Ghosting and Respect

I have had thoughts on ghosting before. Just in case someone out there does not know what ghosting is. Ghosting is when you are seeing somebody or having interactions with someone romantically and or have romantic intentions towards someone and the other party cuts of coomunication aburptly. I was thinking about this again due to a conversation I was having with a group of friends about there past relationships. One of my freinds who is a male said that yeah does ghosting and thinks that is perfectly okay. He says that the person will eventually get it after a while of not respond ing to thier messages or calls. Another friend who is female said that she kind of see's both sides where "ghosting" is not cool but at the same time doesnt feel that she owes an explanation or notice to someone that she would not like to continue romantic intentions.

I came from the respect angle. ( and maybe I was a bit to passionate during the initial conversation. perhaps because I hav been ghosted before.) I just believe that it doesnt take a lot of time to tell someone that your not interested. I know women have said that it is not the most comfortable thing to tell a man that they ar enot interested in them. But I think even a ten second low budget text message would suffice. "I'm not really feeling this. sorry." And I guess it comes from a compassion angle for me as you want to be treated with respect you have to show respect as well.

I would like to know what others think about "ghosting" is it the way of the world and okay or is it truly disrespectful to ingnore someone?

a reply to: American-philosopher

a reply to: American-philosopher

Gosh I live a sheltered life lol, never been ghosted, or ghosted anyone else.
"Sorry it ain't working but we can still be friends" has always been the case for me, whoever says it.
The world has gone mad "ghosting" like it's a thing, I'd just say it's damn disrespectful and this silly word has been given to being disrespectful in an attempt to sugar coat it as not being disrespectful.

EDIT
I'm friends with every ex though, was having drinks and chat with one in at the beach today.
Only one I don't really see, we just can't do it, the relationship was tempestuous and the sexual attraction is too strong, we can't trust ourselves to be around each other lol.

a reply to: ccseagull

I am kind of confused by that are you saying ghosting is the only decent thing to do??

Ghosting is a childish immature thing to do to someone. A real grown up would have the decency to tell the person. There is nothing good or even remotely ok with cutting contact with someone you were in a relationship with! Have some balls and tell the person. People who ghost probably can't face any reality so they cut and run to avoid it

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I agree completely, just another new thing I've learned this week or so along with MGTOW, never heard of that before either.
It seems silly to me, everyone I've been romantically involved with is still my friend. I have dinner with my ex wife every week usually, and every ex is a friend and we hook up for coffee or a pint and game of pool. I must admit that my life tribe of people are pretty close though so we have to get on with each other or it would spoil the fun of parties etc.

I can't imagine 'ghosting' someone, but as I said above, there is one ex who we can't physically meet up, the sexual tension is intense and we can't trust ourselves. She's married in love and I won't play that game just for sex.
The ex I was with at the beach today though, I absolutely still love her and it is reciprocated, but even though her guy is a prick we only flirt, we know it is forbidden.

imo, ghosting is not preferable, and i have never done it, but i think sometimes people do it to avoid the other person turning their decision into an opportunity to have a lengthy back and forth about whether that decision is justified and whether their mind can be changed.

i do think it's justified in cases where you decided to cut off contact because the other person did something that made you feel unsafe.

a reply to: American-philosopher

My apologies, I'll reword it.

Ghosting is rude, pathetic and just not adult behavior. I agree with your viewpoint. Respect involving both parties is the only way to behave.

If one is not interested, then the only decent thing to do is to let the other person know you are not interested.

Otherwise, the one that is ghosting the other person is causing the ignored person to be filled with self-doubt, self-hate, endless questions of "how can I be/do better" and it stops that person from being the unique individual they are. Sometimes people just don't belong together for many reasons, or one isn't feeling it.

Respect and common decency have all disappeared it seems.

It's also laziness to not communicate.

Hope this helps. I slept in this morning and don't think I'm firing on all engines just yet

a reply to: American-philosopher

If someone thinks "ghosting" is a way to treat people you know you're lucky they don't talk to you. Self-absorbed-prick-move.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

What an awesome term: "life tribe".

originally posted by: ccseagull
a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

What an awesome term: "life tribe".

Oh gosh, that's a really common term for us, we are from the 90's rave/free party scene, all our now young adults are also part of our life tribe, they grew up sleeping by camp fires as we partied.
I guess it's part of living by a beach

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Never heard of it. Has stronger visuals than just family, friends. Like - "these are the people I have chosen, and they me and we are a force within and against the world for each other.

Thanks for the explanation.

a reply to: American-philosopher

Sounds a bit rude and brutal to be honest haha

Like buying something and then you find you don't like it as much as you thought so it goes to the scrap heap

I think you can just say i'm sorry things are not working out well let's just stop this thing now

a reply to: American-philosopher

People deserve atleast a text saying "hey this isnt going to work". Why play head games for a few days leaving them wondering whats going on

a reply to: ccseagull

Ah no worries
We really are a tribe though, people from all over the EU and around the world. It's a tourist destination here so really busy at the moment but in winter we all know each other.
Being part of a life tribe is beautiful, we're all hooking up for a mates birthday next month, we lost him a couple of years ago, fell off a coastal cliff drunk.

On-topic, we have to be friends with our ex's, we are all still part of the tribe, even if we split, nobody 'ghosts' anyone here, we get over ourselves and move forward as friends.
I like it that way

While I am too old to actually have experienced this phenomenon, I suspect people have their reasons and they should be respected. I know from my interactions with girls that I coach that they will do this often when they enter a new exclusive relationship and they want to cut ties with old flames.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
a reply to: mblahnikluver

I agree completely, just another new thing I've learned this week or so along with MGTOW, never heard of that before either.
It seems silly to me, everyone I've been romantically involved with is still my friend. I have dinner with my ex wife every week usually, and every ex is a friend and we hook up for coffee or a pint and game of pool. I must admit that my life tribe of people are pretty close though so we have to get on with each other or it would spoil the fun of parties etc.

I can't imagine 'ghosting' someone, but as I said above, there is one ex who we can't physically meet up, the sexual tension is intense and we can't trust ourselves. She's married in love and I won't play that game just for sex.
The ex I was with at the beach today though, I absolutely still love her and it is reciprocated, but even though her guy is a prick we only flirt, we know it is forbidden.

This is exactly why me and my wife cut our exs out. Too many people use them as "backups"

originally posted by: American-philosopher
I would like to know what others think about "ghosting" is it the way of the world and okay or is it truly disrespectful to ingnore someone?

I think it's very immature and a result of poor communication and relationship skills.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Well I am friends with a couple exes but we do not hang out. I really don't see why we would and some I wouldn't want to hang out with.


I feel if you can hang out with someone you shared a life with either you still love them or never truly did.

You flirt with your ex who has a boyfriend? Sorry that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

a reply to: Whoisjohngalt

Backups?
We can't avoid each other in my world, and don't want to avoid each other either.
'Ghosting' seems nuts to me, but I live in a place where everyone is a short walk away so we are deeply connected.
I have really good mates who are now in love with ex's, of course that is sacred. There's only one ex I still love with passion and don't care about her prick bloke if he doesn't like me meeting up with her for drinks.
He can always knock on my door if he's unhappy about me.