I think I really need female advice... what am I doing wrong :/

No no its fine... any advice at this point is good. I just had the idea that there might be some ladies who had been on the other side of the table that could give some input on situations where it all sounded good on text but the fizzled out.

I honestly think my worst time is now.. I have a great job and sweet kids but my emotions are shot to # :/

a reply to: flice
What have you been chatting to them about? In texts, and then in person?

What are you ordering to eat?

What are you wearing?


It's really so hard to give advice when no one can see what's actually happening on the dates.

originally posted by: flice
Age wise Im 40... first date was 37 with two kids as well. Second date was 48 (she picked me...) with two grown up kids.

Okay -- thank you for adding the info about the kids. That's important too!

My best guess -- and it's not really a guess but more a quick horary horoscope reading -- and it may sound mean but it is what it is -- my best guess is these women are looking for someone to entertain them... to save them from their unfulfilled selves... and they don't really know what they want or need -- that's why they need someone to provide it for them. (They don't really. They need to make their own happiness.) But they sensed that you aren't that person. Basically because you don't need anyone to prop you up, and you aren't looking for someone you have to prop up. You are looking for a person happy and secure with themselves to be a companion to enjoy the simpler pleasures in life with. What probably spooked them is that you said something that presumed more emotional maturity on their part than they are capable of... and it scared them. They can't face that part of themselves. Again, why they're looking for someone to provide it.

For better and worse, I expect that your quiet confidence and inner strength comes through in your writing, and it probably seems attractive to women lacking something in their hearts. Until you remind them.

As for what to do about it... I'm thinking you need to drop the dating apps, and instead just go out and live your life and pursue your personal hobbies and interests in organized groups -- business, hobbies, sports, faith, etc. Places and gatherings and events where you'll meet plenty of women pursuing the same interests. And maybe try to adopt an attitude of waiting for a special someone instead of looking for a special someone. Let yourself grow and explore AND ENJOY lots of relationships -- friendly ones as well as romantic ones.

Just keep being honest and true to yourself -- as well as your lady friends -- and it should all be good.

I hope that helps. I understand if you take it with a grain of salt (and a shot of tequila?) And I hope you don't mind I defaulted to astrology...

originally posted by: flice
No no its fine... any advice at this point is good. I just had the idea that there might be some ladies who had been on the other side of the table that could give some input on situations where it all sounded good on text but the fizzled out.

From the women I know who 'on line date' Your OP could have been

written by any one of them. It works both ways !!!

originally posted by: rickymouse
Seems to me that almost all the advice is coming from guys, I think he is asking females to help.

Makes for some hilarious interesting reading though

Only kidding. Much of it is pretty good advice! I love when ATS comes together for a fellow member.

Dude here.
I have to respond.
My advise...Get off dating sites asap.
Chicks that can't get a guy with a smile are trouble. The majority are golddiggers or emotionally unstable.
Since you have kids, maybe find a single chick with kids. Already having kids can be a huge turnoff for
some people. Guys and girls.
Again, already mentioned, but you need activities...weird stuff like gocarts, rollercoasters, boating, jetskiing, comedy club, etc
Don't do the restaurant interview date at first.
Come across as fun.
Good luck, brush your teeth, use deodorant and wear clean undies.
All right, I'll stop and let the ladies comment.

a reply to: Boadicea

Good advise there.
There is a major handicap potential with a woman on a dating site.

a reply to: flice
brother i feel your pain, all I can say, what worked for me is match.com. I actually found the love of my life! not the two crazy biatches that I married. Give a reputable dating site a chance, screw tinder, that is for hooking up, there are a ton of decent, caring, loving, normal, sweet women out there and you must find one another, whilst it may be difficult, honestly, I have met 2 awesome females on match and the love of my life. She is out there bro, waiting to find you, as you are waiting, start looking. I hope this helps.......... I was where you were.......now i am super happy.

IMO, stop with the dating sites and meet people the old fashioned way. From my point of view, people resorting to dating apps are looking for quick lays or sugar daddies/mommas and that's all they're looking for. You won't find anyone worth a damn with those things. Just my personal opinion as a 35 year old woman -- it's the cheap slut's venue there. People worth going after are the kind you meet in daily life, not the kind you "swipe left" or whatever.

Seriously, that's the only thing I personally think you're doing wrong -- online "dating". It's not dating. Period.

Have you tried being rich?

a reply to: Atsbhct

What are you wearing?

THAT's always a good way to start chatting someone up!

LOL!

a reply to: flice

Don't base your experience on a dating site... they're all pretty nasty... fake women... most just looking for a free dinner or worse...

join a gym, or find some kind of social outlet... online dating sucks

Chloroform, a guy's best friend.

Take them fishing nekkid.
Get a bottle of hooch and take a wermern fishing nekkid.
Trust me. It works.

Oh, here's another suggestion...

Screw the whole idea of a "date", at least initially. There's too much baggage, expectations and drama associated with such a formal thing like that. You don't have to ask someone out on a 'date', just see if they'd like to go have lunch somewhere, or maybe a coffee, something just really casual and maybe even brief. And go into the situation like you're the one making the choice here, not them. You're checking them out, not the other way around. It's a mindset thing; you're not trying to cut the mustard for them, but rather seeing if they cut it for you. Don't be mean or rude about it, just be confident in yourself.

Another thing is, don't try to present an image. For example, if you want to order your favorite burger deluxe with everything and chocolate sprinkles on it, then do it! Don't order the grilled chicken diet salad if you wouldn't order that ordinarily. Why? Because it may influence how she acts too. Maybe she wants the same damn thing, but order some bird food because she thinks that's what you expect. In other words, just be yourself (within limits...probably not a good idea to tell her to pull your finger and blast a giant egg salad phart, followed by a healthy one-legged digger, but you get the idea).

a reply to: flice

Relationships are hard. You have to work at them. And the most important relationship you need to take care of is the one you have with yourself. So you have to work at that one too. Go out and do fun things that you like to do. Pretty soon you'll find out that you'll meet someone with the same interests and you both just click.


BTW read this. It might help. Double Your Dating

Also flyingclaydisk is right on point with his advice. The point of your date should be to go out and have fun with the person you're on the date with. So doing different things like that paint and pour, mini golf, bowling whatever should be what you want to do.

Well, I'm not a gal either but there is something missing from all the responses (unless I missed something) - CHEMISTRY! You can't tell if you'll click with someone in person until you meet in person. You can be best friends online but until you see the other person, smell them (pheremones), hear them talk, laugh, see their body language, etc. you won't know for sure if you're going to be compatible. Ever wonder why that dorky IT guy gets a supermodel wife? Chemistry.

I have been around beautiful women that have everything going for them except their natural scent, it offends me for some reason but to another guy it's like daisies and honey. It's the same the other way around too, not all women are going to go for your scent, to some you'll smell like a dog and others you'll smell like the best thing in the world.

Laugh if you will, but this is 100% fact. It's only one factor but it can be a very important factor.

a reply to: grey580

I've been married for 25 years and I've never felt like it was hard work.
I've also heard other people say the same thing you said.

Funny how that works

a reply to: Homefree

a reply to: HalWesten

My dogs always smell me like I'm the best thing in the world, the stinkier the better! They totally flip out when I come home, and I love every one of them probably more than any other human on earth...(except for maybe my wife...most times).

Maybe the real answer here, for the OP, is to get a dog! Dogs are better than people! They just are!

Just sayin!