Depression sinks inside me.... Please Read!

and he was really smart, even though I didn't agree with him on some things(politics and some personal philosphies) personally. I felt sorry for him when he did mention stuff on the internet, heck one night I teared for like 25 minutes just thinking of stuff he wrote about his family that night. I think nobody in this sphere of society should feel bad enough to make ppl who do care about them(which is weird, b/c I'm like emotionally constapatied, even worse b4 BSB). There are TOO MANY HIGH STAKES for that to happen, we need to untie, to become one, and to remind the powers that be, that we know their power, and I know I know mine, and if we work together, we can change the world, instead of it imploding on itself.

Sorry, I don't mean to disturb people, it's just he was so smart, and I still can't believe he did that, after all those years I read him, he had been on here almost as long as Memory Shock and TC.

Thank you all for your kind words. I do NOT like being associated with Jeff Weise. Yes he was extremely intelligent and went through some deep problems, but I have no intentions to go to my school, and murder people.
I ask you not to fear me, but to help me, and many of you already have, and i'm so blessed and honored that you guys cared enough to help a troubled stranger (like me) out in need. This is a rare feeling of happiness that I am feeling tonight. I Know now that I can lay my head down, and fall to sleep happy tonight, and wake up knowing there is HOPE tomorrow. I was truly about to snap tonight, or least I think... I even get scared of myself when I become THAT angry. Luckly I have no intentions of killing anyone, and yes, I love to write poetry... maybe I can even post some of my poems online here... and I have my ups and downs just like anyone else... If I ever feel a lost sense of hope again, i'll just post on ATS to release my stress and frustration.

[edit on 103131p://000 by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy]

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy...I love to write poetry... maybe I can even post some of my poems online here... and I have my ups and downs just like anyone else... If I ever feel a lost sense of hope again, i'll just post on ATS to release my stress and frustration.

There ya go. You can't hold it, it won't do any good. Find a good way to vent it. Like you have done tonight.

Well, Liquidation, I'm not sure what to say to you that hasn't already been said, but I'll give it a try.

I've been in the same situation as you; in fact, in some ways, I'm still in that situation, except that I don't think I'm depressed or angry about it. The fact that you like books and poetry and other creativity is a GOOD thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Go with what you enjoy. For some people it's reading, some it's painting, some its sports, it can be anything or any number of things. I feel for you though about how you cannot find other people who are like you, but they are out there. I know a few people who I think from your self-description are very much like you, and they are the most interesting people I know and among my closest friends.

My suggestion is not to change anything you are doing with your life, but more to accept that there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. You sound like a really interesting person, and I look forward to seeing you around ATS. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but the bottom line is I just want to throw my moral support behind you, and everything I said above was an attempt to portray this. If you are concerned about having few friends, maybe try to make a few here at ATS? It's not the same thing as real life, of course, but there's some pretty cool people here from what I've seen so far (I haven't been here that long yet)

I hope I helped a little bit, Liquidation.

I've been in the same situation (in some respects) and I think I can give you some additional help:

One of the things you may suffer from is "hyper-contextualization." This happens to very creative people who also have a strong urge to be "logical" (kind of like Mr. Spock, if this makes sense.) My son also has this, so it's something about the brain wiring.

What happens is that we have a HUGE range of interpretations for concepts. So when we see questions like "do you like red or blue better?" we're perpetually asking "well, no, I kind of like aqua better but only if it's a very deep shade and why didn't you mention all the other color combinations?" Even simple words may have shades of meaning.

I was doing research with a team once, and they asked me to do some evaluations of the person's "home." Now... to everyone else, that meant "the place where you sleep." But some subjects were at college and I couldn't decide if "home" was "where their parents were" or "the place where they sleep" or "the campus itself."

I hypercontextualize.

Sometimes people don't understand my references.

I don't know if this is part of your problem, but as you see, a lot of us here do have similar situations.

Don't be afraid to U2U (message) folks and ask questions via chat as well as on threads. The board moves quickly and sometimes folks miss answers.

