Question: How Many Women Have Secret Sex Partners, Just Wondered

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
a reply to: JamesChessman
"Every woman has at least one secret sex partner"
Sounds a lot like the guy I got in a fight with lately. This is misogynic nonsense. I know it's not your personal opinion, just saying the obvious.

The idea being that every woman has at least one guy friend that she'll jump into bed with, even if she's married or something, she'll have at least one or two old boyfriends that she can go bang, once in a while, just for fun.

Such nonsense. While it is true that most women could have a friend like that, because you know, "supply and demand" related.. I think it's much more common that couples have an arrangement like swinging or "house-friends". I do not think that's a good idea though, for some it might work but I have seen relationships destroyed because of it.

In general I do not think the gender plays a big role in this. There is an even distribution with dishonest people is my impression.

You forget that woman cheating in their husbands is promoted everywhere by feminists these days.

there are just as many women as there are men.

it takes two

a reply to: JamesChessman

Dude, you want to box, it, can it, put a label on it, no, it does’t work like that.

Astrology proves that both men and women can run hot or cold...it’s all about Venus, Mars, Pluto, the Sun, Moon, fifth, eighth house. It is there you will find what you seek.

a reply to: everyone

Yeah but not by me, so since I am not a feminist and feminist are not representing us at all in a broad manner, why listen to these feminist and project it on every woman?

I understand it may be not your opinion but a hint that this may be one of the causes. I agree! However, those who think that about every woman are not completely fit and border on woman hating. Why then even seek relationship with woman if we are all so horrible.

Well I guess it's either sexual desire or something else. But one thing for sure lol, I don't complain that all men are the same and still try to find one. How honest is it towards the woman, when there is mistrust hidden from the beginning? How much can one be valued and respected, if that is in their heads about woman?

originally posted by: everyone

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
a reply to: JamesChessman
"Every woman has at least one secret sex partner"
Sounds a lot like the guy I got in a fight with lately. This is misogynic nonsense. I know it's not your personal opinion, just saying the obvious.

The idea being that every woman has at least one guy friend that she'll jump into bed with, even if she's married or something, she'll have at least one or two old boyfriends that she can go bang, once in a while, just for fun.

Such nonsense. While it is true that most women could have a friend like that, because you know, "supply and demand" related.. I think it's much more common that couples have an arrangement like swinging or "house-friends". I do not think that's a good idea though, for some it might work but I have seen relationships destroyed because of it.

In general I do not think the gender plays a big role in this. There is an even distribution with dishonest people is my impression.

You forget that woman cheating in their husbands is promoted everywhere by feminists these days.

I am not aware of anyone promoting cheating, i.e. dishonesty in dating.

I think your own statement sounds vaguely hateful yourself.

Anyways I don't agree at all, that anyone is promoting cheating / dishonesty.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain
I agree that his statement sounds wrong and mean / hateful, really. I don't really understand how there's the incel movement or whatever, men who seem bitter about being alone, so they become hateful, it just doesn't even make any sense. I actually expected the internet to make dating as easy as possible...

Anyways, I don't think most men walk around with such poison in their minds, and I really do think that people can find like-minded people, if they want to. So I'm sure you can find a decent respectful partner if that's what you want.

a reply to: JamesChessman
But why then do you ask how many woman have secret partners? Or, to worded different, why did you feel this is even worth bringing up?

To understand where I come from, I never cheated once, not even a single kiss. Other men are simply air for me, when it comes to check them out, because when I am in a relationship then it's because I want to live and spend time with the loved one.

"Have you seen that hot guy??" "um no, I guess not?".

Could never cheat, before I would do that, I would be smart enough to recognize that the relationship is dead at that point and quit it, THEN go search for a better match. Not jumping from one relationship to another. I've also been around and seen a lot when it comes to couples that swing.

That means one or both engage sexually outside their relationship and it works, or it's basically "we stay together and let the market challenge/test our relationship". Sometimes it's just the man, sometimes just the woman. Often one is even bisexual. About half the couples that do this, one of them is bisexual at least, or has tendencies to try it out at least once.

lol you have no idea

It's not even the Gen Z, it's Gen Y also and X, even older people but most are Y and X. I am registered on a platform, but not for sex, you would not believe the amount of lengthy and well written messages I get once I am active and online from couples that are together for most all their life and love each other. But also have desires the other can not cover and some even are so desperate, they would engage in BDSM activities even though it's not their thing, just to have their bisexual experience while they are still young in their 20-30s. Of course I dismiss them all because it's kind of, you know, if they want to do it there is no need for a BDSM session where they kind of get "played into doing it".

