Teenagers... and driving in a tropical storm

I'm a parent of two children, 12 (son) and 18 (daughter). Living in Florida is great, wonderful in fact (except for the fact that it's like living inside of a St. Bernard's lung during Aug-Oct). We have great weather, except when hurricanes whip through here. In 2017 we had Irma and now we have Elsa bearing down on us. To be honest, I'm not especially worried about Elsa's portending storm damage, but rather the flooding that is sure to come.

Now, the rant. My 18 yr old daughter, who graduated HS back in May is a pill. I say this because she expects everything to be granted unto her highness, yet doesn't contribute a single ounce of effort towards running a household (like take out the garbage, do dishes, etc). Every time I try to get her to do something she just makes a sound (tsk, then a quick sigh). Drives me nuts. My wife defends her because "she's in a delicate period", which has been going on since she was 13.

So today I forbid her to take *my* car. She's not working today, just wants it to hang out with her friends. With the certainty of street flooding, I don't want *my* car to be driven through a 2' deep puddle and seize the engine. Crazy! Well, in the eyes of my lovely spawn, it appears that I am a tyrant and she threatened to take the car anyways. So, I disconnected the battery - she's too stupid to reconnect, so I win the battle.

Why are teens so F'in STUPID??? Why do they think that any restriction on them is a personal attack? GAH!!!

a reply to: Avardan

I don't think I'd have near the issue with her wanting to drive the car as I would with her threatening me...period!

I wouldn't be disconnecting any batteries either...I'd be disconnecting the roof over her head, right after I got done disconnecting her backside!

ETA - You didn't "win" at all! Her getting away with threatening you and you not 'disconnecting' her life support system as a result of said threat...she won! Unless she's got her butt soaking in a barrel of ice water right now...she won.

a reply to: Avardan

Mark Twain once said that children when reaching the age of 12 should be placed in a barrel with only a hole on the side for food. When the child turns 16, plug the damned hole.

originally posted by: Avardan
Why are teens so F'in STUPID???

Parenting.

originally posted by: Avardan
so I win the battle.

Not what you want to hear but you lost the battle...a long time ago from the sound of it.

a reply to: Avardan

My daughter graduated in June and I don't have any of the issues you describe.
Honestly it sounds like you dropped the ball a few times while raising this one.

And tell your wife that "a delicate period" is a bull# excuse for bad behavior.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I see this every time I go to my brother's house and every time I visit my neighbor. Needless to say, I don't go to their houses often, because I can't stand the lack of discipline, and the horrible lack of respect their children have for them.

I can't keep my mouth shut, and the children usually have nothing to say, they just look uncomfortable while their parents go into a long diatribe, filled with excuses for why their child is faultless this one time, or lamenting that the government has taken away all their parenting power.

Funny thing is, I don't have any problems with those children when they come to my house. I do not allow them to disrespect their parents in my house. It usually only takes a look, or a gentle calling of their name, and they stop the BS.

Of course I have known them since before they could walk. All the kids in the area call me Auntie, and they know what is tolerated, and what is not tolerated around Auntie. I have never struck a one of those children, but they behave like completely different children in my house, than they do at home.

They know I love them. We have fun, and they think I am crazy, but they know I am also patient, they know I really listen to what they have to say. They know that I will help them if I can, and they know that I expect respect, responsibility, and honesty.

My patients range from age 14 and up. I have found that teens must have boundaries, they really function better, and are happier when we provide them with excuses for why they can't do the things they really don't want to do. Peer pressure is extreme. Being able to say, "I will lose my phone for a month, if I do that, and I am not losing my phone for that BS!" Provides them with plausible excusability. I provide them with at least a dozen workable and believable excuses, to use for doing the right thing. And they know every one of them is 100% true, because I remain consistent, and I never make veiled threats.

I don't try to be their friend. They have way too many so called friends to begin with. I am their mentor, their confidant, their support, their instructor. I try to be whatever they need me to be. They do not need me to be a friend.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

I use that as a metaphor. Doesn't take a physical strike to tan someone's backside! Just the car keys, or a cell phone **GASP!!**, or clipping their wings (freedom) for a time, will do the trick.

The word you're looking for which is so sorely missing in today's society is..."Consequences"...real-world consequences which are always enforced without exception, and enforced the same way every time.

People, most especially children and young adults, need to be held accountable for their actions, and they need to understand that a big part of that accountability is the "consequences" they face for not playing by the rules.

a reply to: Avardan

Maybe use one of those puddles to drown her?

Late Term Abortion..amiright?

a reply to: Avardan

The fact that you said "no," then still had to disconnect the battery astounds me. Does she have keys?

I think you should allow her to take the care without permission, then report it stolen and have her arrested.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: Avardan

... ETA - You didn't "win" at all! Her getting away with threatening you and you not 'disconnecting' her life support system as a result of said threat...she won! Unless she's got her butt soaking in a barrel of ice water right now...she won.

EXACTLY! There was no "win" there. You, ultimately acquiesced. You had to implement what I'd call extreme measures to accomplish what, as a father, you should have accomplished with a single word, "No."

Hell, when my brothers and sisters were growing up we would rather die than do something our parents would be ashamed of us doing. Not that we didn't do crap, but we hid it as best as we could in those situations.

Now a lot of kids seem to have the opposite goal.

That said girls can be extremely mental.

Congratulations. Yall spoiled her.

Tell her to get her own car and to move out.

originally posted by: putnam6
Hell, when my brothers and sisters were growing up we would rather die than do something our parents would be ashamed of us doing. Not that we didn't do crap, but we hid it as best as we could in those situations.

Now a lot of kids seem to have the opposite goal.

That said girls can be extremely mental.

