I didn't know that I am a hikikomori.

hikikomori: is a psychological condition which makes people shut themselves off from society, often staying in their houses for months on end.

While I have a regular job, and I have been promoted to GEM status... I find myself more aligned with the status of a hikikomori than anything else.

Why do I think this? Because I have no life.

Life as in no wife, no children, no love interest, nothing. not even a friendship with anyone either in person or online.

So how can I have a job but still be considered a hikikomori? Because I never leave my room except for food, or getting supplies. I tried going out to a bar and I ended up leaving within an hour because it was BORING me. Plus everyone else in the bar had been pretending to have an awesome time for a split second until the flash of their camera revealed their true feelings shortly after. The music was blues and the person playing it was pretty decent... but no one came to talk to me. So I left.

I stay in my room and never leave. if I am with a so called friend doing something they want to do that includes me... I find myself trying to end it early. because most of the time I am actually annoyed. Annoyed that I was brought out only to be bored half to death.

But here is the interesting thing: I think I am hiring nothing but hikikomoris at my place. I seem to be attracting them to there. And what I mean by this is everyone who I have hired? They do nothing as well. Maybe 3 people total in my workplace have "social lives" but the rest of them including myself? We have nothing else better to do. We just show up to work, and go home. I think I attract them to my shop simply because.... of the way I work with them.

The only reason why I think the rest of the people who I have hired on are hikikomoris is because.... they never seem to be busy doing something with friends or family. They just show up. it is strange. I picture myself as a social reject. Yet I am the GM. And everyone seems to be exactly like me at that shop. And it is strange because they seem normal to me, but to others they are anything but normal. You could be a gigantic movie star and you could walk into my shop and my employees wouldn't have a clue as to who you were. I personally do not think they would even care. I'd love to test this but at the same time would it even really matter?

So.... it begs the question... how many of you are a hikikomori and have not realized it yet?

a reply to: GiulXainx

I thought this term referred to those that become shut-ins because they couldn't find professional work, and thus have little status in society.

I think you're just a loner or introvert.

a reply to: GiulXainx

What you described sounds a lot like a relative of mine. He eventually got on ADD medication and it has changed his life, and relationships.

Previously, he would get very annoyed at people for the smallest things. Maybe something to look into.

I try to be a hikikomori on occasion but something always comes up and I can't get more than three or four hours of it.

We call them introverts?
Get out, play sport, join a meetup group, take up dancing
Live life or you will hate it

a reply to: GiulXainx

I have a rich intellectually and spiritually stimulating thought life and I have always resented people intruding on my "me time". And yes I have a family and people frequently seek out my friendship much to my annoyance. Alas, it's a burden that we, the chronically irresistible have to endure.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

From the OPs description, I do not qualify. By yours, I do.

ETA: Are you one of the hikikomori if the mashing, slicing, crunching, grinding, slurping, incising, gurgling sounds of gustation drive you total bonkers?

a reply to: GiulXainx

Interesting topic at play here, so why not use the imagination to work in and around areas of thought that are further questioning and resides in more of a channel that deals with factors of control.

I mention factors of control because what occurs forward of the present moment in time is not a reality. The human condition, for reasons of keeping safety of utmost concern, is wired to predict possible outcomes to possibly learn and adapt from. If factors of control are focused on at a higher priority, then we may find that factors out of our control become less invasive and we can instead have a higher learning power by way of adversity. What I am saying is, that so much effort to attempt prediction upon one self and possibly even others can take so much control of our thoughts, that values of input can begin to lay the foundations of provided unneeded and often unwanted precedence of thought power... removing influence of prediction, exercising the learning efforts of communication cues, and having a likely better prediction rate outcome as a result of better clues of what is occurring in the present moment in time.

If I were in your shoes, and trust me I was certainly in your shoes and even remain in the same thought patterns you explain of, I would look for a new angle to view human interaction upon. Years back I'd agree with you about the work clan resonating with your personality type... nowadays I'd think my coworkers are making a concerted effort to adapt to the way the boss communicates more effectively. Humans are quite the tools of adaptation, and their abilities to communicate better than others comes with the gifts of being able to meet a less say communicator half way for reasons of cohesion.

By the time kids get around 5 years old, if properly socialized upon interacting with peers, the higher level of communication are then practiced. Once one passes first grade they graduate onto second grade, right? Well the school of interaction is not learned at the same paces for what should be clear and obvious reasons... to have a 1st grade level communicator mingled upon 5th grade level communicators is not an uncommon occurrence.

These type of conditions as an adult are typically bred into existence by parenting. 5 year old's don't know what they are learning... they are in full on sponge mode. Internally, the socially adjusted 5 year old senses a hindered communication barrier, so they leave the hindered as be to better learn their level of communication... to continue the adaptation processes naturally. If such scenarios of childhood had occurred in life, then would it not be beneficial to put yourself into the present moment you exist in to possibly learn how to communicate better as you go about your interactions.

