Domestic violence where women are perpetrators - So little coverage of troubling issue

originally posted by: IkNOwSTuff
a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

I’m saying it’s ok to defend yourself from any source, being hit is different to being attacked or beaten up.
Ive been “hit” by a few women and without exception I deserved it and didn’t retaliate.

If I had been attacked in a sustained fashion for no reason then it would be irrelevant what does or doesn’t hang between the attackers legs, I’d do my best to put them down.

Touch wood I never have a reason to find out if I’d practice what I’m preaching

Well you are one of the lucky ones then if you haven't had to deal with this. Once you watch a friend or family member go through the court system for defending themselves, it will most likely change your opinion and actions, on matters such as this. I agree with what you say in theory, but the problem with theory is that it doesn't always hold up in the real world due to illogical actions on various parties.

As far as I'm concerned, with women's lib, if they hit someone expect to be hit back, maybe even harder, especially if they start it. There's no reason for double standards and those who hold them, with regards to this issue, aren't worth knowing.

a reply to: DigginFoTroof
I’m a bloke, the kitty avatar seems to throw people a bit.

So by the sounds of it you allowed yourself to be in an abusive relationship with a crazy person.
No sympathy from me

What hold did she have over you that you couldn’t leave her?

originally posted by: tadaman
a reply to: DigginFoTroof

I know a reformed blood. His wife beats him in front of their kids. He is scared to fight back and lose his kids /go to jail....which he is threatened with by his wife constantly.

Its insane. He used to gang bang/ killed lots of people from what I can tell. Lived the life, was all about it..... and now he gets beaten by an abusive trashy woman.

He is screwed yet I think he is just ok with it all.
Nuts. I cant fully understand that.

Life is truly incredible.

Me might set up a few hidden cams and record the witch in action.

originally posted by: IkNOwSTuff
a reply to: DigginFoTroof
I’m a bloke, the kitty avatar seems to throw people a bit.

So by the sounds of it you allowed yourself to be in an abusive relationship with a crazy person.
No sympathy from me

What hold did she have over you that you couldn’t leave her?

I did leave her. The problem is that you can't tell how someone is until you have been through certain situations. Some people have two sides, one usually hidden very well. Add in some manipulation and passive-aggressive behavior and a person who isn't used to this or doesn't think this way, can think that some of this stuff (arguments) is their fault. The arguments started because I caught her lying a few times and once b/c I was out all night with my brothers and she thought I was with other girls (even though she was friends with my brothers and they all told her where I was). This exact situation was repeated over and over by lots of guys in college and I saw it all the time. I can only remember one guy who really deserved what he got b/c he was always hitting on other girls and maybe cheated once, and we supported his girlfirend in that case.

Unless you have been in a relationship where one person is like this, I think it is impossible to understand the mind games that go on, which is why the relationship lasts longer than what it normally would. Manipulation and turning the guilt around for their actions "I did this because you are possessive" but they are so possessive that even smiling and thanking a waitress for bringing your drinks (yours and hers) quickly gets a close fitsted slap across the face (and then thrown out of the hotel you paid for b/c she calls the police). You never know how they are going to act until it happens then you are in the middle of a # storm and afterwards, if you are smart, you throw all their # out of your place and change the locks.

a reply to: DigginFoTroof

Yeah, my parents had the best relationship ever and they used to always joke about how one had hit the other when one of them would get a big bruise from something or other.

I never, ever do that because of the environment these days. My husband would never lay a hand on me or me on him (I did bite him once, but I was out of my mind in pain), not like that, but if I made that joke who knows who might take me seriously?

As for the issue of the OP and domestic abuse, there are several facets of it that don't get reported on. The fact is that people treat each other like crap if they think they can get away with it in any relationship. Just because we only hear about men abusing women doesn't mean women don't abuse men, women don't abuse women, and men don't abuse men in domestic arrangements.

a reply to: DigginFoTroof

Men are absolutely the victims of domestic assault, that doesn't make women any less the victims of assault.

Nothing will change for men until they stand up. When Fathers stop telling their boys to suck it up on the subject, etc., then it might change.

You can't have a movement like #metoo (which at it's core it valid and valuable for women and men) without a generation of parents telling their girls "You are valuable. You deserve to be treated equally. You can do anything a man can do."

If parents start having the conversation with their sons, "Your emotions matter. You're smarter than being manipulated by sex. If you need to leave someone, we're here for you. " then that would do a world of good for the men of the future.

A lot of women will absolutely instigate a situation with men because they know most men won't physically strike back. I've seen women slap, punch, spit, and talk all kinds of sh*t to guys. The men feel helpless because the minute you knock that heffer back to last week, they will play the abuse card. It is a no win situation.

I've also seen women be outright stalkers and vindictive mofos as well. Slashed tires. Keyed cars. Burned clothes. A guy would be in jail for half the crap women get away with...

a reply to: DigginFoTroof

I am female. I have never struck my significant other. My first husband beat the # out of me though. I have never seen in my life a situation like you describe, where a woman starts a fight in public with a lie and begins assaulting a man.

Never.

Ever.

In 41 years of life, much of which was spent in dubious circumstances, in all sorts of places (from one end of this country to another, in all sorts of demographics) I have never seen that happen. Maybe things have changed. Maybe you come from a place where that is culturally normal. Maybe, in the places that I hung out, if you hit your man, he would by gawd, let you know just how stupid that was and beat the holy crap out of you, public or not and no one, would do a thing.

My husband (brought up in California) says that he has seen similar circumstances, although not with the same frequency that you describe. When I lived there, but I didn't see that sort of thing, but different crowds I guess.