My mother married when I was in mid-teens. I was a strapping 5'10" by then, and my mother was (still is) a skinny little 5' Italian woman. She was chewing out me and my brother once and we were cowed before the awesome power of MOTHER. After was done and we had departed the scene, she told me later, my step-father (whose kids were all pretty much anal orifices) told her, "Don't you realize that those big boys could knock you over with one swipe?" My mother looked him in the face and said, "Sure, but have you ever seen them do it?"

It never happened. At 76 years old, my mother still has my respect and my obedience on a healthy level.

originally posted by: AutomateThis1v2
Congratulations. Yall spoiled her.

Tell her to get her own car and to move out.

I kicked my son out at 19. Gave him two months notice and a date. The date arrived, he had nowhere to go, didn't have a job, didn't have a place to live. I told him to sleep in his car in the Walmart parking lot.

A few months later, he thanked me.

There comes a point where they need to see what the real world is all about. Sounds like this poor fellow would be up against Mama, though. At that point, I'd be the one happily sleeping in my care in the Walmart parking lot, or finding a cheap room in a dive somewhere and keeping my paycheck to myself.

She is an adult. Rules change when you are an adult. She is really out of line threatening to take the car regardless - very disrespectful. Your parenting issue started a long time ago…you and your wife were not on the same page.

Regardless of how you got here…now you are having to resort to disabling your vehicle to protect your car (protecting yourself financially) from an out of control adult who is verbally threatening you in your own home.

Step 1 - you and your wife need to get in the same page.

Step 2 - you and your wife need to sit down together and lay out the “adult” rules for your household to you adult child.

Step 3 (optional - might be indicated if daughter is off the rails disrespectful)…This might also be a good time to hand over any monthly bills to daughter…take her off you phone plan and tell her who to contact to set up her own phone bill, take her off your car insurance and tell her who to contact to get her own policy, discuss a reasonable monthly rent amount if she plans on continuing to live in your home, etc…

Wishing you the best of luck with everything!

reply to: Avardan

originally posted by: Avardan
I'm a parent of two children, 12 (son) and 18 (daughter). Living in Florida is great, wonderful in fact (except for the fact that it's like living inside of a St. Bernard's lung during Aug-Oct). We have great weather, except when hurricanes whip through here. In 2017 we had Irma and now we have Elsa bearing down on us. To be honest, I'm not especially worried about Elsa's portending storm damage, but rather the flooding that is sure to come.

Now, the rant. My 18 yr old daughter, who graduated HS back in May is a pill. I say this because she expects everything to be granted unto her highness, yet doesn't contribute a single ounce of effort towards running a household (like take out the garbage, do dishes, etc). Every time I try to get her to do something she just makes a sound (tsk, then a quick sigh). Drives me nuts. My wife defends her because "she's in a delicate period", which has been going on since she was 13.

So today I forbid her to take *my* car. She's not working today, just wants it to hang out with her friends. With the certainty of street flooding, I don't want *my* car to be driven through a 2' deep puddle and seize the engine. Crazy! Well, in the eyes of my lovely spawn, it appears that I am a tyrant and she threatened to take the car anyways. So, I disconnected the battery - she's too stupid to reconnect, so I win the battle.

Why are teens so F'in STUPID??? Why do they think that any restriction on them is a personal attack? GAH!!!

I would just like to say that she’s an adult and should be out adulting.

I wouldn’t take any of the advise offered in this thread except that actions require consequences, that’s something you could practice with your daughter that will help her when your gone.

The rest is upon you dude.

a reply to: Avardan
I raised 6 children became a a single parent when all the kids were between the ages of 2 to 10. If one of my kids ever thought they could just take my car they would have known it wouldn't have gone well for them. It was MY car. I put gas in it. I paid the insurance. It was a priveladge if they were allowed to use it.

If they wanted free reign to come and go they had to get a job, which I would drive them to and from, save every penny to buy a car and buy their own insurance. They all did just that. They learned to take care of their investment and not get tickets or have accidents since they would feel the consequences financially.

One of my daughters stole my car in the middle of the night at 15, only months away from getting her permit The police knocked on my door at 2a.m. when they caught her driving 20 miles from my house. They escorted her home. Guess what her punishment was for stealing my car? An extra year before she would be allowed to get her license. I held to it. Sounds like your daughter is confused as to who is the parent and who is now the young adult who needs to grow up and have some respect. Seriously, she needs to be grateful she has access to YOUR car.

a reply to: Avardan

I can't tell you how many times we've thrown away our kids stuff when they act up. Anything fun goes right in the garbage.
If they aren't acting right you need to discipline them. No phone, no tv, no computer. Their actions have consequences.

a reply to: Avardan

Man I get ya.

A couple of weeks ago we flew our 19 year old grand daughter and a friend out here for a visit. One afternoon my wife let her take our old truck, into town to visit Walmart. It's got bad tires so we don't drive it much just around our place for hauling short distances and stuff. , but my wife figured just into town should be ok and if there was a flat or some other problem with the old nelly we would be close to assist.

Then my wife gets a phone call. She wants to take the truck two hundred miles into the next state because here friend had never been there. This was around 1 PM. No clue as to the time, no clue as to the distance, no clue as to the nothingness they would find on getting there, no clue as to the tires or gas or anything else. No clue at all.

So my wife said no. then it was two oclock then three then four then five then six then seven until finally in the door they came. They had decided to take the old beater up a mountain from about 500 feet above sea level to over 6000 feet asl.
And then back down, basically a five hour trip. All along a long and winding mountain road in an old clunker that they had no knowledge of it's shelf live. And her being a city girl with no experience in driving in those conditions at all.

Fried my brain.....