Hello Byrd I think I do hyper-contextualize or is it hyper-conceptualize? I don’t know which it is, but it is rather insignificant at this point, anyways what infuriates me is I feel like I am performing way above my grade level, and school can be rather irritating, because I don‘t think they realize I‘m GIFTED.… I get more angry than bored in school, but boredom shortly shifts to irritation. I know I may be a bit incoherent in my explanation, but I’m just trying to release all this frustration all at once. Especially in my biology class, don’t get me wrong biology opened me up to a world of fascination that I never knew existed, and I love it! The part I don’t like is how the teacher limits my hyper-conceptualization, and inquisitive nature. She calls on my hand last, and usually after waiting for ten minutes after answering what I sometimes see as rather insignificant questions that other students ask, she answers my questions saying “I’m not trying to be mean, but I will not answer that question, because I don’t want to confuse everyone in the class.” I’m thinking is this an excuse because you don’t know the answer to my question, or do you think the other children in your class don’t have the mental capability to understand the complexities of your wonderful answer? If she doesn’t say that she’ll respond simply as “I don’t know the answer to that.” At least when she says that, she is being honest. I admire honesty, because I don’t know all the answers myself! I can tolerate others limitations, and as well as my own, but that does not mean I shouldn’t work in those areas to increase the complexities of my working mind, to focus on those areas, and over come my stumps. For example while the teacher is talking about meiosis of microorganisms, my mind is straying away from what she is talking about into a world of fascination and wonder. For example in this case I may be wondering about mitosis in macro organism
in outer space while comparing it in a juxtaposition to mitosis and cell reproduction under the ocean. Then I might loose all focus with what she is talking about, and spontaneously raise my hand for her to answer the question I had created in my mind, and as you can tell, my questions have very little to do with what she is talking about. Her answers are sometimes so SIMPLE she cuts off my thought process off… or just cuts me off completely. Don’t get me wrong she is a wonderful teacher and I couldn’t had ask for a better women who cared for her students, and I love her, just I wish sometimes she would go off subject and answer my questions. Sometimes I get lucky and SHE does answer my questions, and in a quite good manner on top of that. Anyways I can barely keep hold of a normal conversation with other peers my age, but I find it a lot easier to talk to adults, and that’s why I come here… I hope I least fit in with you guys. Sorry… I had to get that off my chest. I feel guilty now confessing what I said about my biology teacher, but like I said, I love her, and she is a good teacher. I think I should be in a more intellectual stimulating environment though. The reason I don’t join some of these so called “”Advance classes” is for the fact in my opinion I feel like I am being punished for being gifted with all the busy work they give.. Which makes it more boring. I don’t like following the same ole’ same ole’ criteria the school administration sets up. I think it lessens my creativity. I mean for example kids will ask what they need to do to get an A on a project… BAH Why can’t we just be creative, make some kind of performance, act out a play and still do the project to get an A? I think there is a lot wrong with our educational system and I don’t really know where to begin to fix it.

I can understand you very well.

When I was very poor, I was filled with depression and I was wishing to die. Now I think far differently, my future is in my hands and I am seeking great events in life.

How about you?

I agree, Vertu.

Many of us can identify with this topic. I have also suffered from vast depression; alcoholism runs in my family, but so do the arts (music and handcraft). I found myself questioning everything around me, especially God and the origins of the world.

In school I also didn't identify with a lot of people, so I hooked up with a gang to find a sense of identity. But it was a false sense of security. You become one of the crowd: a follower to trying to please the others of your so-called 'clique'. I was smart enough to stay away from the real trouble, and after seeing many of my friends go to jail on one type of crime or another, I knew this was not where I belonged.

I then joined the army when I was seventeen. I was intelligent enogh to get a job in the nuclear weapons field. But I drank heavily then ( I was 18 in Germany, legal to buy beer!). I knew I shouldn't; that I would be taking the same road as my father, and uncles, and grandfather; but I didn't care at the time.

What changed my life was getting finding the woman of my dreams, getting married, and having kids. I'm 33 now, and don't drink hardly, if any. My only vices now are smoking(blah), and Everquest.

So, my friend, you are not alone. I also get bored rather easily. Sometimes it's hard to focus on a subject that I have no interest in. I swing from side to side in my viewpoints, depending on my mood.

All I can say is, find that subject that interests you. Whether it be biology, history or theology. Or music, video games, books. Find those who have the same interests as you. That will make life much more interesting, and keep your mind stimulated at the same time.

At ATS, I have learned so much from people, that I never knew existed. This is one of the only places I know of where someone can bring up a totally controversial or non-mainstream topic, and not be ridiculed for it. Some of the brightest minds I have ever read from, are here on ATS.

So remember, you are not alone.

Brotherman!! Since I see that you are reading the replies....
Ill throw in my 2 1/2 cents

You just gotta keep on keepin on

You are at a point in your life that will soon change more than you know...
I was there a few years ago, Im not that far ahead of you, Im only 22 yrs old.

And soon you will able to get out and see the world, study abroad, go to college...whatever suits you. Expand your horizons man, the world is YOUR canvas, paint whatever you want.

As far as myself, I needed to get out of the US...Havent been there in 4 years and not planning on going back anytime soon. Not for political reasons, I just needed a culture change.

What languages do you study?

