the situations of coworkers. You are getting a bit of a late start, so it will be likely that whatever position you find will be lower on the hierarchy than others your age (and perhaps younger). It is not something that can be overcome quickly. Keep in mind that over the past decade, while you were playing video games all day, most (if not all) of the other people you will come in contact with were learning the ropes, acquiring experience through successes and failures, forming professional relationships and so on.

You may never entirely make up for your lost decade but do your best not to dwell on that too much. Don't entirely forget it though. Use it as a motivator when needed. Using myself for an example.... I've enjoyed almost every job I've ever had over my career thus far. However, a few years back I found myself in a position that I hated in a company I hated even more. It was TERRIBLE. I did my best to hide my unrelenting depression from my wife and kids but it was apparent something was wrong. I spent time every day until I was able to secure a position that was MUCH better for me. That being said, nowadays when I'm having a rough time at work, I think back to that desperate time and it immediately makes me feel SO MUCH better and helps me really appreciate what I have now.

Work your way away from where you are now but never forget what you are feeling now because it will be helpful down the road.

I have many more thoughts on this but that's my two cents.

Best of luck.

a reply to: eluryh22

My parents have financially supported me. I think because of my severe social anxiety they've been supportive. They're at fault but it's mostly me. They could have kicked me out a long time ago. I take responsibility for where I'm at today. My mom always tells me to learn how to support myself and be independent. I've been putting off being an adult. I made plenty of mistakes but I intend to grow up and am working on it.

I'm worried about employment. How will I answer all their questions. Will they want someone like me. Should I be honest. If I lie, when do I lie and what do I say.

a reply to: dragonslayer83

Let all of the chips fall entirely, where they must, for if you do not they will fall later when ego loses the illusion of control that you never had in the first place!

Let all the wasted time hit you like a nuke to the head, and forever serve as a reminder of how precious life is to you - if it is not precious to you then that is an indicator of yourself rather than others...

Let everything that ever happened in you're life, so far, smack you right face first into complete oblivion - anything but the fear of death!?

Get depressed, get outraged, get out of your fricken mind on it all!
BUT! Never hurt anyone else, for your will is not theirs and the will of others is not your own to mess with, unless you are a parasite class.... and finally one day... the dust settles and if you are strong enough to face what you are in the mirror then you have some serious choices to make for you and you alone -(key point here) alone...



Or choose to go back to sleep, and pretend all is well and keep asking questions you know the answers too within. So many choose to disown the truth and become self absorbed into narcassism.

After all is said and done, no matter the fallout from discarding attachments...you are going to die! All of us will die and nobody knows when it will happen but we know it will. The only thing we are certain of almost from birth yet ignore like it's nothing

Be you! Or choose not to be you, and be a slave to others will, if you choose too be and that is the point.

It might not be your fault what happened to you, how it happened to you, who did it to you, why they did it to you or whatever it is that someone else did to you... grow from it!

It is your responsiblity alone and always will be, to correct it with actions in life and becoming a better person for it



Right here, right now! Live in the moment just for the moment even for a small moment - wake the fuk up! - we are all brother and sister in this

PS: some of the posts in this thread (after reading) are nothing short of pathetic.

a reply to: dragonslayer83

You're still young, so if you're unhappy about things, change it.

I enrolled for two online courses earlier this month that are semi-related to my field but I don't know anyone with those particular sets of skills.


I'm really hoping to open the floodgates on my academical ventures as I have put them off for way too long.

I'm turning 44 this year if I can do it, so can you.


I would suggest starting slowly with exercises so it doesn't feel instantly overwhelming. Your body knows when to stop so listen to it and don't try to push it too hard, at first.

The best part of self improvement is obviously making tangible progress so keep tabs on time, distance, amount of reps and weight usage.

Don't pay too much attention to the scale and remember recovery is just as important.

80% or more of your workout result comes from what you eat regardless of how you train, so speak to someone whose opinion you value wrt nutritional advice.

Go for a body checkup and see where you need to make amends.

As for the study part, I can't give too much advice it basically just happened for me because I realized if I don't start now, I never will.


You can still become a doctor before you're my age and work long enough to retire in comfort.

The world is your oyster, take control of your path.


As for your anxiety, I urge you to watch every Wim Hoff video that you can find on youtube, I truly believe you will benefit.

Good luck my dude, I am rooting for you now!

Get out of that comfort zone and live.