So, That's It ...

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

That's the hell of it. I know this. I know I have zero control over any of it, and I have no reason to feel guilty, but that doesn't change it.

It's something like having those crushes back in the day and being well aware that none of them knew I was even alive, but still not being able to change the feelings.

a reply to: ketsuko

Aww, don't blame yourself Hun. I'm sorry you are you going through this. One day at a time.

Cancer is #ed dude. There are no words

originally posted by: ketsuko
I will do my best, but I am phone posting from work this morning.

So cancer is a big part of life right now. It's my job, and both my mom and mother-in-law are concluding their battles with it. The timing for this has been uncanny. Both were diagnosed within a couple months, and both are wrapping here over the summer. It looks like we're going 1 and 1.

I say looks like because mom still has her surgery coming. It doesn't sound like they anticipate major surgery on her colon. The surgeon discussed laproscopic with option to move to open surgery, but he doesn't think it will be needed. She should only need a 1 to 2 day recovery and home, not even a colostomy. But she's not young and things happen.

On the other hand, my mother-in-law was formally moved to hospice yesterday. She has advanced gastric cancer that won't respond to treatment. They even tried an experimental immunotherapy that failed. It's now in her stomach, liver and pancreas.

And I feel guilty ... because they are right on top of each other, I feel like I am trading one for the other, especially since my mom is the one who looks to be pulling through. I feel guilty because mother-in-law has honestly never been my favorite person. She's got a very autocratic and controlling personality and I am very independent. It's a bit oil and water.

It's not that I hate or dislike her; it's more that I prefer her with the comfortable distance of a few states in there. Ensuring that I don't get steamrolled in her presence is exhausting for my introverted self, but I feel like boundaries need to be established and maintained or we are so many puppets.

And now she's dying where my mom is going to live.

And I feel awful because I feel like I traded one for the other even though I know it's not true.

Quite a load, quite a difficult time.

And NO, your mother in law's outcome has NOTHING to do with you/how you both get along. Hopefully, this will not cause stress in your marriage.

Wish you all the courage in the world .

a reply to: M5xaz

No. It won't. My husband is far less concerned. His relationship with her is no more close than mine. He's happy she makes his dad happy, and he's upset for his father's sake because this will be the second wife his father has lost to cancer. He doesn't want his dad to go through it all again, but he is.

If anything, he's puzzled by reaction to it, and as I said, I think it's the timing of everything that's connected the two in my head and has got me all messed up.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: M5xaz

No. It won't. My husband is far less concerned. His relationship with her is no more close than mine. He's happy she makes his dad happy, and he's upset for his father's sake because this will be the second wife his father has lost to cancer. He doesn't want his dad to go through it all again, but he is.

If anything, he's puzzled by reaction to it, and as I said, I think it's the timing of everything that's connected the two in my head and has got me all messed up.

Again, don't be so hard on yourself

Be glad your mum is pulling through and enjoy the time

Cheers

spam