America has a parenting problem

a reply to: JAGStorm

I was just thinking about this the other day.

I remember back in the 80s when they blamed kids behavior on music and how Twisted Sister wrote "We're not gonna take it" as Dee Snyder went toe to toe against Tipper Gore, Sarah Baker, and the PMRC in a congessional hearing. He made fools out of our elected officials.

Fast forward to the late 90s through 2010 and it was the video games.

Fast forward again to present time and its now social media.

Take away the guns and we see what happens. Acid attacks. Bombs. When are we going to return to the values we had before the madness of present time? That is when the mass shootings will end. The homeless problem will end. The drug problem will end.

originally posted by: stosh64

You get the ignorance award for the day.

Do you really believe if somehow guns were removed from the equation that we would instantly be some utopia?

JAG nailed a major factor, parenting, but there is much more.
Pharmaceuticals being given to our adolescents almost as a babysitter anymore, along with the good old electronic babysitters. The state telling parents what is and is not allowed when it comes to raising your child. The agendas being pushed through schools labeled as 'education'. Shall I continue?
But you want to blame an inanimate object, a tool, as the root of evil.

SMH

Oh how quaint a worthless award, keep it my friend

So other contries dont have Pharmaceuticals ?

So other countries dont have electronic babysitter?

So other countries dont have "The state telling parents what is and is not allowed when it comes to raising your child"?

please do continue to tell me how other countries dont have the exact same things

Or do you honetly believe that my country the UK has none of the above?

Yes, the pendulum swung too far. Then the kids that are problematic discovered others that have their same opinion on the net where they reinforce their wrong beliefs. A kid who feels something is wrong with society goes online and links to others with those wrong beliefs, and bickering in society makes them choose a side instead of just being neutral. The Media is fueling the problem of incivility.

We were taught when I was young to respect the rights and beliefs in others and to call law enforcement if we saw something illegal going on. Ripping off others was bad, even if you were tricking them out of their money. Nowadays deceiving others or trying to swindle them is every day practice, it is not illegal, let the buyer be aware protects these people. We need to make people accountable for deceiving others.

I remember when if you were a good hacker and got caught, you got an easier sentence and a good job if you went work for the government, if you were good enough to get recognized anyway. I knew someone who got a government job that way in the nineties, for actually hacking into the government. Now, there are lots of hackers, way more than needed, they are a dime a dozen. Not so many jobs available for good hackers these days I guess.

a reply to: JAGStorm

100 % agreed. So much has been lost and needs to be restored.

originally posted by: 3NL1GHT3N3D1
Parents are working longer hours than ever before. How can you raise your kids when you hand them off to strangers to raise them for you while you slave away for 40+ and 50+ hours per week? Instead of putting our time in with our kids we hand them off to the state to be taught and told how to act. The family unit has been systematically dismantled over the past few decades to the point where we are today.

It's a societal issue more than anything else. Modern society is having some pretty severe side effects on the human race.

I think your spot on.
Modern society is a F#d up place for young people. I believe most older people have no idea what our kids face on a day to day basis. Technology is a major factor, and not necessarily for the better.

I watched a new show and was sickened by its portrayal of modern adolescent life. Its called "Euphoria", and I highly recommend older folks watch it in a hope of waking up to the reality of what our children go through.

I get a hollow sick feeling inside watching this show and then imagining my son, or any young person growing up in todays "modern" world.

a reply to: UpIsNowDown

It's not a gun issue. As someone else pointed out, kids used to take their guns to school and there were no shootings. My dad and his buddies would park their trucks in the parking lot of the school, gun rack with a shotgun and rifle hung in the back. This was the 70's. No one got shot. No one got killed. No one picked up one of the guns to go rampaging.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, society is sick. I believe it to be a combination of the things already discussed. There is no gun problem, just a people problem.

We've strayed so far from what we once were in a single generation. I can't sum it up any better than that.

originally posted by: discourse
a reply to: JAGStorm


I agree with you mostly but whats this about it being disrespectful to wear pajamas outside? I do this and I have children. Have you ever been on a collage campus?