I mention all of this in such a long winded fashion because I sense that your work communication is discussed to be of the opinion that your coworkers are magically similar to your personality, whereas the most likely scenarios is that your coworkers sense where your communication levels are at and they pull back their skill level of communication to the levels at which allow yourself to operate most comfortably. It's likely just this simple, and there is very valid reasoning for attempting to stay in the present moment.

The prefrontal lobes of the brain decide our plans of action while the amygdala controls the 'security of flight/fight/freeze system so to speak (flight/fight/freeze). The human condition is designed to keep ourselves safe... often causing the brain to prioritize the functions of the amygdala to be a higher priority than what occurs elsewhere. This factor causes unreal circumstances to hold a higher prevalence to our thought processing.

The trick of the trade is to learn to force the brain to prioritize the prefrontal lobes to be the commander in chief of actions taken. It's okay to have thoughts of safety and concern, but if they are steering the ship then logic is not so fully able to operate to peak efficiency, huh?

Regardless of what I am saying, the amygdala dominant thinker will, without communicating the facts of coworker personality preferences prior, likely assume that they magically fell into a group of coworkers that is just like them. All the while, subliminally the coworkers are more than likely able to learn that who they work for and MUST communicate with operates by way of what the 'fear processing center' is predicting to be reality.

Prefrontal cortex exercises are in order here. The limbic system should be serving as a slave to the prefrontal cortex. When the limbic system takes precedence to logic formulation the abilities to adapt human sensory systems further becomes hindered and or stalled.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Funny seeing how the definition from japan doesn't mean they are jobless. Just shut ins. As seen on
Wikipedia , and even the top google search. They mostly attach the jobless part because they think they have no job because they never leave the house. But you could be working as a video game coder. Or as a web designer. You could even be an e-mail tech support specialist. or you could be a PC repair man.

But I am saying that in the same sense... I may have a job. I may be in charge of hiring people. I may be in charge of completing orders... but when I am off work? I don't go out on picnics. I don't go to the bar. I don't have any friends. I just sit... on my computer. Looking at youtube. This site for some odd news instead of the every day political mud slinging.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I do not get mad at little things that people do while at my job. I keep them all in line and I gain a certain amount of respect from all of my employees. Trust me I know how to work. The only thing I get annoyed with is the brutal job that I must do. Full-filling orders that are just plain inconsiderate. But what does the customer care? Why should they care? They placed the order online without talking to anyone. They don't care how much love I put into my sandwiches. They only care about whether or not I got it done on time. And if a single thing is missing OH GOD you better not miss a single *****ing thing. Even though they have probably NEVER worked in a fast food place themselves, or has anyone in their family who works in the industry. I love hearing that age old complaint and comeback ":How hard is it to work there? How hard is it to 'insert literally anything here.'"

I love it now because in the nicest way possible I A. tell them my process. B. tell them why the process is important. and C. tell them to politely shut the # up and stop whining themselves. If every human is perfect then why do we have birth defects?

That is the only thing I get angry about is how inconsiderate people are about their fellow workers. it seems like these people either A. didn't want to spend that much money here. B. used a credit card to purchase the order, or C. don't know how, or want, to make it them #ing selves.

But when it comes to "hanging out" with other people? Most of the time I am flippin bored. That is why I just play video games. It is much easier to just jump in a game and have a laugh/challenge/experience right away instead of slowly developing a "relationship." That # is boring now. I can't even hang out with people because of this. And when I bring friends over I am usually showing them how they can make music. How to model in blender. how to write some simple PC code. They become overwhelmed by all of the things at my fingertips and they can no longer stand to hang around me because they know so little about my hobbies. Its like the same thing when I hang out with them. Their hobbies are #ing boring.

a reply to: Raggedyman

When it comes to sports? I played them. A lot when I was younger. I was even on the junior varsity team in high school. Want to know why I quit?
Half of the team only wanted to sit on the bench. They didn't even want to do drills. I was center/left field because I can actually throw the ball on point. But the other people who played outfield? couldn't even throw the ball to me properly in practice. Most of them disliked me because I wasn't short stop. First base. Catcher. or a pitcher. Instead I was the outsider to them. because they can't do outfield. They can't run, they can't catch. # the only thing they wanted to do was stand in one place and let everyone else do all of the work. That is why they lost all 6 games in the championships and ended up like 35th. I quit the team because I saw this happening. The coach wasn't bad. it was the players not giving a #. And trying to get them to care? impossible.

That is why I quit.

a reply to: MissSmartypants

I am more on the Perfidiously Honest side. When ever I spot a Contradicting Conflict I draw attention to it. But when ever people try to be to stern with me I approach it with a Cautiously Confronting attitude. You should try that sometime. it is the best way to get them to stop looking into their Mirrors.

a reply to: DictionaryOfExcuses

Well it isn't hard to find a job that you may end up liking. Even if it doesn't net you millions. You just have to start at the bottom. Which means CLEANING.