Keep on truckin

[edit on 28/3/05 by Risky_Bizness]

What languages do you study?

As of lately I been studying the Russian language, I love their dialect, especially how the women speak there. I also and VERY interested in learning the German language. I find that language so beautiful… I find it a warrior’s language. I guess you could say I been studying some Latin since I am studying in the medical field. I don’t know how, or really where to start but It would be interesting in learning some of the other dead languages such as what the Mayans spoke. Or any other fascinating dead language. languages I would like to learn include: Japanese, French, Korean, Greek (possibility), and any others that grasp my interest. I hope that answered your ?;s If not u2u me, or something, and thanks for asking.

Liquidation, about your teacher not answering your questions in class. I have a really simple suggestion, one that I often use myself in university, that works really well. Just ask your questions after class (or maybe during lunch or after school). That way, if the problem is the teacher doesn't want to confuse other students or use up class time or go off topic, well, those excuses go out the window. If it's that the teacher simply doesn't know, well, there's nothing you can do about that.

I've found that most of my professors like being asked intelligent questions, and enjoy 'showing off' their knowledge to inquisitive students. Hopefully it will be the same with your teachers.

Nevermind.




[edit on 3-28-2005 by ShadowHasNoSource]

Originally posted by nathraq
I agree, Vertu.

So, my friend, you are not alone. I swing from side to side in my viewpoints, depending on my mood.

So remember, you are not alone.

Well, it is not that good to hand out yourself to your mood, because your mood can do bad things to you. I learnt to be skillful and learnt to think well. It just came to my benefit.

double post... edit..

[edit on 28-3-2005 by Vertu]

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[edit on 28-3-2005 by Vertu]

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[edit on 28-3-2005 by Vertu]

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy

What languages do you study?

I also and VERY interested in learning the German language. I find that language so beautiful… I find it a warrior’s language.

I both speak and write german. Had a love affair with the Germans since an early age. U2U me if you want more info on where to look for more study materials.

I also just started getting into Opera, especially Wagner's "Das Nibelungenlied" It is a set of four operas, all in German. It is about the Gods, Valhalla, Siegfried, the Valkrie, and evil dwarves. It is actually the predecessor to the Lord of the Rings. As the tale revolves around an evil dwarf named Alberich, who stole a hoard of gold from the Rhinemaidens, and had his brother forge a 'ring of power'. But the ring is cursed to any who wear it, much to Wodan's dismay.

Very beautiful and enchanting opera.

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy

What languages do you study?

As of lately I been studying the Russian language, I love their dialect, especially how the women speak there. I also and VERY interested in learning the German language. I find that language so beautiful… I find it a warrior’s language. I guess you could say I been studying some Latin since I am studying in the medical field. I don’t know how, or really where to start but It would be interesting in learning some of the other dead languages such as what the Mayans spoke. Or any other fascinating dead language. languages I would like to learn include: Japanese, French, Korean, Greek (possibility), and any others that grasp my interest. I hope that answered your ?;s If not u2u me, or something, and thanks for asking.

Russian huh? I live in Georgia (an old Soviet block country south of Chechnya) and Russian is spoken just as much as Georgian...at least by the people 18+, they teach english now.

I too have been working on my Russian, the hardest part in listening.
Russians speak so fast I cant hardly keep up, but im getting better.

Hmm..Japanese is good, I lived in Okinawa Japan for 2 years.
O Genki Des ka (how are you) but I only learned enough to get buy.
I wish I would have learned more and took advantage of the time
I had off.

And French, I speak pretty descent...I tested at level 6. Level 1 being basic and level 12 being Native speaker.

Anyways man...take advantage of your time, study languages and with that comes so much more like culture.

You said it....Russian accents on women get my blood pumping
My girlfriend is not Russian, she's Georgian but speaks fluent Russian and...ok Ill stop before I lose my mind.

If you need info on Russia...let me know
You know studying a language is more than just words...it's culture too?

"I both speak and write german. Had a love affair with the Germans since an early age. U2U me if you want more info on where to look for more study materials. "

That is very interesting... I went down to my local library to check out some things on ther German language, but they had nothing on it

So instead I just started to learn about the Russian language.

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"You said it....Russian accents on women get my blood pumping
My girlfriend is not Russian, she's Georgian but speaks fluent Russian and...ok Ill stop before I lose my mind."

"If you need info on Russia...let me know
You know studying a language is more than just words...it's culture too? "

YES! lol I would love to possibly get me a foreign bomb shell female entity as a girl friend! Yes I would love to know much more about the Russian and German culture… this stuff fascinates me as well. I would also like to possibly learn Italian and find me a beautiful girlfriend in Italy but yes… The way Russian women speak… it’s incredible!

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