Going to be a father. No idea how to be a dad, lost in life all together.

I don't think I belong in this generation. I'm 27. I have a kid on the way -- unexpectedly lol...I guess my pullout game ain't what it used to be. Anyway, like I don't understand society anymore. Everyone is trying to get opposing views shutdown. Everyone is offended. I cannot stand modern music or tv anymore. It's like I'm stuck in 2009. My music taste hasn't matured since high school. I watch the same shows. I don't know what's popular anymore. Sometimes when I look something up like say, Adam Sandler, it throws me off when I see his age (and others). It's like I mentally just stopped lol. It's 2021. twenty-twenty-one. I have zero interest in anything new. It's just...it's just not the same as it was and I don't have enjoyment in the new ways. Is this getting old? I fit in with no one. At work (i work in IT) it's a bunch of hipsters arguing about the right which doesn't interest me. Fashion doesn't interest me. Technologies don't interest me anymore. I just want a paycheck and go home and spend it on my fiance and soon to be kid. I've been out of high school since 2012. Nearly a decade. like what happened .it's like I just woke up and I have gray hair and 10 years of my life is gone. I'm going to be almost 50 when my kid is an adult! I'm not nearly the man of grand-daddy was or my stepdad. I look at these guys and I am like...we are not the same. I'm not like these men I grew up admiring. They were...different. I knew they were men. I look in the mirror and I don't feel how I felt those before me probably felt. Does that make sense? Am I like....you know...slow? is this normal? By no means is this me being depressed, I'm not depressed, just confused. Like, I don't fit in in society or something. Nothing 'new' is for me and I'm not nearly the man those I look up to were when they had kids.



I mean my grandad was literally fighting for our lives before he got out of high school. Me...I, I felt successful when I remembered to put the milk in the refrigerator after making cereal this morning. My stepdad, before getting sick, could fix anything on a car or house. Yesterday I forgot to take the gas thing from the pump out of my gas tank and drove off after filling my tank up. Thank god for the quick release lol.


How the # am I going to be a father. How am I going to discipline my kid? How do I protect him? How do I know when to react and not react.

I was going through some old quick videos me and my friends made in high school. Everything was so awesome. Layed back. No one got offended, just lived and had fun playing video games, eating pizza, and enjoying life. How do I do that for my kid? I don't want him to be some canceled culture weirdo that is afraid of words or whatever. Times are different. I'm struggling to fit in and understand the world as it is. How am I supposed to be a man that my grand-daddy was and my step dad (never met my biological dad). They could do everything, never afraid of anything, always had the right answer to everything. I have no answers. I have nothing. Everyone is dead in my family pretty much (parents were older). How? How do I do this? I'm so god damn scared.

No idea how to be a dad

Ya think any of us did ?

thats why i've decided to never have kids. Im ten years older than you and feel the same way. It's our culture. Like Terrence McKenna said, "Culture is your operating system." you need to break free.

do yourself a favor and get rich off crypto and silver and bail the US. You still have time. The US is complete bull# these days. everyone is so dumb. I would never want to even try to raise a kid anywhere in the states.


Also i dont think anyone has any idea how to raise kids. No matter what time you were born in. Everyone just fakes it. They act like they know things, but they are all full of #. You can do the same. Remain stoic. Stoicism is the key to being a father in my opinion.

Also we might have a crazy future ahead of us in the next couple months, maybe we will see new tech and UFO's land in front of everyone and share their knowledge. Thats what im hoping for. I know its a long shot but seriously what else is there to look forward too? working some bull# job to pay for child traffickers to run the planet? not for me.

You'll do fine. Teach him to think for himself and be a man. If you have a girl. Well, good #ing luck man. haha

areply to: wwe9112

That's the trade off of convenience and decadence, the new God is technology and science.

You're not alone. An entire generation of self-sufficient individuals are mostly gone now and what's left is entitled, emotionally fragile individuals who think Google is an oracle and libraries are obsolete.

Since you don't have a reference point to fallback on, you might consider reading up on what you don't know. Plenty of books out there that can at least ease your fears and give you a bit of direction.

Look for men's/father's groups in your area or online. If you see a guy with his kids, start a conversation, keep it light, and ask a few specific questions. You're bound to get a lot of sarcasm but that comes with the territory.

We can have all the training in the world and yet nothing can fully prepare you to deal with a mini version of you and her. So take a deep breath and realize that all the empty and "hopeless" spaces you have in your life and mind are about to be filled.

There is nothing more purposeful than being a parent. This is a blessing, and I sincerely hope you can consider that notion.

Never get angry or never dwell on anger, love like you know you will die tomorrow. Never put down your spouse/mother of the child, build her up emotionally and do a bit of housework, just enough not to get told to do more
Easy

One thing, your whole post is about you, all about you, this isn’t all about you anymore
I hate Christmas, birthdays, that stuff but, I do my best, make the most of it, not for me, for others.
Self centred generation

a reply to: wwe9112

Simply just treat the child as you would like to have been treated as a child.

All the child needs is love, support and sensible direction in life. Children watch intensively at all times whats going on around them so be mindful of this and always treat the childs mother with respect especially in front of the child.

Do these simple traits and congratulations your equally a man similar to those you looked up to as you described above.

But equally - if you can't do these simple traits then be even more of a man and stay out of the childs life, this particular call is a hard call as curiosity killed the cat.

