Here I am again

a reply to: DAVID64

Who cares?, you had a week or month of fun. Big freakin' whoop. You didn't screw anything up by having a fun time. If you know you don't want to do it than just don't. It just sounds like you have alchoholics PTSD, so you think you've already lost when you didn't. It is not a big deal you had a little old time fun. your just making it one. Don't drink if you know it feels better to not drink overall.

You aren't quitting alchohol again if you haven't even had the time to start. Keep living your life the way you want, & it seems like you like not drinking so don't drink.

Let the alchoholics PTSD just pass. It will & will happen a thousand times faster than before obviously because I am sure it took years to get to that tolerance than just as long to be tolerant to being sober.

A lot of muscle reflexes will heighten because the memory only remembers things at certain stages. If your sober & practice things your best when sober at those things. If your drunk while practicing, you will remember those thing when you get drunk again, which is why you feel foreign yet similar feelings now.

Quit feeling like a loser, it is insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing over & over while expecting different results. Feel like a winner cause not many people started having a better life like you did after that much drinking.

Your a winner. Start something new & exciting. There is no reason to quit having an awesome personality & feeling capable.

a reply to: DAVID64

Listen man….get that sh!t out of your life right now.

Dump it down the drain before your life goes down the drain.

You can do it.

Saw your thread when it popped up but didn't want to rush a message from my mobile.

18 years, you can do it again. You made this thread, so our words are not water under the bridge. Its easy for me to give advice, I don't know your exact situation but this is how I would do it:

Stop drinking NOW if you have not yet. Sober up.

Confess to your love about your fallback and talk about the reason why you started drinking. This is important but I think you are aware it is already. You're not alone in this just be straight forward. You came here to seek help and according to your words you are terrified. Tell this to your love and if she is supporting you, you can work it out together.

No advice from us can help you like the love in your life, she knows you, she is around you.

Edit, this should have been a reply to the author.


The first thing I think you need to do is stop beating yourself up about it.

Then stop drinking again lol.

I'm coming up to 4 years now, I was alcoholic from 17 to 40 and there's not a day that goes by I don't think about having a beer or 12.

As you know the first day is the hardest and then you just do another one day then another one day.

Before you know it you'll be so far into it you'll be looking to beat your personal best of 18 years.

Get the first day out of the way and the rest is just lather, rinse and repeat.


a reply to: ObviousTruth

I started to write this earlier, but I was afraid you might take it the wrong way. I don't mean the following to be anything but helpful.

You don't have a drinking problem...you have a quitting problem. The demon you are trying to slay is not the drinking, because you already know you're good at that. The real demon, and the one that is beating you, is the failure to quit demon.

It's not the drinking demon that pushes you to drink, it's the failure to quit demon who does. Slay that demon and the drinking demon has no power over you anymore, because the failure to quit demon has no power you anymore either.

It is not the drinking demon who tells you..."Oh well, I will quit tomorrow".

It is not the drinking demon who tells you..."Just one drink won't hurt me".

It is not the drinking demon who takes that money out of your wallet at the liquor store..."My Gawd, why am I doing this?"

It's the failure to quit demon who does all those things.

You are stronger than that demon. People don't overcome alcoholism because they have the willpower to overcome drinking demon; this demon does nothing. They overcome alcoholism because they have the willpower to overcome the failure to quit demon.

A crude analogy would be, obese people don't lose weight because they overcome the eating demon; they lose weight because they over come the I "need" to eat demon, and I will worry about all of the rest of that "tomorrow".

ETA - And I agree with others here; stop beating yourself up. You've made many great posts here. You are good person, and you should believe in yourself. You just need to recognize who your real enemy is.

a reply to: DAVID64

My advice to you is to sit down right now and tell her everything that's going on. Ask for help and listen. If she really loves you she will help and understand. If you hide it for whatever reason it won't end well at least putting your cards on the table might get you the support you need and if not help you avoid a marriage you may not want later.

I will tell a story of my best, and late, friend of mine. He passed in 2014. There was no alcohol involved, and he'd been sober for over 20 years.

We grew up together, almost the exact same age to the month. His older brother had been killed in a car accident (alcohol) when we were just kids. We were like brothers.

Stu's dad owned a popular bar in the small town we grew up in. It was your classic watering hole for the locals. Stu's dad was Cherokee. Stu's mom was a raging alcoholic, his dad rarely drank. The bar they owned was also a liquor store. When his dad passed, the bar was sold, and the contents of the liquor store were given to Stu. They had a cabin up north and all the liquor went there. Stu and his wife became raging alcoholics, and one day Stu just decided to stop. Probably a miracle stopping like that didn't kill him.

He told me a story once; he said he and his wife went out to the local dump with an entire 3/4 ton pickup load of hard liquor and started breaking all that liquor into an empty 55 gallon drum, probably 10's of thousands of dollars in liquor. He told me about how, at one point, these guys came up to them and said..."Whoa, whoa, WHOA!! What are you doing???? Have you gone CRAZY???? If you don't want that liquor...we'll gladly take it!!...and Stu gave the balance to them.

I was pretty surprised myself at the action, and I asked him about it. And he said, ..."have you ever woken up in the morning and felt like you would literally DIE, like seriously DIE, if you didn't take a shot of liquor???" I answered that no, I had never felt that way, but there were a few times in my life where 4pm rolled around and I felt pretty crappy if I didn't get a shot in me...to the point where we used to drive through drive-up liquor stores and buy shots out of the window (I know, I know...completely illegal, but it wasn't then).

I've been on the edge a few times for various reasons (none credible, in retrospect), but I never forgot those words. He told me his dragon to slay wasn't drinking, but rather quitting.

May Stu RIP. He passed in a motorcycle crash in 2014.

a reply to: DAVID64

I don't know what started this drinking again.
You probably don't either.

Sometimes when things go well, that little, bitty demon voice in us says....what will one little drink hurt?

There's also the global weirdness that affects anyone connected to technology called covid that ruins brain cells.

I do know, you have to quit.
And so do you.

Find God,
Find a meeting.

And don't kind any excuses to do what it takes.

a reply to: DontTreadOnMe

Sometimes when things go well, that little, bitty demon voice in us says....what will one little drink hurt?

It can be that or there's a Nickelback song about "something's gotta go wrong because I'm feelin' way too damn good" too.

And that brings us back around to self-sabotage. Things are going right, so that element of self-sabotage creeps in because you know nothing ever goes that well, and suddenly, there's the bottle ... waiting.

a reply to: DAVID64

Look deep into your heart. You know what you need to do. People depend on you, and you aren't the "let them down" kind of guy. tell her you need a little help, and persevere. If you need more, just ask. But stand up, dust off, and move on. You got this.

When I was around 6 months into sobriety I remember some days I'd find myself wishing someone would die so I'd have an excuse to drink. That's how bad things can be when you've fallen to an addiction.

Your body and mind will do pretty much anything to give you an excuse, the trick is learning to ignore or fight it as it never actually goes away.



a reply to: ketsuko