I tried to kill myself two weeks ago; I am happy I failed, but confused as to why I tried

You have been a labrat for them. In my country if you have more than 3 medicines, doctors need to do re-evaluation are all medicine actually needed. 51 is extreme amount .. very extreme amount.

a reply to: ThouArtGod

Stay strong. I know can do it.

Suicide destroys families and the pain is at times unbearable for loved ones.

I have been working as soldier and as a GS employee a few decades and I understand you.

PM me anytime brother.

Its parasites...they say Ayhawasca gets em all.

I’m glad I failed, but I am worried about the reason I tried in the first place.

I'm thinking maybe want to start over somehow.

originally posted by: muzzleflash
51 different medications in the last year? I'm surprised that anyone on that amount of medications could survive it, and if they could, I can understand why they'd just down a whole bottle of sleeping pills outta nowhere without even really thinking it through.

So the craziest thing, is that I was back in the ER while posting this thread today (bronchial infection that is a direct result of weaning off those drugs) and the ER doc flipped his lid at seeing my meds list. I’m pretty upset with myself about this- but I appreciate your kind words- thank you.

some psyc mend can push some in that direction (SI suicidal ideation), a small number as I understand it. Glad you made it through. Having trouble with anxiety, depression, isolation for the last long while. Finding the proper meds can take some time please don't give up but make a good commitment in therapy because as I have learned real processing and steps forward happen with decent trauma therapy if that's a thing for you. I'm currently in E.M.D.R. therapy for trauma, it's helped with flashbacks, fear, and effect of more intrusive thoughts.

Please do n't give up, get proper help, we lose waw too many people to this stuff. There are better ways to deal, we just need to accept and buckle down with I don't GAF attitude because your health is more important.

Edit: an aftercare program PHP or IOP may be a good option.

a reply to: Out6of9Balance

Rereading this post of mine today got me thinking how disturbing it actually can sound while I only had the best intentions in mind.

a reply to: ThouArtGod
I am a Vet and started with the VA back in 2006. I went in around 2 am with pain so severe in both legs that it woke me up. I quickly found out I could not walk. Went to bed fine. Had worked double shifts for a week covering for co-workers out for Christmas. Quickly found out I had an abdominal mass that was cutting off the blood flow to my legs. I had emergency surgery and started my journey with the VA.

My first eight years with the VA was exceptionally good. Then my doctors got rotated out and my nightmare began. The first thing the new doctor did was change all my medications. It took no time for my condition to change for stable and normal functioning to a constant roller coaster ride that continues to this day.

I think the VA has an ingrained problem that places the focus everywhere except where it belongs. Quality patient care has been replaced with politics, greed, and ego.

You tried cuz you #ed up your brain chemistry.


You need therapy not a pill.

originally posted by: ThouArtGod
a reply to: shawmanfromny

One, I appreciate you sharing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Second, I am only worried about future employment because it will most likely be in the government sector (there isn’t a whole lot of work for EDM in the private sector), which is a worry for me. But I can’t change it now, anyway...

There you go worrying again...lol...some story man.

Hope the best for you....only advice would be to stop as many meds as possible......concentrate on your family....
Find something that works for you that makes you happy.
Food, sports , all types of hobbies,