Teenagers... and driving in a tropical storm

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: incoserv

originally posted by: Nyiah
a reply to: incoserv

The misery part I can understand, but being in my own mid-30's married to someone in their 50's for 15 years, I think I'm comfortable being the housewife. I signed up for it when I spread my legs, I need NO college career to make myself feel better with. I bred, it's my job to raise them. After that, I can piddle the rest of the decades away with taking care of my husband as he ages further. Or work. The call is directed as per finances at that bridge, IMO.

In other words, I think you should have focused on family, not jobs. You went wrong there by mis-prioritizating these things. And I stand firm there, you don;t need two incomes, you need a solid family.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You started out by pointing out the OP's kid would end up miserable her entire life without a change of direction, and you then later used your own kids as an example for direction, and got stuck on "vision"/"career" before all else. It's fine and dandy, but you negated to realize that's about the same outcome for a career-leaning 30 year old woman today anyway -- single, lonely, and having "fur babies" to plug the gaping holes in one's budding spinster life.

Folks like that who didn't at LEAST long-term commit/common law marry and figure out what that degree of lifelong companionship does for the mind, are having their existential mid-life crisis by 30 instead of 40 or 50 now, their misery shows. IMO, that is fallout from being misdirected and promised better, when in reality, "better" just lands one in the same misery hole anyway. The only thing that changed is how you got there. Ergo, nothing was solved, painting the duct tape to match the wall color over the hole doesn't fix the hole. It might just look a little more appealing, but it's not fixed.

No one seems to notice, but it's a downward spiraling pattern deviating away from commitment, at minimum, Not even going to argue about kids, people are so focused on eating the next dog with their academics that they can't even be bothered to make the time for someone to LOVE anymore.
That's why I'm focusing more on prioritizing that over money. Money doesn't mean jack # when you're alone and unhappy.

No, I didn't get "stuck on "vision"/"career" before all else." You missed my point entirely. My point was that my kids have never developed any kind of vision for their lives (which is pretty much the issue with the case that you pointed out, as well), and that at a critical point in their development when I tried to help them understand the need for that they resisted and my wife took their side. Now, years, later, they are languishing on a personal level. Their careers (or lack of) is not the issue that I was addressing; the issue was the fact that without father and mother being on the same page and supporting one another, it's hard to get anything meaningful accomplished in the life of the child, and that later ramifications will resound.

I really couldn't care what "career" my children have, I just would like to see them being fulfilled in life; and they simply are not. (I'm not making money and-over-fist, but I eat three meals a day have a roof over my head and love what I do). If my wife had been on board with me nearly 20 years ago, that might be different for my children. I never said that money was an issue. I think that you are projecting your own anxieties into my text.

Bringing this back to the OP, my point was that if he and his wife cannot pull together for the benefit of their immature, spoiled and entitled daughter, her life will mostly likely (barring some unusual intervention) be a difficult one, not that anybody needs to make a lot of money. That's not in there!
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a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

I am their mentor, their confidant, their support, their instructor.

Not being their friend is only half right.

How about being their coach, disciplinarian, teacher, arranger-of-consequences?

What about being good example, a value-distributor, an unmanipulatable rock, a source of consistency in their chaotic lives?

You can joke around and play, you can have fun and share things. But when the chips are down, there's no negotiation, 'It is what it is', not 'well, maybe this once, since blah'.

If you can be a spineful creature in the face of waves of extreme manipulation, you will be doing the right thing.