Oh... and no. You can be as obnoxious as you want while eating. Doesn't bother me because another attribute of myself is vorarephillia.

originally posted by: GiulXainx

So.... it begs the question... how many of you are a hikikomori and have not realized it yet?

I am trying to get there every chance I get. I have a 20 year plan that involves baby steps.

One of these days, solitude sweet solitude.


I think the people that need to be around other people all of the time are the true nuts of this world. There is just something wrong with them. But they make fascinating subject material to study a desire I hope to never experience.

a reply to: GiulXainx

I have just learned a new word. I have never encountered that before.

So, exactly what type of object or being do you fantasize about swallowing you whole?

a reply to: ttobban

Oh control. Hah. control? can anyone really control anyone? But taking it from context from the rest of what you said. When ever I speak to people I like to guess where the conversation may be heading. You may have a lead on question you ask me but I will answer with the end of that entire conversation. Some people get confused. Most just think I am an asshole. but I don't like to pretend.

But when it comes to teaching people? This is where I get off.

I have a # ton of patience. Not a lot of other people have patience. They are quite frankly impatient. This impatience takes over their minds but I let them break every once in a while. because I know that if I step over them I might just spark some hatred against my favor. But because of my attitude approaching any subject is rather NEUTRAL. I end up pissing off some people simply because they are typically a tetrahedron. I don't think of myself as a dodecahedron. but I am at least a Hexahedron. Sometimes you may need a step higher above me to solve some problems of certain others who claim to be any polygonal shape higher. But usually they have not become a complete hexahedron. Almost as if one of their faces is completely non existent, and they try SO HARD to hide that face so they can PRETEND.

However I do believe that I can properly lead my crew to success. Even though I do have flaws and I do express my reasons. I do have a head master above me, even above the franchise. but I am looking more towards the next step myself. Which would mean I would become the area manager. When I first saw a REAL area manager approach me it was like a blessing. I wanted to be that. Not offensive. but strong. Not too stern but INVOLVING. And when I had that experience? Oh man. I wanted to GIVE IT not receive it.

Like even today my impatient area manager totally kicked my DAY 2 employee to the curb. He was so down he began to do other things in a slow manner thinking that he was no longer important.

now this employee everyone thinks he is on drugs. but my experience working with AUTISTIC people in the past knows better and I can connect with them on a deeper level. And I know that today... I turned someone around after being hard nosed to the floor pretty much. I even let my franchisee know what he did wrong today. I am used to being shoveled aside but at the same time I know how he means. but others do not know. And I can only tell them how to approach them in a different angle. And today I know that I stopped him from saying I QUIT on day 2.

And yes you are correct. Safety is something that does get compromised on so many levels. Which is why when I teach people I always teach them the specifics. It is ultimately up to themselves to either follow it the same way all of the time, or let slip the fate of their own morality. All I can do is lead by example, and hold them accountable.

But at the same time they don't have that fear. Reintroducing logic as a means to reinforce their behavior is what I try to do all of the time. That way they are not so fearful.

So I know how to keep everyone happy. I know what they want and it means I... in the silence of anger, must do more. Even though I have stamina, sometimes that is simply not enough. Cutting corners only gives temporary relief and now I just try to become stronger with my routine. And I can adapt on the fly. And I can revert back and build upon. That is where I am at now.

a reply to: ClovenSky

A double reply... First...

Man people who need attention constantly just quite frankly piss me off. If you are the life of the party all I have to do is just ignore you and your commands by giving straight one word answers.

I hate the ones that just HAVE TO HAVE AN ANSWER WITH DETAILS. because when they do that? I piss them off so bad they hate me. but I am used to that.

And for the second?

Well... My profile picture is only a hint of the world I am involved in, but is not the animal. Nor is it the typical orifice every time. I would say my vorarephillia has evolved over time. And it even swaps teams on so many levels. Sorry if I scare you but I seem to have traveled through the abyss several times. And have encountered some paths that I am quite frankly surprised that I have tripped over.

a reply to: GiulXainx

I dance, with other people who want to dance, many styles, have heaps of friends, have heaps of people to go out with.
Every night if I wish
Friends everywhere wanting to dance

I use to play footy and cricket but got a bit old, should have started dancing earlier

a reply to: GiulXainx

I've had plenty of cleaning jobs. Nothing wrong with doing that work at a certain point of your life, but it would be an utter waste of time for me now. Truth is I'm fine, don't need a "job".

a reply to: DictionaryOfExcuses

I always thought of being a trash collector.

or maybe even a semi truck driver. I'd never leave my truck though. However I would need to find some better portable electronics to hold me over. I don't like smart phones anymore. All they do is intrude.