Besides I am not there for sex so.. But you see, for some that have sexual desires where their spouse is just not into it, some find to fulfill their fantasies then on different ways but still loving each other and want to die together.

The thing is though, not many couples are that strong and for most it would be better to just keep it a dream. It's heartbreaking what I notice sometimes. Situations like, a couple registers, they contact me and we chat a bit in general, nothing happens because they won't read (no sex) and I see them in the forums....

Then they have their first experience with whoever and three weeks later, most of the time it's the man that has the audacity to come back and ask again, has a single profile and tells you they quit to do their own thing.

Observations... I made them. So one could say men are much more horrible when it comes to this, but like I wrote in my first post, it's spread relative even between woman and man.

a reply to: Q33323

I’ve ran into a few women over our 28 years of marriage who wanted to fool around. It was tempting but I’ve got a good deal going and I refuse to mess it up.

That is the other aspect of cheating. I think a lot of people aren’t crystal clear with what they will and won’t accept in a relationship, maybe because they are being sneaky themselves.

I made it crystal clear, I will not accept cheating. If someone cheated on me I would leave, I would not shed a tear. There would be no second chances. I know I am a rare and special person, if someone wants to risk losing that, that’s them. I know my worth. Because of this mindset, I also would never cheat.

Parents of young kids listen up. My father raised me that I would never depend on a man. He said men leave, men die, men stray. He told me if I always knew how to take care of myself I would always be OK. He wanted me to be happy and have love but always wanted me to be OK. Little did I know that would be the most valuable lesson in life.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

But why then do you ask how many woman have secret partners? Or, to worded different, why did you feel this is even worth bringing up?

Well I didn't really plan out the thread when I posted OP pretty randomly, but I expected some respondents to acknowledge that they had seen such dynamics in their life or their friends' lives.

Women do naturally have this as a lifestyle choice more than men, I think it's fair to say.

Plus sometimes there are several people who are all engaged in this lifestyle, and then it seems very common, but I guess it's in pretty limited circles, apparently.

But for example, my ex-gf had at least a couple female friends who were about that lifestyle, so they'd presumably all talk about their wild adventures, with their empty soulless hook-ups.

But so that's 3 women who are all about that, and then if each woman had like 6 ongoing partners, then we're all already talking about nearly 20 guys who are involved with these 3 ladies, lol.

So that's basically 21 people all involved with each other lol. 18 men and 3 ladies, and these are just conservative hypotheticals.

So I guess people keep such circles as pretty closed and hidden, from others who are out of the loop. But I hope you can see how in some settings, it seems very common.







And yeah, I just thought people would acknowledge that like at least some of their friends, probably had hook-up buddies from like junior high school, onward, etc.

I mean this is a common thing at least in some closed circles lol, as I explained with my past experiences.




Plus it's pretty logical too. We should keep occasionally banging a select group of friends over our lifetime, if that's a possible thing.

I think it's maybe the best lifestyle. But also it takes honesty, I think honesty / dishonesty is really what the problem is, not the actual lifestyle of collecting hook-up friends.





Also I thought there was some saying about this, but I wasn't able to locate it online. I thought there was a saying that "every woman has one special friend" or something like that lol.



But really, it's an OK lifestyle, and it should be honest, and that's it.

^And to clarify: I think it's OK to keep it private in general, if you collect hook-up friends.

I just think that honesty is needed for dating partners / sex partners. The actual partners should know if you're banging other people or not. It directly relates to him, as your partner, he should know and understand, the situation that he's involved in.

This relates to psychology, emotions, etc. Generally letting someone understand his own life.

But also it even relates to the physical, biological, microbial level. Men are physically interacting with your body, then they should know if they are sharing germs and microbes etc. with just you, as one person, OR if you're sharing among 6 other men, then the current guy is really sharing germs and microbes among like 8 people, counting himself. So that's a huge difference right there, and it's a completely physical tangible situation, which your partners deserve to know and understand, what they're involved in.


But if HONESTY among partners is respected, then I think it's perfectly fine to collect hook-up friends over our lifetime. Just it needs to be honest among partners, that you are involved with several other guys, they just deserve to understand their situation.

