Letting a Non Family Member Move in to Your House

a reply to: JourneyAbout

If she is Asian then Ok I guess. But if she is American...and you are in America? My experiences mirror Putman 6 exactly.

She is not Asian, and yes we are in America and YES I am also American however that doesn’t mean we don’t practice cultural practices.

I think it is no different than people that don’t allow smoking in their homes, or shoes, or alcohol or something very common, Animals/Pets. There are just some things people don’t want in their houses.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: Byrd

(editing to add that my daughter-in-law came from a horrible background - parents divorcing, parents and step parent doing drugs, irresponsible with money, violent, abusive, addictive (and she was very religious. We're agnostic) - but my son loved her and I decided to treat her the way I wanted to be treated as a daughter-in-law. Fast forward 20 years and I couldn't be prouder of her. She deals with chronic illness but still manages to run a business, deal with the household, and is a loving and gracious woman. Their marriage is strong and she's a true partner and helper to my son. I adore her to pieces.)

Wow that is literally what my heart hopes for, what a blessing!!!!

& yes that is very similar to what this child has endured from her “parents”
Overdose, irresponsible with money, violent, abusive, addictive.


My household is the opposite. No substance abuse, I don’t even drink.
We are ultra responsible, hard workers with nary a violent bone in our body unless someone hurts our family.
My husband and I are very chill, we don’t fight, hardly ever argue. We are always yucking it up and trying to have a good time.

Your house would be a place of refuge for anyone - and teaches those who come into contact with you that there's such a thing as a great partnership (we've had our differences on some topics but in 50 years of marriage we have never had an argument). Our son and daughter learned this "negotiate-don't-argue" style from us and have had argument free relationships.

I can see that your household might be a place of learning and healing for her.

I hope this turns out well for you. I've found that in saying "yes" to a lot of things in life, that I go on some scary journeys (blowing my retirement savings to buy a house for the daughter or getting solar power installed) but that things generally work out well in the end.

Oh... if you're still reading...

One good thing that might help this is inviting the young woman to help in your family traditions (like "We usually make stuffed dates for Christmas. Would you like to help me make them this year?" (using one of MY family traditions as an example.) You can introduce her to your family history and way of doing things (tell her some funny stories, maybe about having to adjust to America)... even if they don't end up together, you'll have taught someone about a different way of life and made them more accepting of people who don't have the same kinds of families as they do.

Also, if there's something your family does to honor/remember the dead, perhaps talk to her and ask if she'd like to include her mother in this action (I don't know what you do, but I was thinking of the Hispanic tradition of oferedas (altars to the dead made on All Hallows Eve).) Again, it shows her another way of honoring and mourning that may be comforting to her.

And at the very least she'll understand that the world isn't a monolithic place and there's many traditions and practices that bring us all together.

a reply to: Byrd

Your house would be a place of refuge for anyone - and teaches those who come into contact with you that there's such a thing as a great partnership (we've had our differences on some topics but in 50 years of marriage we have never had an argument). Our son and daughter learned this "negotiate-don't-argue" style from us and have had argument free relationships.

Thank you! My husband and I are certain we were together in a past life. When we met we instantly, and I mean instantly felt like we knew each other for a long time. We don’t fight because we both have very similar goals, dreams and taste.

Now I’m going to blab on about my house for a bit.

My home is a my sanctuary. As a military child and also moving a lot as an adult, Home is where you hang your hat! I have an uncanny ability to make any place we land “home”, however this one has a special place in my heart.

Some are drawn to our home because of the love here, some are terribly jealous of it. I had a close friend once say “I want what you have”. I was so taken aback. A lot of people want a lot of stuff but they don’t want to put any work into to it. I live in a huge 4000 sq house right now, but when I lived in a 900sq house I treated it the same way. I treat my house like it’s own … entity.. Probably not the right word. I think houses need to be shown respect.

This is going to get a little weird now. My house is very large and a little on the frilly side. A giant porch, adorned with flowers, soft soothing colors. If you had to guess you’d almost say it is between a modern painted lady and a farmhouse. You would think it’s very feminine, NOPE I had a dream where the house told me it was a HE!!! I thought that was HILARIOUS. I also got this house in a very unusual way, it was literally built for me without being built for me.

So this carpenter (also a pastor, funny right?) built this house as his retirement home. As in he literally built it with his hands, not contracted it out. He put extra care in all the details and used the highest quality materials. I passed by this house many times admiring it. I wanted to build a house just like it. I decided to write a letter asking the owner if he was ever going to sell to please think of us first, if not please excuse the letter. I was too shy to mail the letter, but my husband DID. We got called the next day. He offered it to us for much less than we ever expected as him and his wife changed their plans and wanted to travel.
Our house wasn’t even on the market. We slapped ours on the market, it sold immediately and we moved in. Everything lined up like ducks, it was almost unbelievable. I’ve always said houses pick you, you don’t pick your house.

What is really weird, when you live in a house that someone else has lived in or built, there is usually a lot of “them” still in it. Their tastes, their lived in feeling. This house was completely opposite. They really didn’t decorate much. They did absolutely nothing outside. It really felt like a blank canvas just waiting for me!

I had a lady delivering something to me and she stood outside my house and said when she dies and goes to heaven she wants it to be at my house.
I had another delivery guy come to my house he saw my backyard and started CRYING, I am not even joking, tears, because he said our backyard reminded him of his homeland. (It is very pastoral).
I’ve had multiple people say this is their dream home.
Strangers stop and tell me I have the most beautiful garden they have ever seen.
Two neighbors have painted their houses the exact same color as our house since we’ve moved in. It is a very unique color and not one that is used often. They are trying to achieve the je ne sais quoi that we have.

Here’s the thing. There is nothing that is so out of the ordinary about our house. No cathedral ceilings, no ten foot long kitchen islands, nothing like that. These people can FEEL the love and energy. This house is an almost perfect Feng Shui house, the energy is strong, in both design and land and direction.

There is also a touch of the paranormal here.
My father and I have both seen something in the back. These lands are where the Irish first settled in our area and our house is smack in the middl of the old farmland. Whatever it is is not evil or scary, quite the opposite.
This house attracts animals like a MAGNET. The animals I’ve seen here are unbelievable. Here are some of the rarer ones, an eagle, a badger, salamander, giant owls, hawks, birds of all sizes and colors. Hummingbirds galore. In addition to those this is a cat and dog magnet. I don’t fight it. I love it. Instead of chasing animals away I welcome them. Cats in my yard, I plant catnip. Birds eating my plants, I plant more. Bunnies eating my garden, I plant them their own. Turkeys The animals know, they just know. I had deer sleeping in my front yard. They know no harm will come.

When my parents were staying with us they had great joy watching the wildlife. My mother was so excited to tell me that she saw an animal that was a cross between a fat rabbit and squirrel. She couldn’t figure it out. We got out the security camera and it was the most pregnant squirrel I had ever seen.

What great stories and what a great house!!

(like you, I'm also a military brat.)

a reply to: JAGStorm



Your place sounds lovely!

I have lived in a couple of places that had beautiful auras, and a couple that I felt dark, the house in AZ creeped me out, and it was seriously haunted. If my cat wasn’t waiting for me by the door after work, I would get a neighbor to walk through it with me. She was a great detector of those things and spiders.

The Irish will protect you 🍀