As for not being of these times.......rejoice, who would want to be.

You got this...Goth is right no one knows till you live it. My first daughter was born when I was 25 and our second was born 13 months later, I was scared #less I was nowhere near the man my father was either.

The next thing I knew they were grown and gone. Enjoy these years you have just been hired for the most rewarding job ever raising and taking care of a family. But you will learn and grow together and the more you are involved, caring, patience, and honest the more likely they will be a well-adjusted adult. This is important because they never stop being your kids you just have different concerns and worries. Expand on what you thought your Dad did right and put your own touches on the rest.

Ohh and love your wife unconditionally especially in the 3rd trimester the sooner you identify her cravings the better. My wife loved pickles and ice cream sometimes one right after the other

a reply to: wwe9112

Congratulations!

Just be there for the child. Teach him/her your values. Show your love at every opportunity.

A child that feels wanted will grow up with a healthy foundation.

You got this.

a reply to: wwe9112

Everyone is trying to get opposing views shutdown. Everyone is offended. I cannot stand modern music or tv anymore. It's like I'm stuck in 2009.

I feel you on that... world has gone totally insane. Everything you feel is pretty normal for anyone approaching 30 and also about to have a kid. I'm sure others will tell you that it will all come naturally as you go. But the main issue seems to me a lack of pride in your accomplishments, which is also very normal... perhaps get a hobby or seek a career which can lead you to more fulfilling things.

27?
Christ kid, I'm 41.
My first son is due in 8 days.
He's big and also hairy like a little monkey.
I'm one of the toughest people I know and tear up watching birth videos.
Get ready for it dude.

My advice it to de-couple from the internet.
It's full of negativity and fear/anxiety, as well as unhappy people trapped in a negative bubble thinking it's real life.
Don't let the internet be your reality written by others.
Disconnect and do fun stuff.
That's the secret. Time management. Your environment will effect you. 24/7 anxiety news will cause anxiety.

Learn the basics, like keeping the baby healthy, so you know what to expect. It's all pretty easy stuff and helps with nervousness. Don't expect to plan for everything..like picking out private schools yet(guilty).
You can take your time and learn as you go.
Re-explore the world with them.

When your wife is right, she's right and when she's wrong, she's right.
And get plenty of snacks.
Congratulations dude!

a reply to: wwe9112

That baby is coming to rescue you. Best part of your life is about to start. Remember parents are not supposed to be perfect. Love is all you need.

a reply to: wwe9112

Humans are adaptable, you’ll figure it out. Devote your life to your children and you find purpose.

I raised my first kid on my own, greatest ever achievement. Finally, don’t worry, things tend to work out and worrying doesn’t change or help anything.

Hey man you can do it. Kids today need strong fathers, you don’t have to be mister fix it you don’t have to be anything other then the father to your child, that can be a lot of things but most importantly you are the father of your child. You and mom are going to be the first people to know and begin to understand this new life, respect it and take care. It will make you better and make young him or her better too. Congratulations my friend and be ready because in this crazy ass world it’s not just you anymore.

a reply to: wwe9112

I took on another man's child at 5 years old.
Brought her up and loved her as my own.
4 years of health issues but they are over now.
The best years of my life seeing that girl grow and learn.
Money can't buy such moments.
Just be yourself and you'll be fine Mate

a reply to: wwe9112


A child is a gift from god of perfect love.

My advice, treasure every moment. Daycare is expensive and if you use a daycare. Make sure they have video set up.

You will miss sleep the most. Vitamin b12 is your friend.

I totally understand your fears of the world we are living in, but there are still many good souls among us.

Keep your family together, children in single parent homes suffer the most.

Don’t lose your joy from fear. We all have a higher power!


One last thing and you won’t find this in any parenting book: as soon as they turn 11, hide your car keys! If you have a bad feeling about any friends of theirs, keep them away.

Congratulations!

a reply to: wwe9112

Every normal person goes through this sort of thing.

The illusion has shattered for you.

Reset, re-evaluate, and then ACT.

None of us had a clue with our first kid.

You'll be fine. If you weren't apprehensive, then we know there is something wrong.

Damn kid, 27 and you think a lot like a 57 year old grandpa like myself. It's good to know it isn't just my age that has me totally disinterested in the emerging pop culture.

My only advice is forget what you think you want and get used to the baby and your family being your purpose in life, this is a whole new chapter now. Also, don't allow your now busy and hectic life as Dad to cause you to ignore your child's development. Take the time to really get into playing and other events in your child's life, if you miss those things you and the kid both loose and those wonder years pass so quickly.

Don't just step up and take financial care and responsibility, make being a dad your goal, be that dad that gets involved with his children.

a reply to: Mandroid7

Christ kid, I'm 41. My first son is due in 8 days.

My advice to both of you is go to bed right now and sleep all you can.......

Buhaahahhahah all us seasoned parents know what I’m talking about.

Also, don’t worry if you screw up the first one, just keep having kids until you get it right.
Joking/not joking...

Welcome to Fatherhood.
Your life is about to change forever....for the better.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: Mandroid7

Christ kid, I'm 41. My first son is due in 8 days.

My advice to both of you is go to bed right now and sleep all you can.......

Buhaahahhahah all us seasoned parents know what I’m talking about.

Also, don’t worry if you screw up the first one, just keep having kids until you get it right.
Joking/not joking...

I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. My youngest is 22.