You Can’t Feel Like A Girl: An Essay By Jamie Shupe

a reply to: Boadicea

This is a really hard question to answer, especially from my current perspective. A lot of the feelings have weakened in many ways and it's kind of suffocating to try and bring them up enough to really explain it. I'll try though.

Ability to be more openly empathic and act in ways that are more cute and silly. The ability to cry again rather than convert those emotions into anger or rage. Ability to wear cute dresses without needing to tuck. To be with a man in the way I'm attracted to them. I'm sort of bi in a weird way. I've no interest in male form on male form, and guys that make me aroused are ones that bring out feminine feelings in me. I can't really feel right with a guy in a masculine body but am attracted to some men.

I also really like children, and have strong maternal instincts, I also like that as a woman you can approach and be nice to random children without the social stigma that come with being a man due to pedophiles causing suspicion towards men friendly with children. Is weird but I always admired motherhood and wished to be able to be a mother, including pregnancy something I'm aware transitioning could never make happen.

There are several ways of moving and acting that I would like to do that don't fit a male body. Many which I would define as cute. In order to feel good doing that though I'd need to able to look in the mirror and feel cute. So not only would I need to have become female but a cute one two.

So in other words transitioning would have never worked in any way, I'd need to be sure to be cute or still have body image issues and able to be a mother and bare a child completely impossible. It wouldn't have worked.

This is only some stuff and as said perspective is a bit skewed compared to then at this point due to personal growth and acceptance.

a reply to: Puppylove

Thank you so much for responding... and with so much thought and feeling. I very much appreciate it, and I apologize if I put you in a difficult position. It makes me appreciate your response that much more. And I've gotta say I'm very impressed by your capacity for introspection and understanding your deeper self, perhaps your higher self. I'm sure it wasn't easy or pleasant, but I'm thinking it has helped you shine in many ways. Good for you!!!

You've actually helped me understand much too -- which I also appreciate! I can relate in some ways. I'll bet most people can to one extent or another. Especially in terms of how we fit society's "ideal." I always feel like the proverbial bull in a china shop. I'm not dainty, graceful or classy. I swear like a sailor. I'm not at all into clothes or jewelry or makeup. I've just resigned myself to never being that cute girl society adores... and I have a sister-in-law and daughter that are!

I think we all find society's stereotypes restricting -- and dare I say ridiculous? -- in some way.

I'm wondering how we got to this point. I came of age in the '70s, when gender stereotypes were being smashed to smithereens. And I was raised to be as resourceful and self-sufficient as my brothers, so even at home stereotypes were thrown out the window. I probably "earned" more merit badges than most boy scouts.

What really horrifies me about where the Trans Activism is going though, is that while the worst stereotypes are embraced and glorified, the very real need for safeguarding is thrown out the window. Of course I don't believe that every man -- transgender or otherwise -- is a violent predator. But we know that many men are, and that reasonable and practical safeguards have to be taken. When my kids were young, my husband never ever gave a ride to one of their female friends alone. Either I gave them a ride, or our kids accompanied my husband if he gave them a ride. I never ever for a minute thought my husband was a creeper, but it was a practical and reasonable safeguard to protect everyone and reassure their parents their child was safe. So when I see any and all safeguards ridiculed and minimized -- like single-sex spaces -- it sends up red flags for me.

And when I read (as I did this morning) that Daily Mail has been court-ordered not to report the transgender status of violent criminals, and that Trans Activists in Australia are petitioning to ban all news media from reporting the transgender status of violent suspects/criminals, it scares the bejeezus out of me... which in turn makes me see red.

I don't want to just ramble here. But you've given me much to think about, and I thank you.

And FYI, I realized too late -- so again, my apologies -- that you might get some backlash for sharing your non-Trans Activist approved thoughts. I was very sad to read that another person had gotten grief from the trans cheerleaders here for expressing themselves. If I'm going to engage in this topic -- and I am! -- I need to do better in standing up for others as well. So I just want to promise you I'll have your back. And anyone else in such a position, in this thread or any other.

On the plus side, for whatever reason, the worst of the Trans Activists haven't spewed their crap here on ATS, and I very much doubt the Mods would tolerate it anyway!

a reply to: Puppylove

You know, you are more like my husband in that.

He's the more nurturing of the two of us honestly. He loves kids, but he's also unapologetically male. He'd be more than happy to do the stay at home thing if my job allowed it. He wanted kids before I did although part of that had to do with my health situation, and parenting wise, I am definitely the stern one. Our son knows that when he's pushed daddy over, he's absolutely out of line.

He's aware of the public perceptions of men who like kids, but he's the one who's usually out and about when the neighborhood kids are playing for example.

But again, this is less about anything other than society sending mixed signals on gender roles. On the one hand, they're all bad, but on the other hand, we are absolutely being held to them more than ever it seems.

If I were a girl for a day...

I'd be in the school yard singing " My Milk shakes bring all the boys to yard, because it better then yours!"

a reply to: Puppylove

How about someone sort of like me? You're a person who has tastes and likes that run more toward the other gender's domain, but it doesn't change who what you are?

I am a woman, but I do and did many things that were typically more associated with men. I always took it as a point of pride that I could hang with the guys. I thank God that I didn't grow up in today's world or people would be trying to hang certain labels on me.

a reply to: ketsuko

I guess... hmmm well you bring this up. I guess will mention another aspect of feeling like a girl. Which I've become adjusted to and can contend with. It's really weird though.

Occassionally, not all the time mind you, my body feels weird. Like... you know how when a person loses a leg they can feel like they still have a leg but there's nothing there? Sometimes my body feels like it's got things it doesn't, is lacking things it has, and in general feels like but looks nothing like a feminine body. Like I feel like I have tits, etc. Not my normal chest meat but portruding and with weight. This weird state is not all the time though and is something I can deal with.

I think this weird state is often what many mean when they say they feel like a girl and their body feels wrong. Problem is at this point I'm not sure surgery would fix that and it's not ALL the time. Surgery would be the same thing, everything would still feel off, just the other way on occasion, and it would come with so much baggage it's just not worth it.

I'm happy living as a male most times and have found outlets to be a female that doesn't even require looking like one. Table top games can be great for that. Though I've been playing more male characters lately than I have in a long time.

I know this isn't really on topic exactly with what you asked, but I think it does a bit to add where the difference is between why transgendered people are often more confused than say, a tomboy. There's that weird vestigal body aspect which makes it slightly different.

The thing is I've come to think surgery isn't really a good solution any more than it is for those people that purposely cut of a limb because they've always had this feeling like they were an amputee and having a leg feels wrong.

a reply to: Boadicea

If this kind of 'therapy' is normal over there, then America is more #ed than I thought. Sad times for the kids & parents being swept along in all of this hysteria. Kudos also to ATS member PuppyLove for affirming the right, and the peace of mind, that comes with simply keeping an open mind about what they're experiencing, rather than jumping on a potentially deadly or disturbing bandwagon. Tough times indeed.

a reply to: Puppylove

Puppylove -- just wanted to be sure you saw this

originally posted by: FlyInTheOintment
a reply to: Boadicea

Kudos also to ATS member PuppyLove for affirming the right, and the peace of mind, that comes with simply keeping an open mind about what they're experiencing, rather than jumping on a potentially deadly or disturbing bandwagon. Tough times indeed.

a reply to: FlyInTheOintment

Don't give me too much credit. If I hadn't been held up due to finances and life situations, there was a time I very much would have, and was actively trying to make the transition. Fortunately there are barriers to help make sure you have time to figure it out. Life situations and associations can alter that decision making however.