Also, it seems like you are trying to transfer blame for physical assault onto women because they start arguments. Now, if she hits you, I think that you have a right to defend yourself and you have a right to file an assault charge, and to be perfectly frank, you should. If you have someone who is abusing you, get help and/or get out. If she is violent, it is likely to escalate. It just really seems like you are far more outraged by and spending more time talking about manipulation by women vs. physical harm from women, which seems counter intuitive to your point.

Also, keep in mind the power dynamic in a physical circumstance though. For example if I (at 110 lbs) took a swing at my husband (220) it would be similar to a 70 (ish) lb child (keeping in mind muscle development in children) taking a swipe at me. I would be considered off my rails if I hauled off and cold cocked a kid, and rightfully so, because they are so much smaller and physically weaker. I should have the right to try to incapacitate him or her though, just as you should if a woman is assaulting you.

a reply to: MysticPearl

He records her, but she breaks his phones over his head while he sleeps. She breaks all his things, stays home all day and steals all his money and stuff. She is a danger to her children and doesnt care for them well...

She expertly games the system though. She went to college almost for free too. She could be a legal aid or something. She doesnt work.

He is a SUPER parent. I am talking model parent for the kids as far as I can tell.

He says he only stays with her for them since he cant afford a baby sitter. I thought that was a lie, but I am thinking he is just under PTSD and cant break out of the loop.

He cant make more money without doing illegal things (which he may still do just on the low and light), the courts wont let him get sole custody of his kids. He did time for serious crap.

So if his wife gets in trouble they will lose custody of the kids to the city of NY since he sucks legally. There are no better options with relatives.

His life was just insanely sad and terrible even before the witch.

People like this guy were what first made me doubt the notion of a vengeful or forgiving God.

WTF did that guy do to be born to a train wreck of a life that only a genius saint would be able to overcome?

Rules of karma will suffice I guess. God /Heaven may be the nice thing after the terrible, but the terrible does just randomly happen. We also unwittingly guide it.

LOL

a reply to: Edumakated

The courts are complicit in these actions, for example if A man breaks parenting orders the courts come down heavily, if a woman beaks the court orders nothing happens and the kids suffer as a result.

I don't post much but I have experienced this myself. My ex would start arguments, I would defend mysef, verbally, and if she didn't like what I had to say, she would punch, kick, scratch, and claw at me. Broke my glasses, bloodied my nose, blackened my eyes, scratched whatever she could. I just let her do it. She attacked me the night I learned she was cheating on me. I am much larger than her. What cop would believe me if I said I was defending myself? It was a horrible life lesson. I am sure most men who go through this thought the same as myself.

reply to: DigginFoTroof

Certainly here in the UK, if a man fights back HE will be the one arrested. Its automatic in domestic abuse scenarios. Men just have to basically grin & bear it. Women know this and some take damn good advantage of it. I have known a few women like that. The men are trapped especially if there are children too as some women will use them as leverage and its common to hear threats of "you'll never see the kids again" etc.

The level of support for male domestic violence victims is practically non existent, with just one refuge being set up in the last year, with it, at long last being acknowledged that domestic abuse in transgender & gay relationships is disproportionately high.

Here's a story in yesterday's Independant...rather coicidentally
Male Domestic Abuse Victim Speaks Out

originally posted by: PhyllidaDavenport
Certainly here in the UK, if a man fights back HE will be the one arrested. Its automatic in domestic abuse scenarios. Men just have to basically grin & bear it. Women know this and some take damn good advantage of it. I have known a few women like that. The men are trapped especially if there are children too as some women will use them as leverage and its common to hear threats of "you'll never see the kids again" etc.

That is exactly how is was with me. I have a young daughter, and she would use that as leverage. "You leave I will call the police and you will never see your daughter." So I just dealt with it. I did leave eventually, filed for divorce, and have full custody of my daughter. Haven't heard from her in 4 years.

originally posted by: DigginFoTroof
The girls almost always felt that an argument gave them a free pass to physically assault their significant other and would kick, punch, scratch, bite, etc leaving bruises, cuts, etc .

My least favourite was being stabbed with a broken bottle. Or maybe the coffee cup to the head.....

The reason for that is because the percentage split of violence between the sexes it so far on the side of men. But, you know this, right OP?

Happiness lies beyond the clouds.

a reply to: tadaman

Um, you can record and have the recordings sent to a could device. Doesn't matter if the witch then breaks the phone/camera or not.

originally posted by: MysticPearl
a reply to: tadaman

Um, you can record and have the recordings sent to a could device. Doesn't matter if the witch then breaks the phone/camera or not.

Right, so it is not correct. It is not right. It does not fall within rationality.

a reply to: MysticPearl

My friend last Christmas, recorded his wife attacking him whilst he was sat in the local park. I've seen the video as have the police who stated in court "We have seen the video but did not see the events that lead up to the attack". It was inadmissible as evidence as a result.

originally posted by: PhyllidaDavenport
a reply to: MysticPearl

My friend last Christmas, recorded his wife attacking him whilst he was sat in the local park. I've seen the video as have the police who stated in court "We have seen the video but did not see the events that lead up to the attack". It was inadmissible as evidence as a result.

The police did not see the events that lead up to the attack...hey, it takes two. But, you already know that.

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

The gender bias in court has nothing to do with female supremacy. It has a lot more to do with the outdated sexist perception women are innocent creatures that will do no wrong and are the better parent while the man are typically the violent one and are unfit to be a parent.

When the family court system was set up, it was created at time when such perceptions were prevalent.