It's disrespectful to yourself. I have been to a college campus, last week actually. There was a time when people, even college kids wore outside clothes outside. They saved pjs for bedtime.
Maybe it's a little thing, maybe not.

a reply to: rickymouse

I remember when if you were a good hacker and got caught, you got an easier sentence and a good job if you went work for the government, if you were good enough to get recognized anyway.

Yes, I was thinking of something similar. Kid were allowed to fight back then too. A lot of young men got their angst out that way. Maybe a bruised eye, or ego but that's about it. Now we have too much bottled in.

a reply to: drewlander

I remember back in the 80s when they blamed kids behavior on music

Remember when Ozzy took a bite of that bat and parents went nutz!
They said if you played his music backward it was a satanic chant.
No my dear friends, all that was, was additional drug money in ol' Ozzy's pocket.
Look at the senile old goat now!

originally posted by: rickymouse
Then the kids that are problematic discovered others that have their same opinion on the net where they reinforce their wrong beliefs. A kid who feels something is wrong with society goes online and links to others with those wrong beliefs, and bickering in society makes them choose a side instead of just being neutral.

Haha that sounds like ATS to me.

a reply to: JAGStorm
That happened in my town actually at Vets auditorium. Mercy (CHI) redirected him to broadlawns, which is now sort of a low-income hospital, for a rabies vaccine. Im not saying the musicians didnt do crazy things for publicity of course.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
We do not have a gun problem, a violence problem, a race problem, a homeless problem, a drug problem.

We have a parenting problem.

Somewhere along the line, the pendulum swung too far.

Parents were scared of disciplining their kids in any way. Not just spanking, but even a harsh word. Too many people are single parents. I'm not just talking about single moms, I'm talking about families that can't afford it to have one parent at home.

My mother once told me that teens are not normal if they don't "go crazy" at least once. I thought that was weird until I had teenagers.
As a parent, that was the single scariest time in my entire life, and I've had some scary moments!

Absolutely nothing has changed with teens, it is the parents that have changed! The way parents let their kids talk to them, treat them.
ZERO RESPECT. Parents letting their kids wear pajamas out, ZERO RESPECT. Kids out all hours of the day and night. This is not normal!!!
If you don't learn to respect yourself you will never have
respect for other people. That starts with the parents, if you don't respect yourself your kids will never respect you. I've gone through this test.
Trust me, respect yourself.


On a side note, our kids are not getting the connections they desperately need. Teens/young adults are grumpy, but they need us.
I've had my kids friends over for dinner in the past. They did not want to leave the dinner table. They expressed how much they enjoyed eating and talking and being together and it was something they did not do at their houses. Everyone eats on the run. That was so so sad. Not even a shared meal together!

Indeed, the parental disconnect and fear to discipline is a HUGE part of the problem, and it dovetails in with my firm belief that the lack of a stay-at-home-parent anymore is leading to nothing but trouble & aimless kids who grow up to be equally aimless adults.

a reply to: JAGStorm

We live next door to a Man Child Father and Wife Team. He even told me that he "hates rules". Oh, and by the way hes progressive, doesn't like Christmas or Thanksgiving but allows his high school age sons to have their high school age girlfriends 100's of "sleep overs" nights annually while Daddy and Mommy go to there 2nd home for the night. I don't know whether the 8 year old girl stays or goes. This could be a preparation for a sound future marriage as this guy does have a PHD in Behavioral Science and is the President of a Heath Care organization in the South.

So WTF do I know.

Bullies. I do know that they take up all of the parking spots in the street daily and their dogs can roam free "unleashed" to defecate anywhere they want to, especially on the "community" property grounds. Before that it was my back yard until I launched a Boom Boom one night into my yard. So he calls the cops on me but nothing came of it and it fizzled out, but NO MORE DOG POOP! Heck, one dog attacked a Jogger just last week. The animated Jogger got into it with the Mrs. for about 20 minutes. So much for our HOA. So it must be all about those Southern Values! Yes all about Adult Children. Just wait another 10 years from now.