Plus like I said earlier: Fair is fair, so if you are banging your ex-boyfriend from junior high school, then your boyfriend also deserves the same freedom to go smash other women too. That's all.

a reply to: JamesChessman

IDK, it's not my business what others do in their bedrooms consensual and I won't judge. All I am saying is that

- your premise as it stands in the title is wrong
- yes we might have more opportunity but don't you think attractiveness plays a role also? Sure it's the same for men.
- might even be credited positive we have more opportunity but do not use it as often?
- what other adults do consensual is not my business and I won't judge.
- swinging couples live a dangerous "relationship-life", most are not made for it.
- swinging can be a wonderful thing for couples if they are mature enough, honest and not confuse passion with love.
- for some women in relationships, other men are not visible as men, gender plays no role as no interest.
- there is dishonesty in both genders, equally balanced roughly. No gender judgement from my side

Also, to prevent any wrong impressions, I myself never had any relationship where such swinging exchange was a topic. I would not need it because I am mature and experienced enough to be able to talk about any secret wishes, because we all have them, what does not mean it will happen though.

Like you said, openness and honesty is key and if it works and nobody get's hurt... besides staying decent and not overdoing it... should be smth. special right? Not a weekly thing and trying to establish a count or record.... then why not.

But on the other side, if the partner is not into it, it should not be pressured and both sides need to consider what is more worth, the relationship or the swinging experience? Relationship should always win.

a reply to: JamesChessman

I bought her some stuff in celebration as in heels, etc. Hope she wears them as I am a good man

a reply to: CJCrawley

Aren't you a little old to just be finding this out about women?

My life is much more complex than yours. I grew up around girls and no boys until something happened in 2nd grade. The Catholic Diocese of Charleston said that a spell was cast on me as a child. I recall a Hispanic pervert. I blew him in and he said he would,do same as in a spell. So I became shy.

a reply to: JamesChessman

There are plenty of books on relationships.

screenrant.com...

Dear one,
Life is complicated for all of us.
We are all lotus flowers rising up out of the muck.

originally posted by: Waterglass
a reply to: CJCrawley

Aren't you a little old to just be finding this out about women?

My life is much more complex than yours. I grew up around girls and no boys until something happened in 2nd grade. The Catholic Diocese of Charleston said that a spell was cast on me as a child. I recall a Hispanic pervert. I blew him in and he said he would,do same as in a spell. So I became shy.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

- your premise as it stands in the title is wrong

Ok well I should have been more clear that I wasn't really asking about dishonesty, I was really asking how many women collect sex partners over the course of their whole life.

While I agree that generally both genders probably share about equal character traits:

I also think that it's still a more commonly female lifestyle, just because of the most basic natural differences.

So I don't know the real percentage but I think it's automatically a little more common as a lifestyle choice for women, just from the nature and biology of the whole thing.

But maybe it's a very rare lifestyle anyway? Originally, I would have thought that at least maybe 10% - 20% of women probably collect hook-up friends over their life.

But maybe it's more rare than I thought?

a reply to: JamesChessman
We clearly have different opinions on the matter and I won't try to give % because I can only be wrong. But just saying: 10-20% is far from 100%.

I get it you had a bad experience and try to find an answer, most convenient one is to blame it on womens cheating. I got cheated on while pregnant but I don't project it on every man. I just hit bullseye on this one.

I also think that it's still a more commonly female lifestyle, just because of the most basic natural differences.

You confuse access to dicks with the will to have them. Bluntly said.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Well I think you were maybe misunderstanding me. I wasn't trying to say something to generalize all women. I was saying that I think this type of lifestyle is just probably more common with women than men. But I guess it's not a common lifestyle for most people of both genders.

Anyways I think that lifestyle has the right idea about collecting sex partners over our lifetime. We should just be honest about it between partners, and it's otherwise probably the most fun lifestyle.

I've been single a long time now but I remember that it's really a great time when you have friends who just want to consciously have an empty physical connection, it's really very fun, and it's a necessary counterpoint to the intimacy that happens within actual dating relationships, with so much pressure and emotion and everything.

We should experience both types of physical intimacy imo, it's a necessary scope of experience in life. That is, intimacy within dating, and also, empty physical disgusting connections with friends who understand it and want that.

But honestly, nowadays I like being single lol.