My son is being bullied

i live in New jersey and they are so strict with the bullying. Not sure how it is in Europe. I would call the school . Speak to someone in charge and tell them you need it taken care of or else you will take care of it yourself. My husband did that one time when my son was little. Told the school if it wasnt handled that week he would take care of it his way. The school immediately took care of it and my son was never bothered again. I know yuou live far away but you can threaten to fly down.
a reply to: ancientlight

I live in Europe, and in my kids school they even have classes on how to behave in school.
Builling is not allowed, and hitting and kicking at my kids school would be taken very serious by their teacher and school, and the parents would be informed. Are there no teachers watching the kids at OP´s school, at my kids school with 900 kids, there are always a teacher in calls reach.

Sounds like a really bad school if something like this can happen unnoticed by the teachers OR teachers hush it down and do not report it. Something smells, and good for you carrying for the kid when the dad fail to do so.

Oh please tell the dad to man the F up and put on his DAD clothes and get to work.

I got bullied at school by one of those overly big kids, same age just overly grown for his age, he took a real disliking to me, would never let me join in the football "soccer" games at break time, one day I'd had enough and insisted on playing so he attacked me and I got the better of him, very embarrassing for him in front of the lads too.

Fight back!

a reply to: ancientlight

Tell your kid to fight back and whether they win or lose or get kicked out of school or suspended take them out for ice cream afterwards

originally posted by: just4fun
a reply to: ancientlight

Tell him to wait untill one of the bullies is alone and hit him with a chair multiple times..

I had to do this except it was by slamming a metal fire door in the guy's face. Never bothered me again but he went on to be a violent adult and even beat a handicapped man. It took me a full year to get the courage.

I was an immigrant and combined with being shy/ugly it was a nightmare for being bullied.

this is the right advice... its not about him winning. Its about him standing up for himself. People pick on the weak.. If he shows them that ain't happening.....they will move on. believe me. I grew up with older boys in my neighborhood. I had to earn my respect.

originally posted by: asabuvsobelow
a reply to: ancientlight

Tell your Son to Fight back .

It's best he learns to Fight back now , Because if he continues to back down he will back down for the rest of his life.

Just my Opinion.

Tell your son not to wait for the bully to get set. Kick him in the nuts, push him over and stomp his guts. Everyone else will leave him alone.
Nothing like a little good old fashioned street violence.

a reply to: daboxfan


You are right! Although, it sounds like it’s a few against one.

Does he have a phone, any video or recorded evidence is always helpful.

The best steps I believe are as follows:


Notify the school counselors, and principal (ugh). Always write down their names and thank them using their name so they know you have it. Makes people more accountable for some reason.

If this is happening off school property then you’ll hear, we cant do anything if it’s off property.

If you can get his dad involved, try to get him to have a meeting with the other parents at the school. If the parents won’t do that.

Advise your son to just swing away cause he’s going to get hit anyways if nothing else works. If his dad doesn’t even try to help him do you really want to leave him with him?

If all else fails, do you know voodoo? I jest, stay away from that! Get documentation though!

This is probably pretty effective

Tell him to skip school one day and take a bus downtown. Tell him to find the fanciest building in downtown that has the most expensive and prestigious law firm in the city. Tell him to go in and ask to see a lawyer. Tell him to take a dollar and some change and put on the lawyers desk and ask for help. Ask the lawyer to send a certified letter to the school's leadership, and outline the details of the bullying and demand action or face a lawsuit. Guaranteed to get their attention and tell him to tell the lawyers it was his idea to come see them.

Op. Quit being passive and pick up the phone and call their school tomorrow.
Announce your concerns, gauge the response and proceed from there.
If you aren't taken seriously, threaten legal recourse.
Your location doesn't matter, for all they know, you are in the parking lot.

originally posted by: nerbot

originally posted by: ancientlight
I need to do something , I'll try to get in contact with his school, but what will that do?

YES. DO THAT FIRST!

The contact with the school is vitally important so there is a record of the complaint and nobody can say you didn't follow a sensible route for a solution.

Then, contact his father (pfft!) and tell him you will be reporting HIM to the police if HE takes no action too.

And most important....don't be bullied into submission to 'let it be'.

Good luck and keep us posted.

ps, what country is your son in?

Yes, I've emailed his school. I should have done this much sooner, I regret not acting sooner. This has been going on more than a year now . I don't want to say where in case his father visits this forum. A good chance of that.

originally posted by: Spacespider
step.1
Speak with his teacher and tell the names of the bullies' and demand they get told by the school along with their parents it have to stop.

step.2 if step 1 fails.
Go straight into headmasters office and tell the story and tell him how you feel, in a civilianized many.. that will get you further.

step.3 if step 1 and 2 fails.
Contact the parents of the builles and tell them it have to stop right now not tomorrow but RIGHT NOW.
And tell them to take their kids, one family at the time for a cop of coffee. They gonna say sorry, and now they know you know there parents.

step.4 if everything fails
Contact the media, police and the governor.

step.5
Chaos and mayhem, the gloves are off.

Ohh and please do not involve the kid to much in this.. If he is a victim in this, he do not need more weight on his shoulders.
Do as much you can without him knowing, but you need to know some details of the deal from him, then you go to work.

Good luck.

Father of two kids myself

I will keep these steps in mind . Thank you !

originally posted by: Spacespider
I live in Europe, and in my kids school they even have classes on how to behave in school.
Builling is not allowed, and hitting and kicking at my kids school would be taken very serious by their teacher and school, and the parents would be informed. Are there no teachers watching the kids at OP´s school, at my kids school with 900 kids, there are always a teacher in calls reach.