It's also the message parents (and schools) are giving that government and everyone else owes you something without you giving back.

I think the US was always unique in that we were a country built by pioneers and fighters who depended on each other to get by.
Not just the colonists but also those who later fought to get here, fleeing wars and oppression and getting on a boat (or forced onto a boat) and working hard to just get by and depending on your neighbors to help.

Back when we all knew that if your neighbor struggled it meant you weren't far behind, so you helped your neighbor before it got bad and hurt you too.

We have lost that for the most part.

No one cares about anyone else but themselves and we are now raising children and teaching children this from birth.

originally posted by: queenofswords
a reply to: JAGStorm

You nailed it. I will even include grandparenting. Grandparents aren't what they used to be either.

No, they sure aren't. There's a reason I seldom let my own mother watch my kids unless we have no other options -- I never got away with half the s# she lets them do on her watch, my hide would have been tanned in a snap, and then grounded for a month.

She's insufferably lax with rules and consequences nowadays, she's even undermined us right in front of the kids like she did yesterday when she watched them for less than an hour for us and they got into a huge fight. "Oh, why ground them, it was just a sisterly fight, no big deal!" No, it WAS a big deal, they had the proverbial girly catfight in front of their friends in the yard, complete with scratching and hair pulling. There's consequences to this crap.

They're grounded, prohibited from swimming in the backyard pool, no TV, no internet, and are not allowed to hang out with friends for a week. Fighting will not be tolerated, period. End of discussion, why argue? (because people today are too hard on kids, that's her comeback answer to that)

a reply to: UpIsNowDown

It's a parenting problem.

How many of these other countries have you lived in?

a reply to: Waterglass

Bullies. I do know that they take up all of the parking spots in the street daily and their dogs can roam free "unleashed" to defecate anywhere they want to

This is a VERY sore subject with me. I love dogs, humans not so much.
I had a neighbor that would walk down and let her dogs go poop by my house and my other neighbors, never ever ever ever picking it up.
One day in the middle of the act, I told her that she better start picking it up and that nobody wants to smell her dogs $hit. Her response to me............"you're mean".

I really wish I was joking.. nope, a full grown adult telling me i'm mean because I have to tell her to clean up after her pets.

a reply to: UpIsNowDown

You confuse respect with angst maybe? Have you looked at the statistics? Germany has many guns, yet... Here, many -by far not all- people have their doors open during the course of the day.

Ha I remember times where when you got no answer at the door but it was open but left, next time you were asked why you did not just walk into their house and shouted a bit louder.

The impression we have in Europe (impression!) is that most American middle and upper class parents are helicopter parents soft padding their kids. Look at US playgrounds. I do not know if this is the case really because I never was in the USA.

I think it has to do with the willingness to sue the crap out of anyone. And this willingness comes with the ability. I am not judging anyone here, I am just saying what I think the reasons may be.

Just look at all the disclaimers on US products. We laugh about that in Europe, literally. No offense though.

originally posted by: Oleandra88
a reply to: UpIsNowDown

The impression we have in Europe (impression!) is that most American middle and upper class parents are helicopter parents soft padding their kids.

The impression is correct. We have two generations now in the US, that were raised without ever having anything bad or even uncomfortable happen to them. Without them having to make decisions or problem solve on their own. They have their friendships arranged for them if they even have friends outside of Twitter and Facebook. They don't have jobs as teens. They don't date. They don't walk to school by themselves or stay home alone. They don't play outside - even on the new ridiculous playgrounds. They don't get their driver's licenses. They don't move out. They don't have chores or expectations. They are told it isn't their fault if they are socially awkward or failing in school.

And then they hit adulthood and have none of the coping mechanisms or experiences that you are supposed to learn from in childhood. No wonder they are miserable and miserable to be around.

Mostly that fathers are missing from many children's lives.