Sounds like a really bad school if something like this can happen unnoticed by the teachers OR teachers hush it down and do not report it. Something smells, and good for you carrying for the kid when the dad fail to do so.

Oh please tell the dad to man the F up and put on his DAD clothes and get to work.

I know, the school sound insane in many ways. My son tells me his bullies are treated like VIPs literally, they are given gifts and better school materials on purpose. It's actually called the VIP program! Unreal. There's also another MAJOR bully how terrorizes the whole school and when he escapes a class the school is in lockdown , and according to my son the teachers act scared. This kid has beaten other kids till the point of bleeding, and nothing gets done.

I want him out of that school at all cost at this point. If I had known his father was like this I would have never allowed him to live with him. I thought it was the better for my son choice (numerous reasons )

originally posted by: Mandroid7
Op. Quit being passive and pick up the phone and call their school tomorrow.
Announce your concerns, gauge the response and proceed from there.
If you aren't taken seriously, threaten legal recourse.
Your location doesn't matter, for all they know, you are in the parking lot.

I'm not passive , I have emailed his school and will continue with that.
If that doesn't chance anything I will threaten to take legal action. Was on my list next.

a reply to: HODOSKE

My first day of school my mother told me if someone hits me I hit them back because if she finds it I didn't hit them back and was gonna hit me when I got home

I seen on YouTube people so confident they walk up to lions and take their food. Confidence is everything.
Tell your kid they would not get in trouble.

I would strike the Shepard in front of the entire flock. Beat that kid like my life depended on it tooth and nail if need be. The entire fight will be over in less than a couple of minutes because it's in front of everyone and people will get help. And as they are breaking it up I would make sure they know we can do it again tomorrow and I look forward to it just to send a message. Tell your kid they won't feel any pain that day but the next day might hurt.
That's what I did but I grew up in a different era and kids are different now a days.
Some kids don't have that type of strength. They have other types of strength and there's nothing wrong with that that's just who they are. Talk to and support your kid but I think your already doing that. This will pass one way or another but I know as a parent it hurts.

a reply to: ancientlight

why should it be different for kids??

"because the school strives for the rights, safety and protection
of ALL OF OUR STUDENTS"

ever notice how they give a speech saying "WE DONT DO THIS"
right after they get done and CAUGHT, doing that very thing!

PRAY!...... it helps

a reply to: ketsuko

This!!

Not only will it teach him to defend but how to handle such situations and a lot of other values and lessons.

Reality is always a bit different than training though and things like threat assessment is important too. All the lessons are nothing worth if one isn't ready to strike first in self defense or just does it half assed (threat assessment was off).

Learned that lesson lately such a synchronity! Over ten years of self defense and all the technique is nothing worth if the threat assessment is weak because the attacker was always soft and calm and suddenly boom, rage and no regrets beating a woman in a corner pushing her way out.

Self defense is like with guns, better be prepared to use it completely or you've lost the initial advantage.

a reply to: ancientlight

The only real answer is to teach him to fight.

I’m not sure exactly where to start because there is actually a lot going on here, so please bear with me. First and foremost, though, know that as a mother myself I understand your pain and desperation to fix this immediately. Also I absolutely hate a bully and those that raise them , tolerate them, or ignore that type situation. That being said, there is a lot we don’t know so we work with what we do know.
You stated that your son wasn’t supposed to tell you about this because his dad thinks you will cause too much drama. That’s good. He’s more likely to act in his child’s best interest if he’s aware that you know and will act out if he doesn’t do right. However, “Dad” fears your reaction and this gives your son a reason to fear everyone involved. His daddy, his bullies, his mother, and the people at school who condone it.
Next, you said this has been going on for over a year. I’m assuming you have just learned of it though. You also mentioned that you would not have sent your son to another country to live him if you had. That’s a MAJOR decision for a mother to make and not an easy one either. There are clearly parts to this we don’t know and are none of our business. Going on this information and the assumption that you only have your child’s version of events, you have to ask yourself if it’s true. It could be your child’s way of letting you know he wants to come back to you without his dad knowing that. Also could be why he doesn’t want dad to know you know. Children’s minds go all over the place trying to get what they want without hurting anyone’s feelings. So asking the dad , the kid and the school is the only way to know for sure.
If it is true and you’re able tell everyone to # off and bring your child back home. The end. If it is true and that’s not possible then go ahead and give them the drama they don’t want to see. Your son will feel empowered just knowing someone is on his side and fighting for him. He will be more willing to fight for himself. His self worth will instantly be more valuable.
If I haven’t lost you yet lol please pass this next part onto your child. Bullies either think they are or try to be better than the one they pick on. BUT THEY ARE NOT. Just know that at some point in EVERY person’s life EVERYBODY has # their pants. Everybody has. It may have been at school or work or maybe just when they were a baby and mom had to change their diaper. Doesn’t matter. Everyone has done it and nobody wants anyone else to know it. Including your child’s bullies. He will have the upper hand because he WILL know. So if he will just remember when the bullying starts that the one before him at some point has had his bridges full of poop, probably more than once. With that knowledge at that moment your son is in charge of the situation. He can feel pity and take a beating and keep that secret to his self or he can scream it for everybody to hear or can think about laugh and walk away and confuse them so much they forget about beating up on him. I guarantee you it will turn the tables and your son will find out what kind of person he actually is himself.
Never underestimate the power of #ting your pants… it is the great equalizer.